Mutiny Below

Jayce

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” I rolled my eyes and kept my mouth closed. He wasn’t finished yet. “Jared doesn’t really need help. He’s just fucking lazy.” I pursed my lips and raised my eyes toward him He still wasn’t done. “You can barely move, Jayce. I don’t want to leave you. I’ll call Jared and tell him to get Tim instead.”

I stopped him there. “John, just go. I’ll be fine.”

“Jayce.” He said my name like a warning and then we started a staring contest.

“John?” I dared him to say something more. He lasted about five more seconds before he sighed and dropped his eyes to the floor. He shuffled his feet and then plopped down onto the couch beside me. He ran his hands over face and I gently placed mine on his knee. “Go hang out with Jared, John. Stop stressing about me. I’m fine.” I leaned over while I held my breath and kissed his cheek. “Go play video games and drink beer.”

John watched me as I returned to my position. He was watching closely, looking for the wince that would give away how much pain I was still in. I didn’t give it to him and he sighed again. “I don’t want you here by yourself, Jayce. What happens if you need something? Or you need to get up? You can’t move without help, Jayce.”

“If you’re so worried, get me a babysitter.” I smiled. “Because you’re going to hang out with the guys for a day, dammit.”

John cracked a smile too and leaned in to slowly kiss me. “I’ll call Halvo and see what he’s up to.” I giggled as he leaned his forehead against mine.

“I thought you didn’t want me to die.” He chuckled and kissed me again before he started to stand up.

“I love you, Jayce.” He called softly as he placed his hand on my shoulder over the back of the couch.

I placed my cheek on it. “Love you too, sweets.” Lie. I closed my eyes as he squeezed my shoulder and then left. It wasn’t a complete lie. I loved John as the best friend he’d become to me over the years. He still had a portion of my heart. It was just that the majority of my heart had been stolen without my notice.

“I’ll only be gone a few hours.” John reappeared and kissed my cheek quickly. I swallowed and made myself think of something better.

“Stay the whole day, John. You deserve it.” I leaned my head back to look at him all hunched over as he tried to put his shoes on.

He laughed. “Why must you fight me on everything?”

“Because I’m right?”

He shook his head. “You accuracy is slightly off. I’ll be back by lunch. Anything in particular you want me to bring?”

“Whatever you feel like sounds fine.” I shrugged and he rolled his eyes.

“Indecisive as well.” He put his hands on the sides of my head and hunched over yet again to kiss me on the lips. It lasted for a few glorious minutes before our front door opened. John pulled back, both of us with goofy smiles, and looked expectantly at the doorway.

Nick strolled in with his hands in his pockets and my stomach fell nine stories down. This did not look like a good situation.

“Babysitter’s here.” John teased and ran his hand through my hair. “I’ll be back later.” He started toward the door and high fived Nick on his way out. His departure went way too fast for my liking.

I stared straight ahead at the muted television as I listened to him come around the couch and sit down. We stayed quiet for a while, just ignoring each other. But of course, Nick can’t leave things peaceful and quiet.

He cleared his throat first. “Are you feeling any better?”

I shrugged and focused hard on the television. “Still sore as fuck.”

“What about the pills the doctor gave you?”

I squirmed a little. “I don’t like to take them.” Correction : John doesn’t like for me to take them.

“But you’re in pain, Jayce.” I glanced at him to see the confused expression he was staring at me with.

“I’m fine.” I argued and crossed my arms. My sides ached from the movement and this time I couldn’t hide the wince.

Nick started shaking his head immediately. “Where’s the damn pills, Jayce?”

“Why?”

“Because you’re going to take some.”

“I don’t need any.”

“Liar.” He noted drily and my chest tightened. “Now where are they?”

I didn’t even fight this time. I pointed toward the kitchen and he gave me an uncertain look before he got up to go into the kitchen. A few minutes later he came back out with a tall glass of Sprite and two medium sized white pills in his palm. He handed them both to me and then stood in front of me as he gave me an expectant look.

I hesitated but swallowed both pills. It would be nice to feel normal again.

“Not so hard, is it?” Nick chuckled as he took the glass from me and placed it on the coffee table. “Always so fucking stubborn.”

“You’re stubborn.” I mumbled and frowned at the television. This only made him laugh harder. I wondered how he could even sit beside me, let alone sit there and laugh, after everything I’d done to him.

