Fall For You

I smiled as I looked down at her. She was lying on my chest; I could see her profile thanks to the bright full moon and the stars that lit up the sky. Nights like this one were rare, not in the sense of stargazing, the stars always shined brightly here in Huntington. No, the rarity in the moment was that for once, in a very long time, we weren’t fighting. A thing that was growing more common between us.

I barely remember the quite moments when we were at peace with each other; it’s been so long. Often times our schedules didn’t sync up, me spending all day at the studio, coming home to my girlfriend leaving to take the graveyard shift at her job. I always told her she didn’t have to work so hard, I made enough money to support us both, and she would chuckle and call me a sexist bastard in a mock serious tone.

She’s so stubborn.

I knew our growing distance was my fault. We didn’t spend enough time together; we would make plans to take some hours off and spend it with each other, but something always came up and I would have to leave. When I would get home, it’d be so late that she was already asleep. On those nights I would sit in bed and watch her dream. I know it sounds a bit creepy, but she’s so beautiful. I just can’t keep my eyes off her.

She used to wait up for me, then we would spend a couple hours together though it never seemed enough. Then I started coming home later, too tired to do anything but strip and fall face first into bed and sleep. After the third or fourth night that happened, she just stopped waiting up and would be asleep when I got home.

Did I expect it?

Yes.

Was I disappointed?

Yes.

It’s weird to live with somebody and never actually see them. I could tell that it’s been affecting her as well. We started talking less and in those rare instances where we were actually awake and together, I would see a sad look in her eyes, though she tried to hide it.

I ghosted my hand along her side as I watched her while she watched the sky, what we came up here to do.

“Hey Matt,” she flipped onto her back, looking at me, “Usually when people star gaze, they gaze at the stars, not at the other people around them.”

“Ah,” I smiled widely and used my hand to push back some her fringe away from her face, “but maybe the ones gazing at the other people around them know that what they’re gazing at is far more beautiful than any star.”

She pursed her lips trying to hide the smile that my comment brought on, “Maybe those other people think that person is full of shit.”

“Or maybe they’re just embarrassed because they know that person is right.”

“Maybe…” she trailed off as I leaned down to kiss her. I like kissing her, it literally makes me happy, and it’s not the action itself that I love. It’s who I’m performing the action with that makes me smile.

She pulled away and shivered, “Damn, I left my sweater in the house.”

She chuckled. I nudged her lightly, guiding her into a position that would help her situation. When she was lying on top of me, chest to chest, I grabbed the edges of the blanket we were lying on and wrapped them around us. I always liked it when we stargazed because we usually ended up like this. Her on top of me, wrapped in the blanket we put below to protect us from the roof tiles.

We visited many places so she could stargaze, but we settled on the top of my two-story house because it was on the coastline, meaning no big city lights would block the view, and we had privacy.

That was my favorite part.

“I think I’m going to fall asleep,” I heard her mumble as I rubbed her back through the blanket.

I rested my chin on top of her head, enjoying the feeling of just holding her, “That’s fine.”

“I love you,” I said after a while.

I could feel her suck in air and hold it in, then after a few seconds she let it out and nuzzled her face into my chest. “I love you too Matt.”

I could feel her smile which triggered a smile to claim my face as I wrapped my arms around her.

It’s times like this I fall in love with her all over again.

That’s another thing I loved doing.



It was one of those days, one of those days that I had taken off to be with my girlfriend. It was one of those days that the record company decided to call a band meeting down at the studio, interrupting our lunch and causing me to leave. I had to drive to LA and wait. I hated that about the music industry, they always rushed you to the next venue, the next interview, the next photo shoot, just to make you wait hours before you actually did anything.

Today I had to rush to the studio to discuss our upcoming album, something that could have been done over the phone. I sped all the way there, think along the lines of the sooner I got there, the sooner I could leave, but that wasn’t the case. I got to the studio and then had to wait for the rest of the guys, and once they got there, we all had to wait for the studio director, the producer, and our manager.

We had taken a dinner break at around seven, then went back to the studio to finish the meeting around eight, but had to wait another hour for the producer to get back. By the time we finished, it was nearly midnight, and due to an accident on the freeway I didn’t get home till after two.

I was surprised, however, to see all the lights in the house on. I could see a dark silhouette moving around on the second story, in the bedroom. I unlocked the front door and walked in, tossing my keys in the bowl that rested on a small cabinet in the entryway, right next to the door.

“Babe?” I called, shutting and locking the door.

“Matt,” I saw the light in the upstairs hallway flick off and my girlfriend briskly walk down the stairs. It wasn’t until she was right in front of me that I saw the backpack and duffle bag slung over her shoulder.

“What’s going on?”

She bit her lip and looked at me sadly before putting on a brave face, taking a deep breath and talking; “I think we should take a break.”

“What?” I knew my eyes widened my eyebrows had shot up; I probably dropped my jaw too.

