He's My Brother's Best Friend and My Enemy, This Can't Be Good!

It’s currently February which means not only is love in the air but so is the annual backwards dance, where girls ask guys. Don’t get me wrong its a great idea especially if you’re a girl who likes being in charge, I just wasn’t into it. I never was. I may not be a very traditional girl but if there’s one thing I believe is that boys should ask girls out and pay on dates.

Backwards was always a big thing for seniors. Not because it was their last dance before prom but because it signified the end of college applications. Now all they had to worry about was getting into a school. Jayden had finished his applications a while back and had been offered a few scholarships for football but he was still unclear about what he was going to do. He was always unsure. Parker on the other hand, well Parker had his future figured out at the age of 10. His dream was to be a Trojan at USC. The USC scouts came out to a few games but that didn’t waive Parker from the application process. He has been stressing for weeks, worrying that he wouldn’t finish them and his chances would be gone. I tried to keep him optimistic.

The boys were hanging out with the team at the movies. Since the end of the season the guys had been busy so they hadn’t spent a ton of bonding time together. Miranda was out on her own little errand runs so I was hanging out with Ava at our local park. We were sitting on the swings just chilling and enjoying each others companies.

“So how’s Max?” I asked. Ever since the Championship game Max had been on a roller-coaster ride of emotions. He was set to be the new captain of the team and the reality kinda hit him.

Ava laughed. “He’s good. His room is currently flooded with old game tapes and game plans. He won’t admit but he’s really nervous about stepping into the position. He feels like if they don’t win next year it’ll be all his fault.”

“They wouldn’t make him captain if they thought he wouldn’t succeed. He’s gonna be the player next year!”

“That’s what I told him but even that makes him nervous. He doesn’t give himself enough credit. He just keeps focusing on the fact that the two star players are going to be gone next year.”

Despite what boys let on they are very insecure beings. I remember when Parker and Jayden stepped up to be captain, they went through the same internal struggle and now look at them. They lead their team to two state championships and helped the two years prior get to be state championships.

I was knocked out of my internal monologue by Ava. “Speaking of, have the boys made up there minds on where they’re going next year?”

The age old question that has been plaguing the seniors since December. Most of them were still waiting to hear back from colleges unless they were already signed. Jayden had heard back from all the colleges but was keeping things really hush hush. It’s kinda tradition for them to reveal their choices at banquet. It was driving Miranda crazy though, she wanted him to stay close to home. Parker was in the same boat, though he was still waiting for one more letter. It just so happen the one letter he was waiting for was his dream school letter.

“Um they haven’t made things official but I’m pretty sure Jayden is leaning towards Syracuse. Parker is still waiting for his letter, assuming it comes he’s picking USC,” I stated. It was crazy the boys were going to be off in different states in a few months.

“Well, New York isn’t that far. California though, how do you feel about that?” Ava asked.

“Honestly, I haven’t really thought about it.” That was the truth. Parker dreamed about USC forever and for a long time it was just a dream and now it was getting closer to becoming reality. A year ago I would have been happy to ship him off across the country but now, well I’m not so sure.

***

Backwards was coming up faster than expected. So naturally the hallways had exploded with hearts. The good thing about backwards is that there is usually no visible sign of asking out because the girls don’t go over the top like the boys do. Miranda had asked Jayden while they were out Saturday night. Ava said she didn’t really ask Max because it was just implied that they were going. Then there was me. Who, for the third time, was going to have to go stag.

I was sitting on my bed at home talking to Max on the phone. Even though it was backwards he was still planning everything for Ava. I thought it was adorable. Somehow I got sucked into helping him.

“So dinner before or after?” He asked.

“Jayden and Mir are going before so if you’re doubling with them then before,” I stated.

“I kinda wanted to do this one on our own. I mean its on Valentine’s Day this year you know.”

How could I forget? I think the school was really stupid for doing it on Valentine’s Day actually. Nothing I could do about it though.

“Then I would go before but you need to pick a place and make a reservation because everything is going to be hella packed.”

“Noted. What about you? Are you going with you know who?”

I sighed. Max had been bothering me a lot lately about the whole Parker situation. Ava and him wanted to double with us every weekend but we had to decline most of the time. Going out was far to difficult for us. Max was growing restless of having to lie to his friends and not being able to go out with us. I don’t think Parker and I realized that not only would it be difficult for us to keep it a secret but also for the ones that knew.

“No Max I’m not. I’m just going to dance and then coming home.” Which was the truth. I told Parker not to plan anything after my birthday celebration. I just wanted to spend the night at home doing nothing. Miranda’s birthday is the day after Valentine’s Day so Jayden was going with her and her family to New York after the dance. Trevor and Cass had some plans and then wedding details to figure out so they were leaving Lex with his parents. Leaving the whole house to me.

