Status: Temporary Hiatus!
All I Can Do
4.
Jonathan was escorted into the waiting room of the ICU. Immediately, he felt his heart drop. There, near the TV and huddled around each other, was a few people his age and a tired looking family of around 5. He knew, before they even looked up at him or he was informed, that this was the family of the girl he hit.
He looked down at his knees, as the nurse ushered him quickly past the family. He could sense the anger of the father and by the looks of it, brother, as he past. He couldn’t bring himself to look them in the eye, to know that he had broken their hearts, hurt their beloved.
Quickly, he was in a white and blue hallway again. He could only hear light beeping, nurses talking quietly and some people’s shoes as they walked down to their destination. If he looked up, he could see patients struggling for their lives through the glass of the room. These were the worst of the worst; these were the ones who had the biggest possible chance of dying.
He was turned down a few hallways and wheeled past a few rooms before he stopped. Slowly, he looked up and realized that he couldn’t see her through the glass. The curtains were drawn and the door was secured. The nurse gave a uncomfortable sigh and patted his shoulder twice- as if to warn him that this might be the hardest thing he’d ever done.
“15 minutes, Mr. Toews.”
She opened the door and wheeled Jonathan in, placing him beside the bed before exiting. Jonathan felt like vomiting all over again. He thought he’d be prepared, but he wasn’t. Not for this. Here was a young blonde girl lying on a hospital bed. Her face was so black and blue that he couldn’t see any remote features about her.
Her head was bandaged, her arms cut and torn, bones definitely broken. She was hooked up to an oxygen mask because the impact had done enough damage to stop her from being able to breathe on her own. He had no idea how she was still alive and if there wasn’t the sound of a soft beeping, he would’ve assumed she wasn’t.
Jonathan placed his head in his hands and began to sob. There was no one around to judge him, to see him at his weakest, so he just let everything go. He felt nothing but remorse for this girl and her family, it was his fault she was struggling to survive. It was his fault that she was in pain. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if she didn’t make it through.
Silently and absent-mindedly, he reached up and wrapped his hand around hers. Tears still streaming down his face. His brown eyes made their way up to her battered face, the sound of her lungs trying to help her breathe.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, wishing she would just open her eyes, “You don’t deserve this, I’m so fucking sorry.”
If this wasn’t reality, she’d open her eyes and say it’d alright, and live her entire life as though it never happened. Unfortunately, this was reality and this girl had a grave chance of dying, of never opening her eyes again. Her life could be cut short on account of him.
Quietly, he leaned forwards and rested his head next to her arm, still holding her hand. Even if she didn’t know him, he was going to be there for her until she woke up. He’s be here to hold her hand and apologize every day until she didn’t need it anymore. He’d be here. It was the least he could do.
He sat there, in complete silence, with Farren Walker. He just watched her, lifeless, but alive, lying on the hospital bed still as a board. It was hard, but he could sense that she was a strong girl, just by sitting with her, she hadn’t succumbed yet- she was ready to fight to remain alive and see her family and friends again.
The nurse walked to the door and saw, through the little pane of glass, Jonathan Toews gripping the girls hand and sitting there with her. Her heart dropped, he was a sweet, sweet boy and she hoped she’d awake soon so that he could have some peace of mind.
She opened the door and Jonathan spun around to look at her, “15 minutes?”
The nurse nodded, offering a weak smile, “Come on, you can see her tomorrow.”
Jonathan beamed at this, “Really?”
The nurse nodded and began to wheel him out of the room and down to the waiting room, “There’s a lot you need to know, Mr. Toews.”
Jonathan frowned as he was pushed past her now sleeping family and a few awake friends, “Like what?”
He looked down at his knees, as the nurse ushered him quickly past the family. He could sense the anger of the father and by the looks of it, brother, as he past. He couldn’t bring himself to look them in the eye, to know that he had broken their hearts, hurt their beloved.
Quickly, he was in a white and blue hallway again. He could only hear light beeping, nurses talking quietly and some people’s shoes as they walked down to their destination. If he looked up, he could see patients struggling for their lives through the glass of the room. These were the worst of the worst; these were the ones who had the biggest possible chance of dying.
He was turned down a few hallways and wheeled past a few rooms before he stopped. Slowly, he looked up and realized that he couldn’t see her through the glass. The curtains were drawn and the door was secured. The nurse gave a uncomfortable sigh and patted his shoulder twice- as if to warn him that this might be the hardest thing he’d ever done.
“15 minutes, Mr. Toews.”
She opened the door and wheeled Jonathan in, placing him beside the bed before exiting. Jonathan felt like vomiting all over again. He thought he’d be prepared, but he wasn’t. Not for this. Here was a young blonde girl lying on a hospital bed. Her face was so black and blue that he couldn’t see any remote features about her.
Her head was bandaged, her arms cut and torn, bones definitely broken. She was hooked up to an oxygen mask because the impact had done enough damage to stop her from being able to breathe on her own. He had no idea how she was still alive and if there wasn’t the sound of a soft beeping, he would’ve assumed she wasn’t.
Jonathan placed his head in his hands and began to sob. There was no one around to judge him, to see him at his weakest, so he just let everything go. He felt nothing but remorse for this girl and her family, it was his fault she was struggling to survive. It was his fault that she was in pain. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if she didn’t make it through.
Silently and absent-mindedly, he reached up and wrapped his hand around hers. Tears still streaming down his face. His brown eyes made their way up to her battered face, the sound of her lungs trying to help her breathe.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, wishing she would just open her eyes, “You don’t deserve this, I’m so fucking sorry.”
If this wasn’t reality, she’d open her eyes and say it’d alright, and live her entire life as though it never happened. Unfortunately, this was reality and this girl had a grave chance of dying, of never opening her eyes again. Her life could be cut short on account of him.
Quietly, he leaned forwards and rested his head next to her arm, still holding her hand. Even if she didn’t know him, he was going to be there for her until she woke up. He’s be here to hold her hand and apologize every day until she didn’t need it anymore. He’d be here. It was the least he could do.
He sat there, in complete silence, with Farren Walker. He just watched her, lifeless, but alive, lying on the hospital bed still as a board. It was hard, but he could sense that she was a strong girl, just by sitting with her, she hadn’t succumbed yet- she was ready to fight to remain alive and see her family and friends again.
The nurse walked to the door and saw, through the little pane of glass, Jonathan Toews gripping the girls hand and sitting there with her. Her heart dropped, he was a sweet, sweet boy and she hoped she’d awake soon so that he could have some peace of mind.
She opened the door and Jonathan spun around to look at her, “15 minutes?”
The nurse nodded, offering a weak smile, “Come on, you can see her tomorrow.”
Jonathan beamed at this, “Really?”
The nurse nodded and began to wheel him out of the room and down to the waiting room, “There’s a lot you need to know, Mr. Toews.”
Jonathan frowned as he was pushed past her now sleeping family and a few awake friends, “Like what?”
♠ ♠ ♠
I've come to terms that I cannot please everyone. I cannot update every day, I have exams and stuff coming up. I cannot write anything as a joke, or a reply to anyone because everyone takes it the wrong way- so if it's alright, I'm going to update this at my own pace. I will be able to handle the hurtful messages and produce better writing that way.thank you to all of the positive people who have read this story and commented.
i love you all.