Baby, We Could Do Better

Successfully walking through downtown Baltimore on a sunny, weekend afternoon without getting the urge to kill small children was a feat, especially for Maci McMullen. She didn’t like to say she had a temper, but when it came to people her patience was limited. Especially when she had to deal with people on a hot summer afternoon when all she wanted to do was be sitting down in her favorite coffee shop, drinking an iced coffee and reading her latest book obsession.

After slipping by an exceptionally slow woman with a stroller, Maci could finally see the café. She hurried her pace and slipped through the door, letting a sigh of relief go when she noticed the café was nearly empty.

Maci walked up to the counter and placed her order for a tall mocha iced coffee; while she waited for the barista to make her order, she turned around to scope out the place. Even though there weren’t many people occupying the seats strategically placed throughout the shop, she knew she had to pick her spot carefully. Maci had been coming to this coffee shop for years, so she knew where the best places were to sit. If someone happened to be sitting in them already, she was going to have to find the second best place to sit.

While she looked in the direction of her favorite chair in the entire place, Maci spotted someone already occupying it. His back to her, she couldn’t see her face. But it really didn’t matter. The second Maci saw the familiar beanie her heart quickly dropped into her stomach and came back up again just as fast. She inhaled sharply and almost walked over to him, just to see if it was really him. She refrained though and finished waiting for her coffee.

When the barista finally finished and she paid, she took her coffee and walked over to the opposite side of the shop. The blonde haired girl took a seat in a chair that gave her a perfect view of beanie boy, but that still hid her partially from his view. She took the book she was reading out of her purse and cracked it open, ready to immerse herself in the world of fiction. As she started to read though, she realized she couldn’t get past the first sentence and quickly closed her book.

Maci had never been a shy girl. She was open and confident and she told it how it was. If she had a question about something, she asked it; she never beat around the bush. But this was a different situation. She never really did know how to handle him. He was different.

Finally, she stood up. She wasn’t going to be chicken about this. She walked over to where he was still sitting and stood in front of him. Seeing as he was busy texting someone, he didn’t notice her standing in front of him for a few minutes. “Ahem,” she cleared her throat, getting his attention. When he looked up, she couldn’t have been more sure of who she stood in front of. “Alex?” she asked timidly, suddenly unsure of herself and her decision to confront him.

“Maci? What the hell?” he laughed, standing up. He touched her arm lightly, almost as if to see if she were really standing there, only inches away from him. “What the hell are you doing here?” he smiled, giving her a hug.

Every inch of her body ignited at his touch. Just like old times, she thought to herself. “I still live here Alex. What are you doing here?” Her tone wasn’t exactly friendly, but it wasn’t angry either. She couldn’t be as angry at him anymore. What he said four years ago was nothing but the truth, and she realized that now.

“I still live here, too. I’m just not home much, so when I am home I always manage to come back to this place,” he said affectionately, gesturing to the room they stood in now. “Come on, sit down. We have some catching up to do,” he told her while she took a seat across from him. And just like that, they fell back into their old routine.

“So what are you doing these days Mace?” he asked her, genuinely curious. If there was one person he wished he had never lost contact with, it was Maci. He still kicked himself just thinking about it.

“Not much,” she shrugged. “I have a few odd jobs here and there, but I mainly help my mom out at the shop.”

“Still love the grooming thing, huh?” he asked her with a smile. He couldn’t help but remember when they were younger how Maci loved being at her mom’s grooming shop. She would have rather spent her weekends helping out there than out partying. It was just one of her charming qualities that Alex had loved about her.

“Yeah. I can’t help it, I’m a huge dork,” she laughed, burying her face in her hands.

“No you’re not, you just love animals. It’s cute.”

She looked up then and just like that, she was brought back to reality. She now remembered who sat across from her and why they had lost contact. She remembered why she should have been angry, why she used to be so angry with him. “Alex…” she started, trailing off.

“I’m sorry, Maci. I’m sorry for what I said back then, and I’m sorry for losing contact. It was shitty, and I shouldn’t have ever told you—”

“You already apologized Alex. I’m over it. It’s been almost five years. I’m a big girl; I may not have been able to handle the truth back then but I know now that you were right.”

