Black Star Love

I knew it was morning when I woke up, ‘cause the sunlight was coming in through the window warming up my face. I also knew I was on Gee’s and Sophie’s bed.

I sat up and then it came to me. I quickly ran to the restroom and fell on my way there.

I had just finished throwing up when I heard someone come in. Gerard asked if I was ok and I nodded, but like always, I was lying.

Gee took a seat on the toilet and looked down at me. Then he asked if Mickey had done this to me, while examining my face.

“No,” I replied not being able to meet his eyes.

“Frankie …”He sighed in disbelieve.

“But it wasn’t his fault, Gee. It wasn’t him. It’s … it’s like something takes over him and-” I was going hysterical.

“Frankie I can’t let you be with him anymore…” He helped me up off the floor, “If I would have know about this I …” he was hurt. But why? I was the one getting hurt no him. And neither was his brother.

“Gee I love him you cant keep him away from me …and besides he’s your brother … he says he’ happy with me, don’t you want him to be happy?” When Mickey’s on his five senses he always tells me that, and believe him.

He placed his hand gently on my shoulder, “Yes I do want him to be happy, I mean come on yeah he’s my brother and who doesn’t wants their siblings to be happy,” He tried to smile , “But what about you Frank … you’re my best friend and I also want you to be happy … are you happy with him?”

I had never thought about it that way … I guess I love him, but does that mean I’m happy with him? “But he said he would change…” Tears wanted to come to my eyes.

“When Frank?” Fuck! Why s he right.

Mickey … I still remember the night all this started. Me and Mickey had celebrated our second year anniversary at this fancy restaurant. We came back and we started kissing on the couch. That day had been so much fun, I couldn’t keep my hands of off Mickey.

I was sucking softly on his neck and my hands roamed down his chest touching every inch of soft skin. When my hands reached his belt buckle, he pushed my hands away and said he would be right back.

I waited for him on the couch, as the minutes slowly passed by. Soon I got tired of waiting, so went looking for him. The apartment wasn’t that big, so I easily found him. He was in the restroom.

The door was slightly open so I took a peak. I wasn’t expecting to see what I was seeing. He had about a dime of white powder in a little plastic bag. Without thinking I barged in and snatched it from his hand.

“Give it back Frank!” He was really angry by my actions, and he only got more mad as I yelled back at him, “No!” That was the first time he had ever dared to hit me. He punched me really hard on the face, making my nose bleed.

I was so scared of him at that moment. I threw the stud bag on the floor and ran out of there with tear in my eyes blood running down my face. I went into our room and locked myself inside. I pretty much cried the rest of that night and fell asleep on the floor.

The next day I woke up in his arms. I don’t know how Mickey go into the room, but he was here.

He started rocking me and whispering that he was sorry. He was crying an kissing me on the cheek, begging me to forgive him. I loved him to much not to forgive him, but then he asked me to please not tell Gee of what I had seen, that he was going to stop. I promised him that I wouldn’t tell, but he didn’t keep his side of the bargain, he hasn’t stopped, and it only got worse. He also started drinking.

The though of him cheating on me has crossed my mined too. I feel that he goes to other, girls or guy so that he wont hurt me, but either way he hurts me, so I take that thought out of my mind, refusing to believe that he cheats on me.

“Frankie…” I had started to space out, so Gee shook me.

“Ok, so he lied, but … but …” Wow that was weird. Nothing came to my mind.

“Has he hurt you before?” Dam! Gerard, he’s getting me to think … and I don’t like that.

I whipped my tear away. If Gee only knew everything and I mean everything starting since before Dave died. Yeah I figured that id I forgave Mickey for what they did, I should also forgive Dave.

Every once in a while I stop to think and wonder what would have happened between me and him if Lucas hadn’t killed him. Would he had ever told me about him and Mickey? Would we still be together?

I nodded as a response to Gee’s question. Knowing that Gee cares about me gave me this warm feeling inside. Not in a gay way, it’s like the feeling I get when I’m at my moms house. The feeling you get when you know someone is there for you no matter what.

We walked back into the living room where Sophie was sitting on the floor in front of the TV. As soon as we walked in, she got up and gave me a hug. “You ok, Frank?”

“Yeah.” I guess I was. I felt better. “What yah watching?”

“Music videos.” We both sat down on the floor and started watching TV. Gee walked over to the chair and grabbed his jacket. “Babe where you going?” Sophie asked sweetly.

“Oh, I’ve got to go take care of some stuff … Frank don’t leave till I get back ok.”

I nodded, not having a choice. “Be back soon.” Sophie shouted as he walked out the door.

“Frank, you haven’t opened up your present.” she reached over under the tree and brought out a medium sized box. It was wrapped with green shinny paper with a red big bow on the top.

She placed it on my lap, “It’s from me and Gee … open it.” she seemed so enthusiastic, I couldn’t help but to smile at her.

Ever since I met her for the very first time, no matter how sad I am, she always brings a smile to my face. I’m guessing that was the reason why I thought I liked her as more than a friend at first, but I realized that I love her like a little sister.