A New Kind of Denial

I walked in the house after mine and Mason’s third date with a – probably – goofy grin on my face. I just about couldn’t believe how well the date went. I don’t think I've been on a date that went that well for a long time. I didn’t think anybody could have brought my mood down. But then I saw the looks on the faces of Ianto and Jason and my heart just about sank to my feet. I knew something was wrong; they were perfectly happy when I left, and they looked as if someone got shot.

“What happened?”

“Oh, Gav, you’re back,” Ianto said, turning his head towards me.

“What happened?” I repeated, using a harder tone of voice with him than before.

“You might want to sit down for this,”

“Oh, God, which one?”

“Which one, what?”

“Which of my dads did it happen to?”

“How do you know something happened to your dad?”

“You wouldn’t be telling me to sit down for something if it wasn’t something like this. What happened and who did it happen to?” I asked, still standing up.

“It was Camron,” Jason sighed.

“What happened to him?” I asked; my voice unintentionally cracking. “What happened?” I repeated, getting my voice under control again.

“He’s in a hospital in Cleveland, Ohio,”

“Jason! For fuck’s sake, just tell me what the hell happened to my father!”

“He got hit,” Ianto piped up, ignoring my cursing for the time-being. Usually, they’d mention something about watching my language, but I think they both agree that right now’s not the greatest time to scold me about my cursing. “by a car.”

“You mean he got in a car accident?”

“No, he got hit by a car in a parking lot,” Jason sighed.

“Please tell me it was an accident,”

“It was, Gavin; it was a complete accident,”

“What…how did it happen? I mean, it’s not like he’d run out in front of a car like some little kid. He’s childish, but he wouldn’t do something that stupid,”

“That’s actually kind of what he did. They were walking into a stare after they talked to you, and Cam realized he dropped his phone. He looked around for it and saw it, so he went to grab it, but he didn’t see that there was an oncoming car headed straight for him. The guy in the car tried stopping but came to a halt just after Camron got knocked to the ground,”

“How is he? Is he okay?”

“He, uh, well, he’s got a slight concussion from his head bouncing off the pavement, a broken arm, and he’s jacked up on pain killers and very loopy right now,”

“But I just talked to them a couple of hours ago,”

“And it happened about five minutes after you got off the phone with them. Reese just got a chance to call us a half an hour ago,”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“You were on a date,” Jason shrugged. “We didn’t want to worry you about it.”

“Worry me about it? It’s my father we’re talking about here. I’m going to be worried no matter when you tell me about it,”

“Yes, but if you found out while you were with mason, you would have freaked out and then he would have been freaking out and you probably would have ran home as fast as you could and there’s no reason for that at all because there’s nothing we can do at the moment. Even if we go down there to visit him, there’s nothing we can do. It’s not like he’s going to die and we need to be by his side or anything. We just didn’t wasn’t you to rush to conclusions and get all bugged out by it and do something rash,”

“I guess you’re right,” I sighed. “But it still angers me that you didn’t tell me before. I understand why you didn’t, but you’ve got to understand why I’m a bit peeved about it.”

“I know, Gavin,” Jason said solemnly. “I completely get it.”

“So do I,” Ianto said. “And I don’t blame you for flipping out. We flipped out on Reese when he called us and told us.”

“Can I call them?” I asked kind of shyly, making myself sound like a little kid asking for candy or something.

“You can try, but they’re in the hospital and might not answer their phones. Plus, like I said, Cam’s all loopy right now and I doubt he’d be able to talk in a coherent conversation at the moment,”

“Well, I’m going to go try and get a hold of Reese at least. I’ll be in my room,”

“Okay, hon,” Ianto answered.

“Come here,” Jason said, extending his arms at me. I walked over to him and gave him a huge hug. “Don’t forget; we’re all going through this with you.”

“Thanks,” I muttered, heading back to my room with a shoulder-pat from Ianto. I couldn’t believe it; I just went from the best date of my life to finding out that one of my dad’s was in a hospital in another country. Of course, that sounds worse than it is, because America’s only a little ways below Canada, but it’s still bad. What am I saying? It’d still be bad even if he was in a hospital down the road!