“Matt,” she scrunched up her eyebrows and I could easily read the sadness in her face, she looked away and when she looked back at me I understood why; she was trying not to cry, “I love you. I really do, but you’re breaking my heart.”

I knew she was being sincere, and that’s what crushed me.

“I think it would be beneficial if we took some time off from each other, just to sort things out,” she was doubtful, I could tell. “Right now I don’t think this is healthy, for either of us.”

I couldn’t respond, I was in shock; I couldn’t think properly enough to form words, to stop her from going. I saw the heart break in her eyes. She scrunched them up and some fat tears rolled down her cheeks. My movements were automatic and robot-like. I wasn’t thinking when I brought my hands up to cup her face and wipe away her tears with my thumbs.

She opened her eyes and looked into mine. I just held her face in my hands and stared back. Her gaze never left mine as her hands covered mine and gripped them a little before removing them.

“Bye Matt,” she whispered, thought it was much softer than that.

I gulped as she broke eye contact and stepped around me, heading towards the exit that I just entered from. I heard the door open and close; it was a few moments before I gathered myself enough to walk over to the living room window and watch as she got into her car and drove off. I stared into the direction she drove off in for a long while before turning and sitting on the couch that conveniently had that very same view.

I just didn’t feel right anymore.



“Motherfucker!” I said harshly after stepping on the metal cap of one of many beer bottles that littered the house. I looked around myself and sighed, I really needed to clean.

I just couldn’t find the motivation.

“Dude, Matt,” I heard Jimmy call from the entryway. I walked into the living room about the same time he did. Jimmy let out a long, high-pitched whistle, “Man, this place is worse than my house after a party.”

Jimmy was stating the obvious in a lighthearted manner, “Yeah, well this was a private party.”

“More like a pity party,” Jimmy crossed his arms as his happy-go-lucky demeanor changed to one of complete seriousness.

He was absolutely correct. It was a pity party, a three-week long pity party.

I sighed and walked into the kitchen, going to the pantry and grabbing a big black garbage bag. I started in the living room, picking up the bottles and trash as Jimmy just looked on.

“Listen man,” Jimmy started, sitting heavily on my couch, “this is pathetic. You have to stop this.” He was right of course; it was just my lack of motivation that was keeping me from doing what I needed to. “Look at yourself,” I knew he was referring to the weight I gained from all the beer. I never let myself go, not like this, “What if-“ I shot him a glare; he knew better than to speak her name, “she, I was going to say she. What if she walked through that door right now? Do you think she’d want to come back? To this?”

Once again, Jimmy was right.

I had once told my girlfriend, during a heated argument, that if she walked out the door, it wouldn’t make a difference. I said I didn’t need her, and the worse part is, I could see she believed it. My biggest lie, she believed.

I shoved the bag to the ground, the few bottles I had discarded in it clanking together. The living room a little better, but that didn’t speak for the rest of the house. Jimmy just sighed and shook his head.

That night I got a large, thick blanket and got up on the roof. She wasn’t here with me, but who knows, maybe I’d see a shooting star and it would grant my wish. She often said she always wished on shooting stars. I once asked her what she whished for, she would say, “I’ll tell you if it ever comes true.”

I still don’t know what she would wish for.

I looked up at the night sky, bright with stars like someone had spilled brilliant white glitter on it. It was a new moon, and that only seemed to multiply the amount stars that littered the heavens. I laid on the blanket, legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle, hands behind my head, as I did what I normally didn’t do while up here; stargaze.

I could see why she liked coming up here; it really was a cool thing to look at. I pushed myself up on my elbows as something shined bright and briefly crossed the sky.

A shooting star.

I leaned back, put my hands behind my back and closed my eyes. If I were to make wish at this exact moment, I’d wish for her. I drifted off to sleep like that, a rather stupid grin on my face.

I dreamed my wish had come true, that she was right here with me, cuddled up to my side as she rested her head on my shoulder. It was a pleasant dream, and I’m sure it would have continued to be if not for the sounds that woke me up.

The noise had startled me; I sucked in air as my eyes snapped open. Using my elbows to prop my upper body up, I watched a familiar figure make its way onto the roof.

Well, I’ll be. My wish came true.

“Hey,” she said quietly, a small smile on her face as she stood over me.

“Hi,” I said, sitting up fully, never taking my eyes away from her.

“Uh,” she rubbed her hands together and bit her lip, “Can I sit with you?”

I just looked at her for a little bit before I understood what she was asking. Once her request finally clicked, I scooted over and she came and sat down next to me, though there was a quite a bit of distance between us.

She looked at the stars and as usual, I looked at her. What were the odds that my wish would actually come true? I never really held any confidence in wishing on a star, but I think I need to rethink my system of beliefs.

“You know,” she suddenly spoke, not taking her eyes of the glittering heavens, “usually when people star gaze, they gaze at the stars, not the other people around them.”

“I already gazed at the stars,” I said cautiously, “I’d rather look at something worth looking at.” She closed her eyes and rested her head on her knees.

