Mutiny Below

Jayce

My head felt like it was splitting open when I woke up. I tried opening my eyes but it was all too bright. My chest hurt like it was about to cave in. As the seconds ticked by, I realized my whole body was aching. I groaned and attempted to roll over. Something tugged at my arm and the pain worsened, making me groan louder.

“Ms. Nolan, how nice of you to finally wake up.” I cracked an eye open again to see a woman leaning over me. I immediately recognized her scrubs and closed my eyes again. “You gave everyone a fright, dear, but no worries now. We’ve got you all fixed and stitched. I’ll go get the doctor for you.” She vanished and her squeaky footsteps faded.

I sighed and went to put my hand on my forehead, but my arms felt too heavy to raise. The last thing I could honestly remember was deciding to go home early. As I waited for the doctor and the nurse to come back, I tried replaying things in my head to spark the rest.

I remembered saying goodbye to John and then driving home. I remember coming the back door and seeing my mother. My stomach lurched at that. I remember breaking down and then seeing Adam. The empty, depressed feeling settled in my chest again, just like it had at home. I remembered trying to get away from that by going to the Country Club, which failed miserably since it just made me think of Nick.

Then it clicked. The reason I was in the car. The reason why my hands weren’t on the steering wheel. The reason I was in this hospital. Nick.

My eyes started tearing up quickly as I thought about the words I said to him. I wondered where he was. If he knew where I was. If anyone knew where I was. Surely the hospital called someone. What if John’s here? My body went frigid. I hadn’t planned much farther than admitting my feelings to Nick.

The nurse came back in with a man on her heels. I hadn’t even noticed her squeaky footsteps coming back. “Oh dear, there’s no reason to cry. You’re perfectly find, dear.” The nurse reassured me as she wiped a tear off my cheek. I furrowed my eyebrows. I hadn’t even realized the tears had fallen.

“Jenna,” the man said her name like a warning. She bit her bottom lip and nodded before leaving the room. I focused my attention to the man as he looked over a folder. “Well Ms. Nolan, it’s good to see you’ve finally come around.” He grunted and looked glanced up at me. “Do you know why you’re here?”

“I—,” the words stuck in my dry throat. “I had a car accident.”

He nodded. “That’s right. Your car drifted into oncoming traffic and then went off the road completely. The other cars managed to not hit you, but you did run into a tree, Ms. Nolan.”

“I’m—I’m sorry.” I attempted to clear my throat.

“We’re just glad no one else got hurt, and that we didn’t lose you. You’re very lucky, Ms. Nolan. If one of those cars hadn’t gotten out of the way when they did, well…” he drifted off, as if he needed to finish that sentence anyway. “You do have some minor injuries from colliding with the tree though. A few of your ribs were fractured and one was broken. There might be a little tightness in your chest for a few days and there is some severe bruising, but it’ll heal. You also have a sprained wrist which we put in a bandage. The worst of your injuries was the concussion you had when you came in. We were worried for a while since you weren’t waking up, but you’ve recovered and your memory seems to be fine which is a good sign. We’ll run a few more tests and do an MRI, just to be sure. I estimate your hospital stay to be just a few more days.”

I simply nodded. The words didn’t really mean anything to me. I was hurt, big deal. I deserved worse.

“You’re family will be very happy to see you. I’ll go down to the waiting room to let them know you’ve woken up.” He left quickly as dread filled my body. I didn’t want to see anyone yet. There would be tons of questions, none of which I would be able to actually answer.

I closed my eyes and imagined the one place I found peace. I smiled a little at the mental picture. Of course it was the Country Club that flashed behind my eyelids. The morning I spent there with Nick. That lovely feeling overwhelmed me again, but disappeared as soon as I heard the soft footsteps. They were cautious and slow. I fluttered my eyes open to see Adam coming through the door.

