The Way I Am, I Can't Express Or Understand.

Kennedy had been texting Landon since Landon, Garrett, and Pat had even gotten to work for his aunt at the dinner, carrying out plates and filling glasses when necessary, catering wasn’t exactly the most fun. He’d had to fight Pat over use of the bathroom and mirrors and hair straightener while getting ready, since they both had to look flawless, according to Pat’s mom.

From: Kenny.

I’m out front.

Landon chewed his lip, he was still in the process of helping to clean up, he’d texted Kennedy just moments ago telling him it was going to be a bit longer, and now he wanted nothing more than to throw aside everything and just go running out and into the older boy’s arms, but it wasn’t looking like that was possible when his aunt shot him a look. She’d already scolded him multiple times on using his phone, but Garrett had been doing it just as much, if not worse, and Pat was always connected to some device.

Landon doubled the speed he’d been cleaning up at, piling in dirty dishes and garbage with enthusiasm and energy that he was sure would probably seem suspicious to the others in the room, since he knew the other two boys were just as tired as he was, and Garrett and Pat had been taking their own time on cleaning up the parts they’d been assigned to.

He took the trash out, and then came back through to find his aunt who was finishing getting everything together.

“All done?” She smiled tiredly at him.

“Yeah, I can go now…right?”

“You don’t need a ride?” Cue the suspicious looks.

“No, I have one already…” Landon bit the inside of his cheek, waiting on her to ask more questions, but she didn’t.

“You’ll be home tonight?”

“Yeah, I should be.”

“Not late.” She pointed her finger at him, and he nodded.

“I’ll call you if anything changes, bye.” He was out the room before she could even ask anything else, and Landon shoved open the front door to the place, the hairs on his arms sticking up when the night air hit him, and he dug his phone out of his pocket, trying to text Kennedy back to tell him he was sorry and if he was still in the neighborhood, since he doubted the boy had waited this long.

“Nice outfit.” Landon recognized the voice and laugh immediately, his head snapping up and noting Kennedy who was just a few feet ahead of him. Landon rolled his eyes, shoving his phone back in his pocket and pulling his button down out of his pants, since he’d had to tuck it in. “Oh, I see how it is, no ‘hi, Kennedy, thank you for rescuing me I don’t know what I’d do without you.’”

“Oh, excuse me.” Landon laughed quietly, shaking his head and walked closer, hooking his arms around Kennedy’s middle, hugging him tightly. Kennedy’s hands toyed with Landon’s collar, and he glanced up at the boy who was looking at him expectantly, standing up on his tiptoes and pressing his lips quickly against Kennedy’s, before breaking apart and looking at the ground in embarrassment. The older boy pulled him up against his chest, and Landon just wanted to stay there, until he heard the door to the building behind them creak open.

“We should get going.” Landon could feel Kennedy’s lips move against his hair, and he nodded, reluctantly tearing himself from him to climb into the passenger seat. “Are you hungry at all?” Kennedy asked, shifting gears and pulling back onto the road.

“Mmm, depends.” Landon shrugged.

“On?”

“If you’re going to pick for me.” Kennedy laughed at his response, drumming on the steering wheel.

“In ‘N Out, milkshakes?” Even though it was dark, it was still warm enough, and one of the best ways to end a tiring day, Kennedy and ice cream. “Strawberry?” Landon nodded, turning the radio onto the classic rock station, and relaxed back into the seat, smiling every now and then when he’d catch Kennedy watching him.

Kennedy ordered their drinks, a strawberry milkshake for Landon like he said, and a chocolate one for himself, which he attempted to sip while driving. Landon was less focused on his drink though, once he realized the neighborhood they were in was eerily familiar.

“Ken?” Landon mumbled, setting his drink in the cup holder and wiping his hands on his jeans.

“Hm?” Kennedy’s mouth was full of milkshake again.

