The Way I love You

"Delivery!" A voice sounded, following a knock on my apartment door. I rolled my eyes, knowing it was some useless token of affection from him.

He had been sending me flowers, candy, stuffed animals, and jewelry for weeks now.
Groaning, I swung the door open to a delivery boy I'd already met three times this week. He was drenched from the rain pouring outside, and holding a large boquet of white roses. He knew it was my favorite flower.

"Hey, kid. I'm making your life hell, aren't I?" I laughed lightly. I felt sorry for him.

"Actually, it's making my life a lot easier. I know where the place is, so I don't get lost, and the more I deliver the more I get paid," He chuckled. He handed me the clipboard and I quickly scrawled my signature across the blank.

"Good point. You must think I'm some psycho bitch by now, though. Obviously if he keeps sending them, I'm still not speaking to him," I mused, taking the boquet.

"Hey, I don't judge. I just figured he really messed up," He shrugged.

"Honey, you have no idea. Anyway... I'm sure I'll see you later," I waved him off. He waved over his shoulder and headed down the hallway.

I carried the vase to the kitchen and sat it down in the middle of the table. It was one of four that already decorated my kitchen. A few others were scattered around the rest of the apartment.

"Do we have any more- Good God he sent another one?" Monica, my best friend and roommate said as she entered the kitchen.

"Yes ma'am. I really wish he'd give up," I said for the thousandth time.

"Once again, I'm calling bullshit on that one," She mumbled.

"I heard you, Moni," I said accusingly.

"You were supposed to. For the love of all that is holy you need to give him a chance. So he doesn't go bankrupt trying to win you over."

"If he wants to waste his money on shit I don't want, let him go ahead. I told him I wasn't gonna be with him," I reminded her and stomped out of the room. I went to my bedroom and closed the door, making sure to lock it.

My head pounded as waves of pain pressed down on my thoughts. This dreary weather already had me in a bad mood, but it made me obsess over my problems as well. I thought back to when I first met him...

My first day at work was kind of horrifying. It was my first job since I graduated from college. Safety Marketing Co. was the name of my employer, and I had my own little cubicle in the middle of at least 25 others.

The only person I had spoken to was my new boss and the receptionist, who showed me to my work space. Needless to say, I sat quietly at my desk and did my work all day. Not only to make a good first impression on my boss, but because I was scared to dive into the established groups of fellow employees.

I knew that there were cliques, just like any other group of people. I had no idea who fit where, and there was no way of finding out other than simply keeping to myself and observing everyone else.

From eight in the morning to one in the afternoon, I only moved from my desk once and that was to go to the restroom. I was too nervous to eat so lunch was out of the question that day. People walked by and glanced at me, but no one spoke until my boss stopped in to check on me.

"Well, good afternoon Miss Katlain. How's everything going?" Mrs. Walson asked, leaning onto the edge of my cubicle.

"Excellent. I'm actually almost done working on the stuff for the Adams account," I smiled proudly.

"...Really? Can I have a look?" She sounded surprised, I guess because I was new.

"Of course!" I opened the binder which head the hard copies of the work I had done so far and gestured to it with my hand. She leaned over and silently flipped the pages, her eyes running back and forth quickly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a large, dark figure peering over at us from the neighboring cubicle. I chose to ignore it.

"This is just... Remarkable. How did you finish so fast?" She looked at me incredulously.

"I haven't stopped working all day I guess. I sort of have a one track mind," I shrugged.

"Honey, if you want you can just take a break. I mean if you got this done this fast, you're going to get bored really fast by tomorrow. We don't get a lot of new accounts and you're only assigned this one for the week," She reminded me what I already knew.

"I'd rather just go ahead and finish it while my mind's on it. Then I have the rest of the week to check over everything and make sure I found all of my mistakes," I really wasn't trying to kiss her ass. This was just how I worked.

"Hey, however you work best. Excellent job though, Katlain. Keep it up and you'll be out of this cubicle in no time," She winked and made her leave. I finally took the opportunity to glance at my neighbor whom I'd caught staring. Once again, he was looking at me but he quickly turned back to his computer. Smiling to myself, I took in his features.

Even sitting down, I could tell he was tall; Probably around 6'3". He had jet black hair which was pin straight, but sat against his head perfectly. He wore a gray button-up shirt, black tie, and black pants that obviously fit snugly even when standing. His broad shoulders stretched the fabric of his shirt to its hilt. From my angle, he had all the ingredients to be gorgeous. However, I'd yet to see his face. For all I knew, he could've been a butterface.

