Lost & Found.

“You were adopted.” She stared at me solemnly, unblinkingly.

“What?” I asked, my voice a monotone.

“You were adopted.” She stated again. Something inside of me stirred awake. I was suddenly angry.

“I-I got that.” I snapped, quietly. The anger was tamed and I looked to my hands, I couldn’t look her in the eyes anymore. She’d lied to me my whole life. “How? Why? What about Kendra?” I asked not sure what to ask first.

“Why?!” She burst, angrily, making me flinch. “Because you weren’t wanted! You were their little accident!” She screamed in my face as I glared up at her and she started pacing, stumbling just the tiniest bit. “Kendra too!” This was some cruel joke, a nightmare, I told myself as my eyes stung and tears threatened to fall. “I would have never adopted you had your father not fallen in love. Assuring me that you two were just perfect little miracles.” She spat, disgusted.

“Shut up.” I muttered, how dare she talk about him like that? I stood up, I didn’t need to hear anymore of this. I headed for my room, but managed to get to Kendra’s instead. I found her lying on her bed, staring blankly at her ceiling with tear stained cheeks.

“I can’t believe her.” She whispered as I sat next to her on the bed, slowly going to lay down.

“Shh...” I wrapped my arm underneath her shoulders, pulling her closer to me so that I could hug her. “It’s okay.”

She pushed me away. “How can you not hate them?” She asked, I could see the angry fire in her eyes as more tears spilled. I shrugged. I could never hate the man I called a father. I could, though, hate the woman that had made my sister this upset. “I hate her.” Kendra whispered tearfully into my shirt as she clung to me.

“Don’t say that.” I didn’t want her to grow up holding grudges. It wasn’t worth it.

“What?” She snapped. “You don’t?”

I lied and shook my head, “No, I don’t.”

“How can you not?” Her voice was so angry now, I was afraid to look her in the eyes. I couldn’t do it. Did I want her to be angry at them or be angry at me? I didn’t have a choice now.

“They took us in, Kenny.” I muttered, trying to reason with her though I knew it was no good. If there was one thing to know about Kendra, it’s that she’s the most stubborn person in the world.

“Yeah, whatever, get out.” She whispered, pushing me away and almost off the bed. I could hear the tears in her voice and my gut wrenched.

“Sorry.” I whispered, not caring if she heard as I lugged my bag and myself into my room where I just curled up into a ball, unable to do anything else, and just cried until I was numb.

~~~

I stood in front of my mirror, my daily ritual. My blonde hair hung limp around my face and my blue eyes didn’t sparkle. There were dark circles under my eyes and my lips were chapped. I was wearing an old hooded sweatshirt with an even older tee shirt underneath. My jeans were old and just a little too big, just a little too torn. It was like I was slowly becoming my sister. My shoes were a pair of worn down flip flops.

I sighed.

That’s the best it’s going to get.

I wiped at my eyes, but it didn’t do anything, but make them redder.

I slowly, quietly, snuck down the stairs, my bag slipping off of my shoulder. I bypassed the kitchen and went straight for the door, finding Kendra already outside. She looked worse than normal and I sighed, knowing she wouldn’t be talking to me. I started to walk towards the bus stop and I could feel her close behind.

The bus was later than usual, but it was just as full and stinky as it normally was. I slid into the only open seat and Kendra sat with another girl farther back. Normally she sat with me.

I was miserable.

Some guy sat next to me. He had dark, spiked hair and dark, sad green eyes. He looked tired and hardly glanced at me before shoving headphones into his ears. I’d never had an iPod and honestly didn’t understand why people loved them so much. I had no need for one.

I didn’t mean to stare, but the minute I realized that I was I turned to face forward again. He didn’t look familiar in the least, maybe he was new. I caught a glimpse of the shirt he was wearing. It read ‘The Rolling Stones’ and his jeans were ripped.

He wasn’t somebody I’d want to know anyway, I sighed. He was someone like Kendra.

The bus couldn’t have stopped soon enough for me. The school was big and it looked ominous as it just sat there. I didn’t want to go in there, but I knew I had to so I hurried to my locker and then to my first class. I didn’t need a detention.

