Tour With Me

Natalie’s POV

Everything felt so wrong. That entire night felt indescribable wrong, because of one kiss. One kiss opened my eyes to see how wrong that night was. I saw how wrong everything was. The dancing, the harmless flirting, the fun...the kiss. It was all wrong and nothing could make it better.

It didn’t matter that I didn’t kiss Allan back. I didn’t push him away, wrong. I told him that I was with Justin, but it was too late, wrong. I broke his heart and Justin’s, as wrong as it can get.

Nothing mattered to me anymore. Nothing could cheer me up. Nothing could tear me away from my thoughts of how wrong this night was. Dancing could no longer distract me. Sabrina could no longer distract me. All I could do was sulk in my misery and realize how wrong I was.

Everything about this night was wrong. Nothing could turn this night around for me. Everywhere I turned I found something else about this night that was wrong.

All it took was one kiss. A kiss that I didn’t return, opened my eyes. It allowed me to see how wrong I was, how wrong everything was. This night was past wrong, It was unbearable.

Both the emotional and physical pain that I felt after that kiss was enough to drive one over the edge. It was enough to make a person crawl into a corner and never come out. A deep hard lump formed in my throat. It was as if I couldn’t breathe. The lump blocked any chance of air that I had. My stomach twisted, in agony. It tightened and cramped in unbearable pain. It wanted to empty any contents that remained. The guilt that I was feeling made my nausea worsen.

But my heart felt the worse pain of it all. The pain was indescribable. It was pounding in my chest, hard, trying to cause me pain. I felt as if I had been stab several times in the same spot. Every beat was painful, unbearable, and agonizing torture. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to rip my heart out of my chest. I wanted to do anything to make the pain go away.

But the pain only increased. Images of everything that happened that night were swirling in my mind. They were implanted in my brain like a tattoo. My head was spinning as the images repeated themselves. Swirling and swirling like a world pool, I saw how wrong I was. I saw my body pressed against guys I hardly knew. I saw me accepting drinks from guys who I knew nothing about. I saw my lips on a guy who I only wanted as I friend. I saw things that should only happen between me and Justin.

Justin, my boyfriend, the guy that I was supposed to be committed to I betrayed. He confessed his love for me and I took advantage of him. He gave me his heart and I did nothing but crush it with my bare hands. He gave me one of the most precious and vulnerable things that you could ever give a person yet I did nothing to deserve it. I did the worst thing that a person could ever do to another person.

I broke his heart.

A clutched my chest as I felt another painful thud in my chest. My other hand clutched the chair that I was sitting in. My head continued to swirl with images. I started to become dizzy. I closed my eyes, wanting this pain to go away. This was all too much to bear.

“Natalie,” Sabrina spoke. I opened my eyes as I glanced up at her. Her face was etched with concern and worry. She had no idea what was going on.

She handed me the glass of clear liquid in her hand. I shook my head, refusing. My stomach was torturing me. If I ate or drank anything I knew that I would regret it.

“Its water,” she spoke “And you need to drink something,”

I shook my head once more. I couldn’t even bare to speak. I couldn’t tell her what was going on. I couldn’t bear to tell her that I had cheated on Justin, breaking his heart in the process.

I wanted this all to be a nightmare. I wanted the worst of it all to happen so that I could wake up. I didn’t want this.

“Natalie please tell me what’s going on. Don’t say nothing because I know that’s something’s wrong. You’re up here in pain and won’t let me help you. Allan’s off somewhere doing God knows what,”

“He’s looking for her,” I didn’t have to look up to know that it was Annabelle. I could recognize her voice anywhere.

“Yeah last time I saw him he was downing drinks like no tomorrow. He said he got some guy to by them for him,” Thomas spoke “But then he just got mad and stormed off outside. He told me that if I saw you that I should send you outside to talk to him,”

I closed my eyes as I took a painful deep breath. The last thing that I wanted to do was talk to Allan. He was the reason why I felt this way. He was the reason why I had broken Justin’s heart. I wouldn’t have known how wrong tonight was if it wasn’t for him. Ignorance would still be bliss.

Despite how I felt, I slowly stood up. I dropped my hand back down to my side despite the way that I felt. I was still in pain, but I refused to show it. I wasn’t going to show everyone how much this had affected me. I didn’t want their sympathy.

Sabrina asked if I was going to be okay as I walked away. I didn’t answer. I didn’t know how to answer. This could either go horribly wrong, or simply okay. There was no way that I was going to walk away from this situation feeling better. I knew that no matter what the outcome wasn’t going to be good. I simply didn’t know how bad this was going to turn out.

I stepped outside into the cool night air. I was surprised at how decollate outside had become. The line to get in no longer existed. Only the bouncer stood outside.

I wrapped my arms around myself for a small amount of warmth. I stood there for a while trying to decide which direction I should walk in.

“I’m over here,” a voice spoke.

I looked to my left spotting Allan’s silhouette. He was leaning against a wall facing forward. His hands were in the pockets of his jeans as one foot was propped against the wall. I couldn’t see his face but I knew that it was him.

