You're So Pretty On the Outside

Nicholls.

I looked up from the drum set, my gaze landing on Sarah in the corner of the room. I frowned as she glanced around, blocking her ear as she listened to the person on the other end. My curiosity was rising. Every time I asked who she was talking to she never replied. She’d smile and go see Curtis. It was starting to annoy me. She was starting to give off weird vibes.

Frowning, I got up and walked over as I slipped my drumsticks in my back pocket. She hung up the phone as I approached, smiling up at me innocently. I was definitely getting suspicious.

“Are you cheating on him?” I asked quietly, leaning in so my mouth was hovering over her ear. She gasped.

“Woah, no!” she exclaimed.

“Then who is that?” I asked, annoyed. “Why won’t you tell me?”

She grinned. “You’ll find out tonight.”

“Why?” I frowned. “What about the others?”

“You’ll find out at the same time as them,” she replied. I rolled my eyes and nodded, frustrated.

“Fine,” I grumbled.

“Oh, cheer up,” she laughed.

Sighing I rolled my eyes and returned to the couch. Oli looked up at me curiously.

“She spill yet?” he asked. I shook my head.

“Nope, says we’ll find out tonight,” I replied. He nodded.

“Fun,” he nodded, his arm tightening around Amanda. She shot me look before looking at Oli.

“Want to go walk?” she asked him. Oli groaned.

“Why, though?” he asked.

“I’m feeling restless,” she replied. Her eyes snapped to me for a moment before returning to him.

“Really?” I asked sceptically, crossing my arms. She glanced at me again, feigning confusion.

“Yes,” she replied, her voice slightly tense.

“Did you feel the same before I joined you?” I inquired angrily. I rolled my eyes as a ‘shocked’ gasp escaped her lips.

“Of course,” she lied. I scoffed.

I stalked off leaving Oli shaking his head at the two of us. I heard them exchange a few words, Oli’s voice far from calm. Curtis looked up at me, chuckling.

“’Manda?” he asked.

“She doesn’t even deserve to be referred to in that way,” I grumbled. He laughed.

“’course not,” he agreed. “She’s a real pain in the ass.”

“I agree,” I grumbled, watching as she walked out of the room with Oli in tow. “So what’s up with Sarah?”

“You’ll find out tonight,” he replied, grinning at me. I grumbled.

“Oh, come on, man! Why?”

“It’s not my tale to tell,” he replied.

“Aw, Curtis, c’mon!”

“Nope,” he refused, holding his ground.

“Alright, alright,” I grumbled, “fine. When are we eating then?”

“God are you that curious?” Curtis laughed.

“I’m fucking dying here, Ward!” I exclaimed. He rolled his eyes.

A whimper sounded and my eyes snapped to the other side of the room. My eyes shut as I mentally screamed at myself for saying that. Mathieu slowly pulled himself out of his seat and walked away, hiding his face.

“Someone slap me please,” I groaned. Matt responded by hitting me in the back of the head.

“Nice going,” Jennifer sighed.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, “I didn’t mean to.”

“Of course not,” Kean replied, hugging me. “None of us do.”

“I’ll go t-”

“No,” I said, cutting Jennifer off. She looked up, confused. “I’ll go. I’m the one who hurt him.”

She opened her mouth to refuse but Lee touched her hand. She looked back at him and then at me, tears filling her eyes. “Careful what you say,” she warned.

“I will,” I assured, leaving the room.

I found Matt outside sitting on the curb. He had an unlit cigarette between his lips, staring down at the lighter. He flicked it on and off several times as though debating whether or not he should smoke. I sat down next to him, taking the lighter from his fingers. He looked my way, his eyes turning downcast when they met mine. I watched him pull the cancer stick from his lips and slip it back into the pack, placing it next to him. He pulled his leg up to his chest, his left staying stretched out before him as he waited in silence for me to speak.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured.

“For what?” he asked.

“What I said in there,” I replied. He sighed, shrugging.

“Whatever,” he said, clearly trying to play it cool. I stared at him, watching his expression as he fought to contain himself.