His laughter died, almost like he read my mind. It was weird, how even with tension between us being as high as it was, things weren’t awkward. I wanted to scoot closer to him, to have his arms around me again but I couldn’t. I couldn’t.

“We need to talk, Jayce.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.

I leaned my head back against the couch. “I suppose now is the best time, since I can’t run away from you on my own.” I noted dryly and he somehow managed to chuckle again.

“My reasoning exactly.”

I smiled a little. “What do you want to talk about, Nick?”

“Us.”

My smile died. “There is no us, Nick. There’s just me and John.”

“I don’t quite believe that shit anymore.”

I composed myself before I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at him. I swallowed hard but didn’t speak.

“I know this didn’t work out so great last time, but I’m going to say it again and I’ll keep saying it because,” he paused and smiled halfheartedly, “I love you, Jayce. I love you so much.”

“Stop Nick.” I shook my head and closed my eyes again. “You don’t feel that way, not honestly. We were just messing around. What you think is love is really just a bunch of—,”

“Don’t you dare try to cheapen this, Jayce.” Nick’s voice burns with anger. I keep my eyes closed and my face smooth. “Look at me.” He demands somewhat calmer, but I can still hear the rage just underneath. I slowly let my eyes open and find his fierce green orbs staring back at me. “I love you and I know you love me back. Why do you keep denying it?”

“I love John.”

Nick snorts. “Yeah, sure. You love him, but what about me, Jayce?” He came and kneeled in front of me, gripping my hands in his. “Am I really just some guy you accidently slept with and now can’t get rid of? Come on, Jayce! I know this is different, just as you do. Why do you keep lying?”

I swallowed hard. “I love him, Nick. That’s the truth.”

“Why did you call me, then?”

There was no answer for this. No answer I could make anyway.

“I know you love me, Jayce. I know you love me.” He rested his forehead on our hands. I could feel his uneven breathing on my knees. I closed my eyes again and felt the tears start behind my eyelids.

“Nick—,” the words stick in my throat as my voice waivers. He squeezes my hands.

“Please,” he begs and finally brings his head up. His eyes widen as he jumps up onto the couch beside me. His warm hands cup my face as his thumbs wipe away the tears I can’t stop. “Calm down Jayce.” He cooed and held me to him, just like I’d wanted earlier. It felt so good and so perfect to be in his arms. He rubbed my shoulder gently while running his other hand through my hair. “I know those pain meds can make you feel like you can do anything, but your abs are going to be sore when it wears off if you don’t quit crying, dear.”

I smiled a little and wiped at my eyes. “It’s not fair when you make me smile too.”

He kissed my temple and chuckled. “Anything to make you not cry.” He mumbled and then pulled back some so that he could look at my face. “Are you okay, now? We can stop talking about this if you want. For now. Until you get better maybe. Although,” he trailed off and bit his lip as he stares off into space.

I rested my head on his chest and took the moment in before I had to shatter it just like my heart. “I’m sorry.” I whispered and let my eyes closed. I was very tired now.

“You don’t have to apologize for anything, Jayce.” He reassured me and kept running his hand through my hair.

“I lied to you, Nick. I’ve lied a lot.”

“I’ve lied a lot too.”

“I know Natalia’s mad at me.” Nick stayed silent this time. “I know I’m probably driving some kind wedge between the two of you and that kills me.” He was still quiet. “And God knows what would happen to John if he ever found out,” I stopped myself short and took a calming breath. “You deserve the truth, Nick.”

He went rigid as I pulled myself from him. His face was a little pale too as my eyes connected with his.

“I do love you, Nick. But I can’t do this. Calling you that night was a mistake. I’m meant to be with John and I’m going to stay with him. We have to stop,” I hesitated, “stop being together in whatever sense we were together. It just has to stop here. It will stop here. I’m sorry if,” I stopped. The relief that had taken over his features at first was now gone and replaced with sorrow. This was not an if situation anymore. “I’m sorry for hurting you.”

Nick slid his eyes away from mine this time. I think it was the first time I’d ever seen him look so timid and broken. He reminded me so much of Natalia in that moment, well the way Natalia was when she first arrived in Arizona.