“Can you uhm…can you turn down that street?” Landon gestured at the street a few ahead of them, and noted the expression on Kennedy’s face and the way his eyebrows furrowed. He complied, though, turning down it, and Landon pressed his knuckles against his mouth, sinking down in his seat a little. It was all so familiar, incredibly, to the extent that it was almost all overwhelming.

One of Kennedy’s hands left the wheel, and pried Landon’s hand from his mouth, intertwining their fingers together against Landon’s leg. He felt more comfortable with Kennedy there, for whatever it was that had put him on edge.

They passed one house, one that looked like it’d be vacated for some time now, but that someone had attempted to fix it up at some point. It was too dark to see much, but Landon felt goose bumps rise up on his skin, and realization hit him.

“That was my old house, wasn’t it?” Landon sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, glancing over at Kennedy, who looked like he wanted off the street just as bad as Landon did.

“Mhm.” Kennedy stared straight ahead, removing his hand from Landon’s to place it back on the wheel, and Landon sank down in his seat.

They pulled into Kennedy’s driveway, and for some reason there was an extra car. It wasn’t hard for Landon to notice the way the older boy’s jaw clenched and Kennedy shoved his door open, getting out and impatiently tapping his fingers against the car while sipping his drink, waiting on Landon.

With a small groan of exhaustion and laziness, Landon pushed the door open, only to have it shut on him and he had to kick it, earning a small ‘hey’ from Kennedy over it, that he just ignored, grabbing his milkshake and shutting the car door more gently than he’d opened it. He could hear Kennedy mumbling under his breath, something about how “he was going to get it”. All of the lights were off in the house except for the front room, and Kennedy had a strange look on his face while he tried to get the correct key to unlock the door.

Maddie and Garrett were wrestling on the couch, which came really as no surprise to Landon, but Kennedy on the other hand looked completely shocked by the scene. Garrett was in the process of going to kiss Maddie when they had walked in, and the couple didn’t seem to have noticed them at all.

“Off my sister.” Garrett turned his head to look at Kennedy, who was kicking his shoes off, but didn’t move nonetheless. “Seriously, off.” Kennedy’s voice held an edge to it, but he was keeping his calm, chewing the straw to his drink.

Landon slid his own shoes off, partially hiding himself behind Kennedy preparing himself for battle. Garrett stayed where he was still, and Landon just waited for Kennedy to rage, pressing his face into the older boy’s back, but instead he felt him relax.

“We’re going out back.” Kennedy pointed a finger at Maddie. “Don’t come out.” She just laughed, and Landon kept close to Kennedy the whole way until they got out back, not even paying the other couple any attention.

The backyard was plain, nothing fancy or recreational, just a small patio space and a pool, followed by grass, lots of it. “Sorry, I know its nothing special.” Kennedy rubbed the back of his neck. “Next time I’ll actually take you somewhere.”

Landon shook his head, a small smile adorning his petite face. “It’s fine.”

“You sure?” Landon was already tugging the older boy out to the middle of the yard. “What are you doing?” Kennedy chuckled, and Landon spun himself a few times, before collapsing out of no where on the grass, looking up expectantly at Kennedy. The boy lay down next to Landon, in the grass, and Landon turned to face him, smiling.

He turned his attention to the night sky for a few moments, before realizing Kennedy’s attention had never left his face, and he turned almost bumping heads with him. “What?” He mumbled, and Kennedy just grinned, poking the tip of Landon’s nose with his finger.

“Nothing.” Kennedy mumbled back, shifting slightly closer, before entirely crawling over Landon, a leg on each of his sides, and Kennedy pressed the palms of his hands into the grass above his head. Landon could feel his face burning under the scrutiny of the older boy, and he broke eye contact, running a hand over his face and tangling it through his hair, trying to escape the lack of confidence he was feeling. He dared himself to glance back over, and Kennedy’s eyes were still fixated him, observing him a little too much for his taste.

