Status: slowly active(:
Two Months
American Honey.
“You’re wet.” My mother said as I walked through the door at 3:15.
“No shit, Sherlock. It’s raining out.”
“Not enough for you to be that wet.”
“So I skipped a few classes, big deal.” I saw disappointment color my mother’s beautiful blue eyes. “Besides,” I said quickly, “I had three episodes today.” The disappointment quickly changed to sadness.
“Oh, Lily.” My mother sighed as she tossed me a towel. “I am so sorry.”
“It’s fine, Mom. We knew this was going to happen. We knew that when I decided to stop treatment things would get worse.”
I hated having to be the reasonable one. While my mother just nodded and tried to hold back her tears I had to stand there and tell her everything was going to be alright. Everything was not going to be alright. I knew that, she knew that, but as an unspoken rule we didn’t admit it to each other.
“I’ll be upstairs, kay? I’ve got some Chemistry homework.”
She nodded, and I disappeared from her and her teary eyes. I reflexively stroked the framed picture of my father on my way up the stairs. Huntington’s had carried him away before I even got to know him. Our disease was the only link I had to him.
My dark purple room greeted me with its usual warmth and mess. I instantly could tell something was off…
Back when I was a normal girl, a healthy girl, Kody was my best friend. We spent every weekend and summer since first grade together, our moms having to pry us from each other at the end of each school day. Unlike all of my other friends who flitted in and out of my life, Kody was always there. When we went into middle school and my first boyfriend cheated on me, Kody was the one that beat the shit out of him behind the bleachers and then showed up at my doorstep with chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a stack of my favorite chick flicks. And then when my mom caught me with a handle of rum in ninth grade, Kody was the one who took the blame, telling my mom he had asked me to stash it for him and then sat through her hour long lecture about the dangers of drinking before getting completely shitfaced with me while I sobbed out “I’m sorry” a million and one times. Over the years, we had both become different people but we never lost each other. Starting in seventh grade, his room had started smelling faintly of my perfume and vice versa. But when we broke apart a few months ago, the smell of my room had returned to its original smell of sweet lilies. It smelled like Hollister now…
I slammed the door shut and raced back down the stairs.
“Where is he?” I demanded, whirling my mother’s chair around to face me. She sighed.
“He’s gone.”
“I may be sick, but I’m not stupid, Mom. Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying, Lillian. Kody came over about an hour ago. I invited him to wait in your room but after half an hour he left. Said everything was screwed up and he knew better than expect you to come back.”
I let out a sigh. Mom eyed me disapprovingly over the top of her reading glasses, but she knew better than to lecture me. I let go of her chair and she turned back to her case file. I wandered back upstairs and into my bathroom. The hot water and steam was a welcome homecoming after the thunderstorm outside. My IPod offered the comfort of Hillary Scott’s voice as I sang along, forgetting Kody.
She grew up on a side of the road,
Where the church bells ring and strong love grows.
She grew up good,
She grew up slow,
Like American honey.
Steady as a preacher,
Free as a weed.
Couldn't wait to get goin',
But wasn't quite ready to leave.
So innocent, pure and sweet,
American honey.
I hummed along to the rest of the song, my thoughts drifting like a cotton puff in the wind. My IPod switched to Hayley Williams and B.O.B. as I turned off the water. I dried myself off and changed into a pair of Soffe shorts and cami before laying down on my bed, singing along to the song softly.
I reached into the tiny space between my bed and the wall to retrieve the one thing I had never given back to Kody: his swim team sweatshirt. I flipped onto my stomach and buried my face in it, allowing his smell to overwhelm me. I missed him, there was no way around it. Kody was the one stable element in my life and I had never told him my biggest secret. I had never told him I was dying. I had skirted the issue and prayed to any God that this treatment would work. This time my symptoms would slow down and let me live a normal life for just a little while longer. The treatments never worked and now I was running out of time. My eyes started leaking the tears I promised not to shed as my phone vibrated next to my head.
Message from: Kody(:
Message: Lily for Christ’s sake could you have taken a longer shower?! Its freezing out here and I’ve been knocking for ages.
I clutched at Kody’s sweatshirt and glanced around my room, slightly creeped out. I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary as I surveyed my Lady Antebellum and All Time Low posters. I slipped Kody’s sweatshirt over my head and padded into my bathroom. Everything was normal in here as well. My phone vibrated again.
Message from: Kody(:
Message: The balcony smart one.
