Lost & Found.

I pulled my golden blonde hair up into a hair tie, then let it fall in ringlets down to the middle of my back. I needed to get it cut soon, I decided. I stared into the mirror, slowly letting my eyes glide downwards across my bright, sparkling blue eyes, my perfectly glossed pink lips, my powder blue blouse, the darkwash jeans. I nodded to my reflection, approving.

“Breakfast!” My mother’s voice floated up through the floor boards and was soon accompanied by a pounding on my door, which I opened immediately. It was Kendra, my sister.

Her dark brown, almost black, hair fell haphazardly around her face, framing it. She had the same big blue eyes as me, the same button nose, the same lips, the same everything. We would be twins if I hadn’t died my hair. I smiled at her, “Hey, Kenny.”

“Just making sure you were up.” She smiled, though I knew that she’d known I was up. She was wearing a band tee, it was some emo band I’d never heard of, I rolled my eyes. That paired with her torn, faded jeans and worn out tennis shoes was too much for me.

“What’s for breakfast?” I asked. It was likely my sister had already been downstairs and back up more than three times, she’d always been the early riser. And some how the night owl at the same time.

“Pancakes, I think.” She mumbled, taking to the steps before me. “Could be waffles, though.” She looked back at me slightly so I nodded before walking around the corner into the kitchen. Sure enough a stack of pancakes were laying out on the table, but I bypassed them. I was running a little late.

I poured myself a cup of coffee instead, pouring in a bit of milk, then a packet of sugar. I stirred it a little before dropping my spoon into the sink and heading for the den, where I knew my father would be. “Hey, punkin,” he smiled up at me when I walked into the den, where he worked almost 24/7.

He was typing away on his laptop, he hadn’t even looked up to see who it was. “I could smell the coffee,” he muttered as if reading my thoughts. “Kenny knows better than to drink that stuff. She’s gonna end up taller than you, Asher.” He’d never liked coffee, or at least that’s what my mother told me.

Apparently, he was a tea person.

From this view of my father I could see the slight bald spot through his thinning brown hair. Hair that would have probably matched his daughters’. He turned to face me, closing the laptop carefully, and I could tell he hadn’t shaved in a while, making me roll my eyes. His eyes were a hazel. A happy, tired hazel. He patted the side of the big chair he was sitting on as he moved his computer so that it was sitting on the desk rather than his lap.

“How’s the novel going?” I asked quietly, motioning to his computer.

“I wasn’t working on it,” he sighed. “I had to send some e-mails.” He smiled warmly, but I could see through it to how tired and upset he was. I knew he wouldn’t go into it, though, so I didn’t even ask. “You better get going,” he muttered checking his watch, frowning.

“Yeah, I know.” I smiled.

“ASH!” I could hear Kendra screaming for me, it was my turn to drive. Being a year older than her, that’s how it normally went.

“Coming!” I yelled back, turning to ruffle my dad’s barely there hair before taking off for the door. “I love you!”

I could hear him laughing back a reply, but I was already too far gone. I picked up my purse and a big backpack, then grabbed the keys to my car. “Come on Kenny!” I yelled back through the door and got into my car. It was a nameless silver thing, it had been my mother’s before she got a newer, shinier one.

I groaned as my sister came bounding out of the doorway carrying a mixed CD. I’d hoped that she’d forgotten. Somehow I thought that she’d forget that I made a deal: if I didn’t let her drive I’d let her pick the music. Maybe I was hoping she’d find a radio station. “Don’t worry, it’s good.” She smiled reassuringly.

I frowned looking into the back seat glancing at the box of other mixes that she’d mysteriously ‘lost’. For some reason she just kept making more though. She stuck the CD in and switched it automatically to number 13.

‘Send away for a priceless gift. One not subtle, one not on the list. Send away for a perfect world. One not simply so absurd. In these times of doing what you’re told, keep these feelings no one knows. What ever happened to the young man’s heart? Swallowed by pain as he slowly fell apart.’

It started slow and solemn, then became faster and I listened as Kendra sang along. She started pretending to play the drums and I laughed as her hair flew everywhere. She’d never know it, but I never really hated her music. It was just a bad image.

“Now I’m staring down the barrel of a .45!” She screamed along with the man singing through the speakers, making me laugh harder and turn the music up a little more. She turned to face me, jaw slackened a bit. Slowly her surprised face turned into probably the biggest smile I’d ever seen come from her.

“What?” I asked, smiling also. It was contagious.

