I'm the Angel on His Shoulder

Dean was having another nightmare of hell hounds chasing him. I could tell. The way his face was screwed up with fear, the way his body twitched as if he was running away, the way he jumped in pain if you touched him lightly... He was nearing the end and it was a horrible way to go.

We went to Bobby and found out where Lilith was hiding, which was New Harmony, Indiana. Dean wanted to barge in there with me and kill her instantly, hoping that would get him out of the deal if it was her who held the contract. Sam wanted to summon Ruby and talk to her, except Dean hated her.

“How come neither of you trust my plan?” I asked, feeling slightly hurt. “At least we know if definitely works for certain.”

“It’s not like I don’t trust it, honey, I just want a backup plan for just in case,” Dean explained smoothly as he tightened his grip around my waist and I realised he had practiced that line a few times. He didn’t want to hurt me or show that he still didn’t completely trust me, but I didn’t mind. It must be hard for him anyway, given his circumstances. Later, Sam summoned Ruby, but Dean and I followed so we could steal her knife (another idea of Dean’s). We learned from her that Lilith was definitely the contract holder, but then again, demons lie a lot. The brothers believed her, but I just had a bad feeling about Ruby and what she said.

The brothers decided to go out to New Harmony and Bobby insisted that he came with us, so we jumped in the Impala and off we went. Dean refused to have any social awkwardness between him and his brother, so they ended up singing together. I realised how much they meant to each other. Their brotherly bond was like nothing else I had ever seen before. I sat quietly in the back wishing I had some connection like that with another angel.

Well, at least I was in love with Dean. I was sure of it now. His smile made me melt inside. I loved every joke he said (when I understood). He always made me fill up inside with happiness. He made me feel loved when he gave me a rose, even if he had only picked it from the bushes outside the motel. I was attracted to him in such a way that I had never even thought was possible. I only had to hope that he felt it too so he was saved from hell.

As we drove there I worked my magic and cast a spell upon myself, making my angel powers invisible from any demon. That way, it was a lot less likely that Lilith knew we were coming. But unfortunately, it meant that I couldn’t sense them anymore either. I didn’t know who was a demon and who wasn’t. That was the cost of that spell. When we arrived, we started taking out demons since now Dean could see their true faces. Since he was getting closer to going to hell, he could now see the demons hiding behind a human face.

We identified the house she was in and came up with a quick entry plan. Thank God Lilith couldn’t sense my power, otherwise she would have fled and Dean wouldn’t get a chance to put his plan into action. We ran inside, Bobby doing a good job by making the water in the sprinklers holy so other demons couldn’t get inside the house too. The only alive person downstairs was a man, so we took him downstairs after knocking him out cold since he started to argue. We couldn’t risk being compromised. This was such an important night.

Dean and I started searching the house for other signs of Lilith while Sam headed up to the little girl’s bedroom. We ended up running back to him to tell him to not stab the little girl. Lilith had repossessed someone else now. Who remained the question to be answered... Ruby had arrived to help us, but had no plan to help us. The brothers started having an emotional last minute talk as the clock’s hands crept closer and closer towards midnight.

“What am I supposed to do without you?” Sam questioned with tears in his eyes.

“Keep fighting. Take care of my wheels. Remember what Dad taught you. Remember what I taught you,” Dean said and they hugged. Then he turned to me. He took his hands in mine and I could feel my tears falling down my cheeks as Sam’s did too. Perhaps he didn’t love me? “Thank you for everything.” He squeezed my hands and then kissed me. My eyes flicked to the clock and I saw that there was only a few seconds left before midnight. I had to say it. It was our last chance of saving Dean.

“I love you Dean,” I said for the first time. Not only was it the first time I had said it to him, but the first time I had ever said those 3 words like that. And I meant it with all of my heart. He hesitated.

“I love you too Jen,” he said and the clocks hands reached midnight. We heard hell hounds and I looked upwards at the roof, waiting for some sort of sign from heaven. Why wasn’t anything happening?

“Are you lying?” I questioned, feeling extremely hurt. That seemed like the only explanation as to why our plan wasn’t working.

“Of course not! I really do love you!” Dean exclaimed as the hell hounds noises got louder. “Okay, everyone follow me!” We all ran into a room behind Dean and locked the door behind us and he lined the doorway and the windows with gopher dust.

“Please God...” I muttered as anxiety came over me. I began to worry like nothing else as the hell hounds banged against the door. Why wasn’t my plan saving Dean?

“Give me the knife!” Ruby exclaimed. “I’ll hold them off while you guys run!” Dean and I glanced at each other, both realising the same thing at the same time. That’s where Lilith went once she left the little girl’s body. Into Ruby’s host body... Her eyes suddenly flicked white as she realised we knew and she slammed Sam into a wall. As she trash talked, she walked closer to him and kissed him. I stayed still, waiting for the perfect time to pounce on her. It was my duty to protect Dean. I couldn’t let him down. I couldn’t let God down.

“Jen! Why isn’t anything happening?” Dean shouted as the hell hounds got more violent against the door. It could be a matter of seconds before those doors were ripped down. “I thought you had saved me?” Dean was confused and panicking, as I was too.

“I don’t know,” I whispered, extremely upset too. “God! God!” I started shouting the same word over and over again while Lilith talked to Sam about how she was going to kill him after Dean went to hell. God had to be listening. God always listened to the angels.

“Shut up!” Lilith screeched at me and threw me against the wall with a flick of her wrist. “Sic ‘im boys...” She opened the door and I could see the hell hounds come in and pounce on Dean, tackling him to the ground.

“No!” I cried out while struggling to move and free myself from the wall, even though it was useless. Dean screamed out in pain as they ripped him apart. Blood squirted out from their wounds and Dean couldn’t stop yelling out in pain. Sam and I also couldn’t stop screaming as we watched. It was horrifying. But at least Sam couldn’t see the horrid beasts that were doing it. It was no use. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t use any of my powers. I couldn’t stop the inevitable. I watched my love die. Right in front of me. And I couldn’t do anything about it, despite being an angel. Why God? Why?