“Stop.” Landon mumbled, glancing away, and then back, only to catch the guitarist still on top of him, waiting expectantly, most likely for Landon to initiate some form of contact. “Isn’t your mom inside anyways?” It was a small plea, and was probably barely heard. Regardless he hated it when Kennedy did this, studied him like he was special or something, he knew he wasn’t, and beyond which it just made him feel like there was something wrong, and that’s the only reason he could come up with.

“Don’t care.” Kennedy responded, ten times louder than Landon ever spoke, and the older boy caught Landon’s hand, removing it from his face and pushing his hair back at the same time. Landon held his breath, waiting for Kennedy to lean down, he knew that was exactly what the boy had planned to do; otherwise he still wouldn’t be here.

Landon’s prediction proved right seconds later when he felt Kennedy’s lips on his own, and suddenly for a few moments everything felt alright, manageable, like he was normal, like nothing was wrong with him anymore. Kennedy’s fingers gently tangled through Landon’s hair before he pulled away, and Landon couldn’t bite back the smile that had plastered itself to his face, one that resembled the one on Kennedy’s as well.

“You’re going to get your shirt stained.” Kennedy chuckled, and Landon couldn’t believe that’s what of all things he decided to break the silence over. It was true though, being pinned to the ground in a white shirt wasn’t the best option, especially one he needed, and he was going to have to come up with some mystery excuse, unless he got to his laundry before his aunt did.

“I should just take it off then, right?” It was out of character for Landon to say something like that, and he could see the redness on Kennedy’s face, even in the dark.

“Maybe you should.” Kennedy was stumbling over his words a little, and suddenly the back lights were kicking on in full blare. Kennedy shot up off of Landon, who glanced around confused, before noting the noises coming from the screen door and the two figures coming out, and swore under his breath.

“Hey boys.” Maddie was grinning innocently, and Garrett looked a bit out of place, it wasn’t like Landon could take him in a fight, Kennedy maybe, but not Landon, so he couldn’t understand why the boy seemed so off.

“Hey.” Landon’s voice chorused with Kennedy’s, his only half as loud though.

“What’s happening, Mads?” Kennedy pressed, obviously not welcoming in any way towards the couple.

“Nothing, what are you two doing out here?” Landon caught Kennedy watching him out of the corner of his eye.

“Just talking.” Kennedy shrugged coolly.

“You need to learn how to better entertain guests, where is the music, the dancing, the booze.” Maddie giggled, sitting down on the grass. Kennedy visibly tensed, and Landon ghosted a hand against his while shifting up into a sitting position, causing Kennedy to give him a look.

“No booze.” Kennedy gave a harsher look to his sister, and Landon exhaled, wanting the tension between them all to end.

“So, Landon, you staying over?” Maddie grinned, she was planning something.

“I actually told my aunt I’d be home tonight…” He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“That’s what phones are for. Didn’t you tell ma he was staying, Kenny?” Kennedy shrugged, his face was burning up, and Landon stifled a small laugh.

“I guess I could call…” Landon trailed off, glancing around to try to catch the reaction of the other three.

“Yeah! Do it! And Garrett, you can stay, right? You guys are all friends; it’ll be like a big slumber party.” Maddie gushed. Landon faked enthusiasm, giving her a slight half-smile, before getting up off the ground, and toyed with his phone.

“I’m going to go call…yeah.” Landon felt a hand brush against his backside, and whipped around, furrowing his eyebrows.

“You had stuff on the back of your pants.” Kennedy laughed, but his face was even redder than before. Garrett didn’t seem to even be thinking twice about how they were acting, but Maddie gave him an all-knowing look.

The phone rang a good five times before his aunt picked up, answering groggily. “Hey, it’s Landon, sorry.” He picked at his nails.

“It’s alright hun, I just thought it was the damn neighbor kids starting stuff again, you do know what time it is, right?” Obviously time he should be home.