“Well, if you don’t want to go home you can come over to my house.”

“Thanks Max. I’ll think about it,” with that I hung up with him and snuggled into my bed.

I let my mind wander over what it would be like to go to the dance as Parker’s girlfriend. This was going to be the second dance that we couldn’t attend together and the third one we were both going stag to. People were starting to get suspicious why Mr. Perfect wasn’t dating anyone. The new rumor was that he’s seeing some college girl and that’s why he never brings her around. I tried not to let the gossip get to me, I mean I knew he was with me and that was enough. Except it wasn’t. I felt deprived. Parker was going to graduate in a few months and leave to wherever and I won’t have a boyfriend to hold my hand.

Parker had been acting weird all week. I figured he was just feeling the same why I was. Jealous of all the other couples. In class, he barely talked to me and at home it was no different. I was getting really worried. Maybe he secretly was seeing some college girl. He had been out of the house a lot lately.

I was home with Cassadee one day and figured I’d call Parker to see where he was. It rang for a second and then went straight to voicemail. He ignored the call. When he did that it usually meant he was out with the guys but he’d always text me so I wouldn’t worry. I waited but got no response. Frustrated I walked back upstairs.

Instead of going to my room I opened the doors to his. I hadn’t been in his room in a few weeks. It was a mess. He had shit thrown everywhere. I walked over to his bed that was hiding under a pile of clothes. I started tossing the clothes aside to get to the bed. His bed made me calm down when I was angry at him. I kept tossing clothes aside until I came to find a manilla envelope.

The only thing that came in those envelopes was college letters. At first I thought it was Jayden’s but I turned it over to reveal Parker’s name across the center. My eyes went to the top left corner to see who sent it. My heart stopped as I read the sender, University of Southern California Admission and Records. Parker got his letter from USC? He hadn’t said anything about it. I turned the envelope back over thinking that maybe he hadn’t mentioned anything because he didn’t open it. I was wrong. It was open, the tears were there to prove it.

I had watched the boys open so many letters that I knew it was an acceptance letter. The good news letters always came in the big envelopes the not so good news one came in normal envelopes. Given this information I didn’t need to see the letter, but here I was pulling the piece of paper out of the envelope. I took a seat on the bed and read the letter.

January 31
Dear Parker Daniels,
I am pleased to offer you admission to the University of Southern California Fall term.

I couldn’t read anymore. Parker got in. He got into his dream school! Then the anger hit me. Parker got into his dream school and didn’t tell me. Why didn’t he tell me? I put everything back in order and walked back to my room. I need time to think about the information I just discovered.

I didn’t tell anyone about what I found the rest of the week. I avoided Parker at all costs as well. I was hurt that he didn’t tell me. I mean we were two weeks into February and apparently he knew two weeks ago. Two weeks. I started thinking the 31st is a day after my birthday. He knew the next day and didn’t say anything. What the hell Parker!

***

I was still really angry but it was time to get ready for the dance. Jayden had already left with Miranda. I had talked to Ava earlier and they were leaving early too. I was just going to drive myself over to the dance when Ava let me know they were there. Parker was going with some of the football guys who didn’t have dates so I didn’t have to worry about running into him.

I left my house when Ava texted me and met everyone in the gym. I immediately spotted Parker sitting at a table with some of the guys. He didn’t look too happy. He caught me staring at him and I quickly looked away. Max caught the exchanged and look at me.

“Everything okay?” I just nodded. I followed them out onto the dance floor and we jumped around to some of the faster songs.

As the night progressed they started playing slower songs and the dance floor got more crowded. I was hanging out by this long table off to the side of the room, when I felt a pair of eyes land on me. I turned around to see Parker standing with his back to the dance floor.

“Hey,” he said still not turning around. In the past couple of months we had become masters of talking to each other without making it obvious. I responded with a short hi and continued to watch the couples on the dance floor.

‘She will be Loved’ began to play and Parker took notice instantly. “That’s the song that we danced to at homecoming.” I knew this of course. That was the night my feelings for him resurfaced. “Do you want to dance?” he asked just like he did back in October.

I wanted to dance with him. I did, but I couldn’t. I was still mad. I shook my head signifying a silent denial. Parker’s position changed instantly. He turned around from where he stood next to me and moved in front of me. He stared down at me with his piercing eyes.

“What’s wrong?” he asked concerned. I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t want to fight with him, not here, not today. “Jos, I know when you’re lying, what’s wrong?” I stayed silent. This frustrated him. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me out the gym doors into the empty corridor.

“Did you even check to make sure no one was looking?” I asked a little to hostile.