He shook his head, disagreeing with her. Unfortunately, his phone rang so he couldn’t argue the point. “What’s up?” He paused, listening to the other person. “So when will the tour start now?” He nodded, obviously happy with the answer he received. “Awesome, another 2 weeks at home. No, this is great. Alright, later dude.”

He hung up and looked at Maci. “I have to go, but I want your number.”

“I don’t know Alex,” she started, but when she looked up at his pleading face she couldn’t help but laugh and give it to him.

After she rattled off the numbers, he smiled. “I’ll call you tomorrow? We still have a lot to catch up on.”

She nodded and then he got up to leave. “I’m glad I saw you Mace. Contrary to popular belief, I’ve missed you.”

The blonde smiled a small, slightly sad smile and said, “I’ve missed you too Alex.” And she meant it.

***

“Ma, where’s the new shampoo we got that smells like oranges? Ollie stinks!” Maci exclaimed from the wash room where all of their clients were sent to get baths. As she stood in front of the two year old Golden Retriever, she couldn’t help but smile. Ollie was one of their regular clients, a dog she only got to see once a month. Whenever he came in though, he left a mark on her heart because he was just about the sweetest dog you would ever meet.

“Still in the storage closet, I haven’t had time to unload the boxes.”

Maci clipped Ollie’s leash to the tub so he wouldn’t jump out and then hurried out of the room, down the hall, and into the storage closet. She quickly located the box of shampoo, grabbed a bottle, and returned to Ollie.

Once she finished rinsing off Ollie, she started to dry him off with towels and a dryer. Almost as soon as she got the dog on the ground to dry him, the door to the front of the shop chimed, signaling a new customer had arrived. “Ma, someone’s here!”

“I’m in the process of cutting a pesky poodle sweetie, can you get it?” her mother called back.

Maci groaned, but obliged. She hurried to dry the golden and then walked out into the front of the building. “Can I help you?” she started to say to him before she realized who it was. “Couldn’t stay away?” she joked.

“I wanted to check this place out,” he told her honestly. “I heard you and your mom moved into a bigger building. It’s nice,” he commented.

“Thanks. Want a grand tour?”

He nodded and she took him through the building, saving the room where her mom was located for last. When she finally reached the cutting room, where all of the hair cuts for the dogs took place, her mom was just finishing up the pesky poodle. “Ma, someone’s here to see you.”

Her mother looked up at the pair standing in the door was and she smiled. “Alex!” she exclaimed, waving him over. “I’d walk over to hug you but if I let go of Lady she’ll run.”

Alex laughed and walked over to Mrs. McMullen, giving her a hearty hug. “How have you been Mrs. McMullen?” he said awkwardly. He wasn’t sure how much Maci’s mother knew of why they stopped talking, and since it had been so long since he’d seen her he wasn’t sure how to address her.

“Oh, shush. You know it will always be Ann when it comes to you. And I’ve been just fine, how about yourself?”

She obviously didn’t know anything. Alex internally let out a sigh of relief and talked with Maci’s mom for a little while.

“Why don’t you two go and catch up? There’s not much left to do around here anyways, Mace.”

The blonde thanked her mom and the two left before she could change her mind.

At first, as they walked down the sidewalk in downtown Baltimore, neither said much. Alex couldn’t decide where to start whereas Maci didn’t feel like talking.

After she went home last night from seeing Alex again for the first time in almost five years, she had a lot of time to think. It didn’t take her long to think of all the shit he had put her through, causing her to almost become angry with him again. But she had refrained, knowing it wouldn’t do any good.

“Lunch?” Alex finally asked, gesturing to the Panera Bread that was across the street from where they were now.

Maci agreed and the two hurried across the street.

Once they received their food, the two took seats in a booth sitting opposite one another. Maci took a bite of her Caesar salad while Alex just sat and watched her. He really wasn’t very hungry; he just wanted to spend some time with Maci. He really had missed her, more than he was letting on.

“What happened to us, Mace?” he asked suddenly, almost startling the blonde who was content just sitting in silence, eating her lunch.