I plopped down on my bed - or at least the bed I have while I’m here - and noticed how much I really missed home. I missed being close to my dads and knowing that even if the smallest little thing happened, I could be there for them fairly quickly. I missed not having to worry about them from afar. I mean, yeah, I’m having a great time here and I’m meeting some fantastic people, but I do miss home.

I sighed and pulled out my phone from my pocket, dialing Reese’s phone number, even though it’s programmed into my phone. It rang and rang and rang, but he never did pick up, which I was half expecting anyways. As the voicemail kicked in, I realized I still hadn’t a clue about what I wanted to say, but I just ended up pulling something out of the air and saying it. “Hey, Reese, it’s Gavin. I was hoping to get a hold of you, but I know why I didn’t, so it’s okay. I would have called sooner, but I just got back home and they just told me. Call me back when you get this. I hope he’ll be okay. I love you guys more than I can tell you. Bye, I guess.”

From my cross-legged sitting position, I fell backwards on the bed and kicked out my legs in front of me, groaning. I laid there for a few minutes, just thinking over everything, hoping my phone would ring. A few minutes turned into twenty and twenty turned into forty. Once I figured out that I wasn’t going to get any calls, I got up, turned on some music, pulled out the book I was reading and sat back down, flipping to the page I was on to try to take my mind off of everything. Of course, as it figures, as soon as I get into my book, my phone does ring. I practically lunged across the bed to snatch my phone off the nightstand to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Gavin?”

“Uh, yeah, hi Tanya,” I answered, surprised out of my mind.

“You sound distracted,” she said, sounding slightly off also.

“Yeah, well, my dad is in a hospital in Ohio. Plus, I haven’t spoken to you for a long time and the last time I did talk to you, It wasn’t all that pleasant a conversation. I’m going to be a bit distracted,”

“Oh my God. Is your dad okay?”

“He got hit by a car, but he’s doing alright,” I sighed, running my free hand through my hair. “I guess he’s a bit loopy right now because of pain meds, so I can’t quite talk to him, but Reese says he’s doing fine really.”

“So it’s Camron that’s hurt?”

“Yeah,”

“I’m so sorry,”

“It’s okay. There’s nothing any of us can do anyways. So, um, why did you call in the first place?”

“Well, I kind of have something important that we should probably talk about,”

“And what would that be?”

“Uh, well, it’s one of those things that I really wish I could tell you face to face, but by the time I’ll see you again, it’s probably be a bit too late for much to be done on your part,”

“Tanya, just come out and say what you mean, because I have no idea what in the hell you’re talking about. You are making no sense right now,”

“Okay, uh, well…you might be the father of my baby,”

“Who else might be the father?”

“You’re not surprised that I’m pregnant?”

“Tanya, I’m not surprised. You’re a whore; it was only a matter of time,” I chuckled slightly. “Now, who else could be the father?”

“Trevor,” she mumbled.

“Trevor Dawson?”

“Trevor Mason,”

“Mason? Holy hell, that’s fucking ironic,” I laughed.

“Why’s that ironic?”

“That name; Mason,”

“Why’s that ironic?” she repeated.

“Because I met a guy up here names Mason and he and I are getting pretty serious,” I said kind of slowly, feeling weird talking about my new almost-boyfriend with my ex-girlfriend. I wasn’t sure if I should actually tell her or not, but I came to the conclusion that I might as well be honest with the woman that might be carrying my child.

“I figured,” she sighed.

“You figured what?”

“That you’d have found someone else while you were in Canada,”

“Don’t tell me you were hoping to get back together,”

“No, no I wasn’t,” she said, starting in a slightly hasty tone. “I, uh - I don’t even know for sure if you’re the father. But even if you were, I don’t think I’d want to get back together. I just want you to know that you might possibly have a child. I already told Trevor about it, too, just so you know.”

“What did he have to say?”

