We've Got a Big Mess On Our Hands

GABE’S POV

I can’t believe I lost him.

I miss him so much already…

I thought we were forever, but no. I had to go and screw it up, just like I always did.

How could I have said what I did to William? He was perfect. It was me that was me that fucked up…

William was right. I was a total dick and I deserved the pain I was in right now.

“Gabe?” Vicky asked. “Are you okay?”

I realized that I was leaning against the bus door, hitting my head against the cool surface over and over. All of the TAI guys were waiting for me to move so they could go over to their bus. They’ve obviously realized I need to talk to my band about something, and that generally meant that William and I couldn’t talk about it…

“No.” I said, moving over to the couch and out of their way. “I’m not okay.”

“What’s wrong?” Vicky said, scooting over and hugging me around the shoulders. “I’m sure you and William can work through whatever it is you’re fighting about.”

“See, that’s just the thing.” I said. “He was trying to work through it and I turned into an ass and he broke up with me. I just screwed my whole life up for what? My pride? My privacy? I would trade it all to be back with William.”

By now, the tears were coursing down my cheeks, leaving trails in their wake. I’d never cried this much in my entire life. There were just no words that could describe the sense of emptiness that was aching in my chest. Without William, my reputation meant nothing. I was so ridiculous to ever put it before the love of my life.

“Gabey-”

“Don’t.” I said. “Don’t call me that.”

“Gabe.” she said. “You need to snap out of it and apologize before you lose the love of your life. I know how important he is to you and I know that neither of you can live without each other. He also has all of your shit in his apartment.”

“Trying to be funny isn’t helping my situation.” I said bitterly.

“It’s a fact.” Vicky said. “I’m serious though. You really need to make up with him or the rest of the tour will be terrible. Not only for the fans, but also for you and the rest of us.”

“He hates me.” I muttered. “I’m not about to go over there and try and apologize. It’d just make the situation worse. There’s no way we’re getting back together after what I said to him.”

“You’re being ridiculous.” Vicky said.

“No, I’m not.” I said. “You don’t understand… I said the most terrible things to him.”

“What did you say?” Vicky said, her voice somehow concerned and threatening at the same time.

“I may have said that I… regrettedevermeetinghim...” I muttered quickly.

“GABRIEL EDUARDO SAPORTA!” Vicky yelled. “You are such a fuck up.”

“You don’t think I know that?” I said. “I’m quite aware that what I said was the worst thing anyone can say to someone they’re supposedly in love with.”

“Okay, maybe you’re right.” Vicky said. “Give him a day or so to cool off. Then go apologize. Is that all that happened?”

I know I should tell her about the possible proposal, but it still hurt so badly.
I’d bought the ring months ago, before we even went on tour. I knew that William was the person I wanted to spend my whole life with; there was no doubt about that. I kept putting it off until I was ready, but I guess I was just scared. That seems to be my reasoning for everything. I was scared he’d reject me; scared he’d think it was too soon…

Also, he deserved better than a secret wedding. The stress of having to hide everything would be too much and I couldn’t do that to him. No; if we were going to get married, it would be when we were publicly dating. I’d been carrying the ring around, waiting for the day I would finally man up and tell someone, anyone, about William and I. I’ve had multiple opportunities, but I’ve always chickened out. Now I wish more than anything that I’d come out months ago…

“Gabe?” she asked. “There’s something else, isn’t there?”

“No, nothing at all.” I said, trying my best to sound innocent… I don’t think it worked very well. “I’m going to bed. Is my bunk still free?”

“Yeah, we kept it open.” Vicky said. “We hoped that nothing would happen, but we know that sometimes couples fight and you might have needed your bunk… smart idea.”

“Thanks.” I said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight.” Vicky said, kissing my forehead. “You’ll get through this. You two are strong.”

“I know.” I said.

But somehow, I wasn’t so sure I believed her…