Mutiny Below

Jayce

My shoulders slumped as I drove back home. My sight kept going blurry, but then it would clear for a few minutes as I refused to think about anything but that doesn’t last long. Natalia’s words nag at me over and over.

You don’t deserve either of them.

I tried drowning it out with my stereo, which worked until I got back to the apartment. I ran inside, hoping for some distraction. Nick was gone. John was gone. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair as I walked through the apartment.

I couldn’t take it for very long, however. I was back in my car seconds later, screaming along with Suicide Season as I sped over toward Kennedy’s house. Gemma answered the door and we both just kind of fell into each other’s arms.

I wasn’t sure how it happened, but we were both crying as I pulled away. She shut the door behind me and we went toward the kitchen. Gemma grabbed a thing of ice cream from the freezer and a couple spoons as she wiped at her eyes.

“Jesus fuck. I’ve never been so emotional in my life.” She whined and then shook her head. “I swear if I didn’t love Kenny so much I’d just kill him.”

I couldn’t help but let out a choked laugh as I dove my spoon into the ice cream. “I’d rather just kill myself to be out of this misery.” Gemma gave me a worried look but I just shook my head and sniffled. “Is Kenny still upset about Stephen?”

Gemma lowered her eyes and nodded. “He’s going fucking insane.” She stuck a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.

“That’s means he loves you too.” I gave a weak smile as I pictured Kennedy and John over in Scottsdale again.

“Right, he loves me so much.” She rolled her eyes. “The douche has been my best friend since we were like six and he’s just now deciding that he’s been in love with me all this time? It’s bullshit.”

“Gem,” I bit my lip and then frowned. There was too much bitterness in her voice for that to be some joke.

Gemma sighed. “I don’t know, Jayce. It’s just weird, you know? I mean, Kennedy and I have known each other for forever. I’ve known Stephen and John since like middle school. We’ve all been good friends for years and I’ve been the same person through all those years. But now Stephen and Kennedy just decide it’s time to declare their love, at the same time!”

“Sometimes it takes time for a person to come to terms with their feelings, Gem.”

“You can’t tell me it isn’t a little bit weird that they’re doing it at the same time.”

I paused. “Well …”

“Exactly! It’s suspicious! And I swear, there’s something else. When Kenny looks at me,” she frowned, “there’s this thing in his eyes, Jayce. It’s almost like he’s lying when he says he loves me.”

“That’s ridiculous, Gem.”

“I wish I could believe it was ridiculous, but I can’t. What if this whole thing is just a joke to him? Like some idiot made a bet with him about getting in my pants? You know that shit happens and I can’t honestly say that Kenny is the type to turn a bet down.”

“Those things happen in movies, Gem. Not real life. Kennedy is head over heels for you, but maybe he’s scared too, you know. Maybe he thinks he’ll lose you to Stephen.”

“But Stephen and I have only ever had a physical relationship.”

“Kennedy doesn’t know that. He only knows that you used to spend a lot of time with him and the rest his imagination came up with.”

“You really think he’s afraid of losing me?” Gemma’s eyes glazed over again and I nodded. She smiled a little. “That bastard is more of a sap than I thought.” We giggled and then she sat her spoon down. “I’m going to call him real fast. I’ll be right back.” She dashed out of the kitchen.

“Take as long as you need.” I yelled after her and then filled my mouth with more ice cream. I was happy her problems were better, but I couldn’t help but wonder if mine ever would be.

I had planned that things would go back to normal after Nick left, but what if they didn’t? What if I looked for someone else to fill the void between John and me? Oh god, what if there was a void between me and John? What if I was in this mess, not because of Nick’s irresistibleness, but because I wasn’t happy with just John anymore?

I felt sick to my stomach as Gemma came back into the kitchen with a smile. She returned to her spot across from me and ate some ice cream before actually looking at me. “So what’s the matter with you doll? Don’t tell me there’s trouble with Johno.”

I hesitated.

“Is this about the fight still?” She uneasily asked and frowned.

“Wh-what fight?” I raised my eyes to hers and tried to keep my voice from wavering. I was about two seconds away from confessing everything.

“The fight with John and Josh.” Gemma shrugged.

The confessing idea went out the window as my eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “What?”

“John didn’t tell you?” She looked even more uneasy now. “I – I figured you knew, with the bruise and all it wasn’t like he could hide it.”