“Jayce,” he exhaled my name and grinned as he hurried to my side. I weakly tried to open my arms for a hug. He noticed and very gently returned the hug. Then I noticed Andrea and my mother creeping in the door like strangers. Both their mouths were closed tightly as they walked up to the opposite side of the bed from Adam.

“How do you feel Jayce?” Andrea’s hand slowly lowered to the bed to grasp mine. I managed a little smile.

“Sore as shit.” My mother didn’t even scowl at my language. “Where’s dad?” Andrea’s hand tightened around mine.

“Working up a lawsuit with the hospital.” My mother answered nonchalantly but I could see the worry in her eyes. She must have already told him.

“As he should. This hospital is full of fucking idiots instead of doctors. It’s ridiculous.” Adam muttered angrily and I looked at him skeptically.

“Who’ve you been hanging around that has such a dirty mouth?” I teased but he barely smiled.

“It’s been almost twenty-four hours since you’ve been in here, Jayce, and not a damn doctor would tell us how you were doing until about five seconds ago.”

“Twenty-four hours?” I questioned uneasily.

“Almost.” Andrea nodded and then frowned. “The doctor mentioned that you’ll have to stay longer though.”

“Sounds like fun.” I sarcastically smiled and the three of them chuckled. It was strange having a normal, intimate moment like this with my family. Adam had always been easygoing like this, but Andrea and I haven’t gotten along in years, and my mother’s been a lost cause from the beginning. People change. My gut twisted. I licked my lips carefully. “Is … is?” I couldn’t even get the words out.

“John’s here.” Andrea perked up with a smile. “He’s waiting back in the room. I can get him if you want.” She didn’t really wait for a response before she flew from the room.

I was trying to prepare myself mentally and get my speech just right for what was coming next, when I felt a new cool hand in mine. I tried not to show my surprise as I looked up at my mother. She was trying to smile with watery eyes. My throat swelled.

“I know I’ve said some terrible things about that boy, Jayce.” She dropped her eyes to our hands and suddenly I was more uncomfortable. “But I was wrong. He’s good for you. He cares about you.” She wiped at her eyes. “I’m glad you’ve found someone as perfect as him, Jayce. You deserve the best, and I do believe John is the best for you sweetheart. We’ll go now so you can see him alone for a bit.” She squeezed my hand and then gave Adam a pointed look. It wasn’t the type of look that she usually gave, but it was still a look.

“Coming ma.” Adam rolled his eyes and she smiled before turning to go. Adam sighed before leaning in to kiss my cheek. And again, of course, Adam could read me better than anyone. He knew what was going on in my thoughts. He stopped and muttered into my ear, “don’t break his heart, J.”

I swallowed hard and stared at him as he pulled away. He wouldn’t look me straight in the eyes, but I could see the sincerity in them. I could see the slight frown set in his mouth too. It hurt to see. He walked to the doorway and stopped. I furrowed my eyebrows for a moment but then I noticed the tall frame in the doorway that he was talking to. The dread and anxiety filled up my body again and made my muscles go frigid.

That tight chest feeling seemed to intensify by a thousand. Adam patted John’s shoulder and then left. Those green eyes locked with mine automatically like magnets. He slowly strolled over. The closer he got, the more I could see it. His body was slumped slightly from exhaustion. His hair was dishelved beyond normal. His eyes were a little red and puffy, like he hadn’t slept in too long. He was still frowning as he pulled the chair from the corner up to my bed.

He just stared at me. Those green eyes soaked in every inch of me. There was adoration and concern and a million other emotions there. His mouth stayed glued shut though I knew there were another million things he wanted to say and ask.

My eyes started to water again. I couldn’t open my mouth either. I had most of the words that needed to be said planned out, but they were all stuck in my throat. A few tears escaped my eyes again and John’s eyebrows furrowed together. He leaned forward and smoothed the tears out on my cheeks with his thumbs. His hands continued to cradle my head as he stared into my eyes.

