Out of Control

Breathe in. Breathe out. I chanted to myself. My breaths were shaky and no matter how much air I breathe in, it seemed like I was suffocating. I was afraid my asthma would start acting up, but I managed to control it.

“…Lorraine Willows!” I snapped out of my revere and thunderous applause echoed the gymnasium as the principle called my name to say the farewell speech.

I slowly walked across the floor in front of my fellow classmates and the crowd of parents and friends. My eyes locked in on the dark, wooden oak podium. The microphone seemed to be mocking me, taunting me, telling me I would mess up in front of the whole student body, the faculty, the board members, and the parents.

I felt eyes burning into me as I stood in front of the podium. I glared into the dark oak, refusing to look up into the eyes that would see into my very core. My heart was beating erratically, my knees were knocking against each other and I felt like I was going to faint.

I felt light headed and I feared I would make a complete fool out of myself if I passed out in front of everyone on my high school graduation. My eyes slowly looked up and glanced over the crowd in front of me. The eyes of the parents and the classmates I have gotten to know well over the past four years stared expectantly at me.

I felt the eyes of the board of education and administration burning into the back of my head. I set my quivering hands on top of the podium and stared at the note cards where my speech was. I took in a deep breath and looked out towards the crowd where our families and friends stood. My eyes looked over the unfamiliar faces and easily found my parents in the throng of strangers. My mom waved enthusiastically, her gentle brown curls bouncing as tears welled up in her forest green eyes. Next to my mom’s five foot two body stood my dad with his six foot three stature complete with salt and pepper hair. His ocean blue eyes shone with pride. Just the look in their eyes gave me enough courage to start my farewell speech. I cleared my throat and stared at the first few words on my note card.

“First of all, I want to thank everyone here today to share this momentous occasion. Without all of you, we wouldn’t be here today, standing in front of all you, ready to move on in the world. Walt Disney once said, “All our dreams can come true…if we have the courage to pursue them.” Today, a dream comes true; the dream of making it into the real world. We struggled through four difficult years, full of adversity and hardships. Today is the ending of an important part of our lives, but when one door closes, another opens. Today is not the end; just another beginning in our lives. We entered this school as young adults. We walked through these hallways with uncertainty and fear. But we came over those fears. We overcame those uncertainties. We grew up over the next four years. We became adults. We became stronger, smarter, and wiser. And now, we’re going out into the real world. Today, we start to make a difference. Today is the day, our lives begin. Congratulations everyone! We did it!” a burst of cheers and applause filled the air as everyone threw their caps up into the air.

I let out a deep sigh and tried to calm my beating heart. I managed to deliver my speech without making a complete fool of myself. Not too bad for someone who has stage fright. I looked towards my parents and saw my mom clapping and yelling with tears streaming down her face; her makeup remaining perfectly intact. My dad joined in on her, easily becoming the loudest parents in the crowd. I was embarrassed and proud all at the same time. I gave a small smile to them while staring at my classmates.

High school: the best years in one’s lifetime. It was a time full of drama, experiments, and love. It was supposed to be the most memorable four years in a person’s life. Not for me. What was supposed to be a time for fun and games, I spent studying and paying more attention to what was happening in the world than who was cheating on who and the next new drug. I was that one person who was willing to sit in front of the classroom and always excited for the next new paper to write or project to do. It went on like that for the next four years. Hardly anyone knew who I was.

When we were practicing for our graduation and the principle called my name to practice the farewell speech, everybody was murmuring, “Who?”, “Never heard of her.”, and my personal favorite, “Oh! She’s that one chick in my so and so class. No wait that was some other chick never mind.”

I mean, really? Am I that invisible at my school? It was humiliating! I don’t turn red easily because of my russet skin from my mom’s side, but I was pretty sure I turned into a tomato as I stepped up onto the podium. My whole face was burning up and I was pretty sure everyone could see it. I mean, so I wasn’t in tune with what was going on with the lives of my classmates, or the newest party that everyone was psyched to go to.

Was it so bad that I was more concerned about my grades than my social life? I guess so since I was standing here in front of thousands of my classmates who I’ve had the pleasure of being in class with, but had no idea who I was. It hurt, I admit it, but what can I do about it. I mean, what is the chance that I will ever see any of these people again after this? I was just glad that the graduation ceremony was over with.

I stepped down from the podium and started to head towards where my parents where. I avoided and side stepped the groups of people and tried to locate where my parents where. Bodies were jostling me and made it almost impossible to get through. A hard body suddenly appeared in front of me. I gasped and tried to swivel on my toes, but it was too late. I collided hard into his chest and fell backwards right on my rear. I gave a whimper of pain that flew from my rear up my spine.

“Watch where the fuck you’re going!” a rough voice yelled. I looked up and saw gorgeous, mesmerizing chocolate brown eyes.

“Wow, they’re beautiful.” I whispered to myself.

“Did you not fucking hear me?!” he yelled at me coming closer.

I jumped and scrambled back. Even with the black graduating gown over his body, I could see he was slightly built. His large body overpowered my tiny five foot one.

“Easy Bri, I’m sure she didn’t mean it right?” blue eyes stared into mine, asking for confirmation.