“On his jaw,” I whispered and remembered the night he came home with the bruise. John hadn’t mentioned the blond boy, but instead had claimed the wound as an accident.

“Yeah, that’s the one. You know when my idiot of a boyfriend went over to Stephen’s and took John with him. John was holding Kenny back from beating the shit out of Stephen, to which I am thankful, but anyway, he almost had Kenny all calmed down and baby Gomez was doing a good job at making Stephen shut up when Josh just had to open his mouth. You know how that kid is, he loves to start shit.”

I nodded numbly as I continued to listen.

“Well, after he figured out that John wasn’t going to let anything happen, Josh starts attacking him. He –,” Gemma stopped short and her whole face fell. I stayed quiet, just waiting for her to finish. Finally, she sighed and looked down at the counter top. “He said John should quit interfering and start paying attention to his own girl. John let go of Kenny at that point and asked him what he meant.” Gemma shook her head again. “Josh just wanted to see some drama blow up so he told John what a ‘slut’ his girlfriend was. Said he was in Phoenix a week ago and saw you with some other guy.”

My throat swelled up.

“He was probably just making up shit, but before anyone could discredit the story, John was on top of him. He gave the kid some serious black eyes and whatnot, but Kenny and Stephen finally pulled him off.” She snorted. “Josh, at the last second, sends his fist out aimlessly and knocks John on the jaw. It was juvenile, but boys will be boys, eh?”

“Yeah, boys’ll be boys. I gotta get back to the apartment, Gem. I’ll talk to you later, kay?” I hurriedly stood up and grabbed my keys. I had to get away before I fell apart.

Gemma frowned deeper. “Are you sure you have to go?” She pouted as she came over to hug me again.

“Yeah, um, maybe we can have another movie night thing tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow’s Wednesday, Jayce. You know, 8123?”

“Oh, course, yeah, I’ll see you there.” I braved a smile for twenty seconds and then, as my back was turned to her closed door, I let it fall. Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I drove home again. There were just too many things happening.

Sneaking around with Nick. Natalia keeping our secret. John lying to me. Someone seeing Nick and I together. Honestly, it feels like you don’t deserve either of them.

It was just too much. I was full-on sobbing by the time I made it to the apartment. I couldn’t even begin to control just in case there was someone there, which there was. The moment I stepped inside, Nick’s head popped out from the living room. He was smiling at first, but it dropped when he saw me crying.

“Jayce?” He took slow, small steps toward me. Seeing him just made me cry harder however. “Its okay, Jayce.” He whispered and wrapped his arms around me. I guessed John was still gone as Nick continued to let me soak his shirt with my stupid tears. He rubbed my back comfortingly and shushed me until finally, I couldn’t cry anymore.

My eyes were raw and red, but barely watery anymore. Nick led me to the couch slowly, sitting me down and then pulling me to his chest again. We stayed there like that, in silence, for a while. He just held me and I just stared at nothing.

“I’m sorry about Nat.” Nick whispered after what seemed like hours. I blinked a few times before I registered what he was talking about.

“She was honest.” I mumbled emotionlessly. She was right.

He sighs heavily and for a moment, I stop thinking about me. I can’t believe I hadn’t thought about it before, but now it’s completely obvious. Nick doesn’t fight my statement because he can’t. He knows it’s the truth too. He knows how wrong this is too and it’s tearing him apart just like it is me.

We both need to get away.

I sit up quickly, turning to face Nick. He’s shocked but tries to hide it as he furrows his eyebrows together. I smile a little. “Let’s go.” I held my hand out and wait for him to take it. He doesn’t even hesitate as he places his warm hand in my cool one. He even laces our fingers as I pull us both up.

“Where are we going?”

“Surprise.” I mumble and drag him out of the apartment and to my car. I’m not even afraid of someone seeing our hands tightly grasping one another. I just need air.

Nick follows quietly and gets in the car with me. Neither of us turns the radio on once we’re inside so it’s another peaceful silence between us as I drive. When I pull up into another driveway that’s across town, Nick turns to me with this bewildered expression that makes me giggle.

“Just wait here.” I kiss his cheek before skipping toward the door and knocking. When I glance back at him over my shoulder, he’s sitting on the hood of my car still looking completely lost. It makes me giggle again but then the door opens.