“I thought we lost you.” The silence is finally broken, and I’m not surprised that it’s him. I watched as his adam’s apple bobbed while he swallowed. “I—I thought I lost you.” His voice catches and that’s all it takes. The tears just start flowing.

How can I tell him we’ve grown apart when he talks like that?

“Shh,” he whispers and wipes more tears away. “Calm down, baby girl. It’s okay.” He soothingly reassures me and leans in further to gently kiss my forehead. I manage to suppress the tears for a moment as he pulls back just a bit.

I also manage two measly words that can’t begin to cover what I need to say to him, but they’re the only two words I can say. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” He says absentmindedly as he pushes some hair out of my face. If only he knew what was my fault. He smiles a little but it’s a sad smile, a heart breaking smile. “What’s important is that you’re still okay. You’re still here.”

My hands tremble, but I raise them to his still cupping my face. I need to tell him. He needs to know. He deserves to know. My lips part but my courage falters. The words die in my throat as he leans closer again, ever so softly applying pressure to his lips on mine.

The kiss is simple but sweet. It seems to last minutes, way longer than any kiss we’ve ever had that wasn’t a make out session. I can feel the fierce passion behind his lips too, stronger and more intense than ever before. Oh god, why?

He doesn’t even really pull back either. He rested his forehead on mine and let our lips still brush against each other as he whispers the words that seal everything. “I love you, Jayce Lynn.” He hesitates and I let my eyes flutter open to see those green eyes so close. I can even pick out the gold and blue flecks in them. “Please… don’t ever leave me.”

My heart shattered as I looked into those green eyes still. Realization empowers me and fills me with a sense of sadness yet has a drop of satisfaction. The decision is made, for good this time. I make the corners of my mouth inch upward. “I love you, John Cornelius O’Callaghan the fifth. I could never leave you.” I can’t.

John smiles, almost with the look of relief in his eyes, and kisses me again. This kiss is different. It’s not special, but it’s like every kiss John’s ever given to me. It has love and comfort in it. It’s John’s kiss and it makes me happy.

The sound of someone clearing their throat makes John pull away. I almost wished Adam wasn’t standing in the doorway again. I don’t want to leave the bubble with just me and John, but that isn’t possible.

Adam smiles as he looks back and forth between me and John. It takes a few moments before he realizes that we’re both waiting for him to say why he’s interrupting. He points behind him and chuckles. “We have a waiting room full of people that want to see you, Jayce. Are you up for more visitors?”

My heart jumps. Nick. I switch my focus to John just as he turns to me. He kind of shrugs and holds that small, hopeful smile again. Our moment’s gone anyway. “Lead them on in, Adam.”

Adam nods before turning on his heel again. I sigh and close my eyes for a moment. Somehow, this seems like it’s going to be harder. I feel John’s hand squeeze mine and I wonder when he grabbed it in the first place. It must have been after Adam came in, after the kiss stopped, after his warm hands fell from my face.

“Jayce!” My thoughts are shattered by the squeal and I quickly open my eyes with a smile. Gemma rushed to the hospital bed, on the opposite side of John, and leaned down to put her arms around my shoulders in a hug. “Holy Mother of Fuck! What were you thinking? Driving around downtown Phoenix at crazy hours in the morning! Alone! You could have died! Don’t you ever fall asleep while you’re driving again! I almost died! You gave me a fucking heart attack!” Gemma’s arms were dramatically flinging around as she ranted on until Kennedy finally caught up with her.

“Jeez, Gem, let her at least get out of the hospital before you start lecturing her.” He chuckled as he put an arm around her waist. Gemma seemed to calm down immediately. “How ya feeling, Jayce?” Kennedy offered me a smile as I saw Garrett and Jared start to sneak into the room too.

“Hey, douchebags! Only two at a time, remember? It’s my turn to see my best friend!” Gemma leaned over to smack Garrett’s shoulder while Jared put his finger up to his mouth to shush her.

