When in Love, Forced to Part

I woke up to the sound of rushing feet, crying, and urgent voices. I rubbed my eyes prepared to yell at the nursing staff once again. However, I did not. I saw the nurse who leant me the guitar the past night crying by the doorway, and other nurses’ frantically checking machines around my roommate. I tried to look past them to see what was wrong, but my view was completely blocked. I began to get up but the crying nurse shook her head, telling me my stitches were a little tender, but just in case.

“What’s going on? Why is that guy coming in with a body bag? Why are you crying?” I frantically asked her as she let out another sob. I saw a cold hand on the side of the old lady’s bed when a nurse moved for a split second, and I felt my heart drop. “She’s dead, isn’t she?”

The nurse gave me a tight hug, and I returned it feeling hurt like never before. This reminded me too much of my grandmother. Death was the worst thing for people. I did not let tears go though. As they carried her away and the cleaning staff came for her sheets, I just sat there.

“You did her well last night. Playing her that song was probably what she was waiting for. God probably sent you for this very reason.” The nurse from before left after giving a few shirt words with me. I didn’t really believe in God. Why would should I? Anything that has ever been good in my life was always turned bad. Nothing good has happened, so am I to believe some cruel freak up there is doing this to me for his own pleasure? No, it was easier to just not believe.

I was being discharged in one hour, at noon. My dad was supposed to come pick me up, but I knew otherwise. I signed all the necessary papers, and they gave me a spare outfit to wear until I got home. I laughed once it was brought to me.

“What?” A nurse asked, giving me a look. It was a pair of blue denim jeans and a simple black t-shirt. I did have my shoes and socks, jacket, gloves, and hat. They said my shirt and jeans were completely ripped and bloody.

“Nothing, I can make it work. Can I use a pair of scissors, please?” I asked already imagining what I could do. “Oh and a few safety pins?” The nurse eyed me but complied, bringing them back to me.

I quickly cut the bottom half off, letting them be knee high. I took the shirt and cut it into a v-neck, and safety pinned it back to make it actually fit my body. I threw on my own belongings, and showed the nurse. It was only difficult getting the jeans on with my left thigh sensitive and wrapped up.

“Not my kind of style, but ok. Make sure you don’t do any excessive work, sports, or anything to possibly rip out your stitches. Come back if you experience any problems.” I nodded to the nurse and began walking away, waving to the nurses who I humored. “Oh here, take this.” The nurse handed me the Hallelujah CD, smiling. I smiled and let her push it into my hands. She turned away and I walked on, making a short detour to Chrissy’s room.

As I came into the hallway, Chrissy looked over and screamed. Then she proceeded to whistle at my appearance. I chuckled and walked in, avoiding the glance from Allyn.
“Look at you hot stuff. Getting discharged and leaving all sexy,” Chrissy said slapping my cheek as I bent down and kissed her forehead. I crumpled up my nose and she kissed it thoughtfully. I smiled and set the CD down on her lap.

“Yes, the nurses said my clothes were too bloody, and they gave me this. Well I did have to make it my own, but whala. I know I’m sexy,” I said flicking my hair back, as she picked up the CD.

“What’s this?” I could feel Allyn’s stare on my back, but did my best to completely ignore it. That painful slap stung on my face from those years ago.

“Oh the nurse gave it to me. It was for my… old roommate, but she is not here to have it anymore. Yeah, I played Hallelujah for her last night, when she woke up in the middle of the night. “ Chrissy gave me a look, and I shrugged, hiding my real hurt feelings.

“So your all better?” Chrissy said changing the subject.

“Yep just can’t do any excessive work, or sports or anything that could rip them out.” I began tomes with my fingernails, as she gave me a look. Her voice came to a whisper, and I gave her a look now.

“Did… did your dad come to visit…?” Her voice always shook when she mentioned him, and I felt for her.

“No, but I knew he wouldn’t. I will probably see him when I walk home once I leave though. So this might be the last time I see you in here until you are discharged tomorrow. Yes, I asked the nurse, I’m nosey,” I said smiling. Chrissy was not even close to smiling; she was furious, and worried.

“Aiden… what he does can be considered “excessive work” to most people,” Chrissy snapped at me. I thought I head a squeak behind me but barely registered it. “You’re walking home. With stitches in your leg? No, fuck that shit. Give me your cell phone, I’ll call Dave to come pick your ass up,” Chrissy said feeling my pockets for it. It was in my back pocket though.

“No, your brother is in school right now. Plus, a walk would do me good right now,” I said backing up as she tried to reach my back pocket. I took out my phone and raised it above my head, smiling.

“Aiden, you can’t go walking home, and you shouldn’t even go “home”. I could give you some money to rent a hotel room till your better, and I can sneak in and get you your clothes and what not. Please, just don’t go back there yet. Especially when your still hurt,” Chrissy pleaded. I felt my temper grow.