“Jayce!” The heavy French accent and smell of roses fills my stomach with contentment, like it always does. “Je ne savais pas que vous veniez.”

I smile shyly and nod. “Spontanéité.” I shrug and then the smile falls a little as I watch her look at Nick. Her mouth twists into a frown, but I cut her off before she can ask. “Pouvez-vous ouvrir le garage?”

She puts her eyes back on me and smiles again. “Oui.” She nods before turning to slip some shoes on. I skip back down the sidewalk and to Nick’s side again.

“Where are we?” He glanced at Marisol coming down the sidewalk and then frowned at me. I took his hand again and gave it a squeeze.

“When I moved to Tempe, my parents thought I should take a few things with me. One of those things was a housekeeper. But, since I am plenty capable of taking care of my own apartment, Marisol and I have a deal. She gets to keep the money my parents pay her even though she doesn’t clean my apartment and in return I keep my car in her garage.”

“You have another car?” He made a face but I just smirked as Marisol hit a button to open the garage door. There sat my beautiful turquoise Thunderbird. My smirk widened as Nick’s mouth fell open.

“Merci, Marisol.” She smiled and nodded, still looking at Nick in a particular way. I ignored it and dragged Nick toward the car. “So, you wanna drive or shall I?” I turned to him and arched an eyebrow.

He finally snapped out of his daze and took the keys from me. “Holy shit, Jayce. This … this is beautiful.”

I rolled my eyes and went toward the passenger door. We both got in and Nick’s eyes lit up as he started the car. I giggled as he reversed and then waved to Marisol again as she closed the garage. “Go down this road and take a left.”

“Left?”

“Yeah, that takes us out of town.”

“Well I guessed that much since Tempe is to the right.”

“Take the first right after you take a left.”

“Where’s that go to?” He glanced over and I couldn’t help but smile. He had one hand on the steering wheel, the other on the shifter, and his sunglasses blocked out the harsh sunlight.

“The open road.” I scooted over so that I was sitting in the middle and reached for the CD player. “No fucking way!”

“What?”

“My Design of the Decade CD!”

“What?”

“Uh, hello, Janet Jackson? As in the younger sister of Michael Jackson, as in totally freaking awesome!”

“We’re not listening to that.” He shook his head, but the corners of his mouth curled upward.

“Oh yes, we fucking are.” I put the CD in and then stuck my tongue out at him. He laughed as he turned the car on the vacant road. I smiled as I glanced around. “You can open her up now. There’s nobody around for another seventy-five miles or so and no cops. Which means …” I trailed off as he started smirking.

“No speed limit.”

I giggled and turned the radio up as I sang along and threw my hands up into the air. “Come on baby lets get away! Lets save your troubles for another day! Come go with me, we've got it made! Let me take you on an escapade!”

* * * * * * *

It wasn’t until we were almost to the next town that Nick pulled over to the side of the road. I looked at the desert and then looked at him with a frown. “Why are you stopping?”

Nick smiled lazily before cupping my face and crashing his lips against mine. I melted into the kiss and threw my arms around his neck. His mouth tasted bitter in that way that drove me crazy. His hands slipped from my face to my hips, tracing small circles on the skin just above my shorts.

Suddenly, he pulled back. My chest was heaving as I opened my eyes and looked into his gorgeous green eyes. “Jayce,” it was the way he said my name that made me shiver and scoot my body closer to his. “I just—,”

I cut him off with another kiss. Words were not what needed to be heard right now. We were out in the middle of the desert alone and all I wanted was him. I wanted Nick to make the frustration and the sorrow and everything in between to go away. And I knew, with every inch of me, that Nick could do just that. He was perfect at doing that.

Nick smiled into the kiss and then ran his tongue along my bottom lip. I giggled and gave him the entrance he wanted into my mouth. My fingers knotted in his hair as his fingertips pressed hard into my back. It took about ten seconds for him to get my shirt off and for us to move/fall to the backseat.

My back stuck to the seats a little as Nick hovered over me. I peeled his shirt off and then pulled on one of his necklaces to bring his mouth down to mine again. As our tongues clashed, I undid his pants and pushed them down his hips, pulling them down the rest of the way with my feet.

It didn’t take but a few seconds for him to respond and take my shorts off with ease. I giggled and wrapped my legs around his waist as I hugged him to me. He buried his face into my neck and kissed it over and over, sending tingles all throughout my body. I was practically leaving scratch marks down his back when I thrust my hips against his. Nick groaned at the movement and raised his head to look me in the eyes.