I shook my head, knowing that sizing this stranger up had no significance any way. I turned back to my work and within an hour, had the rest of the account finished. I leaned back in my chair and stretched, popping my back loudly. My face reddened; I knew someone had to have heard that. I cautiously glanced over and saw my mysterious, staring neighbor looking at me smirking.

And my God that smirk would be the death of me. His eyes were the brightest green I'd ever seen, even from the distance I was looking. He had long, almost feminine eyelashes. The black hair fell across his forehead in that "I just shook my head" manner. His lips were full and fit the rest of his face perfectly.

"Was that your back?" He chuckled, in a deep voice that was simply to die for.

"Yeah," I said sheepishly, my cheeks reddening once more.

"Nice," He laughed again. He rolled his chair across the floor and into the doorway of my cubicle.

"I'm Adam," He extended his hand.

"Katlain," I smiled, shaking his hand.

"I'd ask how your first day is going, but I overheard Walson. You finished your account already?" He tilted his head.

"Yeah... It really doesn't seem like such a big deal to me," I shrugged.

"The Adams account is kind of a big deal, babe, and you killed it in one day," He smiled, and I nearly stopped breathing.

"May I?" He waved his hand over the binder. I nodded silently. He opened it back up and flipped through the pages.

"You know they always give the new people a big account as kind of a joke slash test. A lot of people can't handle them. They usually take several weeks for new people to handle," He mused as he checked my work.

"Wow. Everything's perfect. Where'd you work before this and how the hell did they let you go?" He joked, looking back at me.

"I just graduated, actually. This is my first real job," I admitted shyly.

"You're shitting me," His eyes widened.

"I shit you not," I grinned.

"You're going places," He said in all seriousness.

"I certainly hope so. I don't plan to spend my entire career in cubicles," I laughed.

"If you keep working like this, you'll be out of cubicles within a year."

After that day, Adam spoke to me constantly. We grew extremely close. I remembered the day I mentioned that he was the only person in the office that I spoke to, and that I thought the others didn't like me

"You know, you're the only person in the office I've really spoken to, and I've been here for two months," I mused as we ate lunch in a small restaurant Adam had introduced me to.
"I've noticed that. You should speak to other people more. They're not all big and scary," He winked.

"I'm pretty sure I've caught everyone in that building glaring at me at one point or another. They all hate me!" I said, completely amused by the subject.

"You know why?" He asked curiously, but I caught a hint that he knew the answer.

"No... But I think you do?" I tilted my head.

"Well, every woman in that office has tried her hand at seducing me but they're all kind of, for lack of a better term, whores. So I steer clear of them and their syphallis," He rolled his eyes as I laughed.

"As for the men, they're scared shitless of you," He smirked.

"Huh?" I blurted a bit more loudly than I intended.

"You're better at our job than anyone else there. If any promotions came up, you'd be the first to get it; even over people who have been working there for years. Be proud of it, babe. You're great at what you do," He smiled.

"I don't want everyone to hate me because of it though," I mumbled sadly.

"Hey," He whispered, taking my hand gently in his.

"Not everyone hates you. I definitely don't," His hundred watt smile blew me away.

That was when I started to realize he had feelings for me. It was also when I realized that I was quickly falling for someone that I could never have.

He was gorgeous, smart, not to mention rich thanks to a trustfund. He was one of those guys that everyone wanted. I was nothing compared to him. I had average dark brown hair, average brown eyes, and a ridiculously short stature that neared that of legal midget status. Hell, I was even a bit overweight, with lovehandles that I was completely ashamed of.

He was one of those people who did well in relationships, and I just wasn't. I was awful in relationships. The longest one I was ever in was a mere four months in length. I didn't know how to be a girlfriend.

I had to turn myself away from him. I had to make myself pretend that I didn't want him as badly as I did. The first time he asked me out, I didn't know how to react.

"You headed out?" Adam asked as I was gathering my things.

"It is six, babe. Time to leave," I reminded him.

"...Right. Stupid question," He laughed nervously. Blood rose to his cheeks and he scratched the back of his neck.

"What's up with you?" I stood from my chair and settled the strap of my bag over my shoulder. I crossed the median and stood in the opening of his cubicle.

"I wanna ask you something," His voice sounded a bit deeper, like he'd just summoned more confidence from the depth of his soul.

"Shoot," I smiled. I was completely unprepared for what he said next.

"Would you maybe wanna go out sometime with me? Like, on a date?" The words were a bit rushed, but they were clear enough to understand. My eyes widened noticeably.

"Um, I uh... Adam, I don't know," I shifted my weight from foot to foot nervously.

