Blessings and Nightmares

"Ugh." I heard Lilia groan from the front door. She came in, falling on my bed in the process. "How is that possible?"

"What?" I asked, confused.

"That beauty!" She dazed out, completely thinking about something else.

I thought for a second. "Oh!" I beamed. "You've got the hots for the doctor!" I pointed accusingly. Lilia rolled her eyes and patted my belly.

"Yeah yeah. Well, I saw how that Edward boy looked at you." She smirked. "Did you know that he's Carlisle's adoptive son?" She suddently asked.

I shook my head, licking the sppon clean of icecream. "Nope. But that doesn't make it any easier for wy they all carry that beauty around like a tranny carries a thong that says, "I'm fuckable, but not a guy.'..." I trailed off, shoving another spoonful of ice-cream into my mouth.

Lilia burst out laughing, "Ha, funny. But no really...." She looked at me skeptically.

I groaned, "Fine, yeah he's....awfully gorgeous. But why would he even be interested in me? A girl, 16 and fuckin' pregnant?" I retorted.

Lilia rooled her eyes, "Oh shush up, kid. Just.... You know what? Just get through high school. You're gonna go far, kid." She smirked, leaving my room.

I smiled, now getting that song stuck in my head. I hummed the beat as I dug the rest of the ice-cream into my mouth - the melted part -.

~*~*~*~*~

"Get up, sleepy head. School." Lilia muttered.

"What crawled up your butt and died?" I chortled.

"Bah." She grumbled, leaving my room.

I waddled out of bed and found a cute outfit to wear. The soft fabric felt nice and soft against my tender skin. They actually had cute clothes at maternity stores.

I walked to the small kitchen and grabbed a bottle of cold water from the fridge. I looked to see Lilia sitting on the couch, bored out of her mind.

"Um, I need a ride..." I said, opening the door.

Lilia looked up, smacked herself in the forehead, and walked me out to the car. When we arrived at school, Lilia kissed my cheek and waited till I got out of the car, then drove off.

"How are you feeling?" A pippy, high voice asked. I turned to see Rosalie smiling carefully at me.

I shrugged. "Been better." I whispered, turning on my quiet phase.

She nodded in understandment and grabbed my arm, towing me off to the school building. The stares were still there. I mean, it was only the second day for me. Yeah, new girl is pregnant, who cares? I groaned mentally. I do.

Alice skidded over to me and Rosalie, amused. "So, Ashley..." She trailed off, staring off into space. Seconds later she came back to reality and smiled.

"What?" I whispered, confused.

Alice shook her head. "Nothing! Nevermind! See you in Biology!" She chimed running off to who knows where.

I sighed, Rose smiled. "She's a crazy girl." Rose smirked. I nodded in agreement.

The bell rang and Rosalie gently pulled me into the class. "I'll see you at lunch." She smiled walking out.

I took my seat next to Alice. She was excited about something. She bounced in her seat lightly, smiling exquisitely. I turned my attention to the teacher who walked in smirking.

"Okay class. Let's just get this over with. You and the person you sit next to will be paired up together and do a research paper on a topic that you are assigned to. You will research on a topic of a type of sickness or disease." He walked by every desk, placing the directions and outline for our project.

I sighed, flipping my hand through my hair. I wasn't ready to do a stupid project on my second day. I didn't care if it was in the middle of the year, he should cut me some fucking slack.

"Alright, you can start planning out things for the rest of class. This will be due on Friday." He stated simply, sitting down in his chair in front of the room.

Alice turned to me, beaming. "This is great! We're partners! Want to come to my house today so we can start working on it?" She asked, her eyes sent a little vibe of beseechment.

I nodded, smiling hardly to her. "Great! Well, lookey here!" She stared at the paper in front of us. "We were assigned to do a reasearch paper on panic attacks." She explained simply. I flinched at our topic absentmindedly. I was known for having panic attacks after the event that left me here, pregnant.

"You okay." Alice asked, worried. I nodded, faking a smile. I looked down fiddleing with my fingers. The bell rang a little after and I quickly left the classroom.

I headed off to my next classes, all the same as the first. I got distracted in every class; zoning out, flinching at any memories that I had blocked out of my mind. Apparently I didn't do a too good of a job with that. Emmett sat next to me in History, though. I felt at ease for some odd reason. I just shook it out.

Lunch had come sooner than I thought it would and I found myself sitting next to Alice and Rosalie as they joked around about something that happened third hour. The chair to my left screeched lightly against the floor. I turned to see Edwrd sitting next to me, smiling.

"Hello, Ashley." He nodded his head, apparently fascinated with something. I grimaced, although I had tried to smile.

"So, Ash..." Alice began. I looked up to meet her eyes. "I called Carlisle to tell your sister that you're coming home with me after school. And later I'll drop you off. If that fine?" She asked, waiting for an answer.

"Yes." I spoke quietly. But loud enough to know that Alice had heard me as she nodded her head and smiling.

I would admit it. I was actually afraid to go over to Alice's home. I had just met her family yesterday, and I wasn't sure of what to think. But something told me to trust them, they'd never hurt me. Carlisle is their adoptive father, and my sister worked with him. Nothing was wrong with that, was there?

