Mutiny Below

John

“Would you mind if I spoke to Jayce alone?” My voiced cracked as I asked Nick and I hoped neither of them noticed it.

“Not at all. I’ll just go over to Halvo’s. Check on both of them.” Nick looked between Jayce and me then grabbed his stuff and left. I sighed and sank down onto the sofa next to her and she stared at me with wide eyes. She looked worried, almost like she was scared of what I was going to say.

"John?" Her voice made me snap out of my thoughts. I looked into her bright blue eyes and there were so many emotions in them. She looked so fragile in that moment and I knew that if I told her I'd kissed Natalia, it would probably shatter her. "You need to talk to me about something?"

I swallowed and shook my head. "Nope. Just wanted them to leave us."

She smiled, looking like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. I felt guilty as she curled up in my side and kissed my cheek.

"I love you, John."

"I love you too."

She laid her head against my shoulder and closed her eyes. As I looked down at her, I couldn't help but picture what it would be like if it were Natalia sitting there with me instead. I sighed and rubbed my hand down my face.

"Hey Jayce?"

"Hmm?"

"I think I'm going to go on to bed. I'm really tired."

"Okay. I'll come with you."

She followed me down the hall to our bedroom and turned off the light as I climbed in on my side of the bed. Before she could situate herself in my side again, I turned over onto my side, with my back to her. She kissed my cheek and said goodnight, not seeming to be bothered by my lack of affection. I closed my eyes to try to fall asleep but I couldn't stop thinking about Natalia and the fact that I'd actually kissed her.



I was woken up the next morning by Jayce's phone ringing loudly on her nightstand. The bed shifted behind me as she moved to answer it.

"Why the fuck are you calling me so early?" she barked at whoever was on the other line. "Okay, but did you have to call now? It's not even 9am yet, Gems!"

Unsurprisingly, it was Gemma. She had a knack for always calling at bad times.

"Okay. What time?"

Now they were making plans, which also didn't surprise me.

"Sure. We'll be there."

Without saying goodbye, she hung up the phone and called my name softly. I pretended to still be asleep so she laid back down without another word. Once I was sure she had fallen back asleep, I quietly got up and went into the living room. I thought watching tv would help me get my mind off of things but when that didn't work I put my shoes on and went for a walk instead.

By the time I returned back to the apartment, Jayce was awake and was fluttering around the living room, cleaning everything. I wasn't sure exactly how long I'd even been gone. "Hey, babe. Where'd you go off to?"

"Just went for a walk," I shrugged.

"So Gemma called this morning. Halvo wants us all to go bowling tonight."

I just nodded as I collapsed onto the sofa. "Okay."

Of course we were going bowling again, and of course it was all Halvo's idea. Any excuse to show off his girlfriend to everyone, though Jayce mentioned that it was a good opportunity for us to all hang out sober before we left for tour.

We left the apartment around four. Jayce rode silently in the passenger seat as we drove to the bowling alley. We were apparently the last of the group to arrive, as everyone else had already rented their shoes and were settling at their lanes. I meandered to the counter to rent shoes for Jayce and myself while she headed over to the group. When I eventually reached everyone, I was greeted with a chorus of "hey" and "what's up?" I just nodded in acknowledgement and handed Jayce her shoes then sat down to change mine.

When I looked back up, I saw Natalia for the first time of the night. Of course she was situated under the long, lanky arm of my best friend. She was facing in toward his body and she had her arm wound around his back, but her face held a frown and her gaze was stuck to the floor. Halvo didn't seem to notice her mood.

He wasn't even looking in her direction; instead, he was looking over his left shoulder as Nick got up to bowl his turn. When Nick received a strike, Halvo gave him a high five and turned to Nat, asking something that I couldn't hear from where I was sitting. She looked up momentarily and shook her head at him then refocused on the waxy wooden floors.

He just went on talking to Nick as if Nat had been completely happy and all smiles. I wondered if he didn't notice her mood. If that had been me, I would've noticed her frown and sad eyes. I would've asked her what was wrong and if she was okay. I would've maybe hugged her until she did smile. But then I remembered that I was the reason she wore that sad look on her pretty face and that made me feel bad.

