A New Kind of Denial

“Tanya, hi, what’s up?” I asked, opening up my phone and seeing that it was her that was calling me so early in the morning.

“I just got back from the doctor’s,”

“And…?” I prompted, very anxious about her answer.

“Well, when I did all the math and everything, I finally figured out who the father is,” she said, still quite vaguely.

“Come on Tans, you’re killing me here. Can’t you just tell me?” I asked, hoping to soften her up a bit by using her old nickname and a pleading voice.

“It looks like I’ll be raising this baby alone,” she sighed.

“It’s not mine?” I asked, trying not to sound as enthused as I really was.

“No, it’s Trevor’s,”

“I’m sorry, Tanya. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard this is going to be for you,”

“Don’t be sorry Gavin,” she sighed again. “I’m the one that’s the whore here. I deserve this.”

“No you don’t,” I shook my head even though she couldn’t see me. “Nobody should have to raise a child by themselves unless they’re financially and mentally ready for it. And there are people out there that can do it without any problems, but if you’re not ready to do something like this by yourself, you shouldn’t have to. I know that’s not how things work, but I don’t like that you have to do this by yourself.”

“I’m not completely by myself, Gavin. I do have my mom and my sister, however much help they’ll be. But thank you for saying that; its nice to know that not everybody thinks I deserve this,” she said softly, probably smiling a sweet smile. “I’ll let you go now, though. I’m sure you’ve got things to do. Goodbye Gavin, and maybe I’ll see you around sometimes.”

“Bye Tanya,” I smiled, listening as she hung up her end of the phone. I couldn’t help but be ecstatically happy about this, however much I did feel bad for her. I slid my phone back into my pocket and ran out into the living room, where I knew everyone was gathered. Ianto was the first one to look up, and when he did he must have noticed how happy I was.

“What’s the good new, Gav?” he asked.

“I am not a father!” I squealed, jumping up and down and clapping my hands excitedly.

“You’re not?” Jason asked, smiling and raising an eyebrow.

“Nope!” I giggle, popping the ’p’. “It’s not mine!”

“That’s great!”

“I know!”

“Wait! Wait, wait, wait. What in the hell are you all blithering on about?” Mae asked, holding up her hands as if to stop our celebration. That’s when I remembered that she was never told about that whole situation.

“Oh, well, uh,” Jason tried to start, probably not really knowing what to tell her about everything.

“My ex girlfriend is pregnant and it could have been either mine or some other guy’s, but she didn’t know which. She was hoping it was mine because the other guy wants nothing to do with it and basically wrote off even the slightest possibility that it could be his, so she’d have to raise the child by herself. Well, she just called and said that I am not the father after all.”

“And none of you thought I should know about this?”

“Not really,” I said, placing my hands on my hips and giving her a confused sort of look. I didn’t quite understand why she was so angry about us not telling her. I mean, I wasn’t the father, so that had to have been a plus. “I never saw the need.”

“I’m your mother!”

“You’ve been my mother for a week!”

“I’ve been your mother your entire life, Gavin!”

“You haven’t been around for any of my life, Maebell! You’re barely my mother at all! I’m sorry if I don’t think to inform you of something that I haven’t even told my fathers, who have been in my life for fifteen of my seventeen years!” I yelled, using my hands to enunciate almost every single word that came out of my mouth. At some point in my ranting, she’d looked to Ianto and Jason for help, but they held up their hands and shook their heads, as if to say, ‘you’re on your own, buster’. “I don’t give a fuck if I came out of your vagina or Reese’s penis. Either way, he and Camron are better parents than you ever have been or ever will be!” I realized that my last statement didn’t exactly make any sense, but she knew well enough what I was trying to say. My words must have really stung, because tears were brimming in her eyes. “Now if you will excuse me, mother, I would like to celebrate the fact that I am not a seventeen year old father. If I were you, I’d be celebrating the fact that I’m not a thirty nine year old grandmother.”

As I walked away, I heard her break down into tears and Jason say, “You kind of did bring it on yourself, honey.” I went to my room and slammed the door shut, flopping down on my bed, completely exasperated and groaning. I finally meet my mother and she almost immediately pisses me off! Is this what it’s like to have normal parents? Many of my friends back in Jersey complain about their parents all the time, and I never understood why until now.

I laid there for a while, thinking about everything, before my phone went off again, stirring me from my thoughts. I pulled it out of my pocket and smiled when I saw it was Mason calling. “Hey Baby, what’s up?” I asked after flipping open my phone and pressing it to my ear.

“Gavin, oh it’s so good to hear your voice,” he said, sniffling a little bit. I knew immediately that something was wrong. He was crying, and I could tell just by the tone of his voice.

“Mason, are you okay? What happened?” I asked worriedly, sitting straight up.

“Something horrible happened,” he sobbed.

“Please tell me you’re alright Mason,”

“I-I’m fine,” he sniffled. “D-don’t worry ab-about me.”

“I can’t not worry about you when you call me crying and say that something horrible has happened,”

“I know…just, I-I’m fine,”

“Then what’s going on?” I asked, becoming even more worried the longer that I didn’t know what was going on.

“It-it’s C-Carson,” he stuttered, letting out another sob.

“What happened to him?”

“I was - so he went to go get - I saw - they - blood everywhere! And I h-heard - they called - that was - wrong - they meant to - not him! I - he - my fault. Now he - I c-can’t - still - didn’t ha-happen - thought I w-was - oh God, Gavin! It was h-hor-horrible!” he finally stuttered out. He could barely get out a complete sentence and any other person would not have been able to understand a thing he was trying to say except maybe Carson. I somehow got the gist of what he was trying to say and from what I gathered from the jumble of words, Carson wasn’t around to understand what he was saying anyways.

“Mason, Mason listen, okay?”

“O-okay,”

“I’m on my way, okay? And I’m bringing Jason and Ianto with me. Just try to calm down a little bit and we’ll be right there,” I assured him, wishing I was already there so I could hold him in my arms to comfort him. “Just take some deep breaths, alright? The more you cry, the more you hyperventilate, and when you hyperventilate like you are, you’re going to make yourself sick. We can’t have you sick right now, okay Mason? Can you do that for me? Take some deep breaths?”

“Y-yeah,” he said, taking in a few shaky gulps of air with me.

“Feel better?”

“A little,” he admitted.

“Okay, then keep doing that until we get there. We’ll see you in a little bit, Baby,”

“See you,”

I hung up my phone slowly, not wanting to leave him by himself. As soon as I had composed myself, I practically ran back into the living room, snatching my shoes on my way out of my room.

“Jason, Ianto, come on. We have to get to the hospital, like, ASAP,” I said, throwing my shoes down and walking into them.

“Why? What’s going on?” Jason asked, raising an eyebrow incredulously.

“Carson got shot,” I said bluntly, watching their faces change and them spring up. “I couldn’t understand everything that Mason was saying, but I know he got shot and I think…I think he’s dead.”