I slowly walked over to him my arms still around myself. When I was I good distance away from him I stopped. After what had just happened, I didn’t want to be too close to him. He might get the wrong idea, again.

An awkward silence loomed between us. The air was thick with tension. I shifted uncomfortably from how thick the tension was. I wasn’t use to being in situations like this.

I looked down noticing an empty Vodka bottle next to him against the wall. My eyes widened slightly. I wasn’t concerned with how he got the bottle, I was concerned about him drinking it. In Allan’s state drinking wouldn’t exactly be the best thing for him to do right now. This would only worsen the situation.

I swallowed, hoping that the lump in my throat would temporarily disappear. “Allan,” I softly spoke. My voice was hoarse, as if I had been crying.

“Y-you haven’t been...drinking h-have you?”

“Since when do you care,” he slurred. His voice was harsh and cold. His eyes narrowed as he continued to stare forward.

“I always cared,” I softly spoke.

Allan laughed bitterly. His expressed hardened. He turned to face me, a scowl etched onto his face. “Bullshit,” he spat. “You haven’t cared for the past three years. I loved you for three years Natalie and you never cared,”

I flinched at his words. He said the one word that I had been trying to avoid, the one emotion that I was denying. I denied that Justin was in love with me, and I doubt that Allan was in love me.I denied the fact that I feel the same about Justin.

“Allan—”

“Annabelle was right,” he interrupted.

I was instantly taken aback by what he had said. I hadn’t even known that Annabelle and Allan had gone out before. I should have known that Annabelle had something to do with this. I should have known that she would find a way to ruin my life.

“Annabelle—”

“I shouldn’t have wasted my time on you. I should have dated her again. I shouldn’t have broken up with her. I shouldn’t have fallen for a heartless bitch like you. And you know what the worst part is, you still don’t care,”

“All you care about is Justin, some pop star that you just met. Just because some guy with money pays you a little attention you decide to run to him. But you’re going to do the same thing to him that you’ve done to me. You’re going to treat him the same as every other guy that you cross no matter how hard you try,”

“But I’m fucking sick of it Natalie. I’m fucking sick of being some guy that you can just toy with and you know what, I’m not going to let you get away with it any damn more,”

Before I could comprehend everything that Allan had said he grabbed me by my shoulders and threw me against the wall. I winced from the impact. He grabbed my arms and slammed me against the wall once more.

“I want you to feel just as much pain as I do,” he snarled.

He threw me onto the ground. My hands hit the ground before my face could. The cement burned my hand from the impact. My knees scrapped against the cement, feeling as much pain as my hands.

I felt Allan painfully grab one of my ankles. I kicked my free leg hoping to make contact with him; I did. I heard him groaned as his grip loosed. I pulled my ankle from his grasp as I rolled over onto my back.

I quickly tried to stand up as Allan regained his composure. He stood up as quickly as I had. I started to run but he grabbed my wrist causing me to stumble. He threw me against the wall once more. A painful groaned escaped my lips as my back made contact with the wall.

It wasn’t until his fist, painfully, collided with my cheek that I realized what was going on.

I had broken two hearts tonight.

Justin wasn’t the only person who I had hurt along the way, Allan was. Allan’s heart had been broken, just as badly as Justin would be.

Only Allan wanted revenge. Allan’s pain had driven him to anger. Allan didn’t want me to feel his pain; he wanted me to feel pain. Justin wouldn’t react the same way. When I didn’t say that I loved him he didn’t take it out on me. He simply accepted it. That was the difference between them. Allan wanted me to feel pain, Justin didn’t.

Allan wasn’t really in love with me.

Once I realized this I knew that I didn’t need to hold back. I didn’t need to worry about hurting Allan because he wasn’t concerned about me. He didn’t care about whether I was hurt or not, Justin did. Allan was selfish, Justin wasn’t.

I used as much force as I could as I kneed Allan in his lower stomach. He doubled over as he gasped for air. I clenched my fist tight as I narrowed my eyes. I punched him in his jaw, harder than I had ever punched someone before. I punched him directly in his nose, feeling it crack against my fist. He staggered back, dropping to his knees as he held his nose.

I stepped around him, heading back towards the club. I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. I didn’t care what happened to him anymore. He made me feel the worst pain that I could have ever felt in the world. Leaving him like this was the least that I could do.

Despite everything, I still cared. He was once my best friend, I couldn’t stop caring for him immediately. It was going to take some time.

I stopped walking as I turned around to face Allan. As soon as I turned around I regretted it. Somehow, Allan had gained enough strength to grab the bottle while my back was turned. As soon as I turned around the glass bottle connected with my thigh, shattering.

I let out a painful cry as I dropped on all fours. I closed my eyes as my body began to cry out in pain. I chewed my bottom lip as the pain increased. I opened my eyes as I looked down at my thigh. Shards of glass were stuck in my leg. Blood was pouring out of leg showing no sign of stopping soon.

“Natalie!! Allan!!!” I heard Sabrina yell. “Somebody call for help!!” I bit my bottom lip harder as the pain seared through my body.

Two broken hearts, two injured ex-friends and one wrong night.