Told You I'll Be Here Forever

“Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body.” –Elizabeth Stone

Mia: Wow Ms. Stone is so right. Well I don’t know about the decision part, since I wasn’t really given a choice as to whether or not I would like to be raped, but the heart outside the body thing. Taylor is my heart.

Joe: There’s no way that I can look at Mia and Taylor and not believe this. It’s so true. Taylor is everything to Mia. And I’ll admit, she’s almost as cool as me, almost. And she’s sure a lot cooler than Nick and Kevin. Now Frankie – I don’t know. Frank the Tank is the coolest person I will ever know. Guess he’s my mom’s heart too, huh?

- - -

Ever have that feeling? The something is going to go horribly and irreversibly wrong feeling? That was kind of the feeling I was having. I had never been this happy for this long for as far back as I could remember. Nothing had ever gone this right. It made me nervous. Joe told me I was insane, that it was God finally giving me the happiness I deserved, but then why did it feel like the eerie calm before the big storm?

I sighed and rocked Taylor in my arms as I tried to put her to sleep. I decided to sing her a song that I had written for her. She always seemed to sleep as soon as I sang something to her. Frankie still swore it was cause my voice was like an angel, but I wouldn’t go that far. But ever since that day in the theater with Joe, I had remembered how much I loved and missed singing and had secretly been working on some stuff. I hadn’t even told Joe yet. Only Taylor knew my secret, and I knew she would never tell.

I cradled her in my arms and sat down in the rocking chair Joe had gotten me. He and my mom had made this nursery. They started before I even got home from the hospital. They had painted the spare bedroom and it was not a light purple. There were shelves and shelves of toys and books. They had put cutesy posters and pictures everywhere. My face was prominent in most of them, as was Joe’s. They had gotten stick on letters and pasted T-A-Y-L-O-R to the wall. And in the middle on a green rug was the prettiest cream-colored crib I had ever seen. It was so beautiful. It was like Joe had had all this made just for me, because he knew exactly what I would like and wouldn’t. It made it mean that much more. They had put the cream-colored rocking chair to match the crib next to it. I sat here sometimes, just watching my daughter sleep. It made me feel content to know she was safe in my sight.

“Today's All Burnt Toast
Running Late Dad Jokes
Has Anybody Seen My Left Shoe

I Close My Eyes Take A Bite
Take A Ride Laugh Out Loud
There It Is Up On The Roof

I've Been there I Survived
So Just Take My Advice

Hang In There, Baby
Things Are Crazy,
But I Know Your Futures Bright

Hang In There, Baby
There's No Maybe,
Everything Turns Out Alright

Sure Life Is Up And Down,
But Trust Me, It Comes Back Around

Your Gonna Love Who You Turn Out To Be

WOO!

Home run, Loud Crash
Someones Gonna Pay For That
Why Is Everyone Looking At Me

Trouble In Paradise
Skating on melted ice
Please don't take away my TV

I've Been There I Survived
So Just Take My Advice

Hang In There, Baby
Things Are Crazy,
But I Know You Futures Bright

Hang In There, Baby
There's No Maybe,
Everything Turns Out Alright

Sure Life Is Up And Down,
But Trust Me It Comes Back Around

Your Gonna Love Who You Turn Out To Be

Someone Who Gets Along

Can Keep You Moving On

That's What I'm Here For Say Anything.”

I smiled when I realized she was asleep. Always worked like a charm. I gently squeezed her to my body.

“That was amazing.”

I didn’t need to turn around to know whose voice that was. “How long have you been standing there?” I asked, still smiling down at Taylor.

“Since I close my eyes take a bite take a ride laugh out loud there it is up on the roof,” Joe sang the verse back to me. He came and stood by me. “That was an amazing song. Did you write it?”

I smiled. “Yeah I did actually. I’ve been dabbling in songwriting and stuff.”

“You didn’t tell me?” he pouted.

I laughed quietly as I stood and place Taylor into her crib. I turned to Joe, and wrapped my arms around his waist, placing my head on his chest. Immediately, I felt his arms wrap around me and I knew I would immediately be forgiven. “Sorry, big bro. I just wasn’t sure how they sounded, you know? I wanted a really good one before I came to show you.”

“It was truly amazing,” he promised as he finally let me go and smirked. “And I’m sure the rest are just as amazing. After all, you do have the amazing Jonas genes, mostly thanks to me. Besides, you’re always helping with our lyrics. You’re a natural songwriter, Mamma Mia.”

“Mamma Mia,” I repeated, looking down at Taylor. I sighed. “Think she’ll end up hating me one day?”

He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. “Why would you ever say that?”

I looked at his nose, unable to meet him in the eyes. “I’m afraid, Joe.”

“Of what?” he engulfed me in a hug again.

“I’m afraid that one day I’ll resent her for what happened to me. Or I’ll somehow treat her differently because of what’s happened to me, and she’ll hate me.”

He stepped back and made me look him straight in the eyes. “Listen here, Amelia Jonas. You are not our father. You are not condemned to treat your child like he treated you. What he did, was monstrous, honey. You are the sweetest and kindest person I know. You would never, never do that to anyone, let alone your daughter. And I know you. I can see how much you love her. No, my niece is never going to know anything by love from you. And she will love you, forever. She adores you already, Mia. You’re her whole world. Well, after me, of course.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as I wiped away the tears that I noticed had fallen from my eyes. “Of course.” I sniffed and he led me out of the room, closing the door behind him. I sighed. He knew me too well. Joe always knew exactly what to say. I was still scared of the future, but because of him, it wasn’t the only thing I felt about the future. I now also felt hope.