~~~

School passed slowly and like normal.

Only normal was happy. Normal was talking and laughing with friends. Normal was good.

I was as far from normal as possible.

I caught the bus that would bring me to work and the cycle went on and on. I laid my head on the counter, ignoring when the bell rang, signaling that someone had entered the store.

“Ash?” Whoever it was asked. I looked up to see some nameless football player. They were all the same, none-the-less my eyes scanned him, he looked different.

“Oh, hi, Jake.” I muttered. I’d dated him for three months last semester, back when he was playing.

“You seem... down.” He mumbled, grabbing a small pizza off of the spinning rack. I’d cooked it only ten minutes before.

“Yeah,” I muttered, “that one’s hot, by the way.”

“Uh, yeah, thanks.” He smiled and nodded, but in his eyes I could see the uncertainty. I rang up his pop and pizza, he handed me some money, I handed back the change, and he left.

The monotony was going to kill me.

I hit the radio on, not caring what station it was on.

‘Time can tear down a building or destroy a woman’s face. Hours are like diamonds, don’t let them waste. Time waits for no one, no favors has he. Time waits for no one, and it won’t wait for me.’

I liked the easy flow to the music. I could tell it was old and it normally wasn’t something I’d listen to, but I liked it none-the-less. The door jingled open, but I sat still and stared at the small radio.

I turned around, though, as someone set a gallon down on the counter. That someone happened to be Kendra, who was singing quietly along with the radio. She shoved the gallon of milk at me, “She needed some.”

I didn’t question her as I rung up the milk, trying to catch her eyes as she avoided mine.

“You still have to pay, you know.” I muttered, trying to joke. Kendra’s gaze only hardened though. Not a good joke, then.

“Since when did you listen to The Rolling Stones?” She asked quietly.

“Are we talking now?” I answered with a question and instantly regretted it as she shook her head and handed me five dollar bill.

“Keep the change.” She muttered before fleeing.

“Okay, then.” I muttered, shoving the bit of change left into my back pocket.

The rest of the time passed quicker as I listened to the radio, which, I was slowly beginning to realize, was on an ‘oldies’ station. I tried to remember all of the songs I liked and all of the ones I didn’t. Maybe if I could get Kendra to talk to me again I could get her to make me a mix of all of the good ones.

My phone vibrated at exactly eight o’clock. It was an alarm I’d set to tell me to start cleaning up. I pulled the mop out of the closet, scowling at the rain pouring outside. If it weren’t for the rain I wouldn’t even have anything to mop up.

As it were, right now there was a multitude of muddy tracks trailing through the entire store of all different sizes. I groaned as another person came through the front door, making the damn bell jingle and leaving a wet track of their own.

“Hello?” The person asked, a guy, I realized.

I peeked around the corner. “Over here, sir.” I said, catching his attention.

“Sorry, I didn’t see you there.” He smiled kindly. “You aren’t closed yet are you?” His eyes scrunched together, causing wrinkles to form on his forehead. He was confused.

“Sorry. No, I’m just..” I motioned towards all of the faded tracks on the floor.

“Oh.” He went to get whatever he needed and I continued mopping until I noticed him making his way to the front counter.

He was the last customer of the night and I ended up grabbing a cheeseburger off of the spinning rack in the corner, placing two dollars into the cash register, not having more than that on me. I bit into the burger and sighed.

I flipped the sign so it said closed and started to shut off all of the lights, grabbing my bag from behind the counter and turning off the radio. I stood at the door, wondering how this was going to work.

I didn’t know what to do, considering I’d rather not get poured on.

Turns out I didn’t have a choice.

I locked the door before running out into the rain and then all the way home, where I could take a warm shower.