Tour With Me

Natalie’s POV

I’ve never wanted to have a breakdown more in my life than I did now. I wanted to crawl into a corner and cry my eyes out. I was never one to cry easily, but tonight was pushing my limits.

This entire night was chaotic and traumatic. Nothing seemed to be going right anymore. Everything had taken a turn for the worst.

Topping the list of the worst things that have happened this night was the fact that I was in a hospital. I hadn’t been to a hospital since the day that Dante was born. I had been to the doctors recently, but not the hospital. Things had never become that serious. Things were beyond serious now.

I needed surgery after what had happened. I wasn’t surprised when I heard it. Shards of glass were lodged into my leg. I had never seen my leg bleed as much as it had. The injury could only be described as painful and grotesque.

The immense pain that I was feeling was indescribable. The combination of the pain in my leg and in my chest was too much to bear. I passed out on the ride to the hospital because of it. Only I didn’t know if it was from the pain in my heart, or the fact that I was rapidly losing blood.

My mind wondered while I was unconscious. I had nothing else to do but to think. I wasn’t thinking as I normally would. I was reliving moments that I’ve had on this tour. I couldn’t describe the way that I had felt after I woke up. I didn’t even know how I felt. There was only one thing that I knew for sure.

I couldn’t hurt anyone else, I wouldn’t allow myself to.

“You’ll be free to go tomorrow okay,” the doctor finished. He had just spent the past few minutes explaining everything to me. I made sure that he told me in private.

I nodded my head meekly. I stared down at my thigh where the stitches were now sown. The wound had been cleaned up and disinfected. The area was still numb, preventing me from feeling any pain. I might have passed out again from the amount of pain if I could feel it.

The shorts that Sabrina had brought me to change into, covered a small amount of the stitches. There were over five stitches in my leg. The largest one, was going to scar.

“I’ll go tell everyone that you’re ready now,”

I nodded my head as I continued to stare down at my stitches. He cleared his throat, trying to break the awkward silence. He then grabbed his clipboard and left the room. I knew that in a few seconds, everyone would enter the room again, asking me the questions that they had tried to before they were ushered out.

Everyone had come in except Justin and Allan. Allan was in his own room while Justin wasn’t ready to see me. In all honesty, I wasn’t ready to see him.

The door swung open only to be shut softly. I didn’t bother to look up. I couldn’t look at anybody right now. Knowing what I was about to do, I just couldn’t handle it.

I was expecting for it to be Sabrina or Thomas. I was expecting for them to be the ones who were in a rush to see me.

Instead I heard the sound of the last person that I wanted to see.

“Natalie…”

I tensed up at the sound of his voice. I closed my eyes as I pursed my lips to the side. I used my fingers to comb my hair into my face, creating a curtain between me and Justin. This was all too much to handle in one day.

I heard Justin sigh from the other side of the room. I heard the sound of his footsteps on the linoleum floor as he grew closer. I took deep breathes to keep myself clam.

I was growing anxious with what I was about to do. I didn’t know how I was going to do it but I knew that I had to. No matter how I did it, I wasn’t going to get a good reaction from Justin.

Justin stood next to me, as I continued to avoid his gaze. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. He wasn’t looking at me. He was looking at the stitches in my leg. His face was emotionless. He was hiding how he felt from me.

It wouldn’t be long before he let his emotions run wild.

“I know what happened,” he spoke. His voice was just as emotionless as his facial expression. Not once did his eyes leave my leg.

If it were possible I would have tensed up more. A knot began to form in my stomach at his words. Somehow I knew that he didn’t know what really happened tonight. Somehow I knew that he didn’t know that Allan kissed me. If he did, he wouldn’t be standing in front of me as he was now. He would be much angrier.

After a few moments of silence he realized that I wasn’t going to speak again. He took it upon his self to speak once more.

“He’s getting kicked off the tour. It’s definite, and I made sure of it,”

He closed his eyes as he rested his hands on the bed. He hung his head low as he held his eyes closed. His fingertips were a few centimeters from my leg.

Normally I wouldn’t mind the thought of physically contact with him, but not right now. Knowing that I had broken his heart twice that night was unbearable, knowing that I was going to do it again in a few minutes was indescribable.

“I’m not letting myself go within 30 feet of his room. If I do I just might break that fucker’s legs for what he did,”

I resisted the urge to smile at his threat. I couldn’t. He was willing to fight for me, and I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve his love. I didn’t deserve his advances. I didn’t deserve him.

I licked my lips slowly. I couldn’t let this go on for any longer. The sooner I get this over with the better.

“Justin—”

“I could kill him,” he interrupted.

