Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner

Maybe it was the food. Maybe it was the salty sea air or the fact that the earth felt like it was moving beneath my feet, but I felt like I was going to puke. I clamped my hand over my mouth and pushed back from the table, already feeling the bile starting to creep up my throat. I looked earnestly for a bathroom, but couldn’t find one, so I abandoned my search and threw up over the side of the boat.

I heard Johnny’s footsteps trailing behind me and then I felt his fingertips on the small of my back. “Baby.”, he soothed. “What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand, shaking my head. “No, I’m just feeling a little queasy.”

“I can ask the captain to let us off.”, Johnny suggested.

I waved him off. “Nah, I’m fine.” I felt more bile forcing its way up my throat. “Hold that thought.” Then I lurched forward and puked my guts up again.

“We’re getting off.”, Johnny declared.

“Johnny-”, I started.

“We’re getting off.”

. . .

An hour later, back at the hotel, I was bent over the toilet, puking up my guts, while Johnny knelt beside me, holding back my hair. “Baby, maybe we should take you to a doctor.”, Johnny fretted.

“No.”, I repeated for what felt like the umpteenth time. “I-I probably just ate some bad food or something.” Finally, I managed to stop throwing up and allowed Johnny to carry me to the bed, where I curled up into a tight ball. I started shaking, and Johnny lay down next to me, wrapping his arms around me, forming a protective shell.

“Hayliee, maybe we should just go home.”, Johnny whispered.

I shook my head. “But I know how much you were enjoying our honeymoon. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“Baby, I don’t want you to suffer just to make me happy.”, he countered. “We’re going home tomorrow, and that’s final.”

I groaned. “God, this fucking sucks!”, I screamed.

“Hayliee, calm down.”, Johnny cooed.

“No. I will not calm down.”, I hissed. I wasn’t mad at Johnny, I was mad at myself. “This is our honeymoon. We’re supposed to be having fun, having sex...and I ruined it by getting sick.”

“You didn’t ruin it.”, Johnny assured. Suddenly, he paused. Sounding a bit awkward, he added, “Baby, do you think there’s a chance you could be...pregnant?”

“No.” The word exited my lips before I had a chance to think. “Absolutely no chance. Zero. I am not pregnant.”

“Well, I’ve sort of been, uh...neglecting to use protection.”, he stated gingerly.

“Well, I’m on the pill. I’ve never missed a dose.”

Have I? God, have I remembered to take them these past two weeks?

Johnny’s hand traveled to my neck, his fingers fitting perfectly into the curve of my neck. “Hayliee, what if you are pregnant? Don’t you want a baby?”

I thought about it for a minute, bringing my hand to my stomach. “I guess. I mean...sure I want a baby, but not now. Maybe in a few years.”

“Baby-”, Johnny started.

I held my finger up to his mouth to silence him. “Johnny, I hate to tell you this, but this is not your decision to make.”

“Yes, it is.”, he said through clenched teeth. “Since I’m the one who has to knock you up, I think part of the decision is mine, too.”

I was starting to get pissed. “No, it isn’t. Not really. My body. My decision. I decide when I get pregnant, seeing as how I’ll be putting up with the most shit.”

“Well Hayliee, I want a baby.”, he whispered. “I really do. A boy. Someone to look up to me. I just...really want a baby.”

“I know you want a baby. And, well, so do I. But not now. We just got married. I want to enjoy you for a little while before a baby comes along. And besides that, I’m so young, and...I wouldn’t know how to be a good mom.” I shifted, rolling so that my face was level with Johnny’s collarbone. “But don’t worry. I promise, one day, you and I will make a beautiful baby.”

“How could our baby be anything but beautiful?”, Johnny asked. “It’s going to have you for a mom.”

“And you for a dad.”, I mumbled, beginning to fall asleep. Johnny carefully pulled the sheets up to my shoulders and tucked them around me. I latched my fingers around the collar of his shirt, tugging him close to me, his heart beating in my ears as I drifted off to sleep.

. . .

Just as I predicted, I spent the entire flight home cooped up in the bathroom, huddled over the toilet, while Johnny stood outside the door, trying to be soothing. “Baby, are you sure you’re okay?”, he called.

“Fine.”, I mumbled, when I truly felt like shit. I understood that he was trying to be helpful, that he was my husband now and he thought this was his job. But at the moment, his constant hovering was getting to be a little irritating. And that damn question. If I heard that damn question one more fucking time....He already knew the answer, so I don't know why in the world he kept asking it.

“Excuse me.”, a frail voice interrupted. “I was wondering if I might be able to use that restroom.” I nodded my head, pushing off from the floor and standing up. As I walked past the old woman, she eyed my stomach. “Oh, your little one is going to be beautiful.”, she commented.

Johnny and I glanced at each other, both of us equally confused. “What little one?”, I asked. “I’m not pregnant.”

The old woman nodded her head. “Oh, yes you are, dear. You have that glow.”

I followed Johnny back to our seats, glancing over my shoulder at the old woman. “What does she know?”, I grumbled. “I’m not pregnant. It’s not like I’m fat enough to look pregnant. I’m not fat, am I?” I looked at Johnny expectantly.

“Of course not!”, he answered. “You’re fucking tiny. Skinny as hell with tight little abs. God, you’re sexy.” God, this man. His mind never leaves the gutter, I swear.

I laughed at him. “Thanks, Johnny.”

“No problem, baby.”, he said, pecking me on the lips.

Suddenly, I gripped my stomach. “God, I feel like shit.” Mentally, I made a note never to go back to France. If their damn food was making me this sick, I didn't trust that place enough to ever go back.

Johnny lifted the armrest between our seats and snaked his arm around my waist. I leaned close to him and rested my head on his shoulder. Johnny splayed his hand under my shirt, fingers stretched across my stomach, his thumb tucked just under the waistband of my jeans. He slowly fluttered his fingers, trailing them around my belly button, and I giggled.

“What are you doing?”, I questioned.

“I’m...soothing your stomach.”, Johnny replied innocently.

I smiled flirtatiously, running my finger up his chest. “Oh, putting the moves on a married woman, are we?”

Johnny caught on to my game and winked at me. “Well, when a see a sexy woman, I can’t help myself. I just hope your husband doesn’t find out.”

I have no idea what had consumed me to even start this, but I was enjoying it. I traced Johnny’s jawline, and he shivered. “He’s not home. Why don’t you come over later? There are some things in the bedroom I’d love to show you.”

“God, Hayliee, I think you need to stop.”, Johnny mumbled. I glanced down at his lap and noticed the region below his belt had hardened. “Since we can’t really fuck on the airplane...”

The family seated across the aisle from us shot Johnny a disgusted look and we both laughed. “Yea, maybe we should stop.”, I agreed. “But you should get rid of your boner first.”

“God, Hayliee, don’t say shit like that.”, Johnny grumbled, covering his crotch with his hands.

Suddenly, my hand flew to my mouth. “Oh.”, I breathed. I stood up abruptly, shoving past Johnny’s knees and rushing to the bathroom. Once there, I proceeded to puke up my guts. Again.

God, this sucked.