Forget It

As long as I’m alive I don’t think I’ll ever forget the way the sun shined through the window that morning. It was a perfect beam, dust particles floated through the air and it made his skin almost glow. I pretended for a minute that he was an angel, a real one at least. Adam was the furthest thing from an angel. He was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, yet I couldn’t resist him.

Whore, I was often called, thanks to that devil, sometimes I’d hear the archaic word harlot, but mostly whore. It stung like a slap on a sunburned back. I endured the verbal slaying of my pride, just for him. It was worth it, every single vowel, consonant and exclamation mark that fell from their lips, all of them were worth it.

I laid my head on Adam’s bare shoulder earning a groan from him, luckily it wasn’t a ‘get off of me’ type sound. I brushed my hand over his dirty blond locks.

“I‘m going to miss you, Ella.” Adam said, his voice was slightly slurred from his face being pressed against the pillow.

I smiled and pressed my lips against his warm flesh. He shivered and goosebumps appeared on his skin. I ran my finger over them.

“Shh, don’t talk about that.” I whispered as I pulled the blanket up over my shoulder. Though the sun was out there it was producing little to no heat.

“I don’t want too but I have to get home…” He said as he raised up. I moved away.

I wanted nothing more to do with him. I’d been here every day, every damn day and night waiting for him, waiting for that call. And here he would come like a little lost puppy, begging for affection and I’d give it to him. He didn’t deserve it but I couldn’t resist him. He was my kryptonite.

I sat on the edge of the bed, my bare back expose to him, and my bare chest covered with the flat sheet. He knew every freckle, every scar every regretted tattoo on my skin and I his.

“Why don‘t you stay?” I said, barely above a whisper. I heard the breath halt in the back of Adam’s throat.

“You know I can’t, so why would you ask that.” Adam said, the tone in his voice mocked my request. I, however, didn’t think it was worthy of mocking. I was dead serious.

“It’s a legit question, Adam, answer it.” I replied with not emotion in my voice, hopefully he would know I was serious.

He sighed, “I love her, Elle.”

A tear rolled down my cheek. I wanted him to love me not her. I wanted his heart in the palm of my hand. I did all the work. I put up with him when he was angry, sad, depressed, discouraged…everything. What did she do? Yell at him, he came here, I fixed the problem and he went home and acted like it was her. A slap in the face.

He stood up from the bed and began dressing his self.

I stood up, wrapping the sheet around me as I did so. I walked to the door of my studio apartment, I opened it and holding the sheet up with my free hand.

“Get out.” I said sternly.

He stopped dead in his tracks, holding his shirt in his hands, “Don’t do this.”

“Get out.” I repeated myself. I didn’t want to say more for fear that if I did I would show exactly how badly I wanted him to stay. Even if that meant being the ‘other woman’.

He never said a word, just left.

---

I hated the buzzing noise a cell phone made when it vibrated against wood. I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed my phone. Adam.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Elle…I miss you.” Adam sounded the way he always did when he called at this time of night.

“It’s your fault that you do.”

He sighed, “I know. It’s hard for me right now…I’m working 60 hours a week, the baby has colic and Kristen won’t stop bitching.”

I glanced over at the sleeping figure next to me. Eric was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I didn’t have to beg him to leave his wife, he was actually single when we met.

Adam still called once a week, whenever life got hard for him, and he would talk to me. I knew what he wanted and he would never get that. I was sick and tired of playing hostess to adultery.

“I’m sorry Adam. I really am but it’s not my problem anymore.” I said softly. It pained me to say that but I was in love with him. I truly did love him.

“I just need someone to talk to.”

“Talk to your wife then.” I said then hung up the phone. I tried desperately to hold no sympathy, no matter how hard it was.

I would never take him back. I don’t care if he came to my house with the pope pleading his case. I didn’t care. He had his chance, hell he had more then a chance. He had every chance in the world to leave a failing marriage. He had a place to stay and a woman who loved him, purely. There was no impurity in my love.

I thought that maybe one day Adam would come around and love me back but I was wrong. I found a better love than that.