A New Kind of Denial

Please read author's note all the way through. I know it's long, but it's important

“So is it just me or does this feel like an intervention of sorts?” I asked Gavin the day after Carson and I saw Jason about everything.

“It kind of is,” he chuckled, sinking back a bit into his seat before taking a drink of his specialty coffee. We were, once again, sitting in Gracie’s Bakery trying to avoid Carlo. This time though, it was less of a date and more of a discussion. I was going to tell him all about Carson and he apparently had something really important to tell me too. That’s why it felt like an intervention; Jason and Ianto basically made us do this. It was ‘for the good of our relationship’ according to Jason.

“I guess we ought to just cut to it, yeah?”

“Might as well. There’s no point to talk much about other things when these are so…crucial?”

“That sounds like a good way to phrase it to me,” I shrugged, chuckled slightly. “So who’s going to go first? Seeing as these things are so crucial.”

“We could say our things at the same time and see if we can even understand each other,”

“That works for me,”

“Okay, on three; one, two, three,”

”My ex is having an incestuous relationship with a baby and there’s a fifty percent chance it’s been going on for a mine,”

“Wait, what?”

“Well that didn’t work worth shit,”

“I'll just go first. It’ll make things easier and less confusing,”

“Okay,”

“I'm sort of having an incestuous relationship with my twin and it’s been going on for a long time,”

“How long is a long time?”

“About four years,”

“Has it been going on continuously all these years?”

“It’s usually just when Carson gets jealous,”

“So you don’t really want it to happen?” he asked, a hopeful look gleaming in his soft brown eyes.

“Not really,”

“Then why do you let it happen?”

“Because he either frightens me into doing things or he blackmails me into it. And believe me, he may not seem scary but when he wants to be, he can be very frightening,”

“Well what does he use to blackmail you with?”

“Mostly our jobs,”

“How does that work out?”

“We work at the same place and our boss doesn’t really care who works, as long as there’s someone there to do the job. He usually schedules us on different days, so if one of us has something that comes up, the other will just go in to work for that one instead of calling off and invoking the wrath of our boss the next day that either of us goes is. And believe me, he’s one freaky man to face when he’s mad. You do not want to get on his bad side, that’s for sure. And, well, Carson’s been going in a lot for me lately and even though I've gone in for him plenty of times he still thinks it’s only fair if he gets something out of it. And that ‘something’ is me, apparently. I've told him a million times that I don’t want to be in that kind of relationship; that I just want as normal a life that I can have, and that is doesn’t include this,”

“But he doesn’t get it, does he?” Gavin asked, taking his whole situation much better than I had ever thought he would Jason tried reassuring me that he’d be fine and that I was overreacting my bad expectations, but I just wouldn’t listen to him. That just goes to show how much I should start listening to him.

“He didn’t, but I think our talk with Jason yesterday really made him see my side of things. It seems as if he might understand more why I don’t want all that. But towards the beginning of the session, he was really starting to get on my nerves because he was being too thick headed to absorb anything anyone was saying. That’s why I escaped for a little bit to your room. I was about ready to knock him out and I needed to get away from him before I actually did,”

“Yeah, that sounded like it was an intense session. You guys were there for a long time. I almost expected to have to set an extra place set for dinner. For a while there it seemed like you would be staying to eat,

“I don’t think Carson would have liked that very much,” I chuckled, trying to envision a way in which that would have ended well. I was coming up with absolutely nothing.

“But I thought he likes Jase and Ianto. They certainly like him,”

“It’s not them he doesn’t like,” I said quietly, trying not to laugh at his obliviousness.

“Well then who…oh, duh,” he laughed, banging the palm of his hand against his forehead. “I swear I am not that conceited. I really didn’t mean for that to happen. I didn’t mean that he couldn’t not like me, but that’s how it came out. I'm sorry, that –“

“Gavin, shush up!” I giggled, putting my hand over his hand to calm his rambling. It was kind of cute the way he was defending himself over a little blonde-moment. “I didn’t take it like that in the first place and it didn’t make you sound conceited until you mentioned that. But I know you aren’t and didn’t mean to be, so don’t even worry about it honey,”

He laughed and shook his head. “So he would have been that uncomfortable as long as I was there?” he asked, steering the conversation back on topic. I nodded in answer as I took a bite of my rapidly cooling cinnamon bun before it cooled completely and wasn’t as good. “He dislikes me that much?” I shook my head and attempted speaking, but the pastry was stuck to the roof of my mouth and I had to take a drink of my coffee to wash it all down.

“No, he doesn’t particularly dislike you. He’s just really jealous, especially when it comes to me. I'm sure he’d like you just as well if you weren’t dating me, but it’s just that you’re – oh God! Are you okay?”

He had been taking another drink of his coffee, but as soon as I said ‘dating’ he seemed to gag on his drink. It’s not as if he was choking, but it was worrisome either way on my part.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, he coughed, getting the last bit cleared out of his throat. “That just surprised me, is all.”

“What surprised you? That I said we are dating?”

“Well, yeah, kinda,” he mumbled semi-awkwardly, shifting his eyes as if he were embarrassed to look me in the face.

“Do you not want to be dating?”

“No, no, no! That’s not it at all!” he exclaimed, eyes popping back towards mine again.

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I just, well we never officially said we’d started dating,” he muttered, looking at his feet again.

“You’re so bashful sometimes!” I giggled. “I just love it!”

“You love that I'm shy?” he asked, starting to get a blush slightly covering his cheeks.

“It’s just so freaking adorable when you get like this. You constantly make me smile, Gavin, and I have a feeling that that’s going to be a life-long trait of yours. The ability to brighten my mood by being bashful.” His blush became a lot more intense at that comment, which made me smile even more. There he goes, just proving my point again.

“So are we dating?”

“What, like ‘going steady’ as they used to say?”

“Yeah, I guess,” he chuckled.

“Well I thought we were,”

“I wasn’t sure if we were or not,” he said, a big smile creeping onto his face, slowly but surely.

“I’d say yes,”

Things got sort of quiet for a few minutes, but it wasn’t an awkward quietness. I don’t know quite how to explain it, but it was just kind of nice. Then, once again, Gavin steered us back to the original conversation that we’d veered away from.

“So I'm thinking it’s safe to say that you’re pretty much done explaining, right?”

“Yeah, there’s not very much more I can say without telling the whole and complete story, and that would take a long time,”

“Okay, so I'm just going to come straight out with mine then,”

“Sounds like the best way to do it,”

“Ready for this?”

“Uh-huh; at least I think,” I chuckled, completely joking.

“Alright, well, my ex-girlfriend is having a baby and there’s a fifty percent chance that is could be mine,”

“Wait, say again?”

There’s no way I heard him right.