Black Star Love

My mom asked me to help her in the kitchen when Mickey said he had to go to the bathroom.

She was standing over the stove, stirring the hot chocolate. She spoke something, but I didn’t hear her. I walked over to her and on my way, I reached over to the counter and grabbed a cookie. “What was that?” I tired to sound as normal as possible, but it wasn’t working.

Can you imagine the person you love, tell you that they were raped and you’re the first person that they open up to, except for their therapist.

I couldn’t get the word that Mickey had said to me out of my head.

“I said, you look skinnier.” my mom replied looking at me from head to toes.

“Uh, yeah I lost some weight.”

“That’s good hun, but don’t get to skinny. I would’t want that”

“I won’t mom … I promise.”

My mom asked me to pass her a spice from the table. As I handed it to her, she asked me why hadn’t Mickey come with me the last time I came. I had no idea what to say, so I started stuttering.

“I was feeling sick.” We both turned to the doorway. Mickey was standing there.

“What?” I asked.

He chuckled and walked over to smell what my mom was cooking, “I was sick remember? That’s why I wasn’t able to some.”

“Oh yeah, right you were sick.” I had never mentioned to mom that I had left Mickey or anything about Mickey hitting me, or anything that went on in our relationship. Why? Because whenever we would come over, we would look like a normal couple. There would never be any reason for her to ask if anything was wrong.

Mom made coffee and we sat in the living room. The house seemed kind of lonely and quiet. “So mom, where’s Many?”

“Danny called he sounded worried and sad, so Many went to go see him” I choked on my coffee. Mickey patted me lightly on the back.

I thanked him. I didn’t think that Danny would be sad, I mean all I did was walk out on him. “He also mentioned that you’ve been living with him.”

Me and Mickey looked at each other as my mom took sip from her cup. “Uh, yeah, I must of forgot to tell you that.”

“Right,” she stood up, “I’ll be back,” and she left into the kitchen.

“You never told her?” Mickey asked as son as she stepped out of the room.

“No, I mean I’ve been lost in my own little world the past few days, I hadn’t talked to her, she doesn’t know anything.”

Mickey bit is lower lip. Back then I was able to read Mickey’s expression, but maybe I really wasn’t able to read him. If I was so good at it how come I never figured out what was wrong with him?

“Are you going to tell her the truth?”

Of course not!. If I tell her the truth, she would freak. “No…” I spoke softly.

“Why?” he asked looking into my eyes.

“Because if I do, she’s going to think you’re a bad person and your not.”

When my mom came back into the room, I announced that we were leaving so she wouldn’t interrogate us. And I wasn’t lying. The paper that Gerard gave me, said that they closed at 5:00 pm.

It was four thirty. If we stayed any longer, we wouldn’t make it.

“I have no idea where this place is at.” Mickey took the paper from my hand and scanned through it.

“I know where it is, I’ve been there before.” Lucky me. Mickey said that it was down town not far from here.

He was right. Less than five minutes and we were there, but as usual, Downtown is always packed with cars and I couldn’t find a god dam parking space.

I drove slowly down the streets and a of a sudden Mickey shouted, “There!”

“What!?” I asked scared.

He giggled to himself, “A parking space silly.”

I glared at him playfully for scaring me. He seemed so happy, well that’s what I think but how would you feel if you were raped and forced into drugs?

Anyways, as soon as we parked, we crossed the street and I followed quietly behind Mickey.

I was looking down at my shoes getting lost in that I didn’t notice that Mickey had stopped walking, and I crashed into him. “Oww, Mickey… why did you stop?”

“This is the place.” We were standing in front of a jewelry store.

We walked in and there was a teenage girl standing behind the counter. I think Mickey wasn’t lying when he said he had been here before, ‘cause the girl smiled at us as soon as she saw him standing next to me.

“Hi Mickey.” the girl leaned over the counter and gave Mickey a hug.

“Hi Jenny,” he paused and turned to me, “Jenny, this is Frankie.”

“Hello, Frankie.” I didn’t expect her to pull me into a hug, but I hugged her back anyways.

“Your brother had been in here earlier and he said that someone would be coming to pick up his ring. God you guys must be really happy!” she spoke in a high picked voice, but not like those girls who’s voices get annoying. She seemed nice. “Wow, that two brothers are finally going to get married.”

“What?” I asked confused.

Mickey interrupted her before she could answer, “Um, Jenny could we get the ring?”

“Sure.” She took the paper from Mickey’s hand and left to the back.

Mickey was going to get married?

I looked down at the rings and tried really hard to keep in my tears.

“Frankie…” Mickey took my hand in his, “I… I was…” I pulled my hand away as Jenny came back with a black velvet box in her hand.

