Stars Fade Blue
She Longed to Be
"Ahem, well…" Emmerich forced out.
More uncomfortable than she had ever been, Farrah blushed. Fiercely, and in an attempt to hide this, whipped herself around to look away from the tall structure she lived in. There was no denying that the situation had been premeditated.
Her gaze fell to the ground where she saw nothing but dirt.
"I'll take you to the roses," she managed to say, but only after realizing where the roses were did she regret it.
The roses were the farthest flower from the house. Of course Braden would wish for the Viscount to see the roses, he was in on her family's devious agenda to marry her off to the man she was currently in the company of. He may not have had such selfish reasons for it, but nevertheless he had wanted her to marry his former schoolmate.
Farrah and Emmerich walked beside each other with plenty of space in between. Both could have walked faster, but Farrah didn't want to seem too eager to be done with the task and Emmerich was careful to keep pace with her.
She was uneasy, sad that he seemed likely to fall into her parents' trap and surprised by his subtle intrigue of her. He was nervous, his hands were clammy and his throat dry because he felt this strange emotion in his chest that was going to explode. There was no doubt Farrah felt it too, she had felt it the moment she first saw him, but she was scared. And Emmerich knew why the governor acted so friendly and kind, he wanted to have connections, but he didn't care.
Within minutes the two of them reached the back of the gardens. They were hidden from the sight of her family by tall topiaries and trees. The portion of the garden where the roses were was quiet and serene. A small fountain trickled with gentle rivulets, and a stone bench was present for resting from the long walk. Farrah took a seat on the bench because she was tired, but not from the exercise. She was tired from her heart beating so painfully fast it was dangerous.
"You will attend Eleonore's ball, right?" he tried to act casual, stepping around and taking in the scents of different flowers.
"Yes, we've responded that my parents and I will come," she returned, only briefly stealing a glance at him before staring down at her hands folded in her lap.
Farrah hoped that he would not start to rattle off random compliments to her about how his sister had enjoyed her back at school. She had had no friends and knew that there was hardly any reason for Eleonore herself to extend an invitation to such a strange person like herself. If the viscount wished to compliment her, she wished he would do so without using his sister as a vessel for such words.
"Eleonore said she did not know you well," Emmerich stated, finishing with the flowers and moving closer to Farrah. He was respectable and respectful, he knew it would be insulting to lie and instead used truths to get information. He wanted to know more about her even though he was hopeful they would have many years to tell each other secrets.
"No. I'm sure no one knew me at all," Farrah replied, wiping away the smile she had adorned when he spoke honestly and looking up at him.
The way the sun was rising in the sky gave his body a sort of halo, an effect that accentuated his attractiveness. He was patient, she noticed, and genuinely interested in what she had to say. Emmerich was unlike any other man she had ever met.
"That seems unfortunate. I'm quite intrigued by your illusiveness," he said before thinking. Right away he realized he should not have spoken and Farrah was taken aback by his forward statement. "I apologize," he continued quickly. "I should not have said that."
"It's quite alright…" she assured him, dazed by his blatant affection toward her. How anyone was interested in her of all people, was beyond her. She was flattered, but so, so confused.
"Should we get back, then?" he suggested, clenching his fists behind his back.
"Yes."
- - - - -
"Now listen well, Farrah," her mother demanded, roughly combing through Farrah's hair. On any other night Camellia would detest performing such a task, but she was determined to marry her daughter to the viscount. He was interested in Farrah despite her being beneath him in social standing. "No matter how forward the viscount is, you must remain calm and apply your knowledge of courtship. It is unattractive and scandalous to appear too eager, as you know. But if he asks you to marry him, which I'm sure he will, you must say yes."
"Of course, mother," Farrah promised clearly, ignoring the burning of her scalp from her mother ripping her hair right off her head. She was grateful for even just a moment of however little affection she received. No one had ever spent time with her as a child so she was happy to have her mother complete such a loving task. She had only ever brushed Sydney's hair.
Sydney who looked just like their mother. Sydney who was as malicious as they come. Sydney who had married for money. Sydney whose husband actually loved her. Sydney who had just given birth to a still-born and killed its twin because she was too weak to push any longer. Sydney who could do no wrong. Sydney who had been loved.
"Your dress for the party is ready and I will pick it up in the morning. We cannot afford to have it tailored any further, so watch yourself carefully. The party is in five days and you will be perfect, am I clear?" Camellia asked harshly, wrapping her daughter's hair in a tight bun while simultaneously watching her like a hawk through the mirror.
"Yes, mother."
Camellia left her daughter to get to sleep. Farrah curled up under her covers in the darkness of her small room. Ghosts of her mother's hands danced across her skin and she felt like she mattered. Whether it was wrong or not, she felt like marrying the viscount simply so her parents would feel some sort of love for her. All she had ever truly wanted was to be loved. She would have married the most miserable man on earth if it made her parents happy.
Then thoughts of Emmerich Yves-Leventhorpe made their way into her mind. He was taller than she, far more handsome than she, and much more important than she. Her parents loved the prospect of having him as a son-in-law more than they had ever loved her. In consequence, she was jealous of him and tempted to decline any mention of an engagement by him. However she could not because the displeasure of being hated even more was worse than the pain of knowing her might-be husband would be loved by her parents more than she ever was.
There was nothing she could find wrong with him. Emmerich was educated, kind, personable, friendly, gentle, and strong. Farrah could see through even his heaviest jackets that he was muscular and trim. She remembered Eleonore had never been cruel to her in school, she had been indifferent. The two of them had made very few communications over the years, but nonetheless Farrah respected the young lady.
It was strange to think that soon she might be married. It was strange to think that she might be happy, because whether she could admit it or not, she longed to be in Emmerich's company since he was not the only one that had felt something.
