Told You I'll Be Here Forever

”We have two choices: continue to blame the world for our stress or take responsibility for own reactions and deliberately change our emotional climate.” –Doc Childre

Mia: It seems like everyone I’ve ever known blames someone else. Dad blames me for his failed marriage. Mom blames dad for her failed marriage. Kevin did at one point, now he blames me for letting Joe become Taylor’s favorite. Like that was hard! Nick blames me for Joe making fun of him. Again, not hard! Joe blames our parents for giving me the better vocal genes. And me? I blame my father for every bad thing that has ever happened to me. Cause let’s face it, everything everyone blames on someone else, they’re all his fault.

Joe: My dad blames Mia for ruining his marriage. But it wasn’t her fault. He shouldn’t have cheated on our mom. That was his fault, not Mia’s. But he has treated her so cruelly, and still continues to do so, because he says it’s her fault. It’s not. He just isn’t man enough to take responsibility for his actions. And I will never in my life let her think it is for a second. That is my responsibility. And I will always, always fulfill it.

- - -

“Taylor asleep?” Nick asked, looking up from the computer screen. He held the guitar in his lap to one side. He was working on a song. Kevin sat next to him, another guitar, Juliet I think he was using. Joe dragged me along with him as he sat down in the opposing couch.

“What are you guys working on right now?” I asked.

“We need one more song for the album,” Nick said. “I don’t know, I was thinking we should make it something that really describes us really well where we are now and where we came from.”

“What do you have so far?”

Kevin started strumming the guitar and Nick looked at the screen. ”Dream of a day, when the songs that you play, are blasting through the speakers in your car. And it comes in a flash and you hear from the crown screaming at your name for the encore.” Kevin stopped and Nick sighed. “That’s all we have.”

“We were kind of hoping you guys would have something?” Kevin smiled hopefully, more at me than Joe. Everyone knew the creativity was more in my genes than my twins.

“Okay,” I said. “Well, that’s where you’re from. Now where you’re going and who you are now, right?” They nodded. “Play that again, Kevin?” He started playing. I tapped the beat on my knee. “Living life, life in the fast lane. Not that bad, know we can’t complain?”

“Oh I like that,” Nick said, singing it again. When he finished, he grinned. “That’s good.”

“That’s garbage.”

I froze as I recognized the voice. There was no way I could not. It was the voice that had taunted me, haunting my dreams and nightmares, and making my reality a hell. I didn’t need to turn around to see it was my father. And from the way Joe equally froze and grabbed my arm comfortingly, I knew he didn’t need to either. Nick and Kevin stood, glaring at our father. Still, there was bad blood between them. And, of course, it was my fault. I coughed back a dry sob. Joe squeezed my arm.

“Dad, what are you doing here?” Kevin asked tightly, standing.

“Where’s your bitch mother?” he looked around the house.

“I thought I heard the bane of my existence,” she said, coming into the room. “What are you doing here, Paul?”

He just smiled at her and handed her an envelope. “Just came to give you this myself. No need to read it just yet, I’ll tell you exactly what’s on it.”

She looked at the envelope, and looked at the label. “A lawyer? Are you suing me for something, Paul?”

He laughed. “I wish. Actually no, I’m fighting for custody.”

Joe and I simultaneously stood, whirling around as the temperature in the room dropped 10 degrees. Everyone was staring at the man, baffled. “Fighting for custody,” our mom repeated slowly.

“Yes, of two of my children. Unfortunately, the other two are too old. So you can keep those two, and I’ll keep the other two.”

I cringed at the words. Two and two, only four. I was still nobody to him. “You have five kids, dad,” Joe said coldly.

“Actually, I don’t,” he said. He handed another envelope to me. “I was going to go after your little bastard too, leave you all alone like you deserve, but then I couldn’t do this. This is the best part. I’m disowning you.”

“Paul!” our mom gasped in disgust. “She’s your daughter.”

I felt Joe tighten his grip on my arm, and Nick and Kevin made angry noises. But I was beyond that. I was staring at the envelope in my hands. I knew he hated me. I knew he blamed me for so much. But to actually sever all ties with me? To make me as good an orphan? I never thought he could stoop that low.

“I have no daughter. The slut is over 18, which means I can finally do it. Good riddance. They need a law to do it before a child turns 18, but hey, this works now too,” he grinned.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to cry, scream, or throw up. “You’re sick.”

He laughed. “Maybe. But at least I’m rid of you. I can finally enjoy my days with my sons.”

“We’ll never be your sons after this,” Joe said quietly.

He laughed again. “Oh Joe, you poor naïve boy. You’ll see what a spoiled whore she is one day. You’ll see her and her bastard spawn for what they are. What a poor baby, to have a slut for a mother and a drunk for a grandmother. Thank God, she has the rest of our genes too. Though, because she comes from that little mistake, the little bastard doesn’t have my genes.”

Joe opened his mouth to explode, but I beat him to it. He had just gone too far. And no longer was I afraid. “Say what you will about me. Disown me, sue me, try to take everyone. But never. ever say a word about my daughter, you despicable monster. She’s twice the person you’ll ever be, and she’s barely a year old.”

He just glared at me. “Don’t talk to me, you little bitch. You can’t do shit. What are you going to do if I just go upstairs and smother your precious bastard with a pillow? Kill me? Have your protectors hurt me?”

“No,” I said calmly. “If you tried, I would stop you. Don’t underestimate a parent’s love, Paul.” I cringed slightly as I called him his first name. “You may not understand it, but it will help me. And when you fight for custody, I will do everything in my power to stop it. Even if that means going public with what you did to me, to this family.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “You would never. You value your brothers too much. Their career would be over with a scandal like that.”

“Maybe, maybe not,” I shrugged, though I knew he was right. I would never exploit something that could hurt them. They were living their dreams right now. I would not crush that. “But if you don’t leave now, I might have to.”

“You heard my daughter,” our mom said when he made no move to leave. “Get the fuck out of my house.”

He just glared at me for another moment and then turned and left. I let out a breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding and closed my eyes. When I opened them, I realized that everyone was staring at me.

“What?” I asked, moving to hide behind Joe from their scrutinizing stares.

Joe laughed. “Becoming a mother made you grow a pair. We like it. You may just be a Jonas brother after all.”

I rolled my eyes at the tasteless joke and left the room. I suddenly had an urge to go watch Taylor sleep, to let her know she was safe, even if she was unconscious, to convince myself that I would never, ever let anything happen to her.