“So,” she turned her head so she was looking at me, “how’s the band?”

“Ironically enough, since you left the studio hasn’t called once,” I let out a short sardonic laugh.

“That is ironic,” she mumbled sardonically.

Silence ensued for quite a while, neither one of us were looking at each other, but at the sky.

“Why did you go?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking quietly.

She let out a long breath, “We both needed time to think.”

“About what, exactly?”

I saw her eyebrows furrow like they do when she’s frustrated, “Matt, our relationship had gone down the crapper. It hurt, okay? I just didn’t want to hurt anymore.”

“Why?” Her head snapped to face me, an incredulous look on her face; I quickly backtracked, “Okay, why wasn’t the right word to use. What made you hurt?”

She looked back up at the stars, a thoughtful expression on her face, “I don’t plan, nor want, to get in between you and your music, Matt. I don’t want to be your number one priority or your main focus in life,” she closed her and took a deep breath in then exhaled. “I just don’t want to be last.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. Music is important to me, very important, but when she’s not around, I can’t seem to function. We sat in silence for a long while as I let the information sink in.

I wanted to hear her speak, “I saw a shooting star earlier.”

“Did you make a wish?” She was looking at me again.

“As a matter of fact,” I smiled a little now, “I did.”

“Huh,” she said in acceptance of my answer. “I’d ask you what you wished for, but rumor has it the wish doesn’t come true if you tell.”

“I don’t think it matters anymore,” I said scooting closer to her, half way across the distance that was previously between us, “and I also think I would like it better if you did ask.”

I could see her raise an eyebrow in question, “Okay. So… what did you wish for?”

“You know that my career is secure right?” I asked, turning to look at her, “It isn’t like they can fire me from the band. Yes, my music is important to me, but there wouldn’t be music if you weren’t around.”

“Matt?” She asked, a confused expression on her face. “What are you trying to say?”

“That I failed in epic proportions, and that I’ve always loved you.”

I could see her face soften, at tiny smile on her face. She gave a short laugh and sucked in air, “Jesus, I’m such a freakin’ sap.”

She used the back of her finger to wipe under her eye. I scooted the rest of the way over and gently grabbed her wrist, pulling her toward me and wrapped my arms around her, “No-”

“You never told me what you wished for,” she cut me off, but embraced me as well.

“I suppose not,” I said, leaning back and taking her with me with no resistance. “I wished for you. More specifically for you to come back.”

I could feel her bury her head in to my chest as she hugged me closer to her. She didn’t move from that position as I went back to stargazing. I was comfortable, but then I began to think. Was she staying? Were we back together? Did she only come to tell me it’s officially over?

I decided to just be blunt; she always appreciated my bluntness, said it was endearing, “Does this mean we’re back together?”

“If you want us to be,” she said.

“I didn’t want us to be apart in the first place,” I said quietly.

“I know,” she whispered back; “I’m sorry, but I had to have time to think.”

I didn’t respond for a long while.

Of course I wanted us to get back together, but I don’t want a repeat of our most recent spat. We need a new approach.

“I want to be with you,” I started, “but you have to be honest about how you’re feeling.”

“I agree, but I’m not the only one with communication issues,” she said.

“Okay then,” I said, “we need to communicate better.”

The air felt lighter, less awkward and a little more comfortable. I felt movement and looked down to se her looking up at me, “So, is there anything that you’d like to communicate to me?”

“I missed you,” I said, looking at her; “Is there anything you’d like to communicate to me?”

She bit her lip and looked away quickly before returning my stare, “I’m pregnant.”

I sat up and looked at her with wide eyes, she was biting her lip hard, “Seriously?”

“No!” She busted up laughing, “I just like being a shit.”

I flopped back on to the roof, a large sigh of relief passing my lips, “Fuck, don’t do that.”

“Okay, okay. Bad joke,” she said calming down and getting a mischievous glint in her eye, “But, I think I want practice making babies with you,” I raised an eyebrow at her; “Right now.”

I propped my self up on my elbows with raised eyebrows, “Seriously?” I asked, then added a little more sternly, “If you say ‘no’ after that little stunt you just pulled, I’m going to have to throw you off the roof.”

“Oh, that was no joke,” she said creeping over me, “I was being very serious when I said that.” She straddled my hips, “It’s been three weeks, Matt. You’re just going to have to relieve all this pint up sexual tension.”

“Well, damn,” I feigned disappointment, like she feigned the nonchalance, “That sucks for me.”

“Yep,” she said, her nose touching mine; me anticipating a much-awaited kiss, “But I’m not doing it up here.”

“Hey!” I said as she quickly scurried to the edge of the roof, leaving me with a massive boner.

“Matt!” she stopped and looked at me as she climbed down, “Last time we did it up here, we ended up on the guest room porch; you with dislocated shoulder and concussion, me with a broken arm and fractured ankle. No repeats.”

I laughed, but quickly followed her inside the house to begin… mending my relationship.