“I don’t care if they did Josylne. What’s bothering you?” he asked moving a strand of my hair away from my face.

I was annoyed. This was the most attention I’d gotten from him in weeks and now he cares about me. While were standing in a dimly lit corridor outside of the gym.

“Is it cause we can’t be together like everyone else?” he asked. I wish it was that simple I thought to myself. I shook my head. “Then what it is Josylne?” Anger finding his way into his voice.

“Not here,” I stated. I wasn’t going to fight with him at school. Especially not in front of the gym where everyone would hear us.

For the second time tonight he pulled me along. I followed him until we stopped in another dimly lit corridor. I was grateful it wasn’t the one where my locker was located.

“Are you going to tell me what is bothering you?” He asked as he sat down on the floor. I walked toward a locker and let myself slip down it. I sat in silence. “Josylne seriously what is the matter? Did I do something?”

“It’s what you didn’t do,” I sneered. Why couldn’t I control my anger? Why did I have to get so mad? I just started another war.

“What are you talking about?” he asked confused.

“I was in your room the other day,” I stated.

This caused Parker to stop. I could see his brain processing the information I had just given him. “Why?” he asked.

“I missed you. You kept ignoring my calls.”

“I was out with guys. We were going into see a movie. I’m sorry I didn’t text you. I should have! Are we okay?”

I wanted to scream. He thought I was mad at him for not texting me back or calling me. He thought I was mad because he wasn’t paying attention to me. He’s so clueless. “No, we’re not okay?”

“Jos,” he said hurt flashing across his face, “I’m sorry I was stupid!”

Obviously he had no idea why I was mad which meant I was going to have to spell it out for him. “I’m not mad at you for ignoring me Parker.”

He let out a sigh of relief but then realized my words. I was still mad. “Then what?”

“Parker you lied to me! Or maybe you didn’t but you failed to tell me something!”

“Josylne what are you talki-” he stopped mid sentence, his brain was catching up on the story. “The letter?” he asked quietly more to himself than to me.

“Yeah,” I stated, “and before you accuse me of snooping I wasn’t. I just wanted to go lay in your bed while you were gone but I had to move things to get to it.”

“Josylne I had just got it! I was still processing the information myself.”

“That’s bullshit Parker! I looked at the letter. I saw the address date. You’ve known for two weeks and haven’t told me anything!” I yelled.

“You opened it?” he questioned. I couldn’t tell if he was more angry or disappointed at me.

“Yeah I did. I knew it was an acceptance letter by the envelope. I thought maybe you hadn’t opened it but when I saw it tore open I knew you had.”

“Fuck Josylne!” Parker said standing up. He began to pace the hallway.

“Don’t fuck Josylne me Parker! You’re the one that hid the letter from me!” I yelled from where I was seated on the ground. I didn’t feel like standing up.

“Only Coach knows about the letter and I made him swear not to say anything,” Parker blurted out while still pacing.

That angered me. Before I knew it I was standing up. “That’s real nice Parker. You tell Coach but not your girlfriend.”

“Josylne I wanted to tell you, I did. I just didn’t know how.”

“What do you mean you didn’t know how? ‘Hey Jos I got into my dream school’ would have sufficed!” I yelled.

He could tell I was hurt. “Josylne it’s not that easy. I tried to tell you.”

“Bullshit Daniels!” I said using his last name. I hadn’t done that in argument form since the night of the Matt situation. “You have been avoiding me since you found out!”

“I didn’t want to lie to you,” he whispered.

“Well, then you should have told me when you found out! We could have gone out and celebrated your accomplishment but no! Instead were here, arguing about something that should be happy!” I began to collect my things. This conversation needed to end. I needed to go home.

“Josylne trust me! I wanted to tell you! I just I...”

“Why should I trust you Daniels? You didn’t tell me about something great that happened to you. How do I know your not lying to me now?”

“Josylne come on! You know I’m not lying!” he yelled.

“You know, I’m not really sure about anything anymore. Goodbye Daniels,” with that I walked away never looking back.

I drove home and went straight to my room. I changed out of my clothes and collapsed into my bed and the tears started falling. I couldn’t understand why Parker didn’t tell me. Getting into to USC was amazing and he should have told me right away. Instead he lied to me. He didn’t tell me. What else is he lying to me about? What else isn’t he telling me? Maybe this whole relationship has been one big fat lie. I unclasped the necklace that he gave me and shoved it into my night stand drawer. It just so happens that the drawer I put it in had my Valentine’s Day gift to Parker in it. It was a frame of us with Lexis at Disneyland. I threw it to the opposite end of the room. It fell with a loud bang. Satisfied I wiped my tears and went to bed. I’m done with Parker.