That's when I really looked at Halvo. Aside from not noticing that his girlfriend was visibly upset about something, he seemed thoroughly happy. He turned to ask her another question and when she nodded this time, his entire face lit up and he planted a kiss right on her mouth. She smiled a little but when she glanced over at me, her face completely dropped again.

When I kissed her, I wasn't even thinking about the fact that she was my best friend's girl. I was only thinking of myself and how much I wanted to kiss her in that moment. I knew it was wrong the second my lips touched hers, but it felt right too. How could it be wrong and right at the same time?

I wondered if she'd told him what I did. By the looks of things, she hadn't, because he didn't seem any different than usual. But I wondered what he'd say if he knew- the fact that I, his best friend since elementary school, had kissed his girlfriend. Especially for the fact that I was also dating Jayce, and had been for a long time. Jayce was his friend too. Would he be more angry that I went behind Jayce's back and kissed another girl or that the girl happened to be his girl? I hadn't meant to do anything to hurt him. I honestly wasn't thinking of any consequences in that moment.

Then I wondered if she'd told Nick. He was her brother after all, and they had always been close. I tore my eyes away from "the happy couple" long enough to glance Nick's way. He was keeping a close eye on Halvo and Natalia as well. He almost looked sad too as he watched them. His eyes held emotions similar to Natalia's, thought I wasn't sure why.

Kennedy came up behind me, slapping me on the back. "What's up with you, man? You look like someone just killed your puppy"

I shook my head and looked away, toward Jayce. "Nothing. I'm alright"

"Well, come on then. You're up"

He gave me a push toward the ball return and I picked up a red one, sliding my fingers into the holes to pick it up. When I got a strike, everyone cheered. Well, everyone except Natalia. As soon as her eyes met mine, she quickly glanced away. I ignored the guilty feeling and smiled as Nick and Jared gave me pats on the back. Jayce stood up to let me sit down then situated herself on my lap, pulling my arms around her.

In my peripheral vision, I saw Natalia get up and start walking away from our group. Getting her alone would be a good time to apologize again and make sure she didn't hate me too much. I patted Jayce's thigh and she turned her head, smiling down at me.

"I'm gonna go get a soda. You want one?"

"Sure. Cherry coke please," she answered, giving me a peck on the lips before standing up. I hurried over to the concessions counter where Natalia was trying to pick up the three drinks she had ordered from the counter.

"Natalia, hey. Look, I just wanted to say again how sorry I am about-"

"Don't, John," she mumbled. She gave me one last glance before heading back toward the group.

I was stunned. She was completely shutting me out, not even giving me the chance to say I was sorry. She really was angry about what I did. I hadn't meant to upset her, or Halvo, or Nick, or anyone else. I'd just really wanted to kiss her in that moment and so that's what I did. I couldn't help myself. And now she was angry with me. And she wasn't even going to give me the chance to apologize to her.

The teenager behind the counter snapped me out of my daze and I ordered some drinks. By the time I got back to the group, Natalia was settled back under Halvo's arm. I sat down with Jayce, handing her her drink, and glanced back over at them again. Halvo was in her face, practically touching noses and he was mumbling quietly to her while she just smiled in return. I rolled my eyes when he kissed her for the second time since we'd arrived.

That's when I found myself wishing that I was the one sitting there nose to nose with her, making her smile. Looking into her eyes and kissing her right there in front of everyone. I wondered what it would be like if she was my girlfriend instead of his. If broke up with Jayce and told Natalia that I had feelings for her, what would she do? I could actually see myself with Natalia.

Jayce grabbed my hand, bringing me out of my fantasy world and back into reality.

"Babe, it's your turn again."

I looked around for a moment and found that most of the group was looking at me, including Natalia. When we made eye contact, she quickly looked back to Halvo. She whispered something to him and he grinnned widely then hugged her tighter in his arms. I sighed and got up to bowl my turn.

For the first time in my life, I wanted to be Eric Halvorsen.