Starless Eyes Remain

"Fuck her and all her life drama!" I yelled, storming into Mikey's house and slamming the door.

"Ash! What did I tell you about using the F word in my house?!" Mikey shouted from somewhere - I assumed the kitchen.

"Gah!" I exclaimed, walking through the living room. I stood in the doorway to the kitchen and just stood there. Mikey looked at me, and I looked at him.

He was covered in flour.

"What...the actual....fu--"

"Don't even, Ash." He pointed his spatula at me, which was also covered in flour. "I have innocent ears."

I groaned, slapped my forehead with my palm, and went back to the living room. I collapsed onto the couch, and my feet flew up in the air before landing successfully on the pillow. "Mikey! Can you bring me some aspirin? And orange juice...and a gun?"

I heard him chuckle from the kitchen. After a minute or two, he walked in with a glass of orange juice and two Tylenol. And a water gun. He lifted my legs, sat down, and replaced them in his lap. I gave him a look, and he just smiled.

"Did you not have fun with your padre?" he questioned, serious. I guess he hadn't heard about Dani. Then again....we just heard. It just happened.

"Fuck." I groaned, covering my eyes again. I pulled a pillow over my face and screamed into it. When I removed it, I felt a lot better.

"Ah...so...I take it....Actually, I don't know how to take that seriously at all."

I laughed, and then sighed. "It's Dani. Dani this, Dani that. Dani is the center of attention. Dani broke a nail, oh my god. Dani can't find her shoe, oh my god. Dani gets raped, oh my god."

My eyes widened, because it wasn't until after I said it that I noted how selfish it sounded. "Fuck!" I screamed, and then I rolled over. I cried into the couch.

Mikey shifted under my feet, and I didn't know what he was doing until he was speaking. "Hey, Gee?.....Yeah....what happened?.....No......I have her......Yeah, she's a tad torn up.......very pissed, yeah.........."

After a series of multiple yeahs, Mikey hung up. I heard him snap his phone shut. He rubbed the back of my legs until I calmed down. That was the last thing I remembered until I fell asleep.



I had to fight to pull myself out of the bed the next morning.

I could hear Mikey whistling to himself in the kitchen; knowing him, he was probably drinking coffee and reading the paper.

It was raining outside, and the rain drops hit the window like tears on a bible. I didn't want to think about the day before, because I realized something.

My dad loved his girlfriend more than his own daughter.

Maybe his reaction was within reason. Maybe there was method to his madness, telling me to fuck off and go away. Maybe there's a reason why he told me that I wasn't as important as her in that moment.

All because she was fucking raped.

"God, Ashton. You're such an asshole," I said to myself, pushing the covers off of me. I pushed myself up, and looked in the mirror. I was still wearing the clothes from yesterday, my face had lines of mascara running down the cheeks, my hair was a matted mess. My clothes were wrinkled, and possibly stained with mascara too.

"Useless," I whispered to my reflection. And at that moment, that's how I felt. That's what I felt when I pulled back and punched the mirror. That's what I felt when I took the shards and sliced my wrists, arms, stomach, and neck wide open. That's what I felt when Mikey, white as a ghost, took me in his arms and screamed. That's what I felt when I was being thrown into a car, carried away to the hell that most people call hospitals. That's what I felt when I closed my eyes, when I was sure I'd never open them again.

Secretly, I was hoping I wouldn't.