His eyes darted to my lips and then back to my blues before he kissed me, slow and soft. A simple, little kiss on the mouth. Everything seemed to be in slow motion after that. He took my bra off and left a kiss on my collar bone before he pulled my panties off agonizingly slow. I wanted to hurriedly discard his boxers, but instead I found some self control and followed his motions, being deliberately delicate.

He gave me another deep, full kiss before he entered me. I bit his bottom lip as he kept his pace slow. Nothing about it was like I’d experienced before. The moment just seemed to be golden. I moaned into his mouth, which made him chuckle as he quickened his pace a little. My stomach started to tighten as our mouths pulled apart for a minute.

I took that chance to press my lips against his neck. I sucked on one spot as my fingernails dragged up and down his back. I could feel him quiver as I bit down hard on the spot and moved over a little to kiss the sensitive skin again. He groaned my name as his muscles tensed, making mine tense too. It didn’t take but a few more minutes before we came at the same time.

His body collapsed beside me as he sighed. I smiled and leaned over a little to grab a small blanket from under the passenger seat. Nick chuckled as I spread it out over us.

“You do this kind of thing a lot?” He teased as he wrapped an arm around me.

“I like to be prepared.” I smiled as I rested my head on his shoulder.

We fell silent again as we laid there. My eyelids were heavy but I forced them to stay open. I brought my left hand up to trace over the words tattooed on his chest. My smile widened as I got to the word love, but I didn’t know why. It didn’t make sense really.

Nick rubbed his hand up and down my back softly. His fingers trailed down to my lower back and I shivered again, burying my face into his neck and finally letting my eyes close. It was like the exhaustion just hit my body all of a sudden. I was almost out when Nick called my name.

“Jayce?”

“Hmm?”

There were a few heartbeats of complete silence.

“I love you, Jayce.”

My eyes opened as panic surged through my veins. I propped myself up and stared at him hard. “What?” My voice was soft as I prayed he hadn’t said what I thought I heard. He smiled slowly and raised a hand to gently cup the side of my face.

“I’m in love with you, Jayce Nolan.”

“Oh god.” My lungs ached as air rushed in and out too quickly. I shook my head and sat all the way, groping for my clothes hastily. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” I muttered the curse words, but nothing helped. There were tears starting to pool in my eyes again as I climbed out of the car.

“Jayce!” Nick called after me, but I just kept shaking my head. I walked and let the tears fall slowly. They burned on my cheeks and my hair started to stick to them. I stopped about thirty feet away and hugged myself as the tears came harder. “Jayce,” he whispered my name again and I could tell he was just behind me now.

I wiped at my cheeks fiercely and spun around. “You liar!” The scream erupted from me and he took a step back, shocked. I was surprised too. “This isn’t supposed to happen.” I mumbled and focused on the ground. “You don’t love me. You can’t love me. We just had sex, Nick. Why couldn’t you leave it at that?”

“I—,”

“Don’t talk to me!” I closed my eyes tight and tried pretending he wasn’t there. “Don’t say anything.”

“It—,”

“Nick!” I screamed again and this time I was able to look into his green eyes. His big, sad green eyes broke my heart, but then my heart was already breaking. “Just stop.” I whispered and then dropped my head.

It’s all my fault.

I trudged back to the car, Nick following me slowly and quietly. We got back into the car, me in the driver’s seat this time, and drove back to Marisol’s. He didn’t say a word, but I could feel his eyes on me continuously. I didn’t dare glance back at him.

I put the car back in the garage and then got in my original car to drive back to the apartment. My tears were dried up by the time we pulled into the complex. My head was thinking a little straighter, but not by much. I drove to Eric’s apartment first and parked in front of it.

“I think you should stay here for a few days.” My voice was low as I stared at the speedometer. He sighed and I closed my eyes. I felt his lips tenderly on my temple before the passenger door opened and closed. I waited several minutes before I opened my eyes. He was gone.

I drove home and walked into my apartment numbly for the third time.
My chest and head hurt. My heartbeat was too hard, my thoughts too jumbled.

I went into the bathroom and stripped off all my clothes after I turned on the scolding hot water. Then I slipped into the shower and sat down. The water mixed with my tears as I lost all sense of everything.