“Rent a hotel room? Don’t go home? Chrissy, he is probably already furious with me. Wait a week or so, then go back is the wrong thing to do. He would just end up raping and hurting me even more. I’d rather have it happen now then even worse and longer later!” I said angrily, close to crying. I realized this came out a little too loud, but none of the nurses really heard it.

“Aiden.”

I thought it was Chrissy at first, but it was a smaller, males voice. I whipped around wincing in a small amount of pain as I looked at Allyn. His eyes wee red, and his facial expression made me want to just hug him. I didn’t though.

“What do you want?” I snapped at him making him look away.

“Aiden stop it. You are not thinking sensible right now!” Chrissy said louder. So she was turning on me too! I turned back around, furious.

“Oh your his best friend now? I am so sorry I have to go through things that are not normal, but it is a sacrifice I will have to give. If pain and misery is that sacrifice, then fine, bring it. I thought you understood that Chrissy. What the fuck? But go ahead, be his best friend right now.”

Chrissy began to well up with tears, and I wanted to take everything back, but I also knew I needed to defend myself. My dreams of becoming a musician were so close, and I could not ruin it.

“I am your best friend, Aiden! I was there when you turned to cutting and suicide. I was there when you were fist raped. I was there to comfort you and everything. Please do not do this. You know you do not mean any of it.” She was trying to hold back her tears but was close to failing.

“I never asked you too. I never made you! Maybe my dad is right! Maybe being “gay” has weakened me. Maybe his abuse and rape are better for me! I loved you like a sister, dammit. If your going to turn on me like this, then you better keep your mouth fucking shut. We might not be friends any longer, but you could be respectful of my wishes. So, fuck you! I am leaving!” I shouted, turning to leave but saw all the nurses staring at me. A few were welled up with tears and others were just shocked.

Who wouldn’t be shocked? In the matter of a few minutes they find out a kid who had just been in here use to cut, almost committed suicide, is abused, and raped by his own father. I heard Chrissy crying, and I heard Allyn sniffling. I wanted to comfort them both, but I had bigger issues. A few nurses began to walk in the room, one on the phone with the police. I muttered a few curse words and ran to the window. It was two stories up, but there was a tree in jumping distance.

“Aiden, no! Stop, do not do it,” Allyn screamed making Chrissy look up. I quickly jumped, arms flailing, trying to grab onto the branches. I heard a sharp scream from Chrissy, and he running of feet. I felt leaves brush by my hand, but I finally caught onto a branch, grabbing it for dear life. I looked up to see Allyn’s scared face above mine, and I accidentally let a smile out. Nurses rushed forward, and I quickly dropped onto the ground, which was only around two feet below me.
I looked up one more time and quickly ran away. My thigh seared but I had to get away. I instantly regretted screaming that so loud, but I just became furious! I stopped to check my leg once, when I was halfway home and saw he blood stain.

“Shit,” I cursed limping home as quickly as possible. I finally saw my house and sprinted to the sealed back door that lead to my room. I could never open it, but what I was about to do it would not matter. I picked up a heavy rock and threw it at the glass, watching it tumble down in several small pieces. I jumped in and grabbed my backpack off the floor. I emptied out any schoolwork and started to fill it with all my clothes.

I heard feet running down the stairs, and I grabbed a near baseball bat. My door swung open and it was my father.

“Where the hell have you been?” He snarled, wiping his sloppy mouth with his arm.

“In the hospital, douche bag! Now I am leaving, leaving from this god-forsaken house! Leaving your dumbass behind,” I snapped, letting the bat swing a little. He laughed loudly and I stood there, swinging my backpack on and putting my wallet and cell phone in with my clothes. I didn’t have a lot of money but it would have to do.

“Finally my son grows a pair. Fine leave, good luck out there faggot!” He grumbled slowly walking back up the stairs. I was about to put down the bat but decided to bring it, for personal safety. I stuck it into my pack, letting it stick out a I jumped up the stairs. My leg was in so much pain but I had to say good-bye.

“Hey mom, I got to go. I love you so much, but I can’t stay here any longer,” I looked down at her and I saw her eyes glisten. I bent down and kissed her forehead, letting my own teas fall onto her. I began to leave but turned back to grab something.

I grabbed a birthday card I had gotten from her on my sixth birthday. It had a little kid playing a guitar on it. It was the birthday when I got my guitar. It had the classic “I Love you” written inside of it. But instead of saying “Love, Mommy” it was signed with her real name. She never liked to sign it any other way. It was my happiest memory with her, and I wanted it with me.

I heard sirens coming closer and I felt my heart race. My father stepped into the room laying a string of curses on me, asking what I did. I took out my bat and swung it at him, he surprisingly moved out of the way. I quickly backed away and ran down the stairs, back out my back door. I jumped onto my rusty, bicycle and high tailed out of there, only using my right leg to pedal. I needed to get to a free clinic as fast as possible.