Lost & Found.

I drive.

I drove.

I’ve driven.

I stare pointlessly out of the windshield as the rain pounds down on my bare, silver car and I try to make it into the next town. Fox insists that I make it there by nightfall, even though it’s already ten o’clock. I’m dead with my eyes open and I’m just happy I haven’t driven off of the road yet.

“Do you need me to drive?” Fox asks with a voice laced in worry. I ignore him, as I don’t quite trust him yet.

Why is he in my car anyway?

My eyes slip shut the tiniest bit and Fox grabs the wheel, jerking it back onto the right side of the road as my foot pulls off of the gas pedal a little. “Wake up, dammit.” He’s no longer concerned, but angry with me.

I shrug, not impressed; not caring.

It’s hard to care when you can’t think.

“Wake up,” Fox was loud and it sounded like a threat, “or I’m driving.” It was a threat.

I pressed onto the gas, taking in the road sign that read: ‘Chicago 12 miles.’ I sighed, happy to have found the nearest town. “Let me drive,” Fox insisted and somewhere I knew that it was probably for the best, anyway.

Who knew what I would do if faced with having to drive through a town that size half-asleep. I nodded in his direction already pulling over and opening my door. I could hear him sighing as his strong, warm arms encircled me and pulled me safely to the passenger door. This would be the first time I ever let someone else drive my car.

It was my car. Why should I just let someone else drive me around in it?

“Thank you,” Fox sighed and I could feel the weight being lifted. He now knew that he wouldn’t die tonight.

Not because of me anyway.

I grumbled something that even I didn’t understand as I cuddled my face into the soft seat. I avoided the seatbelt at all costs and pushed the seat so it reclined. I felt Fox moving things around and tried to tell him not to touch my shit, but we were already on the road and my eyes were already closed.

I heard the stereo turn on. I opened my eyes a little.

‘My ship went down in a sea of sound. When I woke up alone, I had everything...’

Isn’t that an oxymoron?

I felt my eyes close and my breathing slow.

Suddenly, nothing felt so wrong anymore and I was asleep.

~~~

When I woke up Fox was still driving and I was just as confused as ever.

‘Arrogant boy. Love yourself so no one has to, they’re better off without you. Arrogant boy. Cause a scene like you’re supposed to. They’ll fall asleep without you. You’re lucky if your memory remains.’

“What is this?” I asked, pointing to the stereo, which read track one.

“I never changed the CD, I don’t know what it is,” Fox shrugged, turning a rather sharp left.

‘Therapy, you were never a friend to me, you can take back your misery. Therapy, I’m a walking travesty, but I’m smiling at everything. Therapy, you were never a friend to me and you can choke on your misery...’

“Well, I think I like it,” I murmured, turning to look out the windows. “Where are we? This doesn’t look like Chicago.” I checked the time on the dash, it read eight thirty-two. “Where are we really going?” I asked curiously, turning myself so I didn’t face forward, but to my left, where Fox sat.

He chuckled as I watched him and he turned to the left again. “You’re not as dumb as you look, Rabbit.”

I smiled wryly, “Yeah. You didn’t answer my question.”

“You’re right. This is definitely not Chicago,” he glanced at me quickly before turning to face the road again as a truck passed us on the highway, “it’s Iowa.”

His smile was almost painful. “Iowa?”

“Yeah, you know... the state over in the middle... known for corn?” he was laughing at me with his eyes, I hated every second of it.

“I believe that’s Nebraska, poindexter,” I muttered as we pulled into a gas station.

He started to open his door. “Well, either way there’s a shit load of corn around here.” Laughing, I opened my mouth to reply, but he was faster. “Don’t objectify me,” he threatened, pointing at me. We both walked into the small store and grabbed our own breakfasts.

I placed my donut and a bottle of juice on the counter as Fox walked out of the store nonchalantly. I groaned, knowing that he had stolen something whether the cashier did or not. “That’ll be five sixty,” the bored teenager mumbled, popping her pink gum before handing me my change.

“Thanks,” I murmured, already out the door.

“You can’t just steal shit!” I yelled as Fox started the car, taking a bite out of the poptarts he’d stolen. “Seriously? Out of everything in there you snatched the poptarts?” I asked incredulously. It’s sad how quickly I could turn my own argument around.

“Oh, shut up,” he grumbled, trying to hide his grin, as he pulled back onto the highway, on our way to the next town. “I got you some too,” he smiled, holding the small blue package before my face.

I punched his shoulder playfully as I tore my donut in half, “thanks.” I smiled as I shoved half of the donut into his face, leaving a sticky, clear residue around his lips.

“I do believe I’m rubbing off on you,” he laughed as he wiped his mouth off. I fell into thoughtful silence as he drove down the empty roads and we passed cornfield after cornfield. Maybe I had been wrong, after all, and Iowa really was the corn state.

If he really was ‘rubbing off on me,’ as he’d said, then did that mean that I was changing for the better or for the worse? I rubbed at my nose with my forearm, facing the window and watching the gold flash before my eyes.

Maybe Iowa could be pretty.


If it wasn’t so boring.

“What’re you thinking about?” Fox asked me as we started crossing a big bridge, a sign over the top of it stated we were crossing into Nebraska.

“Hmm?” I turned my body towards him. I watched as he smiled, as if he could only think about laughing and not go through the real motion, and shook his head.

“You,” he stated, “Rabbit,” he pointed to me lightly, “will be the death of me.” I sighed and looked to my fingers because his laugh was worlds lighter than his words.

I don’t think I would ever understand this man.

I don’t think that I ever want to.