Anything But Red
7
My fingers are bleeding I’m grabbing the mattress so hard. I keep telling myself to fight it. You don’t have to remember. All I want is a fix. No. I can’t…
A scream shakes the house. A slew of bodies race up the stairs, tripping over each other. My heart is racing faster than time itself. Time doesn’t exist, it has stopped almost altogether. The door to my room is open, but it’s not where the sound is coming from. The bodies are standing in the doorway of the princess’ room. My heart drops. I’m pushing past frozen masses until I’m at center stage, looking into the royal mother’s eyes, brimming in tears, screaming for an ambulance. There’s a small, frail pink mass convulsing in her arms. Tiara’s on the ground. Tea set arranged in perfect sequence on the little pink table. In the middle of it is my stash. Two teaspoons of sugar…
I can’t breath. My stomach raises and falls in irregular patterns. Liquid vision cleans my thoughts, making it all come to me crystal clear. My throat is still burning. My body is still numb. “She could have died…”
He makes more notes on his clip board, pushing up his classes to the bridge of his nose before he looks up at me. No… he analyzes me.
“But she didn’t.”
I can’t do anything but look down at my unsteady hands.
“So why did you do it?”
“I cause everyone destruction. They were better off without me. They are better of without me.”
“So they kicked you out after the incident?”
“They never had a chance to. I knew they would though. They would have me arrested. They would kill me. Would you really let me get away with it? If I almost killed your four-year-old daughter?”
“It was an accident, Perry.”
“I would never be able to face them again anyways. After everything they did for me… I just threw it away.”
He stops writing on his clipboard. Stops observing me. Analyzing me. His hand reaches out to touch my shoulder, but I shake him away. I consider the porcelain toilet bowl. I hear him breathe deeply. A sigh. I can’t believe people actually get paid to listen to this bullshit…
“You actually have a visitor.”
I look up at him, lost. Confused. The man in white gets up, closes his notepad, and leaves. Once again, I am alone. Completely alone. I feel I am nothing but a shell. An empty shell.
A scream shakes the house. A slew of bodies race up the stairs, tripping over each other. My heart is racing faster than time itself. Time doesn’t exist, it has stopped almost altogether. The door to my room is open, but it’s not where the sound is coming from. The bodies are standing in the doorway of the princess’ room. My heart drops. I’m pushing past frozen masses until I’m at center stage, looking into the royal mother’s eyes, brimming in tears, screaming for an ambulance. There’s a small, frail pink mass convulsing in her arms. Tiara’s on the ground. Tea set arranged in perfect sequence on the little pink table. In the middle of it is my stash. Two teaspoons of sugar…
I can’t breath. My stomach raises and falls in irregular patterns. Liquid vision cleans my thoughts, making it all come to me crystal clear. My throat is still burning. My body is still numb. “She could have died…”
He makes more notes on his clip board, pushing up his classes to the bridge of his nose before he looks up at me. No… he analyzes me.
“But she didn’t.”
I can’t do anything but look down at my unsteady hands.
“So why did you do it?”
“I cause everyone destruction. They were better off without me. They are better of without me.”
“So they kicked you out after the incident?”
“They never had a chance to. I knew they would though. They would have me arrested. They would kill me. Would you really let me get away with it? If I almost killed your four-year-old daughter?”
“It was an accident, Perry.”
“I would never be able to face them again anyways. After everything they did for me… I just threw it away.”
He stops writing on his clipboard. Stops observing me. Analyzing me. His hand reaches out to touch my shoulder, but I shake him away. I consider the porcelain toilet bowl. I hear him breathe deeply. A sigh. I can’t believe people actually get paid to listen to this bullshit…
“You actually have a visitor.”
I look up at him, lost. Confused. The man in white gets up, closes his notepad, and leaves. Once again, I am alone. Completely alone. I feel I am nothing but a shell. An empty shell.