Dear God

Clary looked to where Matt stood, a smirk on his lips which caused his dimples to pop out. He crawled onto the bed and ran his fingers up the whole length of her body, starting down from her toes and up to her neck. He gently bean to massage them all up and down her body, making the touches light and sensual, his smirk now turning into a side grin as Clary’s breathing seemed to have picked up. She loved the feel of his fingers on her skin and she loved the way he made her feel. The way his fingers made goose bumps raise on every piece of skin he touched; his fingers now going up her shirt and gently pulling it up off her arms and over her head. Her bra was black and lazy, see through her nipples hardened and her breasts were still swollen with breast milk. Her breasts were bountiful, bigger than he remembered them. His hands gently cupped them and pushed her bra down beneath her breasts, rubbing his thumb over the puckering bud.

“You’re so beautiful,” he spoke to her as he gently ran his hands down her body and to the bandages covering her wounds, “too beautiful to mar your body. Too beautiful to think anything is wrong with you,” he kissed each and every stretch mark on her body, knowing that she would be self-conscious about it all, though it’s just a part of nature.

Clary looked to him and chewed on her lip, “You know I can’t have sex for six weeks right?”

Matt looked to her with a small grin on his face, “I know but I have other things in mind…”

“Matt I'm bleeding down there,” she looked to him. “My uterus is healing from giving birth,” she spoke, her cheeks turning a bright pink.

Matt looked to her, his own cheeks pink, his boner slightly deflated at the news, his arms wrapping around her, and pulling her into his arms. His lips kissed her cheek as he moved them to her ear, whispering into it.

“It's okay baby. I'm just happy to have you and Anna.”

Clary lifted her head off his chest and smiled up at him, pecking his supple lips and storking his chest gently; missing little moments like this with him.

“You're an amazing man, Matt. That is why I love you so much, so lucky to even have you,” she spoke, each word bringing tears to her eyes, tears of happiness. It seemed like all she had been doing was crying, but she couldn't help it as she was too damn happy.

Matt gave her a soft smile and gently wiped the tears from her face, “I'd say I was the lucky one, baby,” he paused as he looked into her eyes, “I have you by my side, and we have our little girl. The guys are with us too, so we're both the lucky ones actually.”

He swooped down and kissed her lips soundly, a small cry coming from the baby monitor beside the bed. Both of them let out a groan as Clary rose from the bed as she slipped on her slippers.

“That is her hungry cry,” she spoke pulling on a robe and making her way into the nursery, picking up the small child, baring her breast and watched as she latched on. Clary winced a bit as it hurt but the pain seemed to numb away once Anna began to suckle greedily, her little fists curling close to her mouth that is wrapped around her nipple. Clary couldn't help but smile and take a whiff of the air, wrinkling her nose before she started speaking.

“Someone need a diaper change,” She cooed to the infant as she moved over to the rocking chair and took a seat, letting out a breath of relief.

Anna had unlatched herself once she had her fill and Clary pushed herself back up from the chair, laying her on the changing table and changing her diaper.

“There we go, babygirl! You have a fresh, clean diaper,” She cooed to her happily with a proud grin on her face. “You know I have a feeling that you're going to be a looker, just like your father. You're going to be breaking guys hearts. Well, or females, if you swing that way or both. It doesn't matter to me, because you're still going to be my baby girl and I'm still going to be here for you. Unlike my own mother who has done so much wrong but I still love her. If it wasn't for her, your father would still be away from us; for how long I don't know. I am really glad you don't have to grow up without him like I had. I never knew my father.”

Clary sniffled and wiped at her eyes with a free hand, her other one holding onto Anna's small hand, Anna's other hand in her mouth as she sucked on it; the sucking sounds filling the room. Clary didn't know that Matt was leaning against the door frame as she spoke to their daughter, his own eyes watering. He knew that Clary never had a father but he didn't know how deep those wounds cut; he vowed right there that he was going to be there for Anna. He slowly stepped away from the door frame and headed downstairs to make himself a small drink, his thoughts swirling in his mind as he thought of what was said. He wondered how much he and Clary really knew each other, sure they had spent so many nights talking to one another; but have they only scratched the surface. He knew that he loved her, this fact was true, but he wondered if they loved each other to make a marriage work. Of course, he could be just scared because his first marriage hadn't worked out and he told himself he wouldn't marry again. He felt that marriage wasn't for him, but Clary made him feel so many intense feelings; feelings Val hadn't made him feel. He felt alive around her and he felt like she brought him from the brink of depression, the valley of no return.