“We were trying to sneak past the hoard of nurses outside, but by all means, blow our cover.” Garrett rolled his eyes while Gemma glared at him.

“So Jayce, how are you feeling?” Kennedy repeated, a little louder this time, to stop the two from bickering further. I giggled. It felt like it had been too long since I’d been around my friends, probably because I’d spent the past five or so days avoiding all contact with them.

“I’m a little sore.” I tried adjusting so that I was sitting up a little better but the sharp pain in my abdomen made me wince and then freeze. John jumped up and hovered over me protectively instantly. “I’m okay.” I reassured him though I was still holding my breath for fear of more pain.

“Let me help you.” He didn’t want for permission as he carefully placed his hands under my back and pushed me forward a little. Gemma helped him move the pillows so that they were propping me up before he gingerly laid me back down. I smiled at him gratefully as he took his seat and my hand again.

“Is your wrist broken?” Garrett nodded toward the ace bandage on my right arm.

I shook my head. “Just sprained.”

He muttered a curse word and Gemma smacked him again. “What? I just wanted to sign a cast. Most people who come out of a car accident have casts.” Gemma smacked him again and we all chuckled. Jared moved Garrett over so that he was standing in-between him and Gemma.

“Aw, don’t make me laugh.” I frowned and placed my right hand on my stomach. Everything seemed to ache.

“You need some more meds?” Gemma scrunched her nose up. “John, push the button.” She instructed and I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked over at John. He frowned and reached toward the bed, grabbing a small circular item that was attached to a tube. I noticed the button on top that his thumb rubbed cautiously. “Oh, come on! She’s in pain. She needs something.” John still seemed torn.

Then it clicked. That was why I had been knocked out for so long. I reached over slowly with my free hand and took the little device from him. I tried giving him a smile. “I’m okay.” He smiled back, the relief showing through.

“We’re glad you’re doing good, Jayce.” Jared smiled too and my eyes started to tear up a little again. I dropped the device on the bed again and raised it to gesture I wanted him to come give me a hug. Then Kennedy hugged me. Garrett was last, but practically squished me with his hug. Kennedy had to pull him his shirt to make him release me. Gemma actually giggled at this.

“Oh, and before I forget, Godsey and the Gomez’ are coming to see you sometime today, too. He said they left like an hour ago, but you know those boys. They really probably just left ten minutes ago.” Kennedy reflexively put his arm around Gemma again after her statement.

“They’re probably going to cause chaos in here too.” I wiped at my eye a little and then let my hand drop to the bed. The aching was really starting to take a toll.

“Speaking of chaos,” Jared smirked. “We should probably go so the rest of the guys plus Nat came come in.”

“Nat’s here?” I tried not to sound so disappointed. Natalia’s presence means Nick’s not far behind.

“Yeah, she came with John and Halvo.” Jared nodded and I saw Gemma start to smirk.

“And she’s been stuck to Halvo’s side since she got here.” Gemma said in a sing-song voice, making us all chuckle. “She even fell asleep on him! I totally took a picture, hold on.” She pulled her phone from her pocket as Garrett rolled his eyes and headed for the door with Jared. They both waved before leaving as Gemma thrust her phone into my face.

Eric was sitting in a stiff, uncomfortable looking two seater chair with Natalia on his lap. Her head was on his shoulder and his arms were around her. Eric was looking off at someone so he didn’t notice the picture being taken. It was impossible to say they weren’t cute. I smiled and felt a little happier. At least someone was enjoying this summer.

I noticed John looking over my shoulder at the picture too before Gemma took her phone back. “Aren’t they the cutest fucking thing? Halvo should just ask her out already.”

“He doesn’t like her like that.” John interrupts and all eyes turn to him. It’s about the first thing he’s said since everyone came in. He shifts awkwardly and drops his eyes to our hands.