Comments make me unbelievably happy. =]
More uncomfortable than she had ever been, Farrah blushed. Fiercely, and in an attempt to hide this, whipped herself around to look away from the tall structure she lived in. There was no denying that the situation had been premeditated.
Her gaze fell to the ground where she saw nothing but dirt.
"I'll take you to the roses," she managed to say, but only after realizing where the roses were did she regret it.
The roses were the farthest flower from the house. Of course Braden would wish for the Viscount to see the roses, he was in on her family's devious agenda to marry her off to the man she was currently in the company of. He may not have had such selfish reasons for it, but nevertheless he had wanted her to marry his former schoolmate.
Farrah and Emmerich walked beside each other with plenty of space in between. Both could have walked faster, but Farrah didn't want to seem too eager to be done with the task and Emmerich was careful to keep pace with her.
She was uneasy, sad that he seemed likely to fall into her parents' trap and surprised by his subtle intrigue of her. He was nervous, his hands were clammy and his throat dry because he felt this strange emotion in his chest that was going to explode. There was no doubt Farrah felt it too, she had felt it the moment she first saw him, but she was scared. And Emmerich knew why the governor acted so friendly and kind, he wanted to have connections, but he didn't care.
Within minutes the two of them reached the back of the gardens. They were hidden from the sight of her family by tall topiaries and trees. The portion of the garden where the roses were was quiet and serene. A small fountain trickled with gentle rivulets, and a stone bench was present for resting from the long walk. Farrah took a seat on the bench because she was tired, but not from the exercise. She was tired from her heart beating so painfully fast it was dangerous.
"You will attend Eleonore's ball, right?" he tried to act casual, stepping around and taking in the scents of different flowers.
"Yes, we've responded that my parents and I will come," she returned, only briefly stealing a glance at him before staring down at her hands folded in her lap.
Farrah hoped that he would not start to rattle off random compliments to her about how his sister had enjoyed her back at school. She had had no friends and knew that there was hardly any reason for Eleonore herself to extend an invitation to such a strange person like herself. If the viscount wished to compliment her, she wished he would do so without using his sister as a vessel for such words.
"Eleonore said she did not know you well," Emmerich stated, finishing with the flowers and moving closer to Farrah. He was respectable and respectful, he knew it would be insulting to lie and instead used truths to get information. He wanted to know more about her even though he was hopeful they would have many years to tell each other secrets.
"No. I'm sure no one knew me at all," Farrah replied, wiping away the smile she had adorned when he spoke honestly and looking up at him.
The way the sun was rising in the sky gave his body a sort of halo, an effect that accentuated his attractiveness. He was patient, she noticed, and genuinely interested in what she had to say. Emmerich was unlike any other man she had ever met.
"That seems unfortunate. I'm quite intrigued by your illusiveness," he said before thinking. Right away he realized he should not have spoken and Farrah was taken aback by his forward statement. "I apologize," he continued quickly. "I should not have said that."
"It's quite alright…" she assured him, dazed by his blatant affection toward her. How anyone was interested in her of all people, was beyond her. She was flattered, but so, so confused.
"Should we get back, then?" he suggested, clenching his fists behind his back.
"Yes."
- - - - -
"Now listen well, Farrah," her mother demanded, roughly combing through Farrah's hair. On any other night Camellia would detest performing such a task, but she was determined to marry her daughter to the viscount. He was interested in Farrah despite her being beneath him in social standing. "No matter how forward the viscount is, you must remain calm and apply your knowledge of courtship. It is unattractive and scandalous to appear too eager, as you know. But if he asks you to marry him, which I'm sure he will, you must say yes."
"Of course, mother," Farrah promised clearly, ignoring the burning of her scalp from her mother ripping her hair right off her head. She was grateful for even just a moment of however little affection she received. No one had ever spent time with her as a child so she was happy to have her mother complete such a loving task. She had only ever brushed Sydney's hair.
Sydney who looked just like their mother. Sydney who was as malicious as they come. Sydney who had married for money. Sydney whose husband actually loved her. Sydney who had just given birth to a still-born and killed its twin because she was too weak to push any longer. Sydney who could do no wrong. Sydney who had been loved.
"Your dress for the party is ready and I will pick it up in the morning. We cannot afford to have it tailored any further, so watch yourself carefully. The party is in five days and you will be perfect, am I clear?" Camellia asked harshly, wrapping her daughter's hair in a tight bun while simultaneously watching her like a hawk through the mirror.
"Yes, mother."
Camellia left her daughter to get to sleep. Farrah curled up under her covers in the darkness of her small room. Ghosts of her mother's hands danced across her skin and she felt like she mattered. Whether it was wrong or not, she felt like marrying the viscount simply so her parents would feel some sort of love for her. All she had ever truly wanted was to be loved. She would have married the most miserable man on earth if it made her parents happy.
Then thoughts of Emmerich Yves-Leventhorpe made their way into her mind. He was taller than she, far more handsome than she, and much more important than she. Her parents loved the prospect of having him as a son-in-law more than they had ever loved her. In consequence, she was jealous of him and tempted to decline any mention of an engagement by him. However she could not because the displeasure of being hated even more was worse than the pain of knowing her might-be husband would be loved by her parents more than she ever was.
There was nothing she could find wrong with him. Emmerich was educated, kind, personable, friendly, gentle, and strong. Farrah could see through even his heaviest jackets that he was muscular and trim. She remembered Eleonore had never been cruel to her in school, she had been indifferent. The two of them had made very few communications over the years, but nonetheless Farrah respected the young lady.
It was strange to think that soon she might be married. It was strange to think that she might be happy, because whether she could admit it or not, she longed to be in Emmerich's company since he was not the only one that had felt something.
Comments make me unbelievably happy. =]