“He just basically denied the hell out of it and told me not to talk to him ever again,”

“Okay, well, are you ever going to figure out who the actual father is? I mean, obviously you’re wishing that he isn’t, but what if he is? If I am, I’m going to help you through this as much as I can, however much I hate that this happened. But if I’m not, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to help you very much. And you can’t blame me for that, Tanya, because you know I barely even wanted to go that far in the first place, let alone be a fucking father right now. I’m still in high school, for Christ’s sake! You and Trevor aren’t; you’ve already graduated. So, please, if you do find out who the dad is, and if it’s not me, don’t lie to me saying that it is. I don’t care how much you don’t want Trevor to be, if I’m not, I’m not going to pretend like I am. I know this makes me sound cold hearted and bitchy, but put yourself in my shoes. My dad is in the hospital, I’m in Canada trying to make something in my life good - or at least add one good thing to my life - and I really don’t need something like this happening unnecessarily,”

“I wouldn’t do that to you, Gavin. You really are a good guy, and I wouldn’t ever make you go through something you don’t have to go through. You’re right though; I would much rather you be the dad, because I don’t quite want to go through this alone, but I’m not going to pin this responsibility on you if it’s not your responsibility to bear. I don’t blame you for that because I understand your whole situation, and I know you pretty much didn’t even want to have sex. I feel bad about that, too, because I feel like I pressured you into it or something,”

“You didn’t pressure me into anything; I wanted to do it, but yet again, I didn’t. it was one of those kinda - kinda not situations. Do you know what I mean?”

“I’m pretty sure I do. It’s a bit like now; I’m kind of happy about being pregnant, but I kind of wish it didn’t happen,”

“Well how the hell do you think it happened anyways? We used protection and weren’t you on the pill?”

“I still am - well, not since I found out - but they aren’t 99 percent effective and I guess we just got a rip or something like that,”

“If it was us,”

“Yes, if it were us,” she sighed. I could tell that this really bothered the shit out of her; not knowing and all that. “And I am going to get a paternity test eventually, so we will for sure know who it is at some point.”

“Okay, good. I don’t like the idea of guessing about who’s the father of a baby. Any baby, not only this one,”

“I know what you mean, because I feel the same way. I think I’m going to go find out either this week or next,”

“So, you’re for sure going to keep the baby?”

“Yes, I am going to; eve if it’s just me,”

“What about adoption?”

“I’ve thought about that, but I just don’t really want to go that route. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against adoption; I just don’t exactly want to do that. I’d rather be responsible for my actions and keep this baby,”

“So are you saying that all people that put their children up for adoption are irresponsible?”

“No, Gavin, that’s not at all what I’m saying - “

“Well, it sure sounded like it,”

“I’m saying I want to do the responsible thing and - “

“There you go again! You’re making it sound like adoption is the irresponsible thing to do!”

“Why are you so adamant about making me out to be the bad guy?”

“I’m not, Tanya, but you’re kind of insulting me here,”

“How the hell am I insulting you, Gavin?”

“I’m adopted!”

“You couldn’t help that! It was your parents’ decision, not yours!”

“Even still, I’m bi and happen to believe very strongly in the right of adoption for people that can’t have children of their own. Like my fathers!”

“Firstly, Reese could have had children! He’s bi too! Secondly, that’s still not you! That’s other people! You can have children too; you don’t have to adopt any!”

“That doesn’t matter!”

“Then what does right now?”

“You’re insulting the things that I stand for!”

“Why don’t I just get off the phone now before this turns into something way worse than this?” she asked, sounding completely and utterly fed up with me at the moment. I didn’t quite care though. I wanted to finish that conversation, and I wanted to finish it then.

“No, I want to talk about this now!”

Click

“Oh, no you didn’t,” I gasped (quite gaily, I might add), staring at my phone like it was what hung up on me instead of Tanya. I immediately dialed he number and called her back. “You didn’t not just hand up on me!”

“Do you realize how fucking gay you sound right now?” she seethed.

“I don’t care! I’m kind of half gay here!”

“Either way, yes, I did hang up on you. And I’m going to do it again!”

Click

“I can’t believe her!”

And I can’t believe I’m talking to myself as much as I am.