Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner

“God, I’m so nervous.”

“Don’t be, Hayliee.”, Callie assured me.

“How can I not be?”, I yelled exasperatedly. “I’m getting married tomorrow!”

“Yes, tomorrow.”, Emmy pointed out. “Not today. Stop worrying and enjoy your last day as a single woman.”

I buried my head in my hands. “Oh my God.”

“Hey, Hayliee, I hope it’s alright, but I invited our new roommate over to hang out.”, Callie said, exchange a glance with Emmy. I thought it was a little suspicious, but I brushed if off.

“Yea, that’s fine.”, I sighed. I was missing Johnny. Hours earlier, Emmy and Callie had declared that it was ‘untraditional’ for Johnny to see me tonight, and forced him from the house. I assumed he was out with the guys, drinking his way to oblivion.

“Jeez, why did Johnny have to leave?”, I whined.

“Because the groom isn’t supposed to see the bride for twenty-four hours before the wedding!”, Emmy exclaimed.

“Well, I miss him.”

“You’ll get over it.”, Emmy replied, walking over to answer the door. Standing in the doorway was a short, black-haired girl, who must be Callie and Emmy’s new roommate.

“Hi.”, she said. “I’m Carly.”

My eyes drifted to the package she held in her hands, and then I knew what they were planning. I shot up off the couch. “Emmy Lauren Collins! You had better not be throwing a bachelorette party!”

“It’s tradition!”

“Fuck tradition.”, I said. “Please tell me you didn’t get a stripper.”

“Okay, we didn’t get a stripper.”, Emmy repeated.

“But we did bring margaritas!”, Callie piped, and Carly held up the bag she was holding.

“But-”, I started, but Emmy held up her hand.

“But nothing.”, she stated. “Johnny is out drinking until he can’t see, and so should you.”

“Fine.”, I grumbled. “You mix. I’m calling Johnny.” I pulled out my phone, and Emmy snatched it away.

“Nu-huh!”, she shouted. “You can’t talk to him, either.”

I held my hands together in a prayer position. “Please. If I can’t see him, at least let me have phone sex.”

“Okay, you’re just gross.”, Emmy commented.

“Can we just mix the margaritas, please?”, Callie asked.

I waved my hand. “Go ahead. But mix them strong. I don’t want to be able to remember my own name.”

. . .

“Okay, okay...”, Callie slurred. “Tell us about Johnny.”

“Yea.”, Emmy chimed. “Is he good?”

I giggled and took another sip of my drink. “The best. Amazing. Like...totally perfect.”

“Well, so is Zacky.”, Emmy whispered.

“Oh my God, you slept with Zacky?”, we all said.

“Mm-hmm.”, Emmy mumbled. “And it was just like you said, Hayliee.
Per-fect.” The last word was punctuated by a hiccup, and we all laughed hysterically.

“Well, well...”, I mumbled. “You know what you should try? You should-” I paused, temporarily dissolving into a fit of giggles. “You should fuck somewhere unusual. Changes everything.” I motioned strongly with my hand.

“W-Where exactly did you and Johnny fuck that was unusual?”, Callie asked suspiciously.

I smiled wickedly. “The beach.”

“Wow.” Carly spoke for the first time. “And you were sober?” I nodded. “You’d better be careful. I got pregnant at seventeen. Changed my life.”

I shook my head, shaking her off. “We’re careful. I’m on the pill, and Johnny always uses a condom.” I finished my sentence with a hiccup, and everyone laughed loudly.

“Ooh.” Callie tapped me on the leg excitedly. “Have you ever...‘gone down’ on Johnny?”

“No!”, I shouted, a little louder than I intended. “Just plain, normal sex. Hey!”, I blurted, a thought suddenly popping into my head. “You know what’s hot? Making out in the shower.” I nodded knowingly. Carly, Emmy, and Callie groaned.

“Jeez, Zacky is right.”, Emmy stated. “You two really are like rabbits.”

“Maybe.”, I admitted. “But the sex is definitely hot.”

Callie walked into the kitchen to pour herself another drink. “Okay, but...do you and Johnny do anything but fuck?”

I felt color creeping up my cheeks. “Of course we do! J-Johnny and I are in love. We do sweet things. Like when Johnny tells me he loves me and calls me baby...” I smiled, one reaching from ear to ear. “And we do more than just fuck, Goddammit!” I slammed my fist down and my drink toppled, the pink liquid flowing over the table.

Emmy stumbled over to clean it up. “Okay, Hayliee, I think you’ve had enough to drink.”

“No.”, I mumbled. “I want another.”

“Hayliee-”, Emmy argued, but she was interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Ooh!”, Callie cheered, clapping. “The entertainment is here!”

“What the fuck do you mean ‘entertainment’?”, I slurred.

“You’ll see.” Callie shouted, walking towards the door. She placed her hand on the doorknob, and suddenly whipped around to face me. “Close your eyes!”

“Fine.”, I grumbled, pinching my eyes shut. I heard Callie conversing in low tones with someone, and few moments later, music started, a bouncy pop beat. “Callie, what the hell is going on?” My eyes flew open, and I saw Emmy, Callie, and Carly sitting on the couch, leaving me alone on the loveseat. Callie pointed down the hallway. I looked in that direction and saw a male stripper dancing his way up the hall. “Callie.”, I hissed. “You are so going to pay for this.”

. . .

When I woke up, I sat up from where I’d passed out on the floor. The instant I was upright, my head started to pound, and I groaned.

“Holy fuck.”, Emmy grumbled, waking up on the couch. “God, we got way too shit-faced last night.”

Last night. Last night was my bachelorette party. Which means today is...

“Shit!”, I cried, sobering up immediately. “Oh m-my God. I’m getting married today.”

Emmy sat next to me and wrapped her arm comfortingly around my shoulders. “Hey, it’s alright. You shouldn’t be nervous. Like you said, you and Johnny are in love.”

“Yea, but what if he changes his mind?”, I breathed. “What if he realizes I’m not good enough?”

“He won’t.”, Emmy stated bluntly. “Hayliee, why would you even think something like that? Just look at the way Johnny looks at you. Like you’re the most beautiful thing in the world.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”, I argued. “Jon used to look at me like that.”

“But Jon didn’t treat you like that.”, Emmy whispered. “Jon treated you like shit. Johnny treats you like a fucking goddess.”

I smiled. “Yea, I guess you’re right.” I glanced at my ring and though of Johnny. “I really am lucky. Johnny is perfect.”