Tour With Me

Justin’s POV

I couldn’t think of any words to describe how…broken I was after Natalie left. I tried everything. I did everything that I could to get her to stay, yet, she wasn’t here. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get her to stay. I couldn’t change her mind.

I couldn’t make her love me as much as I loved her.

She couldn’t feel my pain. Wherever she was, she didn’t feel half as bad as I did right now. She may have felt guilty but she wasn’t in pain. She wasn’t physically empty. She didn’t feel the need to be sick to her stomach from the heartbreak that she was feeling.

No, she couldn’t have felt this pain. If she felt half as bad as I did, then she wouldn’t have left. She wouldn’t have had the energy to. She would have been just as empty as I was. She would have been physically drained. No matter how much she would’ve wanted to leave, she wouldn’t have been able to. If she felt my pain, this would have been impossible.

Heartbreak, that’s the pain that I was feeling. That was the indescribable pain that I was feeling. The pain that was making me feel empty inside. I was empty broken and upset. Then again, why wouldn’t I be after my first love just walked out on me?

I’ve heard people sing about it in their songs and describe the pain that they were feeling. At the time I always thought that they were exaggerating. I figured that there was no amount of pain that felt that bad. Now I feel as if they weren’t describing the pain well enough. Could there be any words to describe this pain?

“Justin,” my mother softly spoke.

I continued to stare at the ceiling of my hotel room. I couldn’t find my voice. I knew that if I opened my mouth I would break down. I wouldn’t be able to hide my pain anymore.

I couldn’t think of the simply words that I could say to tell her that I was okay. Even if I could, I would be lying. I wasn’t okay and she knew it. Everyone knew that Natalie leaving me would take a toll on me. If only Natalie could see how much she affected me.

She gently closed the door behind her before walking over to the bed. I didn’t move. My hands were folded behind my head as I mindlessly stared at the ceiling. I didn’t bother to look in her direction. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the blank ceiling above me.

She sat down at the edge of bed. I still remained motionless. Her face was contorted with worry. Her forehead wrinkled her lips in a straight line. Concern was evident on her face as silence loomed between us.

A few minutes passed before she spoke. “Natalie’s a good girl for you,”

I swallowed the lump in my throat that instantly formed, but it wouldn’t disappear. She was only telling me what I already knew. Hearing her say it didn’t ease my pain anymore.

“She was responsible, mature, and determined. She was honest and kept you happy…not to mention that she’s just as stubborn as you are,”

I closed my eyes as I took a deep breath. As I held my eyes closed, the image of Natalie began to fill my mind. Her dimples, her smile, her eyes…everything that I loved about her began to fill my mind. I quickly opened my eyes before I dwelled on the subject too long.

“You love her don’t you?”

I licked my lips slowly as I continued to stare at the ceiling. There was no point in denying it. She already knew that I loved her from how I was acting. She just wanted me to confirm her assumption. I closed my eyes as I sighed.

“So much,” I finally whispered. My voice was so soft that I wasn’t sure if she had heard it.

The lump in my throat suddenly grew larger. I wanted to do nothing more than to cry. I wanted to cry so hard that I became a little kid again; causing my mother to comfort me, but that just wasn’t me. I wasn’t much of a crier, but the heartbreak that I was feeling was definitely tempting me.

My mom nodded her head in response. A few more moments of silence hung between us. My mind couldn’t help but to wonder during the silence. There were so many things that were running through my mind. They all had one thing in common, Natalie May Brown.

“Well I guess I should be going then,” the sound of my mom’s voice brought me out of my trance.

I glanced over to see her standing up off the bed. It was then that I noticed a pair of keys sitting on the end of the bed where she once was. I easily recognized them as car keys, specifically, the keys to Nick’s truck.

I sat upright for the first time since I had laid down. I stared at the keys for a few moments before I looked over at my mom. She stood in the doorway, one hand holding the door open. She sent me a warm, loving smile. She then sent me a wink as she glanced down at the keys.

“Atlanta’s about a five hour drive from here. I figured that it’s better than you staring at the ceiling for five hours,” her smile grew wider as she spoke. “You should try and work things out…for your hearts sake,”

The corners of my lips turned upwards into a smile for the first time all day. I quickly jumped off the bed, grabbing the keys as I walked past them. I gave my mom a quick hug before running down the hall of the hotel. I didn’t even bother taking the elevator. Instead I ran down the steps, not caring about the glances that I was getting from people. I was out of breath by the time I reached Nick’s truck, but I didn’t slow down. I threw the car door open before climbing inside. As soon as the engine started, I pulled out of the parking lot.

I didn’t bother speeding until I hit the interstate. I knew that I was going beyond the speed limit but I didn’t care. All I could think about was Natalie. This was my last chance to convince her that we needed to be together.

I wasn’t going to let her go that easy.