I'm Walking on an Edge; That's How I Stay Alive

I unlocked the door to my apartment and walked in. I put the movies back in the entertainment center before putting my keys on the hook. I walked upstairs and looked down the hall to where all of our rooms are.

We had a sort of code at our apartment. Open doors meant awake, closed doors meant sleeping, changing, or something else. Adrianna's door was closed. Danielle's door was open, but I wasn't gonna talk to her. Then I saw the other door, across the hall from mine, was wide open. I went into my room and put my purse on the bed. Then I walked across the hall and saw Nicole lying on her bed, reading Rolling Stone.

I knocked on the door, "Busy?"

Her head shot up and her eyes widened, "No, come in! I want all the details…wait, what are you doing here?" she asked, putting the magazine on her side table.

I walked in and sat at the foot of her bed, "Well, you know how tonight was supposed to be a movie night for me and John?"

She sat up, leaning against the headboard of her bed, "Yeah, which means quiet sex. How was it?"

I laughed, "Mind blowing as usual. When we were both coming, he told me he was in love with me," I got to the point quickly.

Her eyes widened again, "And you ran, didn't you?"

I crossed my legs under me and faced her, "What was I supposed to do? He isn't supposed to be in love with me!"

"What did you do, exactly?" she asked.

"I told him I had to go, he begged me to stay, I told him I couldn't. He tried to take my clothes hostage because we were whisper arguing naked in the middle of his hotel room, but then he gave them back."

Nicole laughed, "I'd love to whisper argue naked with John. Hell, I'd love to do anything naked with John."

I laughed, "Anyway! So then he gave me an ultimatum, sort of."

She looked confused, "What? Pick him or Kennedy?"

"Not so bluntly. He said we shouldn't talk for the remainder of the tour, and then we'll talk about making a more permanent decision if we still feel the same about each other when they come back."

Nicole nodded, "At least he made it open ended."

"Then I told Kennedy I couldn't finish the tour with them because I didn't want to lose McDonald's as a reference."

She started laughing, "Are you serious? Did he buy it?"

I smiled, "If he didn't, he covered it well."

Nicole shook her head, "Poor kid."

I sighed, "I know. I'm horrible."

She threw a pillow at me, "That's not what I meant!"

I laughed, "I know."

"Then what happened?" she asked.

"I went back to my room, told Kennedy I threw up because of something I ate, and I wanted to go home," I said.

"And here you are?" she asked.

I sighed, "No, I had to go get my movies from John's room."

She gasped, "No! Was it awkward?"

I laughed, "I knocked on the door and he had no shirt on and he had been crying. So I walked in and everything was messed up, so I looked at him and he was like 'Girl I love walked out on me, I got a little crazy.'"

"Aww!" she squealed, "That's so cute!"

"So then I grabbed my movies, and he kissed me, and I smiled at him and went to leave and he said 'Tell me that kills you as much as it kills me.'"

"What'd you say?" Nicole asked.

"I told him of course it did," I said, pulling my knees to my chest.

Nicole sighed, "So, now what?"

"I have two months to think about it," I said.

She nodded, "Then you don't have to think about it right now."

I shook my head, "Not tonight, but I'm probably gonna be thinking about it for the next two months."

She nodded, "Go get some sleep, Noelle. You seem like you've had a long day."

I stood up, nodding my head, "Especially since I didn't get to cuddle with John after sex."

She laughed, "Probably."

I shrugged, "What do you think I should do?"

Nicole smiled, "We'll talk about it when you've had more time to think, okay?"

I smiled, "Okay, thanks Nicole."

She smiled back, "No problem. Close the door, I'm going to bed."

I walked out of the room and closed the door. I walked into my room and shut the door. I picked up my iPhone and called Kennedy.

"Hey Noelle, you made it okay?"

I smiled, "Yeah, I would've called you earlier but I was talking to Nicole."

He laughed, "Girl talk?"

I giggled, "Yeah. I'm tired, I just wanted to tell you I'm here."

"Okay, babe. I'll text you or call you tomorrow," he said, a yawn at the end of his sentence, "I'm tired."

I giggled again, "All right, good night, babe."

"Good night."

I hung up and looked at my text inbox and saw John's name. I clicked on it.

Can't wait to taste your skin on movie night.

I turned the light off and crawled under my blanket, staring at the text.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I shot up in my bed, sweating. I had another damn wet dream about John. I ran my hand through my hair. I looked at the time on my iPhone. It was 4:47. I opened my door quietly and walked downstairs to the kitchen. I grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it half way with water. I sipped it slowly, thinking about the situation I was in. I heard someone walking down the stairs. I saw Adrianna walk into the kitchen, dressed in her Starbucks uniform.

"Why are you up?" she asked, "Don't you have work at like 3 in the afternoon?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I had another dream about John."

She grabbed a water bottle, "I have to ask," she said, a smirk on her face, "Is dream John as good as real John?"

I laughed silently, "Almost. All that's missing is the actual touching."

She kissed my cheek, "Love you."

"Love you," I said as she walked out of the apartment. I put the glass in the sink and walked back up to my bedroom, shutting the door and falling back into a sleep filled with messed hair and John's crooked smile.