Black Star Love

“Told you we would make it in time.” As soon as we walked into the room, Mickey’s name was being called to go into the therapist office.

On our way here, my stomach started to hurt. I didn’t know why. The only thing I had eaten was what I ate at breakfast.

Anyways, Mickey had notice and asked me what was wrong. I told him I felt like throwing up. Even I didn’t believe myself at first either, but I knew that I didn’t want to throw up on purpose. When I looked over at Mickey in the drivers seat, he was looking at me up and down. His gazed stopped at my hands which I had over my stomach.

When we arrived t the building, we asked where the restroom was. I told Mickey to head on upstairs as I ran to the restroom, but as I walked out of the stall Mickey came over and patted me on the back. “Your ok?”

I don’t know why, but I pulled away from him selfishly and walked over to the sink to wash my mouth. I know I’ve thrown up before constantly, but I hated the after taste of throwing up. And just the thought of throwing up, dragged me into the past.

I spit the water back into the sick, “You should have gone upstairs, your going to be late for your appointment.” I turned the faucet of and turned to Mickey. He was leaning against the stall.

He sighed, “We’ll make it in time,” he walked over to me, “And besides, I’m more worried about you.” He looked down at me. Something about his face expression made me think that he didn’t believe that I just threw up unintentionally. I wanted to ask him why, but most importantly I wanted to know why I was feeling like this.

I sighed heavily and wrapped one of my arms around his waist. “You feel better?” he asked.

Somehow I managed to smile at him, “Yeah.” I took his hand in mines and lead us out of the restroom, “Let’s go.” It didn’t take long before we made it up to the third floor. “Told you we would make it in time.”

The lady sitting at the front desk signaled us to go into the big brown door that was the right. As we walked in, there was this other lady with curly, bouncy hair sitting at the big wooden desk. She spoke while looking down at the paper work that she was finishing up on her desk, “I’m glad you could make it Mickey …” The lady’s voice faded as she lifter her head and laid her eyes on me.

“You must be…” she rose an eyebrow and looked over at Mickey.

“Ah,” Mickey spoke up, “Dr. Rozanac, this is Frank.” By the look the lady had on her face, she wasn’t to happy to see me. Confused, me and Mickey took a seat as the session started.

Dr. Rozanac took out her notebook and leaned back in her chair. I couldn’t help but to fiddle with my fingers. The Dr. was making me nervous.

“So Mickey, what brings your friend here this morning?”

“Frank came because I asked him too and he said yes.” Mickey reached over the chair and took my hand and gave it a slight squeeze.

“Frank…” she opened up her notebook and flipped through the pages. When she found what she was looking for she looked up, “Frank the boy that you would beat up when you were on drugs?”

At that moment I felt like slapping the lady across the face to make her take that back, but I was only hear to watch so I clenched my left hand into a fist. Hesitantly I shifter in my seat and leaned my head against my fisted hand which I was leaning against the chairs arm rest.

“Well yeah…” Mickey answered her question confused, “I told him the I was sorry about everything I had done to him and why I had done them and he understood…” The whole time Mickey spoke, the Dr. looked at me.

Ignoring what Mickey had just said to her she spoke, “So how long ago was that?”

I shook my head, “What?-”

“Your wrist.” She pointed with her gaze, “You’ve tried to kill yourself before.”

This lady was starting to piss me off, “It happened a long time go and no I did not try to kill myself.” I stated dryly. Wasn’t this Mickey’s therapy session not mines?

“Really?” the lady asked casually.

I stood up and crossed my arms in front of my chest. “Yes really.” I replied, clenching my teeth.

The Dr.’s eyes grew wider s she got a better view of my.

“What?” I asked.

“Looks like I have anorexic in front of me…” she smirked at me. “Did you do it because of what he did to you?” she glanced over at Mickey, “Or did you do it because hurting your self wouldn’t take your pain away?”

“None of that is true, ok? I only hurt myself once!”

She stood up, “Really, is that what happened when you threw up? Was it once?… you look like you’ve been doing it again.” she had crossed the line.

“That is none of your business!-”

“Oh but it is, Frank. Something happened to the both of you in your childhood that made you guys attracted to each other. Were you guys rapped when you were small?…” My mouth was wide open. “If you let me work with you, I can make the cutting and the throwing up stop… and een the feelings you get towards other guys, that’s what I was going to talk about with Mickey today-”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She’s a homophobe.

I smiled stupidly at her and turned to look at Mickey. “I’m not going to take this shit Mickey,” I spoke calmly. “I’ll be waiting outside.”

I walked out of the room without another word and closed the door behind me. I didn’t blame Mickey for not walking out with me, cause he cant. He has to complete his hours of therapy for the court.

I must have sat outside that stupid room about twenty minutes before the door from the room flew open and Mickey stormed out. Shit he didn’t even wait for me. He walked right by me and out the office. I had to jog to catch up to him at the elevator.

Inside the elevator we didn’t speak, but on our walk back to the car, I spoke up. I knew he wanted me to be there for him, but I wasn’t going to sit there and let that lady say things that weren’t real.

“Mickey, wait,” I called after him, “That lady was a bitch-”

Mickey stopped walking and turned to meet my gaze, “I know she is…”

“You do…”

Yeah, I was surprised he agreed with me. Why?… imagine the only person that has been helping you get through some of the toughest times of your life, how would you feel if someone came and told you that they were wrong?

Sure that stupid doctor helped Mickey understand that what George had done to him was wrong and not his fault, but she was wrong when she said that something must have happened to us when we were you to make us gay.

“Yes,” Mickey wrapped his arms around me and hugged me really tight. With his head buried at the side of my head, he whispered “I love you so much Frank.” slowly he pulled away and kissed me on the cheek.

“I love you too Mickey…” a smile crept upon his face as he leaned in to kiss me.

“She said that you should have never gotten back with me.” Mickey stated as we parted out lips.

“Why would she say that?” I asked sarcastically.

Mickey just shrugged, “I don’t know, but I know that she was wrong about you hurting yourself.” he kissed me once, “About you throwing up,” he kissed me again, “About me not being with you, you know why?”

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“because I don’t know what would have happened to me if you would have said that I was crazy when I told you the truth and if you would have rejected me and isolated me from you life.”

“Mickey I don’t think we would even know what would have happened, cause I would have never given up the chance of getting back with you.” Mickey blushed before looking away from me.

Gently I moved his head with my hands and plated my lips onto his.

It made me glad that Mickey believed me like when I believed him about what had happened when he was on drugs.