Silent Voices Kill

I could hear shuffling in the background. If I could hear things, that meant Xaden could hear them too, he was still alive.

Damn you, Xaden! Damn you to hell. You are always able to somehow thwart my plans of exterminating you to rid myself of your entire being.

I probably shouldn’t be yelling at him. I really don’t want him to wake up completely, if he hasn’t already. He would increase my irritable mood substantially.

There was nothing worse than this boy. I swear if I wasn’t trapped inside his brain, I would probably kill him myself. Take a gun to his head or slit his throat. Or both, even. I could be very cruel when I wanted to be. I just never wanted to be anything but cruel to him. In fact, Xaden was probably the only person I was intentionally cruel to. Ironically, Xaden was the only person I could have actual contact with, so that could be part of it. I was always stuck with him.

Very faintly, I could hear a steady beeping. It sounded faintly like the heart monitors they attach to patients in a hospital after they have been admitted.

Great.

Xaden, not only have you not managed to fatally injure yourself, you’ve also landed yourself in the hospital. Do you know what this means?

I paused to see if he would answer.

Three minutes later he still hasn’t said anything.

I’m not sure if it really has been three minutes since Xaden’s eyes aren’t open and I can’t see a clock, but it’s probably close to that. Or it could just be my impatience talking.

They are going to do tests on you and once they get the results they are going to lock you up in a mental institution. Probably for depression, but then they will find out about me and you’ll be stuck there.

Xaden, you can’t go to a mental institution. I won’t allow it.

I probably sound like I’m crazy now too. I keep telling myself pretty much that some stupid boy that I hate can’t go to therapy. If that isn’t the understatement of the year, I don’t know what is.

After what seemed like an eternity, Xaden finally woke up enough that I could hear his thoughts.

It was probably only like twenty minutes. The drugs keeping him asleep probably just wore off.

Xaden, you are the stupidest person I have ever met. Did you know that? Do you know where you are?

“Am I in heaven?”

“No, son, you’re in the hospital. Do you know why you’re here?”

Xaden slowly opened his eyes to reveal a very white light. Oh, the joys of fluorescent lighting. Blinking rapidly for upwards of forty five seconds, his eyes finally adjusted to the brightness of the lights.

“Can I go home?”

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible at the moment. I’m Doctor Bradley. I’m going to ask you a few questions and I need you to answer them honestly. Can you do that for me?”

Xaden, whatever you do, don’t tell him about me. This is very important. Do you hear me?

“Yes, Shayde I hear you. I can’t talk to you right now. I have to talk to the doctor.”

You are a moron.

“Xaden, there is no one here named Shayde. Who are you talking to?”

Don’t answer him! Make something up.

“Where’s my mom? Who brought me here? Why can’t I go home? The lights hurt my eyes.”

“Son, I need you to answer the question. Who is Shayde? It’s very important that you tell me who this is?”

“I want to go home. I don’t like it here.”

“Xaden, can you understand what I’m saying?”

Lie! Pretend he’s a cute puppy and you just want to play.

“Puppies can’t talk. Why did they let a talking puppy be a doctor? My brain hurts.”

“Xaden, I think you need a little bit more rest before we continue this. I’m going to give you some anesthetics. They should put you to sleep rather quickly. Your brain could be damaged from the lack of oxygen while you were passed out.”

“What?”

“Here, let me see your arm.”

After the doctor injected the anesthetics into Xaden’s arm, the world started to get fuzzy again. Thankfully, it would be another who knows how many hours before I had to deal with him again.

Copious minutes later, I was again awoken by the drugs wearing off Xaden. I’m not sure how, but I always seemed to regain my consciousness before him. Perhaps, this is because I don’t have an actual body, I’m just a figment of Xaden’s imagination or his subconscious perhaps. I’m not sure which, but I guess it really doesn’t matter.
It took about another hour by my guessing before Xaden officially woke up.

Xaden, now, when the doctor comes back, don’t mention me at all. Don’t talk to me; think what you want to tell me. He can just write it off as you being groggy and delusional from the drugs, not from you being mentally unstable. Is that clear?

‘I think so?’ Xaden thought.

Good. I think you may have recovered from your failed incident. Can you tell me what you are not supposed to mention to the doctor?

‘Anything about you.’

Excellent. Now, we just have to wait for the doctor to notice you are awake.

As if on cue, just after I expressed this thought to Xaden, the doctor appears at the door.

Knock. Knock.

“Ah, I see you are awake. Good. How are you feeling?”

“Um, alright I guess. I really have to pee though.”

“Just one moment. I’ll call the nurse to escort you to the restroom.”

Doctor Bradley presses the call light and we wait for the nurse to show up. A few moments later a nurse appears at the door.

“Yes, what can I help you with?”

“Young Xaden here has to use the restroom. Would you kindly escort him there?”

“Certainly, Doctor Bradley. Right this way Xaden.”

Once Xaden has taken care of his business, Doctor Bradley is ready to ask his questions.

“So, Xaden, who is Shayde?”

“I’m sorry, who? I don’t know anyone by that name.”

“Just as I thought. You mentioned someone named Shayde the other night. I wasn’t sure if you were still a little groggy from the medicine or if there was something deeper going on. Anyway, do you know why you’re here?”

“I’m assuming I passed out and someone either brought me in or called an ambulance when I wouldn’t wake up.”

“Do you remember why you passed out?”

“I cut myself. Can we skip the stupid questions that will prove I’m depressed?”

