Dear God

Zacky looked on the sleeping girl, seeing her breathing was uneven and he knew that she had cried herself to sleep; something he had done when he and Gena had split. He maybe tough on the outside but on the inside he was a softly, someone whom was easily hurt; that and the break up was out of the blue. She had been the one to call it off from the beginning with no explanation that she could give him. The only thing that she had told him was that it didn’t feel right and everything had become so strained, with him being gone all the time touring; before the whole Matt incident. Before Zacky knew it, he was remembering when Matt first met the girl.

Flashback

“Hey, Zack!” Matt greeted the shorter man with a large, brilliant smile.

“Hey, M, what has you smiling?” Zack asked him, in the back of his head wondering if Val had changed her mind and came back to Matt.

“Oh I met someone,” Matt said, his smile turning into one or tranquility and happiness.

“Oh really?” Zack smirked and looked to the larger man before him.

He nodded his head, the smile never leaving his face and Zacky was happy for that. His friend had been broken and needed someone to make him smile; he just wondered who this mystery girl was.

“Who is she?”

“Well her name is Clarissa and we met at the beach party last night,” Matt told him.

Zacky’s mind flashed back to the night and remembered catching a glimpse of the girl before his friend. The girl looked to be in her late teens and as Zacky came back from that memory a frown was present on his face.

“Isn’t she a bit too young?”

Matt looked to his friend, his smile falling from his face and a sigh escaping his lips. His face had collapsed and he looked years older than he was, Zacky was beginning to feel guilty for being the one to bring that to his friend. Matt had ran his head over his short locks of hair and looked to the floor.

“I know she’s young. But she makes me feel alive, more than I’ve ever felt with Val,” he spoke.

Zacky looked to him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder, “I’m not going to stop you, Matt, but I really want you to think about this. Will all of this be worth it if you do get with her? What if you two get caught? You know it’s against the law and you could be put into jail for statutory rape.”

Matt bit at his lip, the lip that was absent of his lip piercing; which made him look odd and not like the guy I knew.

“I know and it’s not like it’s going to go anywhere anyway,” Matt spoke, the smile that once was on his face had fallen off.

Zacky let out a sigh and gave his friend a side hug.

“Whatever happens, I support you.”

That caused a little smile to form on Matt’s face and thank his friend, he also told him that it was awesome that he had someone to support him; knowing the other guys might not and his parents definitely wouldn’t. They had loved Val and didn’t see why Matt didn’t fight for her hard enough, they both thought that if he did fight, that she would have stayed with him. Zacky had been there for his friend, then, too.

He watched the sleeping form before him and bit his lip, would he ever find a love like Matt had? The kind of love where it knew no bounds, he had thought he had found that with Gena but that came to an end. They were still friends, luckily enough, and they still kept in touch. Sometimes, Zacky wondered if he got with Gena because everyone else had one, he didn’t want to be the only one that didn’t have anyone; but now it looked that way and it looked like he’d stay that way for a while.

Zacky was pulled out of his musings as the Clary began to wake, stretching her body out and her joints cracked, the sound making Zacky flinch. Of course, his bones did the same thing but it sounded so weird hearing someone else’s bones crack. It was like when someone is eating and you notice the little noises they make, but you don’t notice it when you’re eating with them; those noises also got on his nerves.

“Zacky?” Clary asked in a rough, just-woke-up, voice.

“Yeah?”

“Why are you just standing there?” She asked him, holding the blanket to her body.

“I was just about to wake you up and ask you what you want for breakfast.”

“Zacky…it’s only 2:30 in the morning. Have you even been to sleep yet?”

Zacky shook his head and let out a sigh, not telling her as to why he didn’t get any sleep. He spent most of his night standing there and having a flashback, something that would probably freak her out.

“Why didn’t you?” She asked, worry evident in her voice; which now was smooth.

“I just got lost in thought is all,” he told her, lifting his shoulders up and down in a shrug.

She frowned and looked to the man in the doorway, she knew something was bothering him but she didn’t press him on the matter. When he wanted to, he would open up to her or so she thought he would. She would like to believe that he’d be comfortable enough with her and to trust her; he let her stay there without knowing her, the least he could do was open up to her. Maybe she was overreacting and the hormones were speaking, but she felt like she had some right to know.

Zacky made a move to leave the doorway, before she stopped him.

“Zacky?”

“Yeah?”

“I want to thank you for letting me stay here. I mean, you hardly know me and I was the reason your friend went to jail.”

Zacky sighed and walked into the room, taking a seat on the side of the mattress, the soft material dipping with his weight.

“No problem, as I’ve said before it is what Matt would want. Besides you’ve been keeping me company and it gets really lonely here,” he gave her a smile, to show her that he had meant every word that had fell from his mouth.

She gave him a small one back, “I just feel..”

Zacky put up a hand to stop her, already knowing what she was going to say.

“Don’t even go there girl,” he said, doing the z snap causing Clary to start laughing and looking at him weirdly.

“What? It made you laugh!” He spoke, between his own laughter.

