Lost & Found.

I checked the small clock on the dash again. Ten thirty-seven.

Five hours.

I’ve been driving for five hours. I’d hit the border of Massachusetts and Connecticut a half hour ago. I was now in some small town called Hazardville. It was somewhere outside Hartford and I was tired. I just wanted to pull over. I’d even sleep in the backseat if I had to.

As I was pulling out of the town, though, I was lucky enough to find a decent looking motel. I stopped and payed for a room, which was cheaper than I’d expected, making me doubt the place’s nice-ness.

The room wasn’t half bad, but it was dark and dusty. I turned on the lamps on either side of the large bed, hoping it would brighten the room up, but even then the room still felt dark. I opened the two small doors on the back wall. One was a closet and one was a bathroom, both to be expected.

I reached for the soft blanket on the top shelf in the closet and drug it on the ground behind me to the bed. If I’d learned anything from my father it was to never trust the maids in hotels. Once I’d gotten under the covers in an expensive hotel in New York and woke up with old, molded pizza around my legs.

They hadn’t washed the sheets.

Just thinking about it made me shudder.

I curled up on top of the bed with the blue blanket wrapped around me, shoving a pillow under my head and ignoring my vibrating phone.

I wouldn’t charge it. I would wait for it to die.

I didn’t care how much they wanted me back.

I didn’t care how worried they got.

I just didn’t care as I drifted into a deep, dreamless sleep.

~~~

The alarm went off next to my head the next morning, causing me to jump awake and curse the last person to use this room. I turned off the alarm on the small clock before standing and grabbing my duffel bag, throwing it onto the bed. I pulled out a pair of jeans, just the first ones I saw, and I decided I’d wear them even though they were worn and old. Next, I dug deeper, finding a shirt even older than the jeans, black and faded. I couldn’t even make out the insignia on the front. I grabbed the rest of the clothes I would need and headed for the small bathroom, crossing my fingers and praying that it wasn’t disgusting.

To my surprise it was probably the cleanest part of the room.

I took a long, hot shower, trying to soothe my muscles. When I stepped out I glanced at my phone, vibrating against the porcelain sink. It was eight in the morning yet.

Again, I cursed the room’s last occupant for leaving their alarm on.

I stepped out of the bathroom with steam chasing me into the lightly chilled air. I glanced around and decided I might as well pack up and leave. I reached into the bag for an old pair of tennis shoes and thought back to a month ago, when I was chiding Kenny for dressing just like I was now.

I sighed sadly, slipping the shoes on and zipping up the bag. I exited the room with all of my bags and my purse over my shoulders and locked the door to the room before dumping everything into the backseat of my car again. I went to the front desk and gave them back the key, avoiding their sickeningly sweet smiles and their suspicious stares. They knew I was running away from something, my paranoia told me so.

I drove down the road until I found a diner and quickly ate there. Pancakes, to celebrate my youth. They tasted bitter, though, compared to hers, and I ended up only eating half of the plate before paying and leaving.

For a second I wondered how long this money would last. What would I do when it ran out?

The car started easily for me as I stopped for gas and a bottle of water. Another bored kid behind a counter greeted me, another reminder of yesterday. I looked to my feet, paying and leaving, wishing the poor kid a silent good luck.

And then Hazardville, Connecticut was just a small dot in my rearview mirror.

After three torturously boring hours of driving I could tell it was going to rain. The dark clouds, thickening above me was evidence enough. So it didn’t surprise me when the small drops hit my windshield. I wasn’t surprised, either, when the rain started pounding harder and the smattering of raindrops turned into a blur that I could no longer see through. I hit the windshield wipers and kept going, no matter how much I wanted to stop.

I did pull over, however, when the radio stopped working and my small car was filled with angry white noise. I sat in thought for a moment with my head resting lightly against the steering wheel before remembering the box of Kenny’s CDs in the back.

I undid my seatbelt, hardly believing that I was actually doing this. I turned around in my seat and pushed past all of my bags to the small box that I had dedicated to Kendra’s CDs forever ago. I pulled out the first green case that I saw and popped the CD into the player, turning down the volume, testing.

‘You’ve gotta swim, swim for your life. Swim for the music that saves you when you’re not so sure you’ll survive. You’ve gotta swim and swim when it hurts. The whole world is watching, you haven’t come this far to fall off the earth. The currents will pull you...’

The smooth sound came at me like a calm sea. It rushed over me and I couldn’t help but to close my eyes and sway the slightest bit, leaning back into the seat. I was completely relaxed for the first time in a month.

I seemed to instantaneously fall in love with that relaxed feeling.

Coming to my senses as the bridge of the song came, I pulled back onto the road and kept driving. I drove a few miles, pressed the back button, and listened to the song again. His voice sent shivers down my spine and I smiled at the feeling.

It was new.

I liked that feeling too.

I followed the small signs on the side of the road, going after the towns with the best names. Sometimes they were familiar. Sometimes they were just odd sounding. Sometimes it was just for shits and giggles.

Enfield. I crossed the Connecticut River. Breakneck.

Then I looked for something familiar, unsure of what state I was in. Hartford.

I wasn’t the best in geography, but I’m pretty sure that’s still Connecticut.

Wethersfield. The outskirts of Meriden. I turned around near Westville, dead set on following Amity Road, though eventually I turned off onto a Seymour Road. Seeing a sign that read Naugatuck, I just couldn’t resist. I slowed as I passed a huge cemetery, knowing I was close without needing a sign.

I stopped there not only needing gas but a bathroom to boot. I ended up grabbing a few snacks off of the small gas stations shelves. I wondered if I would ever run into a bigger place, then decided that I didn’t want to.

It was back to the road. Or, as I suppose is more appropriate, interstate. I followed it until I got bored and had to veer off course at a sign that said Becketville.

I needed gas anyway.

I grabbed a bottle of Mountain Dew and hightailed it out of there.

Around an hour later my stomach rumbled and I reached over into the passenger seat, where I stowed away all of the goods, trying to find something without taking my eyes off of the road. My hand searched around in the empty bag, kidding myself into believing that it wasn’t empty; that I was just missing something. My stomach growled at me again and I took the first turn I could that would lead me to some fast food.

I don’t know what it was, but something was keeping me moving. I didn’t want to stop yet.

I didn’t want to stop ever.

And that scared me.

I eventually found a Wendy’s, and though it wasn’t my first choice, I made up for it with a Frosty. I shoved a fry into my mouth as I started driving again, ignoring the aching fatigue that was starting to fall over every inch of my body.

In fact, I didn’t even pull off of the interstate again until I saw a sign that read Poughkeepsie. New York, I think. At least that sounded familiar. It lead me to a road that I didn’t think would ever end.

I stopped at Manchester Bridge, not liking how low I was getting on gas and how few and far between the towns were becoming. It made me itch and I ended up just walking around in circles, loitering inside of the gas station I’d stopped. Eventually I had to drive again, though, and by six o’clock I was in Poughkeepsie, lost and tired.