You're So Pretty On the Outside

I'd been in and out of the hospital for three days now. I would only go home when Lee dragged me out. I couldn't leave Mathieu at a time like this; what if something happened? What if he dies while I'm gone? I can't let him die alone. I just can't believe he did this.

I walked through the hospital doors and made my way up to his room. I moved quickly, scared something might happen. I'd been on edge ever since the incident.

I finally reached his room just as the nurse and doctor exited. The nurse spotted me and tapped his senior on the shoulder. She looked my way.

"I was wondering when you'd show up," she said. M heart started racing.

"Is he okay?!" I asked, panicked. She smiled softly.

"He woke up this morning," she replied. I gaped, tears of joy filling my eyes.

"Are you serious?" I breathed letting loose a wild giggle.

"100%," she confirmed. I let out a soft sigh, falling back against the wall.

"Oh, my God, thank you so much," I breathed, my tears slipping free as I hugged her. She smiled. "Can I go see him?"

She nodded. "He was awake just now. I'm not sure if he's out again or not. You'll have to see."

I nodded and entered his room. My eyes fell on his face, my heart dropping when I realized his eyes were closed. Sighing, I walked over and sat down beside him. I took his hand and looked at the heart monitor. It was stable.

"Jennifer?"

My head snapped back around. I stared at him as his eyes opened slowly, trying to focus on me. My tears spilled over again and I leaned in, hugging him.

"Oh, my God, Mathieu, never do that again," I cried. He frowned, a guilty look settling in his eyes.

"I didn't mean to," he murmured. "I swear I didn't want to take that much; it's just I didn't know how much I'd need and I was already drugged up from something else so I wasn't thinking."

I shook my head. "Just promise me you won't do it again? I can't lose you; I'd give up if you were gone. The guys still need you too. You can't have a band without a singer."

He sighed, nodding his head. "I really didn't mean to though."

"I know you didn't," I sighed. "Matt, listen to me; if you ever need help with this then talk to us, alright? Don't have a rerun of this."

"I won't," he replied. "Where is everyone?"

"Your guys are practicing, Lee is coming later, Angel is still gone," I continued, "Oli is at his place with Curtis, Sarah and Amanda."

He groaned. "As in...?"

"Yep, that one," I confirmed, rolling my eyes at Oliver's choice in girlfriends. "I still say Angel is an idiot for dropping him like that."

"And getting herself knocked up," Mathieu added. I nodded.

"That too," I agreed. He sighed.

"She can never make up her mind with this stuff," he frowned. I laughed.

"Give me a break, Matt, we just met her!" I replied. He shrugged.

"Well if she can't make up her mind now then she clearly never has," he replied matter-of-factly.

"Really? So then she's like you?" I asked.

"I'm not fickle," he replied frowning. I scoffed.

"You're not fickle? My ass, you’re not," I laughed. "How long did it take your band members to convince you to move down to America, eh? At least a good two months! You couldn't make up your mind! Every two days you’d say ‘yeah, I wanna go’ the next it’d be ‘wait, can we afford it?’ and the next you were neutral followed by for it! You[/i[, my friend, are fickle as hell."

I crossed my arms, smirking victoriously. He rolled his eyes, shrugging off his defeat. Slowly he pushed himself up, flipping his bangs from his eyes. My arms shot out, ready to catch him if need be. He looked up and shook his head.

“I’m fine,” he reassured.

“No you’re-”

“Jen, please,” he cut off, smiling softly.

Sighing I pulled my arms back and watched him as he got up. I hugged him gently, his arms wrapping around my waist as well. His face buried itself in my shirt, his fingers gripping the material tightly. I felt the front of my t-shirt start getting wet as he shoulders began to shake. He gripped onto me like a lifeline. I brushed his hair back, staying silent as the boy cried.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured once he pulled away, wiping his cheeks.

“I don’t understand why this had to happen to her, to us,” he mumbled. I sat down on the edge of the bed and held his face gently.

“Hey, we’ll get through this,” I reassured, trying very hard not to cry as well. “She wouldn’t want you doing this crap because of her.”

“I know,” he sighed.

“Then quit,” I murmured.

“I can’t,” he sighed.

“Yes you can,” I replied.

“No,” he sighed.

“Why?” I sighed.

“I need it,” he replied softly. I shook my head.

“No, you don’t,” I denied. “You’ve got all of us. You don’t need all that shit in your system. It doesn’t help.”

“Yes it does,” he countered. I growled.

“How?” I snapped. “How does it fucking help you?!”

He looked up. “It makes me forget,” he replied, dreamy eyed.

“Why would you want to forget her?” I asked. “Why the hell would you not want to remember her?”

“It hurts,” he replied. My gaze morphed into a glare.

“Mathieu, you’re not the only on suffering,” I snapped. He glared at me.

“You have no idea what I’m going through!” he snapped. “I lost my fucking girlfriend! I swear she was the one for me! She’s fucking gone, now! At least you’ve still got Lee!”

“I lost my best friend, Matt!” I screamed back. ”I’ve known her for ten years! Don’t try and say I don’t know what you’re going through! I might not know exactly what you’re feeling but for me it’s like I lost my fucking sister! Shut up and stop thinking you’re the only one hurting! Smarten up! We’re all suffering here, not only you!”

“Hey, what’s going on in here?”

I turned to look at Lee and shook my head. “Nothing,” I replied.

Mathieu looked out the window, ignoring us. I rolled my eyes and moved back to Lee, grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the room. He looked between the door and I, clearly lost. I stalked down the hallway and pushed open the door leading to the waiting room. He stopped me there, turning me to face him.

“What happened?” he asked. I shook my head.

“Nothing, he’s just being selfish,” I replied. “He pissed me off.”

“What did he say?”

“I’m not answering that,” I sighed.

“But-”

“Lee, you do not want to finish that sentence,” I interrupted. He sighed.

“Alright, fine,” he agreed. “Let’s go. Oli wants to hang out a bit.”

“Will Amanda be there?” I asked as we entered the parking lot, grimacing. He looked back.

“Yes,” he confirmed.

“Then I’m out,” I replied, turning to head for the bus stop. He caught my arm.

“Look, I know you don’t like her but come on,” he sighed, “just do it for Oliver?”

“No,” I replied.

“Come on, Jen, please? You know he needs it,” he begged.

“What he needs is Angel, not that bitch,” I snapped.

“Well he’s not going to get her, obviously,” he snapped back.

“I hadn’t noticed,” I replied sarcastically, stalking toward the stop.

“Okay, okay, wait!” he exclaimed, chasing after me and stepping in my path.

“What, Malia?!” I exclaimed. “What the fuck do you want from me?! I don’t want to be anywhere near that fucking homophobic bitch! I have nothing against Oli having a girlfriend, I swear I don’t, I just cannot stand her!”

“Please, come for me, then,” he exclaimed. “Mattie and Bear are stuck there too. Come on, please?”

Groaning, I slowly caved. I slumped forward in defeat and nodded my head.

“Alright, fine. I’m not guaranteeing good behavior, though,” I snapped. He laughed.

“Fun…” he replied. “Let’s go, then.”

“Mhm,” I grumbled. God help me.