“We grew up?” she suggested, although that wasn’t it. Alex knew that wasn’t it. He shook his head, disagreeing with her.

“It was my fault, wasn’t it?”

She shrugged, not wanting to place full blame on anyone. But the more she thought about it, the more it was true. It was his fault.

***

“Promise me you’ll take me to New York one day?” she asked him suddenly while they sat in the car in her driveway, star gazing before they had to end their date.

He laughed, kissing her on the cheek. “Why New York?”

“Because I’m too big of a dreamer for a small town like this. And I’d rather be in New York living a movie-esque life than this boring one,” she told him honestly. “Dreams become reality in New York, not in Baltimore.”

“What are your dreams, Mace?”

“Singing, like you, possibly. Or acting. Something with a stage would be nice.”

“You can’t accomplish that here?” he asked her, puzzled. He wasn’t paying much attention to her, but instead playing with a strand of her honey blonde hair.

She shook her head. “Not like I want to, anyways. I want to be big, you know? Bigger than anyone ever thought possible.”

“You’ve always been a dreamer, Maci. I just don’t want it to crush you one of these days,” he told her honestly. He didn’t want her to dream too big and then end up crushed; he didn’t think she’d be able to take that kind of disappointment.

She pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes. Something in the way he said what he had struck her and not in a good way. “What do you mean?”

Alex laughed, trying to lighten the mood that he had obviously ruined. He wasn’t trying to hurt her, just tell her the truth. “I just don’t want you to have this idea in your head, have you go after it, and then be crushed. I don’t think you could handle that. No one could handle that kind of disappointment, honestly.”

Now he was just digging the hole deeper. “You don’t think I could do it?”

He shook his head, reaching for her hand to comfort her, but she just pulled away. She was hurt, and he was going to know it. “No, that’s not what I mean. I just don’t want you to have this Hollywood type dream in your head that you think you’ll be able to accomplish in a week. It doesn’t happen like that, you know?”

“So, you can have a band that is on the verge of getting signed, but I can’t dream about going to New York City and becoming a singer because I’m ‘dreaming too big?’” she said in disbelief, using air quotes around his words.

“I didn’t say you can’t dream it!” he exclaimed. “I just don’t want you to get crushed, okay Maci? That’s all I’m saying.”

“Well this is all I’m saying,” she said, reaching for the door handle and climbing out of the car. “Fuck you,” she leaned inside and said before slamming the door and walking into her house.

***

“Honestly Alex?” she said to him after taking a drink of her frozen lemonade. “You told me I couldn’t accomplish my dreams. So yeah, it was your fault.”

“That was never what I meant, Maci.”

“Well you sure as hell said it enough that night,” she grumbled.

“I didn’t want you to get hurt!” he exclaimed. “That is all, Maci. I didn’t want your imagination to get the best of you and then have you get crushed. Okay? That is all I meant.”

“You’ve had five years to tell me that, Alex. You could have told me all of this that night, but you didn’t. At the time, you made me feel like I couldn’t do it and that made me so mad I wanted to dick punch you. I’m over it now, but you wanted to know whose fault it was so I’m telling you. Okay?”

Suddenly he was struck with an idea. “Let’s go, then.”

“Go where?”

“To New York. I promised I’d take you one day, so maybe that one day is now,” he smiled at her.

Her mouth dropped open. He was kidding, right? He didn’t honestly expect her to drop everything just to go to New York City with him for a day or two. Did he?

“Seriously, why not Maci? It’s only a few hours from here. We could drive up, stay the night, and come home sometime tomorrow or even the next day if you wanted to be really ambitious.”

“Oh my God, you’re serious,” she stated, still shocked. “I can’t just leave, especially not with you Alex!”

“Why? What’s holding you back? Its not like you don’t trust me, and it’s not like I won’t bring you back the second you want to leave.”

“Oh my God,” she muttered, standing up with her empty tray to leave. She wasn’t going to listen to him and his crazy, nonsense ideas for any longer. After throwing away her garbage, she stomped out of Panera, Alex trailing behind her.

“Wait up, Maci,” he called after her. He couldn’t believe she was actually mad about his suggestion. “Why are you pissed?”

“Because you’re insane!” she called over her shoulder, not bothering to stop.