“Nothing.” She switched the song to something much more mellow with lyrics I couldn’t understand. The bass pumped through my speakers, pounding into my bones. It had a weird sound, but it was turned off soon enough as I pulled into the school’s parking lot.

~~~

I stood at my locker waiting for the bell to ring. My books were already in my bag, I’d gotten out of class early, not feeling up to facing my classmates for all the extra time. I was afraid they’d see right through my fake smiles and my tired eyes.

I was exhausted, I hadn’t really slept in almost two weeks. I couldn’t sleep after the accident, not after what had happened. I couldn’t close my eyes for two minutes without getting some horrible image to appear in my head. I always seemed to wake up screaming.

“Hey, Ashlynn. What are you doing?” Bethany asked as she walked down the hall towards me, a skip in her step. “Out of everyone I’d expect to skip, you’re the last one.” She muttered, narrowing her eyes, suspicious.

Bethany was probably the only one out there who actually really cared. Everyone always acted like they cared, but you could tell that they didn’t really want to hear what was wrong. “I’m sorry, about, you know...” She said it so quietly I had to look over at her to make sure I’d actually heard her.

“My dad? Yeah, it’s okay.” I sighed, thinking about how just thirteen days ago he had been alive and laughing and calling me ‘punkin’. “We weren’t that close.” And that had to be the biggest lie in the history of lies. I looked to my feet, telling myself not to cry, that it wasn’t worth the tears. He’s been gone for two weeks, I should be over it, right?

“No, it’s not okay, but...” The bell cut her off and she frowned at me, showing her disappointment. She had to go now and so did I. “Listen, I’ll call you!” She yelled over the bell before scurrying away.

Now, to face everything else. I ran to catch the bus, not knowing where Kendra was, and not exactly caring at the moment. I had to get to work after school, or I’d never be able to drive again. I was being forced to pay for my own gas and that required a job, one that I’d just recently acquired.

~~~

The gas station was quiet and nobody was coming through those glass doors, which left me bored out of my mind. I turned on the radio behind my head trying to kill some time. I only had a half hour left before my shift was over.

A muscled man wearing a leather jacket with no sleeves and sunglasses walked in and walked slowly over to the fridges. I observed his tattoos as he walked, they were bright and colorful and they reminded me of Kendra who was always talking about getting one, though our mother swore on her own life that neither of her daughters would ever get one. Never in a million years.

The man came up to the counter where I sat and set two bottles of pop down. “That’ll be three dollars.” I smiled up at his hulking figure.

He glanced at the cash register, but I knew what it would come out to either way. Bikers normally didn’t care for receipts, so I never bothered. I wasn’t ripping them off either. That’s just not who I was.

“Mm, okay.” He still sounded confused, but he handed me three dollars anyway. I watched as he exited the small store and rode off on his bike.

I checked my watch constantly for the next twenty minutes until it read nine. I walked over to the door and flipped the sign so it read ‘closed’ and then started to turn of lights. I quickly mopped the floor before leaving, thinking about how I should have just mopped instead of sitting around. Last minute I remembered about the radio that had become a white noise of sorts.

I ran back to turn it off and ended up running the mile home.

At least tomorrow was Friday.

I slowed to a walk as I came to my front door. Something felt off and I was reminded of that day as I walked into the house, locking the door behind me.

“Ashlynn? Is that you?” My mother’s voice carried angrily from the living room. “We need to talk.”

The dreaded we need to talk.

“Can I bring my bag upstairs first?” I asked, I’d started leaving my purse at home when I got my job. I realized that walking a mile with a purse and a homework laden backpack was not fun.

“No.” She muttered and a strong sense of deja vu hit me.

I could hear the tears in her voice as she beckoned me into the living room, something about needing to talk. I rounded the corner, keys still in hand, and noticed that it wasn’t just her in the room.

Two men in blue suits were sitting on the couch. Police.

“Where’s Kendra?” My mother asked.

“Kenny went to a friend’s house. Remember?” She nodded to me. “What’s going on, mom?” I asked, collapsing onto the sofa next to her.

“Honey, it’s your father.” She burst into tears again and I looked fearfully to one of the cops, needing an answer. I needed to know that he was okay.

My hopes were crushed by the pained look in the cops eyes as he looked back at me. I knew what he was going to say before he even opened his mouth. “I’m so sorry, he’s, uh, he’s dead.”

There were no tears this time. Nothing to fear. It was just my mother and her new favorite expression.

“Where were you?” She interrogated.

“Work.” I answered simply, letting my bag fall to my feet.

“Oh.” She looked to her hands as I sat down across from her.

“I have a secret to tell you, Ashlynn.” She looked me in the eyes again and the hardness of her face scared me.