He's My Brother's Best Friend and My Enemy, This Can't Be Good!

November was beginning to be an interesting month. School work was finally getting better but I doubt that would last through break. Our football team won another game last week. We were now 6-0 and number one in the league. I think we’re 20th in the state. We didn't have a game this Friday so instead our school was doing their annual carnival.

Every year for as long as the school has been open they have had the fall carnival. Our school rents games and rides and its cheap to get in. All the clubs run a booth and the profit goes to help the homeless people for the holiday season. Its really fun. The four of us have been going since we were 5, since our parents are alumni. This year was going to be different though, I could tell. Jayden and Miranda were going as a couple. Max had asked Ava, the freshmen girl, to go with him and she said yes. We were all driving together. Parker and I were both going alone, or in Miranda's eyes together.

"Cass are you sure you don't wanna go? Do you want me to take Lexis?" I yelled from the bottom of the stairs.

"No Josy go have fun. She's still to little for that. We'll be fine."

We had to take two cars since not everyone fit in one. I rode with Max and Ava and everyone else rode in Jayden's truck.

The ride to the school was entertaining. Max was just so damn awkward around Ava it was hilarious. He was so nervous. This was going to be a fun night, for me at least. I was now determined to get them to not be shy around each other.

"Let's fuck shit up!" I yelled as we all gathered to buy tickets.

"Very classy. That's my sister for you," Jayden said. He had his arm slung around Miranda's neck possessively as a group of guys kept looking at her.

"Oh shut up Jayden. We share the same genes!" I yelled back. Jayden just flipped me off.

The first thing we did when we got in was drop off our donations. By that point Max and Ava were talking and holding hands. I wanted to take a picture, so I discreetly took out my phone and snapped one.

"To the roller coaster!" Parker yelled.

It was awkward in line. Jayden and Miranda were first and they were being all cuddly and coupleish, it made me sick. Ava and Max were engulfed in a conversation, hands still intwined together. I was standing behind them next to Parker, who was just standing there.

Things were still awkward between us, as much as I hated to admit. It surprised me that he hadn't asked Charlie to go with him, seeing as it was a tradition for the captions to go to every event together. Scratch that it surprised me he wasn't with anyone today. He was the guy everyone would die to be with and he wasn't with anyone.

Early in the week Cassadee and I had a heart to heart about my situation with Parker. She still believed the notes I was getting were from him and I kept denying. She tried all week to try to get me to ask Parker to go with me to the carnival but I refused. I intended to keep the fact that I had a crush on Parker between me and Cass.

We were next in line to go on. Since the roller coaster sits two per car I was stuck with Parker. As the carts pulled up we all got in. Miranda and Jayden in the front, then Max and Ava, and finally Parker and me. The ride wasn't to crazy considering it was just a carnival but it put the night off to a good start. As we got in line for the next ride, reality began to sink in. I was going to be stuck riding with Parker on every ride. The line for the ferris wheel took so long but finally we were getting into the carts. Even though this ride allowed six to a cart, we went in twos, much to my dismay.

The ride began and Parker and I sat in the cart in an awkward silence. I could see Ava and Max ahead of us and it looked like they were having a good time. They had both began to relax as the night went on. I watched as Max leaned in and kissed Ava. I had to hold back an aww to not seem like a creeper, obviously I wasn't doing a very good job.

"Stalker much," Parker murmured from where he sat in the cart.

I scowled. "Its cute, I'm a girl I think that's cute."

"Jos I'm just kidding. Why are you being such a bitch?" He asked in the most innocent way.

Because I'm afraid my feelings for you are coming back. "Because Parker its normal. We don't get along so why are we pretending to after so many years?" I managed to say.

He stared at me dumbfounded. "No, we pretended we didn't get along so you could pretend you weren't hurt that I pushed you into the pool all those years ago. You pretend you hate me because it beats awkward silences and confusion. And most of all you pretend to hate me because you know its the only way to convince yourself you’re not falling for me like you did when you were eight."

was in shock. I was hurt but most of all I was pissed. Not because of what he said but because what he said was a hundred percent true. I didn't hate him, I never did. I told myself I did because it hurt less.

"Fuck Parker. Do you like to make me confused? Is that your whole life goal?" I yelled. I was trying to be quite so none of the others heard the conversation "You think I don't know all those fucking things. You think I like talking myself out of things every night?"

"Jos calm down. Breathe." He was now sitting next to me rubbing my back. He was trying to console me but even this small action drove my head into over drive. I quickly pulled away.

"Parker just stop. My brain can't comprehend anything else."

"Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe you should stop listening to your head and give your heart a chance," He said.

Our eyes were locked on each others. His blue eyes sparkled. The carnival lights shined bright in the background. Suddenly everything faded out of sight and it was just him and I, nothing else. He began to lean forward but my head began to work again. Unlike last time I didn't lean in, I simply pulled away.

"Listen to my heart so it can get hurt just like the last time? I don't think so," I said and stared out into the horizon. We were almost to the bottom where we got off, then I could pretend I didn’t feel good and sit on a bench or call Cass to come pick me up.

"Not every guy is like fucking Matt okay. He didn't just hurt you, he hurt your family too. Whether you like it or not that means it affected Miranda and me too. So stop using that as your excuse. Your just afraid so you think your head can protect you. Josylne its only hurting you."

With those last words we got off the ride. I told everyone that I was going to the bathroom and to go on without me. I walked into out school's bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. His words still rang in my ears. Everything he said was true. Every last word. I knew the Matt situation hurt everyone not just me. And I knew that my head wasn't letting my heart get what it wants, but what could I do. Parker was just making everything worse. I mean what he was saying was making me believe he liked me, but I knew that couldn't be true.

I called Cass from the bathroom and told her I needed her to pick me up. I texted Max to tell the other I didn't feel good and was going home and with that I walked out of the carnival. In the car with Cassadee I began to cry. Tears slowly sliding down my face. Cassadee pulled over and stopped the car.

"Josylne Grace tell me what's the matter. I'm not taking you home like this you'll scare Lexis."

I wiped my face and looked up at Cass's concerned face. She was giving me the motherly look she gave her own daughter. The same face my mother gave us before she set off to work.

"Cass he's making it worse," I managed to say through my sobs that just wouldn't stop.

"Who?"

"Parker!" I then preceded to tell her everything that had gone on. She just sat there letting me cry and complain. My tears finally subsided and she finally spoke.

"Josylne Grace you are the oddest person ever. You are crying and upset because Parker, the guy you've had a crush on since birth is showing compassion and possible feeling for you," She laughed.

I laughed a little too. "When you say it like that it makes me sound pathetic."

"Hey you're a teenager everything you say is pathetic. Now let's get you home."