I chewed on my bottom lip, waiting for him to say something. He was upset, but not in the way he was usually upset. He wasn’t glaring or yelling. He was just sitting there, staring off into space, with the most forlorn expression I’d seen on him yet. My heart hurt to see that look in his eyes. I slowly reached over and grabbed his hand in mine. “I am sorry.”

He sighed and squeezed my hand back. “I’m sorry too.” He mumbled and then pulled me back to his chest, holding me there tightly. “I love you Jayce.” He mumbled into my hair and I could feel the tears start to prickle and burn again. “No matter what happens, just remember that, kay?”

I hated that this looked like some big epic goodbye scene at the middle of every cheesy romantic movie. I didn’t even want this to be a goodbye. I just wanted Nick. I couldn’t even imagine what things would be like after he went back home. My heart broke just thinking about it.

“I love you too, Nick.” I bit back another apology and closed my eyes. I felt him kissing my temple and forehead over and over. I sniffled and wrapped my arms around his waist, even though the movement made my ribs ache. His kisses slowly moved down from my temple to my cheek to my jaw. I bit my bottom lip as I leaned my head back. His gorgeous green eyes made me smile. “One last time?”

He looked almost horrified. “Jayce that’s not a good idea with ribs still setting.” He shook his head and I rolled my eyes. “And John could be …” he trailed off, obviously cringing at the name.

I lifted my hands to cup his face and smiled a little more. “I wasn’t talking about sex, Nicky.” He blinked and then I leaned up as far as I could and started to slowly pull his face toward mine.

He started grinning once he realized what I meant and easily, but very carefully, shifted me onto his lap. He leaned down more so that I didn’t have to stretch so much. The kiss was slow, but perfect. His fingertips traced my jaw and neck and occasionally drifted down to my hips. I ran my own fingers through his hair, pulling him closer to me. He slid his tongue against my bottom lip and I giggled.

It made me sad to think this could be the last kiss we ever shared, and that completely killed the mood. I pulled back slowly, giving him small, short kisses, before I rested my head on his shoulder. My nose just barely brushed against his neck.

Nick sighed heavily and locked his fingers at my waist. His head rested on top of mine. I placed another small kiss on his neck and he shuddered. “That’s so unfair.” He mumbled and I giggled again.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He chuckled too and kissed the top of my head. He started to hum something I didn’t recognize and I started to drift off. Suddenly I was exhausted.

I didn’t wake up until John was back. I pretended to still be asleep while John thanked Nick for looking after me and the two switched spots. Nick left shortly after that and then John turned the television on. I pouted for a few minutes but then drifted off again. The pain medication made me a little drowsy I suppose.

The next time I woke up, John was lightly shaking me and calling my name. “Hmm?”

“Jayce? You awake, babe?” He chuckled and squeezed my shoulder. I pried my eyes open and hummed again. “It’s dinner time. Are you hungry?” I shrugged. “You’ve sleeping all day. Are you feeling all right?” It was his worried tone that made me open my eyes again.

“I’m fine. I just,” I paused. “I just took a little bit of the pain meds.” John frowned at first, but then the frown deepened.

“Did your ribs hurt that bad?” I bit my bottom lip. I still didn’t quite understand why lying was so much easier when it was John. I shook my head and he smiled a little. “So you just took pain meds for fun?” I pouted and he chuckled. “It’s okay, Jayce.” He patted my hair soothingly and my stomach churned. “Eric invited us over for dinner.”

I raised my eyebrows. “And what exactly does Eric plan to make for dinner?”

“Probably takeout.” I snickered with him. “You want to shower and change before we go?”

“Eh, I’m too tired to shower.”

He pouted but then kissed the top of my head again. “Well, I’m going to shower. I’ll be back in a few to help you change if you want. Scream if you need anything.”

“So you can come running out wet and soapy?” I giggled as he winked and stood up. It didn’t take John but twenty minutes tops to come back to the living room, fully dressed with wet hair. He helped me change into some pants and made a clever remark about staying in without pants, but finally we were on our way over to Eric’s.

It only took about three times of me tripping in the parking lot before John picked me up and carried me most of the way to the apartment. When we arrived, Eric already had the menu for takeout and half of everyone’s order. John ordered for the two of us quickly and then made sure I was comfortable on the couch. After dinner was ordered, John and Nick volunteered to go pick it up.