“No,” I said, “it’s not whatever. Matt, it’s okay to cry.”

He shook his head as tears spilled down his face. He wiped them away, shivering in the cool night air. He flipped his bangs from his face and bit his lip.

“No,” he whimpered, “it’s not okay to cry. I’m supposed to be strong. I sh-shouldn’t cry. I can’t. What the hell would everyone else think if I do?”

Shock surfaced as those words escaped his lips. “Matt, there is nothing wrong with crying. You should be crying!”

“No I shouldn’t!” he exclaimed, wiping away the fresh set of tears that had fallen.

“Matt, listen to me,” I said, grabbing his wrists and leaning into him. “Of all people, you should be the one crying most! You shouldn’t feel burdened with keeping everyone happy. We all want you to be happy but right now that’s not possible. Listen, you’ve got all of us; don’t feel it’s your duty to be the strong one!”

“But what the hell will they all think?” he cried. “What would they think if they knew I cry every fucking night? That I hate my life and feel so fucking empty without her? That I can’t stop missing her or how I can’t accept that I’ll never hold her again?!”

“We’ll think you’re sane,” Simon replied, joining us. Matt looked at him, tears still streaking his cheeks. “Matt, the way you...’moved on’ was terrifying us. Now you barely cry or show weakness. You’re so determined to seem strong. It’s not normal.”

“You just lost your girlfriend, Mathieu,” I said, taking over. “You should be the one crying the most. How long were you with her?”

“It would’ve been three years this Saturday,” he mumbled, his voice breaking on Saturday.

“There you go,” I stated. “You should be the one crying the most; you and Jennifer.”

“But I can’t,” he refused.

“Why not?” Simon sighed.

“I promised Venita,” he replied. “I promised her I would be strong.”

“Well for some people being strong means breaking down,” I told him. “She wants you to keep pushing forward and that’s exactly what you need to do.”

“We’ll support you through everything you choose, Matt,” Simon said. “We’re here for you; forever and always.”

He stared at the two of us. Tears ran down his cheeks as he gave us each a broken smile. “I love you guys,” he breathed, a sob bubbling past his lips.

“We love you too,” I answered, hugging him tightly. Simon’s arms wrapped around us both and I heard him murmur his response as well.

“Thanks,” Mathieu breathed, his grip on us each tightening.

A flash came from behind us. We all jumped and looked. Sarah stood there with a camera in her hands, a sad smile spreading across her face as tears slipped down her face. She walked forward and knelt down, hugging Mathieu from behind. She kissed his cheek and sighed, resting her chin on his shoulder.

“Keep holding on,” she murmured. “We’ll make it through.”

“Did you take a picture of that?” Simon asked. She looked up, a playful glare in place.

“Way to ruin a moment, jackass,” she snapped. Matt laughed weakly and nudged him.

“Yeah, Simon, nice job,” he teased lightly. Simon laughed.

“Thank you, thank you, hold your applause please,” he joked. “But seriously, you took a picture of that?”

“Yes, I did,” Sarah confirmed.

“Why?” he frowned.

“Like I would pass up on some cute bromance?” she smiled. “I need some photos to show to my cousin, too.”

“Your...cousin?” I frowned.

“Mhm,” she replied.

“Who is that?” I asked.

“His names John,” she replied. “He happened to be the person you accused me of cheating on Curtis with.”

“Oh,” I replied, shocked. “Uhm...yeah, sorry about that.”

“Wait, why do you need pictures to show to your cousin?”

“I’m going to see him,” she replied.

“Oh? Where?”

“Wales,” she replied. “I’ll be gone a few days. It should be fun. Curtis is coming with me to meet him.”

“Huh, fun indeed,” I nodded.

“No it’s not,” Curtis called from inside.

“Oh, shut up!” Sarah called back, rolling her eyes. “Anyway, we’re leaving tonight. Matt...”

“Yeah?” he said, looking at her. She smiled softly.

“I was serious,” she smiled. “Keep holding on.”