“Maci. Maci, wait!” He finally caught up to her and grabbed her arm, tight enough to stop her but light enough to avoid hurting her. “Why won’t you go with me? It’s not like I’m asking you to move or to go to another country.”

She paused, looking him in the eyes. He was being dead serious. He wanted to take her to New York City because of a stupid promise he had made to her years ago. The longer she stared at him, the more reasons she couldn’t think of that she couldn’t go to New York City.

“Okay,” she said finally.

“Okay what?”

“I’ll go. We leave in a few hours, get a hotel, stay the night, and come home sometime tomorrow night. Deal?” she said to him, still unsure of herself.

“I’ll pick you up in an hour,” he said, smiling his ass off.

Maci couldn’t believe she was doing this.

***

Stumbling down a sidewalk in New York City at almost two in the morning was not something Maci McMullen would have thought she would ever be doing. Nevertheless, here she was, in New York City with her ex-boyfriend, stumbling down a sidewalk.

She giggled as she caught herself once again. She wasn’t drunk, but she definitely wasn’t sober. She was at a happy medium. “Why did I let you wear heels tonight?” Alex commented, laughing as she strutted her stuff ahead of him.

“Because I’m a professional in them, that’s why!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms out in exclamation. As she did so, she stumbled slightly; luckily, Alex caught her or else she most likely would have face planted on the sidewalk.

“You hardly even drank that much! I don’t get it.”

“I’m not drunk!” she told him confidently. And she wasn’t. She just was not a professional in heels. Yet, she still insisted on wearing a cute pair of black studded platform heels because they were adorable and she never got to wear them.

“Fine, lightweight. You aren’t drunk. Are you hungry though? I think I saw a 24 hour diner next to our hotel.”

“Starving, actually,” she told him as she linked arms with him. “Let’s go.”

They hadn’t gone far from their hotel to go “clubbing” as Maci had put it, so it didn’t take them long to get to the diner. As soon as they were seated, Maci slipped her shoes off and laid them on the seat next to her. “My feet are killing me,” she told Alex. They ordered their food and fell into a comfortable silence.

Once their waitress brought them their plates, they dug in, Alex eating slowly and watching Maci while she shoveled the food into her mouth. He chuckled at her, which caused her to pause and look up at him. She swallowed her mouthful of chocolate chip pancakes before saying, “What?”

“You’re acting like you haven’t eaten in days.”

She laughed, taking another bite. “I was hungry! I haven’t eaten all day, okay?”

He shrugged, letting her finish her meal. When she was done, she pushed her plate away and sat back. “I didn’t hate you back then, Alex.”

“Huh?” he questioned, shoveling some of his own food into his mouth.

“When you said I wasn’t good enough,” she told him, laying her head on the back of the booth the pair was occupying. Her eyes were closing because she was tired, and she was starting to spill her heart out to Alex. “I didn’t hate you. I just was so upset because I felt like you felt that I wasn’t good enough to be with you anymore.”

“Maci,” he said in disbelief. “I would never, ever think that you aren’t good enough to be with little old me. If anything, it’s the other way around.”

She shook her head slowly, not bothering to pick it up. She was too exhausted. “I love you, Alex.”

He smiled at her. “I love you too, Mace.”

“Is that selfish of me? To want you again?” This time, she looked at him.

“No. Look, Mace. I have to tell you something. I said what I did way back then because I was selfish. I didn’t want you to leave me behind. I knew that you could do so much more than this little town, I was just worried that I couldn’t. I didn’t want to be left behind while you lived your dreams. I was being selfish because I loved you, I guess, but it wasn’t fair in the least,” he admitted, shrugging his shoulders slightly.

“What about now?” she asked him. “What do you think of me now?”

“I think I still care about you, a lot, Maci. I really have missed you.”

She smiled at him. “I’ve missed you too, Alex. God have I missed you.”

He stood up, pushing his brown hair out of his eyes. He grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the booth too. He kissed her on the lips, deciding to take the plunge. When she didn’t pull away, he kissed her harder.

Finally, they both pulled back and he smiled. “Babe, we could do so much better. Let’s get out of this party town.”