I was overly anxious as I thought about them in the car together. I wondered what they talked about and how they interacted. I barely paid attention to Eric and Natalia and the television. I couldn’t have been more relieved when they came back, both having completely blank expressions.

We ate dinner, mostly in silence, and then went back to the front room to watch a movie. I sat by myself, which was probably for the best, and tried to keep my eyes away from Nick. The movie was uninteresting so my mind kept wandering. I glanced at Natalia and Eric at one point and felt the sorrow swell up in my chest.

They looked so cute together, so perfect, and so natural. It made me smile a little and then I finally let myself look at Nick. He was sprawled out on the ground looking completely uncomfortable. I so badly wanted him to be beside me, to feel his arms around me like earlier. I sighed and focused on the television.

That’s never going to happen Jayce.

It felt like to movie was twice as long as usual, but finally it was over. It was also a little late which led to Eric’s suggestion. “Why don’t you guys just stay over for tonight?”

“Maybe because there’s no room, Halvo.” John was smiling but the statement sounded bitter almost.

“We’ve got plenty of room.” Eric argued and everyone chuckled. “Jayce is supposed to sleep sitting up, right?”

“It’s more comfortable that way.” John answered for me and I bit my bottom lip as both Nick and Natalia glanced at me.

“Great! Jayce can sleep in the chair, you and Nick can fight over the couch and bed, and Nat can bunk with me tonight. Works perfectly.” Eric grinned while Natalia’s cheeks went a little red, as well as Nick’s.

“Eric,” Nick started a little angrily but Eric cut him off by hopping up and dragging Natalia with him.

“You guys have fun deciding who sleeps where! Goodnight!” He yelled over his shoulder as he practically ran toward the bedrooms. Natalia was giggling as she followed. Nick just glared after them. I glanced over and saw John was glaring as well.

I giggled too. “It’s not like he’s going to corrupt her, guys.” Both of their expressions turned disgusted. “Besides, I’m really too tired to make it home anyway.” I yawned on cue and both boy’s anger softened.

“I can take the couch if you want, man.” Nick offered to John and my heart melted.

“I’d prefer to be out here with Jayce.” John cleared his throat and Nick nodded. There was an awkward moment where nobody moved and then Natalia’s giggles could be heard again. Nick groaned and put his head down. He was mumbling under his breath as well with a few curse words. I frowned and John scratched the back of his neck. “I’m going outside for a moment. I’ll be back.” John kissed my forehead and headed for the front door.

Nick and I sat in silence for a few seconds, before he raised his head and sighed again. “You know what the worst part is?” He sounded terrible. I frowned deeper but kept my mouth closed. Nick glanced at me. “I can’t tell him to stay away from her.” He shook his head and then rolled his eyes. “She’s never opened up to anyone like this except me.” He honestly looked torn.

I cautiously placed my hand on his shoulder and gave him a sympathetic smile. “At least it’s just Halvo, I mean … Eric won’t hurt her. Eric wouldn’t hurt anybody, but he especially won’t hurt Nat.”

“It doesn’t take much.” He grumbled and shook his head again.

“She’s stronger than you think, Nick.” He chuckled and turned those gorgeous eyes toward me. “She’s stood up to me more than once now, all to protect you.”

Nick smirked and stood up. “I think I’ll go join your boyfriend outside for a smoke.” He managed to twist the word around so that it still stung.

I let my eyes close after the front door slammed shut for the second time. I tried ignoring that Nick and John were alone together again but it was difficult. Because I’d slept most of the day, I was now wide awake.

One of the bedroom doors opened and feet shuffled toward the living room. I opened my eyes and found a very timid looking Natalia with blankets in her hands. “These … these are for you and …” she looked around the empty room.

“John.” I answered for her quietly and she nodded, placing them on the back of the couch. She turned to leave but then stopped and very slowly turned back around. She made a face like she wanted to say something but then thought twice of it and left.

I sighed and sat there by myself, just waiting. Eventually John and Nick stumbled back into the apartment, chuckling. I eyed them oddly before Nick said goodnight and headed down the hallway.

John laid down on the couch and put his head in my lap. I giggled as his legs went over the other arm rest. He smelled like smoke. I smiled and ran my fingers through his hair.

“I love you, Jayce Lynn.” He mumbled and turned over so he could wrap his arms around my waist. I smiled and stroked his cheek.

“I love you too, John.”