You're So Pretty On the Outside

The next morning, everything was fuzzy. I could vaguely remember having sex with somebody, but I couldn’t remember who.

I sat up in the bed holding the sheet to my chest and looked over to see Oli lying next to me. My eyes widened in shock and I covered my mouth to keep from gasping.

I slowly made my way out of the bed and began to get dressed. I slipped on my panties and shorts and started searching for my bra. It was next to Oliver’s side of the bed. I tiptoed over and pulled it on before looking around for my shirt.

I spotted it in a corner and right before I could walk over to it, Oli’s hand shot out and he grabbed my wrist.

“Don’t go,” he mumbled sleepily.

“Shh… Just go back to sleep. You won’t even remember this later,” I said softly.

I tried to pry his hand off but he wasn’t budging. He turned over in the bed and looked at me seriously. He was wide awake now.

“What happened last night… I’ve been waiting for that for a while. I don’t mean having sex with you, I just mean being with you period. I’m not going to forget it.”

“It was a mistake Oli. We were both drunk-“

“I was not drunk. And you told me that you weren’t drunk either,” he pointed out.

“Well I was. I always say that I’m not drunk, but I was, I couldn’t even remember who I was with last night. I’m sorry but I have to go.”

I finally managed to get him to let go and I rushed over to my shirt. I pulled it over before grabbing my shoes and purse.

“So this is how it’s going to be then? You’re going to sleep with me and say that it didn’t mean anything? And you call me the asshole,” he spat.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen! We shouldn’t have done anything. I always fuck everything up. Ugh damn it. We were finally getting along and I just had to go and get drunk and fuck everything up.”

Oli wasn’t even listening to what I was saying. He looked down at his hands as if deep in thought.

“You told me that you loved me last night,” he said disappointedly.

“I was drunk. I didn’t know what I was saying.”

He looked me straight in the eyes before saying anything else.

“A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.”

“Not always. I have to go.”

I left the room after making sure that I had everything and found myself in an unfamiliar motel. I sighed and slipped on my shoes. On my way out of the building I called a cab.

I sat on the curb waiting for it to arrive as Oli exited the motel.

“I can give you a ride home if you want,” he offered, seeming a little depressed.

I shook my head. “I’m fine. I called a cab already.”

He sighed and turned to leave.

“I won’t tell anybody if you don’t want me to.”

“Thanks.” I offered him a small smile as he turned and left.

------------

“I’m assuming the date went well,” Sarah said when I walked through the front door.

I just glanced at her before I walked to my room and threw myself down on my bed. I couldn’t believe what I had done. First, I get drunk before a blind date that actually goes well. Then, I go and convince the guy that I’m not drunk off of my ass and I screw him. And then finally, I break his heart in the morning when I tell him that everything I said the night before was a drunken lie.

I felt as if somebody should have handed me the Douche Bag of the Year award right then and there. That’s how shitty I felt about what I had done.

Sarah flung my door open and stood in the doorway with her arms crossed.

“What happened?”

“We screwed.”

She looked at me strangely. “I thought you hated him.”

“I snuck alcohol.”

Sarah sighed and came to sit on the end of my bed.

“When are you going to stop drinking so much?”

I sat up next to her and shrugged.

“So what are you going to do about it all?” she asked.

I shrugged again. “Avoid him?”

She shot me a look and I groaned in annoyance.

“I can’t talk to him, Sar. I think I really hurt him this morning.”

“What did you say to him?”

I sighed. “Well, he said that I told him I loved him last night and then I just crushed him. You should have seen his face when I said that I didn’t mean it.”

“Well…” She hesitated before saying anything else. “Maybe you did mean it. You know what they say. A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.”

“That’s what Oli said, but I would know if I loved him, I think. But I don’t feel anything. I mean, it was nice when we kissed but I think you’re supposed to feel more than that.”

“Maybe you’re worrying about this because you really do love him. If you really didn’t love him then you wouldn’t care nearly as much.”

I sighed and leaned back. “I’m going to need some time to think before I can talk to him again.”

She patted my leg and stood up. “Take your time. Don’t rush things. Things will be right soon enough.”

I smiled at her. “Thanks for talking to me.”

“Any time. What are best friends for?”

She left the room, leaving me in my own depressing thoughts.

And so I decided to start calling around for a new job. I pulled my laptop out and started looking around for another job in journalism. I’m open to other jobs, but I wanted to start off with something that I knew. As expected, there were no local jobs so I started looking farther.

My eyes widened when I found something in UK. It was ideal because the people there would actually speak English.

“Wales,” I whispered to myself.

The first thing I decided to do was call Jennifer and ask her what to do.