A New Kind of Denial

We went down the street to Marie’s to talk everything out. Ironically enough, the place that Mason and I went on our first date is the place that we’ve started to go to every time any of us needed to talk about something. That is, other than Jason’s offices for therapy sessions.

Everybody got some sort of warm drink, be it tea or coffee, mainly for comfort, and we sat down at a corner booth for seclusion. For a couple of minutes, it almost seemed as if nobody was going to say anything and that we were just going to sit there, looking at each other, and drinking quietly. I knew Mason really didn’t want to talk about it, so he definitely would not bring it up. I also knew Jason and Ianto well enough to know that they wouldn’t want to feel pushy and wouldn’t bring it up either. So that meant that if I didn’t start talking about it, we would sit there until we died, just looking at each other. I took a deep breath and set down my coffee, turning to look at Mason.

“Sweetie, are you going to be able tot talk about this?”

“Probably not,” he sighed, shaking his head. “But I’m going to try.”

“There’s no rush, mason. You can talk about it whenever you want to.”

“I might as well just get it over with and not dwell on it,” he said shakily, leaning on me slightly. I wrapped my arm around his waist comfortingly and kissed the top of his forehead gently. “Alright, well I’m usually the one that goes and gets the mail in the mornings,” he started slowly, still leaning a bit into me, “but I wasn’t feeling very well this morning, so Carson said he would go to get the mail. I was sitting on the living room couch under the window, trying to feel better from the fresh air, when I heard…I - oh god. This is so hard.”

“It’s okay, Mase; you can do this however you want to. Whatever pace you need, take,”

“I’m alright, really. This is just hard to talk about,”

“I would imagine it would be,” I whispered against his hair, giving him another kiss on the head.

“I don’t know from first hand experience, but I know that when Gavin’s dad’s late-fiancé passed away in a … similar was, I guess, he had a hard time talking about it too,”

“Your dad’s fiancé got sh-shot?”

“Eighteen years ago while they were in Paris. It was right around the time that Reese took a bullet for Camron and when Jase got shot in the leg,”

“It was only a couple days before the airport shooting. That’s what made it so much worse for him, I think; especially because Reese jumped in front of him so he wouldn’t get hit,” Ianto chipped in after a while of just listening to what everyone else was saying. “It’s fine if you can’t really talk about this; we completely understand.”

“No, I want you guys to know what happened. You all shouldn’t be left in the dark like this; you should know,” he said, smiling softly. He took another shaky breath and started where he left off. “I was on the couch by the open window and I h-heard a…bang I guess. It was kind of snappy though; I don’t know. Anyways, I looked out of the window and saw…” he trailed off and shuddered as he probably envisioned everything he saw.

“You don’t have to - “ I started to tell him.

He cut me off and looked me in the eyes, saying, “Yes I do have to do this Gavin.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled, surprising he snapped at me like he did. It wasn’t like him to get that much of an attitude, but who can blame him, really? His brother just died and he’s sitting here talking about less than an hour after it happened. I’d be just as bitchy if I was him in that position.

“No, I should be sorry,” he sighed. “I didn’t want that to come out so harsh, but it did. I’m just…I don’t know, moody.”

“It’s okay, you have every right to be moody. You’re going through a horrible loss. It’s perfectly fine; I understand,”

“I’m glad you understand,” he smiled, his eyes still wet from crying. “But I uh, really want to try to tell you all what happened, however hard it’s going to be for me.”

“We’re here for you, honey,” Jason whispered, looking at Mason sympathetically across the round table of the bakery.

One more time, he took a deep, but slightly more stable breath and began again. “When I heard it, I looked out of the window and saw Carson fall down. Then I heard someone yell to someone else, ‘you idiot. That’s Carson, not Mason’ and another voice yelled, ‘they’re twins; Mick won’t notice the difference’ and the first one yelled back, ‘he will if neither of them show up to work’. But by the time I realized that they were across the road, they sped away and I was too shocked by what I heard to catch the license plate number. When I got my senses back, I ran straight outside called and ambulance, but there was s-so much b-blood and a was t-too late.”

“Oh God, Mason. I’m so sorry,” I gasped, feeling myself start to tear up at the thought of everything. However much I didn’t like Carson, I wouldn’t wish what happened on anyone; especially not Mason’s twin brother.

“Wait,” Jason started slowly, “isn’t Mick your boss?”

“He was,” Mason sighed, clutching my arm against him. “I quit the Peacock’s Nest two days ago. Th-that’s why this h-happened. M-Mick doesn’t like to lose dancers and h-he must have sent some g-guys out after m-me. That’s why I said this was all my fault. It was supposed to b-be me, not Carson!”

“Oh, Baby,” I sighed, pulling him closer to me and rubbing his back gently, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. “I’m so sorry.”

“I just thought that maybe if I quit working there, things would start looking up for us. But no -” He was cut off by a really annoying voice and approaching foot falls.

“Mason!” Carlo exclaimed, walking closer to our table. I was already pissed off just by his presence, but his ignorance wasn’t helping the fact either. It was obvious to anyone with half a brain that something was not very cheery or the least bit happy about the conversation that was occurring at this particular corner booth, but he must have somehow not noticed. “Hey, what’s going on?”

Mason groaned lightly and whispered to me, “Get him out of him, please.”

“Gladly,” I whispered back, standing up and grabbing Carlo by the arm kind of gently. “Carlo, you need to come with me right now.”

“Do I know you?”

“We’ve met once or twice. I’m dating Mason,”

“What’s your name?” he asked as I lead us away from where we were sitting.

“That doesn’t matter at the moment, Carlo. What matters right now is that Mason’s not in the mood to deal with you right now,” I told him in quite the apathetic tone of voice, moving my hand to grip him behind the neck lightly. “He’s trying to get through something that is very difficult for him an the last thing he needs is you bugging him. He just lost his twin, and it was a case of mistaken identity. Somebody shot Carson, but meant to shoot Mason. So right now, he’s trying to deal with that, which is a very hard thing to deal with. We would all greatly appreciate it if you just got back to work or whatever the fuck you were doing in the first place, since I highly doubt you were doing much work anyways.”

“Oh my God. That’s so horrible!” he gasped.

“Yes it is. So could you please just leave us alone?”

“Of course. I’m so sorry. Please tell Mason I‘m sorry too,”

I simply nodded and turned back towards the corner booth where Ianto, Mason and Jason were standing up, grabbing the drinks, and walking over to meet me in the middle of the bakery. Mason handed me my coffee and hugged me, thanking me for getting him to leave. “You’re welcome dear. He said he was sorry, by the way.”

“I don’t really care,” he breathed, chuckling slightly.

“We heading home?” I asked, not quite directing my question at anyone in particular.

“Yeah, we thought it would be best,”

“I think it would be too,” I nodded.