~*~*~*~ (A/N: Listen to Hey Lady, by Thriving Ivory while reading the part when Alice and Ashley are talking upstairs... You'll understand... Maybe.)

Alice pushed me in a silver volvo, which looked awfully familiar. "Buckle up. Wanna keep you safe." She half teased. Edward got into the driver's seat, me in the passenger seat. Alice and her boyfriend Jasper sat in the back.

Edward shifted, soon taking off down the road. Alice suddenly squealed, causing me to flinch and grab my stomach in reflex. Edward shook his head, obviously not as thrilled as I was.

"What is it that you must squeal about, Alice?" Edward asked, smirking.

"Turn up the radio you fool! Someone turn it up! I love this song!" She screamed hitting him on the shoulder. Edward rolled his eyes, reaching over the same time I did to turn up the volume. I felt stupid at once as my hand hit his.

"Sorry." I mumbled, pulling my hand back. It wasn't until a few minutes later, that I felt a tingly sensation on the side of my hand. The part where Edward's hand had brushed against mine.

His hand was cold. Unbearably cold, sickingly cold. And hard, like rock. Impossible, but I didn't feel threatened or bothered by it one bit. Soon we pulled up to a beautiful home. More like mansion, actually.

It was beautiful. Plenty of glass windows, showing through to show untouched furniture and spotless places. It was better than my home, if you could even call a small, claustrophobic apartment.

I unbuckled myself and reached for the door. Edward had somehow reached it before me, and opening the door up for me, he held his hand out for me to use as support. I took his hand willingly, feeling the rush of a shock zoom through my body. I felt peace as I grasped his hand, and pulled myself out of the car.

The Cullen's lead me up to their door soon opening it to usher me through. I looked around, amazed at how beautiful their home was. And I was right, everything looked so spotless, and so untouched.

Alice grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the stairs. "Come on, silly. We need to get to work." She spoke.

We had gotten to a room that I supposed would be hers. She opened up to a bright, fun, yet plain room. A wardrobe attached to the wall on the left side went all the way up to reach just an inch before it could hit the ceiling.

"Yeah, my room." She waved her hand dissmissively. "Let's get to work. Sit." She patted a spot on her bed for me. I wobbled over and practically dragged my big body up onto her bed. I looked over to Alice, who smiled apologetically. Like she felt bad.

She placed paper all over her bed, starting to plan out things for our paper. I glanced to see her writing down: 'A person with panic disorder will have daily panic attacks.'

I grimaced, because that was wrong. I had learned things from my doctor earlier about my disorder. Some people with panic disorder have several panic attacks a day while others go weeks or months in between panic attacks.

"That's not right." I said, shaking my head slightly.

Alice looked up, her face filled with confusion. "What isn't?" She asked. I pointed to where she had wrote the false information. "Hmm." She wondered.

I choked out, "Um, well. Some people with that disorder just have some attacks a day, and some go weeks or months in between." I stated, trying not to give away how badly I needed to wince and shake.

She lifted one eyebrow skeptically. "And how do you know this."

I shrugged. "Just do." She shrugged, erasing the false, and jotting down what was true. I smiled to myself.

"We need some simple facts. Do you know any?" She asked, looking up again. I nodded, thinking back to what I learned.

I listed thoroughly all of the facts that I could remember about having a panic disorder, Alice jotted them down as I did so.

"Umm, well..." I started. Then came back to my senses, absentmindedly flicking the facts from my fingers. "You can have panic attacks in your sleep. You can get it from heredity, or tragic life events..." I trailed off.

"Well, I already knew some. So, now let's move on to the feelings people get, and explain it. What about that?" She asked, like she already knew, and she wanted me to spill. I ignored that thought and dazed off, explaining how it felt.

I stared off to the plain wall in front of me, explaining. "Well, the aftermath of having an attack is painful. You experience the feelings of being totally helpless, and extremely depressed." I swallowed, holding back a sob.

"And then, when you start to feel the tiniest bit better, it gets worse. You shake, and sweat and get these tingling sensations and soon you feel numb. A horrible feeling to undergo. You fear everything then. But... the biggest fear....is that you fear that the attack will come back again and again and again; making life too miserable to bear..." trailing off again.

Then I didn't realize that I had been speaking this whole time, and Alice was watching, and listening to me serenely. I grimaced, feeling stupid for explaining everything that I, myself, felt.

"You have it, don't you?" She asked calmly. I nodded, biting my lip. She grabbed me in a gentle hug. I hugged back, shockingly. "I'm here for you, Ash. So don't feel afraid to tell me how you feel." She smiled again. This time I truely smiled back.

A light knock came to the door. Alice sighed, getting up and straightening out her outfit. She went over and opened the door to see Rosalie smiling.

"Time to go. Do you even know what time it is? Her sister is gonna have her head." She joked. But you never know, Lilia could do that, if she really had the guts to.

Alice grabbed my armed, pulling me towards the stairs. "Well, let's get you home." She smiled. I looked out of the corner of my eye to see Edward.

I turned my head to see him staring at me in what seemed to be complete adoration. I wasn't sure if it was for me, but I felt my heart paddle faster in my chest. I knew what he felt. And for some quite frankly odd reason, I felt it too.