Dear God

Zacky had let her settle in before telling her that he would take her to see Matt, which made her face light up with a smile. She could have squealed and wrapped her thin arms around the man before her, but she kept that in check. That was a piece of news that she wasn’t expecting, but she was glad he offered. She wanted to go now and didn’t want to rest, but the fatigue had caught up with her; raking through her body and making every limb feel heavy. With a sigh she went up to the room, the one he had given her, and lay on the comfortable bed. It was divine and heavenly, the mattress forming around her body like a glove; a very fine, silken glove. She had never known this comfort before and before she knew it, her eyes slipped closed and her body sank into a comfortable rest. Clary didn’t wake until it was dark out and she knew she wouldn’t be able to see him tonight, her mood deflating a bit; her hope to see him not dying, though.

The bedroom door opened and revealed Zacky carrying a tray, her stomach growling at the thought of the food; the smell enveloping her and teasing her senses. Zacky, having head her stomach growl, let a smile slip on his face as he set the tray down over her legs. Her stomach got in the way slightly but it the tray sat there firmly and her eyes scanned the luscious meal, the meal that was place before her.

“Zacky, you shouldn’t have.”

“I know but you need to eat and you needed to rest.”

She gave him a thank you before digging in, her fork stabbing at the savory fried potatoes. The food tasted divine and she couldn’t help but tell him how good it was; this causing him to giggle and thank her, telling her he’d be downstairs. Giving a nod that she heard him, he left the room and she continued to eat her dinner. All the while the baby kicked here and there, probably enjoying the food also. She had stopped eating and rested a hand on her prominent stomach and smiled as she felt one of the kicks, the feat never stopping to amaze her. The only thing that put a damper on the mood was the fact that Matt wasn’t there to feel it. He wasn’t there to talk to her stomach or sing to it, many of the things he’d tell her in the letters he wrote. She had to go see him, had to tell him that she wasn’t living at the address anymore, and the fact that she was staying with Zacky for the time being.

Suddenly, she lost her appetite and moved the tray from her legs and crossed them under her, silent tears beginning to streak down her pale cheeks, bags under her eyes. She felt like a mess and bet she even looked like one. She wondered if Zacky had any clothes that would fit her as she needed a shower, well she guessed she needed a shower. She felt like a scrub and her hair felt limp and lifeless and slicked with grease. Usually by this time she would throw it back in a ponytail and wait until the morning to take a shower, but she needed one now. With a groan, she unwound her legs from under her and went to the door; her fingers wrapping around the brass knob and turning it, the click of the catch filling her ears. Her feet carried her out into the hall, closing the door behind her, and walking down the slightly winding staircase. She couldn’t help but smile as her hand slid across the smooth banister. The wood felt nice and cool against the heated flesh of her palm, she had to admit that Zacky had a nice place.

“What are you doing out of bed?” Zacky asked her, startling her and making her put her hand over her heart.

“I was just going to ask you if I could shower, but I have nothing to change into.”

“I was just about to ask your sizes, I could pick up some stuff from the store.”

She shook her head vehemently, “No, I am capable of picking them out myself.”

She gave him a smile through her slightly chapped lips, having the smile returned followed by a slight shake of a head.

“I can’t let you do that.”

“And why not?”

“What if your mother is out there, plus you need your rest. You and your baby”

She sighed and rubbed her forehead, thinking of a compromise. She didn’t want to be cooped up in the house, though she’d probably just explore it.

“Why don’t we both go together?” She asked him, looking into his bright, green eyes.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his short, cropped hair and nodded. She smiled as he relented and thanked him. She rushed up the stairs, or as fast as she could, and grabbed a hairtie and a hat, that she had packed. Her clothes stank from being dirty and she knew she needed to wash them, but right now she secured the hat on her head, to cover up the grease.

“You ready?” Zacky called up the stairs, his voice echoing through the hallway.

“Yeah!” She grabbed her small wallet and put it in her pocket, though it was a tight fix with her protruding belly.

She met Zacky at the bottom of the steps and walked out the door with him, watching as he locked up the house and activated the alarm system, Icky looking out the living room window making her chuckle and point it out. Zacky chuckled and told her that he did that everytime he left. She smiled and made her way over to his SUV and with his help got in.

“This is why I hate cars like these.”

“You’re only pissed because you needed help,” he chided her with a laugh.

She pouted and crossed her arms over her breasts and looked out the window, that move only made him chuckle more at the girl in the passenger seat. He could see why his best friend went to jail for her, knowing his friend was in love with her. It broke his heart that they had lost their lead singer and a lot of their fans. But, they were going to pull through this. He had a gut feeling that everything was going to be okay, one way or the other. There were so many things that they had to work through, though. There were the Sex Offenders list, Matt would have to be put on that and there were the fans that would want a meet and greet; Zacky was sure that they couldn’t do that anymore either.