"Nothing too fancy or formal. Just dinner. Maybe a movie. Whatever you would want to do. It doesn't matter to me," He rambled.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," I said, not knowing how to tell him that I was scared shitless.

"Why not?" He was genuinely devastated at my answer.

"Because... I don't think we should get involved like that," I sighed.

"If you're scared of what Walson will think, she'd totally understand. She met her husband at an old job! And she's been telling me that I needed to ask you out," He reasoned.

"We wouldn't be good together, Adam."

"We're already always together, and we get along great!"

"Adam," I pleaded.

"Please. Just one date? One. That's it. I'll leave you alone if it goes bad," He begged. I made the mistake of making eye contact. His perfect green eyes showed so much sincerity.
"...Okay," I gave in.

I didn't know why he begged. I didn't understand why he wanted me to go out with him that bad.

During the date, I kept trying to turn him away. But he kept making me feel like someone cared. He made me feel like we were supposed to be there.

"Adam, why did you ask me out?" I asked curiously over dessert.

"You're beautiful," He said instantly, looking directly into my eyes.

"You're smart. You're different. You didn't immediately throw yourself at me when we met," He laughed lightly.

"Do you wonder why I didn't?" I asked, setting myself up.

"Because you're not a whore?" He joked.

"That, and I knew I had no chance with you. Adam, you're everything I'm not, and everything I'll never have," I confessed my fears.

"Honey, you're amazing because of everything you're not, and everything you never will be," His seriousness scared me. I was only twenty-two years old! It sounded like he was really serious about a potential relationship, and I didn't even know what I was going to wear tomorrow.

"I'm- I'm sorry. That sounded scary didn't it?" He chuckled, turning red again.

"No, it's fine... I just think you're more serious about this than I'm prepared to be," I said and winced, waiting for his reaction.

His already forced smile dropped and his eyes were immediately dull. The battling thoughts in his head were obvious.

"Well, I've got time," He grinned, and his confidence rushed back in.

"Listen. Not to offend you or accuse you of anything, but you should know that you won't be getting anything out of this. I'm not going to sleep with you, Adam. I'm saving myself for marriage," I told him the thing that scared off every man I ever dated.

"If I was in this for sex I would've given up a long ass time ago," He laughed.

"I'm in this for you."

That's what I grew to love about him. He was only discouraged momentarily by my constant objections. Hence the persistent gifts.

We went on several more dates, but I made sure he knew that we weren't official. Every day at work, the other women glared daggers at me. I went through the halls and caught parts of conversations about me.

"She won't even tell him it's exclusive! That whore probably fucks him and leaves him every night," Kristine sneered.

"That bitch! If I had a man like that wrapped around my little finger, I would tear it up every night, and pamper him every day," Amanda said suggestively.

When I heard things like this, I got an overwhelming possessive feeling. I felt like he was mine and they had no right to talk about him that way.

As soon as these feelings hit, I remembered that I wouldn't allow myself to have him.
After two months of dating, I finally decided it wasn't fair to Adam.

"Adam, I can't keep doing this," I said sadly. He smiled sweetly at me.

"You always say that. Yet here we are," He reminded me.

"I'm serious this time. I can't keep taking advantage of you like this. I feel awful!" I knew the tears would start soon.

"Kitty, I'm falling in love with you!" He blurted. I gasped and my hand flew over my open mouth.

"I want you so bad it hurts. Every time I speak to you, I learn something new about you. You're so strong and so independent. You don't bow down to me. I wanna spend forever just trying to figure you out. So please, don't say it's over. Don't give up before I win you over," He begged. Hot tears spilled over my cheeks and light sobs escaped.

"I can't love you. I'm sorry," I whispered. I turned and ran.

Which brings me to where I am now: alone in my bedroom, crying my eyes out like a twelve year old.

"I can hear you in there!" Monica yelled outside of my door.

"I don't care," I snapped.

I could practically hear her rolling her eyes. A few seconds later my doorknob started jiggling and clicking noises could be heard. That bitch was picking my lock.

"Too easy," She muttered as my door swung open. She came over and sat next to me on my bed and wrapped one arm around my shoulders.

"Admit to me why you're crying. Right now. No more bullshit," She demanded.

"I hate doing this to him. He loves me," I cried.

"So don't do it to him?" She said like it was obvious.

"I don't know how to make this work. I don't wanna get hurt," I whined.

"You're fucking pathetic," She groaned, stood up, and crossed her arms, glaring at me. I looked up at her sadly.

"On the superficial side, he's rich and gorgeous. On the real side, he fucking loves you. He's not after sex. He hasn't done anything to hurt you. He loves you! Love is about getting hurt, Katlain! You have to take the chance or you're gonna die alone with a thousand cats!" She ranted angrily.