“Yeah…that’s what I called about…is it okay if I just stay at Kenny’s for the night?”

“Of course, have fun, get out there, live it up, I’m going back to bed though, I’m not as young as I used to be.” Landon’s aunt chuckled warmly, and he cracked a small smile.

“Night Aunt Lisa.”

“Night Lan.” The connection ended, and Landon headed back to the small group, sitting back down on the ground next to Kennedy.

“So…” Garrett started. “What are we going to do?” He looked to his girlfriend for advice; Maddie was practically in charge at the moment.

“Night swimming.” She grinned.

“Night swimming?” Kennedy scoffed.

“Yes, night swimming big brother, never heard of it before?”

“No, I’ve heard of it, Ma will kick my ass though.”

“You really care what mom thinks?” Landon inwardly groaned, if they were going to start fighting he was just going to walk home.

“No, fine, we’ll do it.” Kennedy sighed.

“I’ll be back, boys.” Maddie smirked and sauntered inside. Judging from how Garrett was staring at her, Landon was just waiting for him to get up and chase after her, but he didn’t.

“Uhm…is there any way you have trunks I can borrow?” Garrett spoke timidly to Kennedy, who was trying to pull the pool cover off.

“Yeah…Landon, help?” Kennedy raised his eyebrows expectantly, and Landon darted off the ground, helping to get it off. “Do you need a pair too or?”

“Actually I was planning on borrowing one of Maddie’s bikinis.” Landon giggled, and Kennedy shook his head at him, grinning.

“So the stories that you’re a woman are true?” Landon’s face dropped. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding, come on.” Kennedy led the way inside and Landon fell back behind Garrett, kicking off his shoes once inside. “You guys have to be kind of quiet though.” He reminded, before leading them down the hallway to his room. All the bedroom doors were shut, and at first Landon couldn’t even tell which one was Kennedy’s in the dark, until the older boy shoved the door open, flipping the light on and ushering them inside. Kennedy dug through his drawers, coming up with two sets of shorts, one he tossed to Garrett and directed to the bathroom, and the other he tossed on his bed before conducting a search of his closet. Landon gave him a confused look after Garrett shut the door. “What?”

“What are you looking for?”

“I think I have a smaller pair from when I was younger.” Kennedy shrugged.

“Oh.” Landon awkwardly dug his toes into Kennedy’s carpeting.

“Guess not.” Kennedy handed him the pair off his bed. “I’m sure they’ll fit somehow.” Landon nodded, sitting on the boy’s bed. “Want me to get out so you can change or?”

“I’ll just wait until Garrett comes back, then you can change in here, less time that way…I think.” He mumbled.

“So….we have a show coming up.”

“And?”

“I didn’t know if you were coming.”

“Oh.” Landon bit his lip.

“I’ll take that as a no, then?” Garrett opened the door to Kennedy’s room, a hand over his eyes.

“You’re not changing, are you?”

“No, Gare, it’s fine.” Landon grabbed the shorts off the bed and slipped out the door before giving Kennedy one last look. “We’ll talk about it later…okay?”

--------

Landon awoke with a start, unfamiliar surroundings flooded his vision, clearing when he noticed the sleeping form next to him, and a small smile tugged at his lips. Kennedy was curled up at his side, arms wound loosely around his middle. They were in Kennedy’s bed, and that puzzled Landon for a moment, until he remembered last night. They’d put in Night Of The Living Dead after coming back inside and drying off, considering Kennedy and Garrett were undead enthusiasts, and by the end of the movie Garrett and Maddie had passed out, leaving more than enough of an opportunity for Kennedy and him to sneak off.

Kennedy’s eye lids fluttered open while Landon was watching him, and he internally cursed himself, but Kennedy just gave him a drowsy grin.

“Morning.” Kennedy mumbled, pulling Landon closer into him and burying his face in the side of his.

“Morning.” Landon giggled softly, tilting his head and pressed his lips against the older boy’s.