His voice was louder than before. His anger was beginning to show. I could see his chest moving up and down rapidly as his breathing increased. His fist clenched together tightly.

I swallowed silently. I had never seen Justin this angry before. I wasn’t use to this side of Justin. This could only make things harder for me.

“I could kill him for what he did to you,” he spoke “I could fucking kill him. No, I want to kill him. I want to fucking kill him. I want to destroy his damn life for what he did to you,”

He sighed as he unclenched his fist. “I…I…I love you too much to let anything happen to you,”

I shut my eyes tightly. The pain in my chest was beginning to come back. The nausea in my stomach was returned ten times as worse.

I didn’t need this right now. I didn’t need to hear Justin confess his love for me. That would only make this harder on me. I would feel guiltier if I heard this right now. Breaking his heart was the only thing that I seemed capable of doing anymore. I couldn’t do anything else right anymore.

“When I heard that you were in the hospital,” he spoke “I…I don’t know. It was like…the only thing that I could focus on was you. It was as if nothing else in the world mattered to me. I just needed to know that you were okay,”

I chewed my bottom lip as I listened to him. He wasn’t making this any easier for me. It was as if fate was trying to find a way to keep me from doing this. But I had to, no matter how much I didn’t want to. It was the right thing to do.

“I’ve never felt this way before. As cliché as that sounds, it’s true. I feel different whenever it comes to you Natalie. I know that you don’t feel the same way about me…but…that doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop feeling—”

“Justin I can’t do this anymore!!!!!!” I shouted, interrupting him mid confession.

For the first time, since Justin had entered the room, he looked at me. His eyes immediately opened and landed on mine. I tore my gaze away from him, before I could see how much this was hurting him.If he only knew how much this was hurting me to.

“What?” he quietly questioned. I could almost hear the pain in his voice.

I took a deep breath. It was now or never. I needed to tell him the truth, the entire truth.

I slowly licked my lips before I spoke. “I can’t…no…we shouldn’t be together anymore,” before he could speak, I interrupted him. “Earlier tonight, Allan kissed me. That’s why we got into the fight outside of the club. I told him that I was with you and he got upset, so we fought,”

“This was stupid, I know, but I realized something. I broke Allan’s heart by being with you. I broke your heart by letting Allan kiss me. I’m breaking your heart by not returning your feelings. Justin, I’m hurting too many people,”

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore Justin. I can’t hurt you anymore,”

“So when Bryan and Summer get here in a few hours, I’m leaving with them. I know that they’re coming since Sabrina called and told them what happened. I just…I can’t stay and hurt you anymore Justin and it wouldn’t be fair if I did this then stayed on the tour,”

“I’m not going to let myself hurt you anymore Justin,” I finished.

Justin fell silent. He looked away from me as he closed his eyes. “The only way that you could hurt me is if you leave me,” he muttered.

I closed my eyes as a sharp pain hit my chest. I knew that this wasn’t going to be easy.

“Did you kiss him back?”

My head shot up at the question. Justin’s eyes were glued to the floor as he spoke. “Allan…did you kiss him back,”

“No,”

“Then you’re not hurting me,”

He looked up at me, trying to lock his gaze with mine, but I looked away once more. An audible sigh escaped his lips. He cupped my cheeks with his warm hands, forcing me to look at him. I immediately closed my eyes.

“Natalie…” he softly spoke, “Please look at me,”

I couldn’t resist. The pain in his voice only made the pain in my chest worsen. I slowly opened my eyes, staring into his orbs. The emotions that I saw only made this harder for me. The amount of pain, love and compassion that were in his eyes was indescribable.

“I don’t care about that, I don’t care about any of that. I just don’t want to lose you. Allan’s a…I don’t even want to hear his name ever again. The thought of him even touching you, drives me insane. Do you want to know why?”

“It’s because I love you. I love you more than I have ever loved any girl in my life. I can’t lose you Natalie. The only way that you could hurt me, is if you left me. I don’t know what I would do if I could see you every day,”

“If I couldn’t wake up next to you, or wake up knowing that you weren’t far away from me, I’d go insane. I go insane having to spend an entire day without you. I’d be lost if I could see those dimples of yours every day. I don’t know what I would do, if I couldn’t kiss those soft lips of yours,”

“I need to hold you in my arms to be okay. I need you Natalie. I need you more than I’ve ever needed anyone,”

“Leaving me is the only way that you can hurt me,”

I closed my eyes as I bit my bottom lip. I wanted to have another breakdown, but I knew that I couldn’t. Instead I swallowed before taking a deep breath. I opened my eyes, staring into Justin’s pleading orbs once more.

“I’m sorry,”