“Actually, Xaden, we can’t. You see, unless we ask these questions, we won’t know for sure that you are depressed.”

How did this guy become a doctor?

‘Shayde, be quiet. I have to keep a straight face for this.’

“Can we get this over with? The sooner you decide what’s wrong with me, the sooner I get to go home.”

“Why did you cut yourself?”

“I hate my life. I don’t have friends. My mother treats me like I’m roughly two years old. I don’t do well in school. What other reason do I need?”

“Were you aware that with the amount of blood you lost, if you had been found roughly ten minutes later, you wouldn’t be alive right now?”

“That was kind of the point, wasn’t it? I wanted to die.”

You are doing excellent Xaden. You are fooling him.

“We took some tests while you were unconscious. We got the results back this morning and I wanted to discuss them with you.”

“Okay. I can’t really say no to this, so can we move this along?”

“The first test we took was to see if you had suffered any brain damage. The results show you may have a slight intolerance to very bright light, but that is the extent of the damage. Also, we tested your BMI and you are extremely underweight. Do you remember when the last time you ate was?”

“I ate a bit of lemon-pepper chicken the day before I cut myself. I didn’t eat very much of it, but it was something.”

“How tall are you Xaden?”

“I think I’m roughly five six or five seven. I’m not really sure. Why?”

“The average or healthy weight for a person of this height is between 125 and 154 pounds. You currently weigh 83 pounds. This is very unhealthy and you could very possibly be malnourished.”

“Are we almost done here?”

“Just about. We are going to give you a prescription to treat your depression and a multi-vitamin to help you keep your strength up. Due to your current weight issues, we are going to have to keep you for a few days before you are able to go home.”

You did it Xaden. You fooled the doctor into thinking I didn’t exist. You’ve done something right for once.

“What are you going to do while I’m here? Feed me? I could do that on my own.”

“You have severe anorexia; studies show you won’t be able to eat if we send you home now. You will just go right back to the way things were before you were brought in here. People are worried about you Xaden. If you don’t change, you will die.”

“Okay. Can you just leave now?”

Doctor Bradley stood up and left the room.

“Wow, he was annoying.”

Just because the doctor is gone, doesn’t mean you should talk to me. Someone might overhear you.

‘I wasn’t talking to you specifically; I was just talking to express myself.’

That’s something different for you.

‘Well, apparently, I have to change my entire lifestyle or I will die. So, I decided I can at least act like I’m going to change while I’m here or they won’t let me leave.’

I’m not sure I’m too fond of this new you. You’ve made a complete 180 transformation.

Of course, before I could finish my rant about how Xaden had changed, there was a knock at the door.

“Xaden, you have a visitor. Shall I send him in?”

“Who is it?”

“He said his name was Keegan.”

“Yeah, send him in.”

A mere thirty seconds later, Keegan walked through the door.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling better, I guess? How did you know I was here? And really, I didn’t think you would care.”

“They haven’t told you, have they?”

“Who hasn’t told me what Keegan?”

“I felt bad about what I said the other day so I went over to apologize. Your mother told me you were up in your room, but I didn’t see you so I checked the bathroom since the door was shut and the light was on. I knocked, but I didn’t get a response so I opened the door. I saw you lying in the middle of the floor in a pool of your blood. I thought you were dead and I ran downstairs yelling for your mother to call 9-1-1. The ambulance came and I followed it to the hospital, but they told me you couldn’t have visitors yet. I came back a few hours later, but you were still unconscious. This is the first time I was actually able to see you that I came in.”

“Wow. I was wondering how I got here, but I just figured my mother called. I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. If I hadn’t done what I had, you might not have hurt yourself.”

“It wasn’t anything you did Keegan. I still probably would have done it. Shayde is very convincing at times. There’s nothing you could have done to change this. I’ll probably always be this way. Trying to ignore him and then eventually doing whatever it is that he tells me to do. My will is not very strong, I’m afraid.”

“You can always work on that. People can change.”

“Actually, not everyone can change. For some it takes too much work and they don’t have the will power or motivation to stick it out. In all honesty, I’m probably one of those people. It would have been better if you hadn’t found me and I had just died on my bathroom floor.”

“That’s not true. Sure, it might take a lot of work for you to change, but you need to. And I don’t want to hear you say it would be better if you died. Not ever. Okay?”

“Why? No one wants me here. They probably wouldn’t even notice I was gone.”

“I want you here.”

“We’re not even friends. You can’t mean that.”

“Yes, I can. I want to be friends with you, it’s just hard. Part of you doesn’t like me.”

“I don’t consider Shayde a part of me.”

That’s not very nice. I am still here you know.

“Shut up, Shayde. You’re not helping.”

I’m always helpful.

“What’s he saying?”

“He said it wasn’t very nice for me to not consider him a part of myself. He’s not though. He’s like another person living inside my skull.”

“Oh.”

“Maybe it would be better if you went home for today. I’m sure you have work from school you have to do. I’m obviously not going anywhere. I just want to be alone for a while.”

Keegan looked as if someone has slammed a hammer into his heart. I almost pitied the boy.

“If you change your mind, here,” Keegan said as he handed a slip of paper to Xaden.

Xaden opened it to discover a series of numbers. It was Keegan’s cell.

“You can text or call me if you want.”

“Okay. I don’t know if my phone is here or not, though. If it is I might text you later. I’m kind of tired right now.”

Keegan walked out of the door slowly, like a lost puppy going out into the rain.

It wasn’t long before Xaden was again asleep.