What Once Was, Is No More

June 2005

Olivia paced around her bedroom for what seemed like hours. She clenched her cell phone in her hand, trying to buck up the courage to call Brendon. They had broken up a few weeks ago; Brendon figured it would be easier on both of them if they weren’t together. He could continue with the band and she could live the college life without the burden of one another. It wasn’t something she wanted. She loved him and wanted to be with him more than anything, but if that’s what he wanted, she would have to find a way to move on. Only, the situation at hand might not allow her to. She finally stopped pacing, sat on the edge of her bed, and slid her phone open to dial his phone number.

Ring. Ring.

“Hello?” He answered on the other end.

She opened her mouth, but no words came out. She took a deep breath and was about to talk, but was quickly cut off.

“Olivia, I know it’s you. What do you want? I told you not to call me anymore.” He said rudely.

“Um…I have something to tell you.” She finally managed to say after a few seconds of silence.

“Well, what is it?” His tone didn’t change.

It felt as if there was a lump in her throat and she had a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach. Her heart was racing faster and faster with each passing second.

Then she finally blurted it out, “I’m pregnant.”

There was nothing but silence on both ends of the phone line. Brendon gave a loud gulp and he felt like he was about to hyperventilate. This was definitely not something he wanted to hear from his ex-girlfriend. He broke up with her and just wanted to forget about her, but it seemed those plans were shot now.

“What?” He asked as if he hadn’t heard her the first time.

She took a deep breath and said for the second time, “I’m pregnant.”

“I was afraid that’s what you said. And you think it’s mine?” He asked.

She couldn’t believe he was even asking that. She felt hot tears fall down her cheeks. If she wasn’t pissed off before, she was now.

“I know it’s yours. You’re the only guy I’ve been with.” She said angrily.

“I’m sorry. I’m just…”

“Overwhelmed?”

“Yeah. So, what are you going to do?” He asked.

“I wanna keep it…” She said in a whispering tone.

“Okay, but just because you’re plannin’ on having it doesn’t mean we’re together, but I’ll be a part of the baby’s life.”

“Fine. I wasn’t thinking we would be. I just thought you had a right to know.”

“Brendon. We gotta get going.” She heard someone say on his end.

“Well, I gotta go. I guess keep me updated on your condition. Talk to you later.” He said hanging up.

April 10, 2010

Olivia woke up, her eyes puffy and red from crying the night before. After Brendon had asked her that question, she completely lost control of her emotions and broke down in front of him. He had held her close, trying his best to comfort her, but it was no use. He hadn’t realized how much the loss of their unborn child affected her. She slowly rose from bed and turned towards her nightstand. The red light on her phone was blinking, which either meant Jason had called, left a message, texted her, or all the above. She reached for her phone and to no surprise she was right. 4 missed calls, 5 new messages, 3 new voicemails. She braced herself for a lot of negative comments, maybe some yelling and definitely worried tones. After reading his text messages and hearing his voicemails, she called him.

“Olivia, where the hell have you been? Why haven’t you answered your damn phone?” He said without a hello.

“I’m sorry. I fell asleep early. What time did you get in?” She asked laying back down.

“Um…Around ten-thirty last night. Are you okay?” He asked with a concerned voice.

“I’m fine. I’m just tired is all.”

“So, how’s my cousin? He giving you any trouble?” He asked jokingly.

“Yeah, about your cousin. Why didn’t you tell me who he was?”

“What? That he’s the lead singer of a band? That he’s famous?”

“No, but his name would’ve been nice.” She said firmly.

“Why does it even matter?” He asked puzzled at her sudden interest in his cousin.

“It doesn’t. I gotta go. Have fun on your business trip.” She said hanging up.

Knock. Knock.

“Come in.” She said getting out of bed.

Brendon peeked in her bedroom and walked in slowly. He made little observations about her appearance. She looked upset, like she had been crying most of the night, and like she was exhausted. Her hair was slightly sticking up on one side, but to him she looked gorgeous. He gave a small chuckle and smile at her.

She looked at him confused and asked, “What?”

He pointed at his hair, hoping she’d catch the hint about her own. When she finally did, she quickly patted both sides down.

“So, are you okay?” He asked, leaning against her wall.

She took a deep breath and let it out. “Honestly, no, but I’ve been worse.” She said truthfully.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He said sincerely.

“I know. It’s just when you asked that question, it brought back those memories.” She said sitting on the edge of her bed.

“I’m an idiot.”

She didn’t say anything.

“And then that’s when you say ‘No you’re not’.”

She smiled at him. “That’s only when it’s not true.”

“Um…” Brendon started to say.

“What?” She asked.

He bit his bottom lip and looked down at the carpet. Olivia kept looking at him waiting for an answer.

“Well, did you wanna do something today?” He asked with a hint of nervousness.

“Sure. What did you have in mind?”

“Have you ever been to the zoo here?”