“I know he’s your best friend, John, and that’s probably what he’s confided in you but … that’s bullshit. He’s just as head over heels for Nat as I am for Kenny.” She smirks again and bumps her hip against Kennedy’s. He just chuckles and pulls her a little closer to his side. I remember when John and I were like that. My hand squeezes his.

A light knock on the door interrupts us. Pat’s the first that walks in with a goofy grin on his face, but Eric’s close behind. His hand is linked with Natalia’s, who’s trailing behind him with her head down.

Gemma winks at me before she and Kennedy bit farewell for the time being and slip out the door. As they’re leaving, one last person strolls in. Oh god. My heart beat increases immediately and a beeping noise starts going off. I know it’s my heart monitor but there’s no way I make the beating slow down.

“Jayce?” John calls my name and his free hand goes to my forehead, as if I had a fever.

Desperation fills my lungs as I try to tear my eyes away from his. It’s useless. His eyes are full of worry and concern, as well as everyone else’s in the room. I vaguely notice John hitting the nurse button on my bed as he urgently tries to get me to respond to him.

Everything in me longs to reach out to Nick. It’s impossible to deny it anymore. I need him. But I can’t have him. I’ve made the decision. I’ve chosen John. For good. Nick will have to deal with that, as will I. But it’s hard. All I want is the comfort of his arms.

What I get is the nurse from earlier, Jenna. She comes in hurriedly with those worried eyes like everyone else. She calls my name and asks questions that John answers for me. She frowns and shakes her head before grabbing the small device from my bed with the button. She presses it a few times as she talks, mostly to John.

I don’t feel anything different at first. I’m still fighting the desire to say his name and have him rush to my side. I know it’s not right. I know I’m a terrible person for everything I’ve done and the things I still want to do with him. But knowing doesn’t subside the desire.

My hands start to get heavy. Then my arms and my legs. A few blinks later and it’s my whole body. The aching is completely gone. My eyelids close from the heaviness taking over. I can still hear them around me, and I’m more observant now that I can’t see him.

“She’s just a little stressed, John. There’s nothing to worry about. She still needs rest, is all.” Jenna’s reassuring voice is the first thing I focus on.

“She looked so scared.” John’s tone is so heartbreaking. It reminds me why again.

“That happens a lot with traumatized patients. Little things can remind them of the incident. She just needs a little time, dear.”

“Yeah, John. Jayce’ll be back at the apartment cooking dinner before you know it.” Eric sounds really close and I think I hear patting. Maybe Eric patting John?

“All the visitors probably overwhelmed her a bit too.” Jenna sounds stern for a moment.

“Right, we’ll uh … go back to the waiting room. Let everyone know.” It seems like Eric’s the only one brave enough to talk.

“Tell Jayce hi if she wakes up and we’re not here. Garrett and I are just going to drive around to get some food real quick. You want anything, John?” Pat’s words make me want to smile, but I’m way too tired for that.

“No thanks.” John sounds weak but he quickly clears his throat.

I force my eyes open for a moment. I meant to look into John’s eyes, to reassure him a little that I’m really okay. That’s not what happens of course. My eyes finds Nick’s like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Pat’s halfway out the door already. Eric and Natalia are behind him, no longer linked by their hands. Nick just stands there. He stares back at me, obviously the only person that realizes I’m not out of it yet.

There’s concern still in his eyes, but there’s something else, something that’s stronger. Confusion. He watches me and he glances at John. He sees our hands and then he sees John again, at my side. He doesn’t understand.

I mange the tiniest fraction of a nod. The only sign that I can give him at this moment that lets him know what he’s thinking is right. He frowns deeply, still not completely convinced, as he turns and leaves.

With him out of the room, it’s easier to give in to the sleepiness. My body relaxes against the heaviness. It overcomes all of my senses and then I’m drifting off. But of course there’s a soft caress on my temple that I can still feel and the tender words I can still hear.

“I love you, Jayce Lynn. Don’t leave me.”