Lost & Found.

Sunday passed uneventfully. I quickly realized that Kendra wasn’t talking to me yet, instead she notably avoided me the entire day.She yelled at Kendra and I constantly wanting us to do something, anything, for her. She became more and more horrible as the hours passed until suddenly the moon was up and the stars were out and she was asleep.

Monday was a different story.

Spike boy seemed to be everywhere.

Turns out, spike boy was a bit of a douche.

I got shoved around more in eight hours then I had in all four years of high school put together. My books mysteriously flew from my arms twice in between classes. My locker got duct taped shut after forth period, so I went to the rest of my classes with a binder, a pencil that was slowly running out of lead, and a Psychology book.

The bus ride home was just as awful as the day itself had been.

Spike boy, whose name I realized was Cody, sat next to me again. He never shut up and every now and then he’d say something about Kendra or my father. I felt like punching him in the face, but held back, keeping my hands tucked inside my sleeves.

The next few hours that I had to work with him, he stayed silent, no longer having anyone to entertain with my pain. I wordlessly ran the register, no music, no anything.

I don’t know what it was that made me snap, but some time around five thirty I screamed, “I quit.” And yanked the small silver name tag off of my shirt and pulled my sweatshirt over my head. I exited the store hurriedly, trying to get home before the rain for once.

Maybe it wouldn’t rain, then, just because I was thinking about it.

I slammed the front door closed behind me and it sent a resounding ‘boom’ throughout the house. I flinched but quickly straightened up and headed for the kitchen. I went straight to the fridge where the money jar was. It was strictly for emergencies when neither parent was home. I had no parents and I was classifying this as an emergency.

My eyes widened as I extracted over two hundred dollars from the jar. Who kept that much money laying around like that? “That’s for emergencies.” Kenny stated from where she leaned against the door frame, across the room.

“I know, this is an emergency.” I pushed past her, shoving the bills into my pocket. I ran up the stairs and stormed into my room grabbing a duffel bag and throwing it opened onto my bed. I pulled out the top drawer in my dresser and dumped it into the open bag before shoving it back into its place. I then opened the second drawer and emptied half of its contents into the bag, only keeping the shirts I would wear, which meant nothing fancy.

My eyes widened at the amount of tee shirts I had hidden in my drawer, but then smiled because they were all from a better time. They were from a time where there was no betrayal.

I then went to empty out my jean drawer into the open duffel bag. Next came the closet, where I pulled out a pair of flip flops and shoved them into one of the side pockets. I pulled a sweater off of a hanger and then two or three zip up sweatshirts.

My door opened but I ignored it as I cleared off the top of my dresser. A hairbrush, deodorant, a stack or two of hair ties. I grabbed a tiny mirror before turning to the other corner of my room.

“What are you doing?” Kenny’s voice rang from my doorway.

“What’s it look like?” I snapped back, picking up my laptop. I pulled my phone charger out of the wall with my other hand and buried the both of them under some clothes in my bag. I went to leave the room, but ended up backing up to pick a few worn books off of my shelf and then a few brand new ones too.

I swiped all of my CD’s into the crook of my arm before heading back downstairs to shove the new things into my backpack.

“What are you doing, Ashlynn?” Kendra asked again, stalking me as I made sharp turns throughout the house. I shoved past her into the den, his old office. I pulled a few of his favorite books down before grabbing a few of mine.

No one had been in here since he died. It still smelt of him.

It hadn’t been tainted by the heavy smell of her new alcoholic habits. I was half tempted to lock the door as I left the room, inhaling deeply. I never wanted her to touch anything in that room. Not ever.

“What does it look like?” I said louder, angrier as I pushed past her again.

“You’re just gonna run away?” I could hear the disgust in her voice but I chose to ignore it.

“No, I’m not running away,” I muttered, “I’m going on vacation.”

“What happened?” Kendra asked. It was as if she were mocking me. Making fun of the fact that I just couldn’t take it anymore. That the pressure seemed to be squishing me.

“Shut up.” It barely came out and I just stared at her for a second. My feet stumbled as I made my way to the kitchen and I wiped angrily at the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. “Just,” I took a deep breath, “shut up.” It was just a tiny bit louder.

I swiped a box of granola bars and a few bottles of water from the fridge, not wanting to stop until I, at least, hit the state border.

Or ran out of gas.

Whichever came first.

I pulled my backpack over my shoulders and slung the heavy duffel around my neck and an arm. I slung my purse so it settled on top of the duffel and I fingered the keys I’d remembered to put in my pocket.

“If you’re leavin’ you won’t be coming back.” She drawled drunkenly from the other room, I hadn’t thought she was awake. I must have been a little too loud.

I almost screamed in frustration as I pulled the ring of keys out and tore the house key off, chucking it in the direction of the living room and some part of me wished it would hit her in the face. That ugly face that I’d loved so much and the same face that betrayed me.

I walked as fast as I could to the front door, flinging it open and then slamming it closed behind me. I unlocked my car, throwing everything into the backseat, not caring how it landed. I slammed that door too, before getting into the front seat and starting the car.

By now the tears were streaming down my face and I couldn’t really see much. I pulled my hair back from my face where it was sticking, wet from my tears, and slapped a hair tie around it at the nape of my neck. I turned on the radio before starting to pull out of the small driveway.

~~~

It was hours before I pulled over for gas. I was in some small town and if I’d bothered to look at a map I could probably figure out how close I was to the next state.

Or what state I was close to.

I grabbed the most caffeinated drink I could find and a piece of warm pizza before going to the counter and paying for my gas. The girl sitting at the counter smiled at me but I could see past it to all of the boredom this job required. I smiled back sympathetically, knowing what it was like.

I payed and I left and I drove.

And I drove and I drove and I drove.

I tried to remember what radio station always seemed to be playing at work. The one with all of the old songs. Instead I settled for an equally old sounding station and relaxed myself.

‘All your love is gone, so sing a lonely song of a deep blue dream. Seven horses seem to be on the mark. Yeah, don’t you love her? Don’t you love her as she’s walkin’ out the door.’

I smiled even though the words probably weren’t the best for a time like this. The sound soothed my aching muscles and I felt happy for the first time in what felt like forever.

Even if it was only a little twinge.