He was a tall, lanky fellow with grungy, messy black hair. I couldn’t help but look at the two guys in front of me. I didn’t know them very well, but I did know of them. They frequently ditch class and always got in trouble for something. They were in several of my classes over the years, but this was the first time I’ve actually seen them in person.

“Right?” the blue eyed guy said, slightly nodding his head to his very pissed off friend.

I suddenly came back to reality and looked at them.

“Uh yeah? I mean, I’m so, so very sorry for colliding into you. I didn’t see you and I tried to move out of the way, but I guess I was moving too fast. Sorry.” I apologized.

I really was sorry and not just because he intimidated me either. I was hoping for him to forgive me. I was already on the guy’s bad side; I didn’t want to make it worse by not apologizing for running into him.

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” He growled out and swiftly left, leaving me on the floor and disappeared into the crowd of graduating students. A hand appeared in front of me and I saw it was the pissed off guy’s friend. I bit my lip and cautiously placed my small hand in his large one.

“Sorry about him, he‘s not in the best of moods.” He gave me a lopsided smile that made it impossible for me to be mad at him.

“Really? I couldn’t tell.” I said sarcastically as he easily pulled my body up from the floor. I stumbled a bit, but his hands went to my arms, steadying me.

“Thanks,” I breathed out looking into his eyes. My dad always told me to look somebody in the eyes so you know what they were thinking and wouldn’t be screwed over by them.

Of course I had to look up at his face seeing he was significantly taller than I was. His eyes showed nothing but sincerity and joy and for some reason, made me trust him, a guy I barely met for five minutes.

“Yeah, he has some relationship problems going on at the moment.” he informed me.

“Oh,” I said softly. It was nothing new. Everybody at this school had some sort of drama going on. He gave me another grin, before following his friend through the crowds of people.

“Well, it was nice meeting you! Congrats by the way!” he yelled before disappearing in the sea of people.

“You too!” I yelled, giving a small smile at his retreating figure. He was an intriguing person. I never meet anyone like him, especially in this school of predictable people.

“Raine!” a joyous voice yelled. I turned around and was met with my mom colliding into me, much like what happened to me with that guy a few moments ago. The air from my lungs escaped me as I wrapped my arms around my mother. She pulled back, her eyes flowing with tears. She placed her hands on my face and stared right at me.

“I am so proud of you.” She whispered, her voice already breaking.

“I could remember when you were just a baby, and now here you are graduating high school, the highlight of everybody’s life!” My mom paused and took a shuddering breath before continuing. “Imagine, my baby graduating high school. Next thing you know you’re going to be off to college, and you’re going to forget all about your dad and I, and you’re going to attend all those college dorm parties, and blow off the first year of college before getting serious in your life, and then you’re going to graduate college and be off on a job, and then you going to get married, and then you’ll get pregnant, and we’ll be grandparents and you’re just growing up so fast!” she yelled before turning into a blubbering mess and crying into my shoulder.

“Mom, don’t cry. It’s not going to happen like that.” I reassured her, trying to pry her away from drenching my graduating gown. She was always emotional, but never like this. This was over the top.

“Dru stop talking nonsense. There’s no way she’s getting married to some guy, nonetheless dating a guy, without me roughing him up a bit.” I turned to the deep soothing voice that belonged to my father.

“Oh, be quiet Jace.” My mom scolded my dad, moving away from me and dabbing her eyes with a piece of tissue she found in her purse.

“Come here kiddo,” he called before scooping me up in a giant embrace and lifting me up from the ground. He swung me side to side before setting me down on the ground.

“I’m serious though, any guy you meet has to get my approval.” He told me in all seriousness, grabbing me by my arms. I gave a small laugh before patting my dad’s muscular arm.

“Don’t worry dad, there aren’t any boys in my life. There’s no need to be roughing anybody up.” I smiled. He gave a small grunt before ruffling up my hair.

“Damn right. There better not be any boys.” He grumbled before moving over to my mom. She was still tearing into the tissue and hasn’t stop yet.

“Dru stop crying. She’s not leaving us.” He assured her, before guiding her out of the gymnasium. I smiled at the two of them. They were a cute couple. They still cared about each other and it was very rare to see that nowadays.

I gave a small giggle looked around me and saw the memories of the past four years flood into my brain. I was going to miss this place, even if the experience wasn’t as great for me as it was for others. I turned and walked towards the exit where my parents were waiting for me. Once I walked outside those doors, my life would change forever. I turned behind me, unable to quite leave this place.

Chocolate brown eyes stared into my blue-green eyes. Those eyes looked at me with such intensity, I couldn’t breathe. There were no emotions, no anger, jealousy, passion, nothing. It made me uncomfortable the way he stared at me, but I couldn’t look away. He scowled at me, taking me by surprise before one of his friends wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him into his group of friends. A deep breath escaped me that I never knew I was holding.

“What in the world was that?” I whispered to myself.

“Raine, come on! We got to get going! It’s vacation time!” my mom yelled out joyously. I whipped my head back to exit where my mom was and shook my head. Life was just going to get tougher, but I’ll pull it together.

“Coming!” I yelled, before running towards the exit and leaving high school behind me.