Matt picked up the small glass of jack and sipped it, the ice clinking against the side of the smooth glass. His eyes were trained on a spot of peeling paint, his mind telling him that he needed to redo the house; him having let it go since the divorce. Now, now he had a reason to fix up the house and make it looked well taken care of, and lived in. The glass rested on his forehead as his elbow rested on the table and his other hand rested under his chin as he let his thoughts consume him, thoughts he had had when he was in jail.

“Matt?” Clary's angelic voice broke the silence that had enveloped him, causing the muscled man to give quite a start.

He looked to her and gave her a soft smile, though there was a worried look on her face.

“Are you okay?” She asked him, hesitantly making her way into the kitchen and taking a seat. “I've only ever seen you drink when things are on your mind, or when you're partying or hanging with friends. Did I do something?” She asked, her insecurities showing through, making him give a slight chuckle.

“Baby no, I just need to quiet these thoughts down. I was only going to have one, small drink,” He patted his lap and watched as she sat down into it, the worried look still occupying her face. “I'm just thinking about the future, I heard you talking to Anna. It made me think about what happened to you and if we really know each other.”

“Matt...” she was cut off as Matt held up a hand.

“No don't speak, baby I want to get this out. I don't want this marriage to end up like Val and I. I love you so much that it scares me, but are you sure you are ready to get married? I know we have a kid and you kind of had to mature much faster than many others, but are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with me? Are you sure you really love me?”

This was the first time that Matt had let his vulnerable side show and it made Clarry fall even more for him, kissing him roughly on the lips, hoping that he sees just how much she loves him. Her lips were drawn up at the corners, a smile covering her face and her eyes were sparkling.

“Of course, you fool, I do love you! I wouldn't have said yes to marrying you. Are you having second thoughts? We don't have to get married right away, I'd wait until the end of the Earth for you. This is your day too, not just mine. Yes, it's a that every little girl dreams of and I know they want to be princesses; but I believe they forget that they aren't the only one's getting married that day. That it's the guy's day too. That is why I want us to both plan this out, I want us to come to a date that we both agree on.”

Matt looked at her speechless, Clary looking down at him, having moved her hands to cup his face between them. Her thumbs were caressing his five o'clock shadow; the stubble rough against her fingers, but she found that she loved it. Her lips now claiming his in a soft kiss, dancing against his a smile on her face. She loved feeling his lips against hers, like he loved the feeling of her lips against his. She couldn't picture her life without him, and she knew that she wanted to be with him for the rest of her life.

“I love you,” he whispered, his voice cracking a bit as he was trying to hold in the tears. He didn't want to seem weak in front of her and didn't really want her to see his vulnerable side; his mindset being that he needed to be stronger for her.

He wrapped his large arms around her small frame, bringing it close to his chiseled chest, rubbing her back gently as he kept kissing her lips tenderly. Their lips making smacking noises as they met in the small kisses, a sound that used to annoy Clary when it came from others. She didn't focus on it when it came to her and Matt, she could only focus on the electric sizzle that went down her spine, making her shiver in anticipation.

Both of them pulled away, Clary moving to rest her forhead on Matt's looking into his eyes. Those eyes that she could get lost in, the perfect color of hazel that they were. Her fingers brushed the slight cleft of his chin as she just stared; him staring back into her own. The moment was perfection, quiet with silent words being said between them. Their eyes expressing their emotions more than their words could ever have. Clary loved how they could understand each other without speaking, not many people had that in their partners. Perfection. That would be the word that would sum up how she felt about her and Matt. All time had stopped, every noise was drowned out as she could only focus on him, Bella barking startling them both.

A knock sounded on the door and Matt pushed himself up and went to answer the door, being barreled down by a bleach-blond. Clary couldn't help but narrow her eyes when she had seen her, Val.

“What are you doing here?” She bit out at the petite woman, the sickly thin woman was more like it.

Matt pushed Val away from him, her smile falling off her face as he does, “I will have to agree with my fiance, what are you doing here?”

“What is she doing here in our house, Matt?” Val said, her hands on her hips as she glared at the other woman in the room.