“Here you go.” She handed me the box. “Thanks.” without another word I walked out of the store. Mickey followed after me.

On our drive back to his apartment, we didn’t speak. I wasn’t mad at him. If he’s getting married it’s because he’s happy right? But what was he getting married to?

**

When we arrived to is apartment, he asked if I wanted to stay over for while.

I wanted to say no and got back to Danny’s house, then bury myself under the covers and cry, but I excepted his invitation.

When I knocked on Sophie’s and Gerard’s door, Gee popped the door instantly.

“Hey Frank, did you get it?” He sounded so excited.

“Uh, yeah.” I looked over at Mickey, whiled he tried to figure out in which pocket he had put the box in.

“Got it!” Mickey exclaimed as he pulled it out of his sweaters pocket and handed it to Gerard.

I wonder how Gee feels towards Mickey. And how he feels towards me, now that he knows everything about Dave.

“Thanks, but can you guys keep it for me until I figure out when and what to do with it.” I sounded more like demand than a question. I took it from him. “Sure.”

“Ok, I’ll talk to you guys later.” with that he left into his apartment and me and Mickey went to his.

Mickey jumped onto the couch, “Want to watch a movie?” He didn’t even wait for me to reply. He walked over to where we used to have the movies.

I sat on the couch, thoughtless and just stared into the TV. A couple of minutes later, the movies started and Mickey took a seat next to me.

We were sitting on the small couch, ‘cause that was the one across from the TV. The movie started of with a scene of a girl being pulled down into the water in the back pull, but you couldn’t see who was hurting her.

I flinched as I felt something on my hand. I looked down to see that it was Mickey’s hand, “Frankie, are you ok?”

“Yeah, I was just thinking.”

“About?” He asked as he turned down the volume from the TV.

“Uh, about many things.”

“Would what Jenny said earlier at the store be one of those things?”

“Maybe…” I sighed and turned to look at him. “Mickey,… I, I’m sorry.”

He gave my hand a slight squeeze, “Don’t be .. I … I should have said something, “ his eyes filled with tears, “Maybe then I would have never hurt you.” I wrapped my arms around him, “And now, everyone thinks I’m crazy.” He started to sob.

Gently he place his head on my lap and I stroked his hair. “Shh, I don’t think your crazy Mickey and I know Gee thinks the same way I do.”

“But I lost you Frank,” He paused and spoke in a whisper. “I lost you and you were the only person I cared about-” I pressed my index finger against his lips.

“No Mickey, you never lost me.” He nodded.

“Yes I did Frank. That night you waited for me, but I never came and when I did what I didn’t want to do.” He sat up and locked eyes with me.

“What are you talking about Mickey?”

“On Christmas eve. Frank. I … he treated me so badly, I … I had totally forgotten about what I had planned and when I remembered, It was to late. You left me and then Gerard came to talk to me…. It was all horrible.”

“Mickey I want to help you but I don’t know how-” He wrapped his arms around my waist and laid his head gently on my shoulder.

“Don’t leave me Frank. Promise you wont leave.”

“I promise.”

We watched the movie in silence, and slowly, I could feel that his heart beat had returned to normal.

When the movie finished, he stayed in my arms. I figured that he must have fallen sleep, but then he spoke softly.

“Frankie…”

“Yeah.”

“I did like the puppy you gave me for Christmas.”

“Taco…”

With his arms still wrapped around me, he rose his head to look at me. “You named him Taco?”

“Yeah.”

He smiled, “I like it.” he looked away from me and then back at me. “Frank, can I ask you something? But you promise to answer me truthfully.”

“Ok.”

He took a deep breath, “Do you like Danny?”

“Yes.” He looked away from me, but I cupped his face and made him look at me, “But I love you.”

He smiled and blushed lightly. “Do you really mean it Frank?”

“Of course. I never stopped loving you.”

“I love you too Frank.” I felt butterflies come to my stomach when he pecked my lips and his arms grew tighter around me.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and drew his body closer to mine.

When he pulled away, he looked intently into my eyes and dug his hand into his jeans pocket.

He looked down at his hand which was turned into a fist, “Frank, on Christmas day, I wanted to give you this,” opened his hand revealing a silver ring in his palm. “I wanted to ask you to marry me, but now it isn’t the same.” he paused, “It’s never going to be the same.”

“No it’s not Mickey, but we can try.”

He looked at me confused. “You really mean you would … you would get back with me?”

I kissed him, “I love you don’t I? … and you love me don’t you?”

“Yes… yes I do and I don’t want to give up the chance of getting you back.” he smiled into our kiss.

We ended up falling sleep in each others arms, enjoying the presence that we hand both been eagerly awaiting.