Clary liked that she could laugh with him, Zacky was turning out to be a laugh riot and she could see why he was friends with, Matt. Matt was serious whereas Zacky could make a joke about almost everything. Matt had his moments where he could be funny but most of the time he had a serious air about him and he used to intimidate Clary, until she began speaking to him. At first she thought he was going to ask her what the hell she was doing there, because she had kind of gate crashed the party, but those weren’t the words that left his lips. The words that left his lips were, “I love your shirt.” That one line and they had struck up a conversation, and it was like they were the only two on the beach. The music had faded into the background and all she could hear were his replies and little facts he had let her know. It was an instant attraction right then, and there, for her.

“Hey, Clary…Earth to Clary! Space cadet, are you with me?” Zacky asked, snapping his fingers in front of her face to get her attention.

“Sorry, Zacky..what were you saying?” She asked him.

“Well…the guys and I…we’re getting together and I wanted to know if you’d come with me.”

She swallowed hard and looked into Zacky’s emerald, green eyes. She didn’t know what to say and she didn’t know what to do. She was afraid of even meeting the guys, she felt like they would shun her for what had happened. Zacky let a frown cross his face as he put an arm around her, he could see the fear in her eyes and he hadn’t meant to make that happen.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he backtracked and rubbed her arm with his hand.

“No it’s okay, I do need to get out, plus I’d like to meet Mattie’s other friends,” Clary spoke, a hint of wavering beneath it.

He gave her a small smile and asked if she would like a snack and she nodded, grateful because she did feel hungry. Going to bed without eating dinner was something she was used to, but now that she had to worry about feeding another, she had to make sure she ate.

Zacky told her he’d be right back and he made his way to the kitchen, walking down the stairs both of the dogs, having been sleeping on the floor by Clary’s bed, at his heels. Both of their tails were wagging and Icky was trying to walk and do circles, causing the small dog to be behind them. Clary heard all the ruckus and got up from the bed and looked out, laughing at the little dog’s antics. She whistled softly and the dog came running up to her, jumping up and resting his front paws on her leg, wanting attention. She picked him up and cooed to him, petting the black dog’s head and decided to go downstairs, she was up already as it is. She had a smile on her face, feeling as if she belonged for once in her life. It was something she wasn’t used to, sure she had friends in high school but she wasn’t popular; it wasn’t like she wanted to be either.

Icky licked her cheek as she cuddled the dog close to her and pushed the kitchen door open, the site that met her made her laugh. Zeke had his paws on Zacky’s shoulders and Zacky was dancing with him, the dog’s tail wagging and his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. Both of the participants looked like they were enjoying the dance too, the song making her remember a lot of things. Dear God, something Matt had said he wrote for Val but sang it to her. She felt special, even though it was written for someone else, and she deemed that their song for when he went on tour; she’d play that song on repeat just before she went to bed and she’d dream of him, something that would help her get through those lonely nights.

“Looks like we’re the only sane ones here, Icky,” she told the pooch whom barked in response, causing Zacky’s head to snap to the side and his cheeks to flush.

“Well, Zacky, it looks like you took my dog from me!”

“Hey! He was the one that jumped up on me and asked for the dance,” Zacky said, his arms in the air, as if he were innocent.

She fixed him with a playful glare and held Icky close to her.

“I guess this means I’ll just have to dognap your dog!” She let out an evil laugh, causing Zacky to look at her with a raised eyebrow.

He went to reach for Icky but she moved the pooch out of his reach and gave him a smirk, her belly getting in between them.

“Whatcha goin’ to do now?”

Zacky sighed and looked to her and then smirked as he began to tickle her, causing Clary to drop the small dog; the dog landing on his feet and looking up at the two. Clary was laughing and trying to push Zacky away from her, Zacky smirking in triumph as he seen that Icky was no longer in her clutches. He picked up the small dog and grinned at her.

“Ha!”

“You cheated!” She told him, after catching her breath and wiping a tear, of laughter, from her eye.

He stuck his tongue out at her and turned to the beeping microwave, both of them having forgot that he had come down to get something for them to snack on. He pulled the butter bowl from the microwave and dished the meatless spaghetti onto two plates, sitting one down in front of her.

“Do you have any shredded cheese?” She asked him.

“I think there is some in the fridge,” he told her, making a move to get up.

She stopped him and went to the fridge herself and looked around, finally finding a half empty bag of it; a smile of victory flashing across her lips. Once she was back in her seat, she opened the zipper and began to spread some of the cheese on it, Zacky looking to her with a raised eyebrow, the look becoming one that he often gave her.

“What? I like my cheese,” she flushed and zipped the bag back up.

She stirred her spaghetti and the cold cheese began to melt on top the sauce and noodles, taking a huge bite she let out a moan of satisfaction.

“I’m glad that you find leftover spaghetti heavenly,” He spoke, poking mild fun at her causing her to flip him the bird.

He laughed and they ate in a comfortable silence, for once Clary was happy and she didn’t need to revert back to memories, though she liked doing that from time to time. She felt really comfortable with Zacky and she didn’t have to hide who she was or who was the father of her baby, because he already knew. Another bonus was that he was friends with Matt and that made her relax even more, lately she had found it hard to get comfortable with anyone. She remembered the guy her mother had wanted her to date, practically forcing her daughter to go on a date with him; that was before she even started showing, in fact, that was before she knew she was carrying a little Sanders. She then made her decision.

“Zacky I’m going to go with you, when you go and meet the guys.”