Clary reached towards the radio and pressed the power button, Guns ‘N Roses filling the cab of the SUV. She let out a chuckle, remembering that Matt told her he was a Guns ‘N Roses freak.

“What is so funny?” Zacky asked her, looking to the amused girl.

“Just something Matt told me about you.”

“And what did my friend tell you?”

“Just how much you love Guns ‘N Roses.”

He couldn’t help but chuckled and agree, guilty as charged. She let out a laugh too and leaned back in the seat, watching the familiar Huntington Beach scenery pass her by. She loved this place, it was the place she met the love of her life and this was the place where they had conceived their little baby. With that thought, her hand began to gently caress her stomach and her eyes lit up as she felt another kick. She looked to Zacky and got an idea.

“How would you like to be an Uncle?”

“What do you mean?” He asked her, looking over to Clary.

“I mean you and Matt are in a band together and you two are close, also. I think you’d make a great Uncle.”

He couldn’t help but smile at that, though he was an Uncle of two, he couldn’t help the tears that gathered in the corner of his eyes.

“I’d be honored,” he told her and pulled into a parking spot.

Clary hadn’t noticed that they were in front of a store or the fact that it was the store she had wanted to go to, though she really couldn’t afford it.

“Zacky…..I can’t afford this place.”

He gave her a soft smile, “It’s all on me.”

“No I can’t do that!” She shook her head, trying to stop him from pulling her into the store.

“I want to, this is my niece of nephew that you’re carrying!”

She sighed and knew that he wasn’t going to give it up until he at least bought her something. She would just find something that wasn’t expensive, something that was on sale or a knock off. It was hard to find it, the clothes were high-end maternity clothes and the price tags on them made her eyes pop out of her head, who could afford this? She thought to herself as she put another reject back on the rack; the top was beautiful but she didn’t want Zacky to pay that much for one top. He watched as she put it away and moved onto the next rack, picking it up, Zacky slung it across her arm with the others that she had stared at so long. He knew that she wanted them and she wouldn’t spare any expense. She needed this and knew that Matt would be doing this for her, if he weren’t in jail. His parents had control of his bank account and didn’t feel that they should give the girl any money. They figured that she was behind this whole thing because she wanted their son’s money. In all reality, the poor girl didn’t have anyone there for her. Her mother having been the one to bring this upon her and he felt for her.

Clary went to try on a top, one that didn’t cost much, but she found it had a whole in it and let out a sigh. When she came out, her shirt back on, she saw Zacky carrying three to four bags and looked to him with wide eyes.

“Zacky…please don’t tell me you bought four bags worth of clothes.”

He looked to her with a sheepish smile, “Okay I wont tell you that I did.”

“Zacky!” She put her hands on her hips and stomped her foot, looking angrily at the man before her.

“Clary, you need these clothes! It’s not like the money is going to go to waist because they are going to be used!”

She sighed and put a hand to her forehead, knowing that there was no point in arguing with him. Besides he had already paid for the clothes and was walking out of the store. With a sigh she began to follow him back to the SUV and, this time without his help, got up into it as he put the bags in the back.

“Thank you, Zacky,” she whispered as she rested both her hands on top of her stomach.

“It was my pleasure,” he sent a smile her way as he belted up and turned the key in the ignition.

The SUV roared to life, quietly, and they were on their way home. This time the car ride was silent, except for the radio playing a ballad. She recognized the song as the one that her and Matt had danced to on the beach, the memory bringing tears to her eyes. Zacky had been watching her from the corner or his eye and his hand shot out and turned the radio off. She quietly thanked them and he welcomed her, the sound of the tires hitting little bumps, filled the car. She was lost in her memories of her and Matt, the dates and when they made love. She remembered the smile he had sent her way, the smile that made her weak in the knees and feel like she was floating on air. Her heart would pick up in beats and she couldn’t help but let the tears fall. The memories were happy ones but she felt like they haunted, taunting her and telling her that she can’t have him; that they could never be together.

Zacky pulled into the driveway, feeling his heart crack and his throat tightening with his own tears. Here was a teenager going through heartbreak when she should be having happy times and hanging out with friends. She had fallen in love and the justice system had screwed her over, not caring about how she felt about the man that had gotten her pregnant. He put a hand on her knee and gave it a squeeze, as he pulled into the driveway.

“He’ll be with you, Clary. He loves you and I’ve seen it first hand.”

He gave her a small smile and she gave a weak one back. She thought that was sweet of Zacky but she couldn’t help but feel depressed right now. She was hurt and just wanted her Matt back, she wanted to be in his arms. She wanted to kiss his lips and to cuddle with him. She wanted to lay back on the beach and watch the sun go down, fall asleep, and then wake up. They would make love and then they would watch the sun rise, before parting ways. Those were the good days, the days she wanted to go back to but don’t think she ever would be able to.