I rested my head against my knees stubbornly. I didn't want to give in.

"Look at this!" She snapped. I looked up and she was holding a black velvet box with a gorgeous ruby necklace in it.

"I saw this in the store. It cost him over fifteen hundred bucks, Kat!"

"So?"

"What about that giant stuffed dog you sleep with? Fifty dollars, easily."

"God damn it what am I supposed to do?!" I screamed.

She grinned, knowing she was about to win.

"Get your ass up! Do your makeup. Put on that sexy ass black dress of yours, those earrings he bought you, this expensive ass necklace, and get your ass over to his apartment and tell him you love him!" She ordered like a drill sergeant. I felt like I had been smacked. I knew it was right. I knew I had to go over there. I knew I loved him.

I quickly got up and straightened my hair, did my makeup, and wore everything Monica told me to wear. Grabbing my umbrella and trenchcoat to defend myself against the raging storm outside, I left the apartment and went to confess my love.

I parked as close to the front of the building as I could and got out of the car. The umbrella did little against the rain and I cursed my stupid hair for what was sure to become a frizzy mess. I ran to the door of the building and noticed the doorman was standing inside to avoid the rain. He knew me from my many visits over the last few months and opened the door smiling.

"Miss Katlain, I haven't seen you in weeks! Did things go wrong with Adam?" He asked sympathetically.

"Yeah. I've gotta go fix 'em. Can I go up?" I pleaded. They weren't really allowed to let people up without some sort of notice from the apartment owner.

"Go! Go! Get outta here!" He shooed me away to the elevator.

"Thank you!" I yelled as I ran, trying not to slip in my now wet heels. The elevator was already on the ground floor, so I didn't have to wait. Unfortunately, Adam lived on the seventh floor and the trip seemed to last an eternity. The bell finally signalled that I had reached my destination.

I ran out of the door before it was fully opened and came to the apartment that could make or break me. I let out a shuddered breath and raised my shaking hand to knock on the door. It took a while for him to come to the door, and I instantly began to fear the worst. The door opened to reveal Adam , clad only in a pair of tight fitting jeans. His eyes were full of shock and confusion.

My brain immediately added two and two together. He took too long to open the door, and he was half naked. He had someone over. He stopped waiting for me.

"Kitty! What're you doing here?" He asked in shock.

"I- I don't know. This was stupid. I'm sorry," I sputtered out and turned, running back to the elevator.

"Katlain, wait!" He called. He slammed his door and took off after me. I thanked God that the elevator closed just before he reached me. I took my heels off, planning to run to my car as soon as the doors opened.

I was so pissed and so disappointed at the same time. Tears flooded my face and I knew my makeup was going everywhere. The elevator doors opened on the ground floor, and I took off. I could hear heavy, running footsteps coming from the stairwell.

"Miss Katlain? What happened?" The doorman asked, obviously worried by my appearance.

"Kitty, wait!" Adam's voice yelled.

I made it out of the doors, not bothering with my umbrella. The harsh concrete felt rough against my bare feet, and I dreaded the results that would come. I ran as fast as I could but only made it halfway to my car before a strong, familiar grip latched onto my waist firmly.

"Stop. Stop it right fucking now, Kitty," He said into my ear.

"Just let me go. Go back to whoever you have waiting for you," I said with anger. He spun me around to face him, but didn't let me go.

"I know it looks like that, but there's no one in there. I swear to you, baby. I love you and I woudn't do that," His eyes were so lost. His voice was so broken. I had done this to him.

"It was still stupid of me to come here. Just let me go and I'll leave you alone," I demanded.

"I'm not letting you go anywhere," He smirked. We were both soaked now. His hair was clinging to his face and he looked like a work of art.

"You're wearing the jewelry I gave you. You got all dressed up and came to see me. Why?" He inquired. I stayed silent and avoided looking him in the eye.

"Why?" He pressed. He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him.

"Can I ask you something?" I ignored his question and asked him one of my own.

"Anything," He whispered.

"What do you get out of this? What do you want from me?" I had to hear his answer one last time.

"That's two questions," He chuckled, moving his hand to my cheek.

"Adam," I pouted.

"I want you to be with me, I want you to marry me, I want you to love me the way I love you. That's what I want. Now answer me. Why did you come here?"

His answer was all I needed.

"I love you!" I exclaimed and jumped up, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my lips to his. He reacted with inhuman speed, holding me up and kissing back. He pulled away far too soon.

"Are you sure?" He questioned.

"Yes!" I said desperately.

"That's all I ever wanted," He said softly, and kissed me again.