I yanked off the sweatshirt and tossed it behind my bed again before ripping open my pale pink curtains. I jumped when I saw Kody standing on the other side of the sliding glass door. He smiled shyly, rain water dripping down his chiseled cheekbones. His clothing was soaked through and I could make out his swimmers V and well defined six-pack. It took me exactly three seconds to open the door.
“No shit, Sherlock. It’s raining out.”
“Not enough for you to be that wet.”
“So I skipped a few classes, big deal.” I saw disappointment color my mother’s beautiful blue eyes. “Besides,” I said quickly, “I had three episodes today.” The disappointment quickly changed to sadness.
“Oh, Lily.” My mother sighed as she tossed me a towel. “I am so sorry.”
“It’s fine, Mom. We knew this was going to happen. We knew that when I decided to stop treatment things would get worse.”
I hated having to be the reasonable one. While my mother just nodded and tried to hold back her tears I had to stand there and tell her everything was going to be alright. Everything was not going to be alright. I knew that, she knew that, but as an unspoken rule we didn’t admit it to each other.
“I’ll be upstairs, kay? I’ve got some Chemistry homework.”
She nodded, and I disappeared from her and her teary eyes. I reflexively stroked the framed picture of my father on my way up the stairs. Huntington’s had carried him away before I even got to know him. Our disease was the only link I had to him.
My dark purple room greeted me with its usual warmth and mess. I instantly could tell something was off…
Back when I was a normal girl, a healthy girl, Kody was my best friend. We spent every weekend and summer since first grade together, our moms having to pry us from each other at the end of each school day. Unlike all of my other friends who flitted in and out of my life, Kody was always there. When we went into middle school and my first boyfriend cheated on me, Kody was the one that beat the shit out of him behind the bleachers and then showed up at my doorstep with chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a stack of my favorite chick flicks. And then when my mom caught me with a handle of rum in ninth grade, Kody was the one who took the blame, telling my mom he had asked me to stash it for him and then sat through her hour long lecture about the dangers of drinking before getting completely shitfaced with me while I sobbed out “I’m sorry” a million and one times. Over the years, we had both become different people but we never lost each other. Starting in seventh grade, his room had started smelling faintly of my perfume and vice versa. But when we broke apart a few months ago, the smell of my room had returned to its original smell of sweet lilies. It smelled like Hollister now…
I slammed the door shut and raced back down the stairs.
“Where is he?” I demanded, whirling my mother’s chair around to face me. She sighed.
“He’s gone.”
“I may be sick, but I’m not stupid, Mom. Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying, Lillian. Kody came over about an hour ago. I invited him to wait in your room but after half an hour he left. Said everything was screwed up and he knew better than expect you to come back.”
I let out a sigh. Mom eyed me disapprovingly over the top of her reading glasses, but she knew better than to lecture me. I let go of her chair and she turned back to her case file. I wandered back upstairs and into my bathroom. The hot water and steam was a welcome homecoming after the thunderstorm outside. My IPod offered the comfort of Hillary Scott’s voice as I sang along, forgetting Kody.
She grew up on a side of the road,
Where the church bells ring and strong love grows.
She grew up good,
She grew up slow,
Like American honey.
Steady as a preacher,
Free as a weed.
Couldn't wait to get goin',
But wasn't quite ready to leave.
So innocent, pure and sweet,
American honey.
I hummed along to the rest of the song, my thoughts drifting like a cotton puff in the wind. My IPod switched to Hayley Williams and B.O.B. as I turned off the water. I dried myself off and changed into a pair of Soffe shorts and cami before laying down on my bed, singing along to the song softly.
I reached into the tiny space between my bed and the wall to retrieve the one thing I had never given back to Kody: his swim team sweatshirt. I flipped onto my stomach and buried my face in it, allowing his smell to overwhelm me. I missed him, there was no way around it. Kody was the one stable element in my life and I had never told him my biggest secret. I had never told him I was dying. I had skirted the issue and prayed to any God that this treatment would work. This time my symptoms would slow down and let me live a normal life for just a little while longer. The treatments never worked and now I was running out of time. My eyes started leaking the tears I promised not to shed as my phone vibrated next to my head.
Message from: Kody(:
Message: Lily for Christ’s sake could you have taken a longer shower?! Its freezing out here and I’ve been knocking for ages.
I clutched at Kody’s sweatshirt and glanced around my room, slightly creeped out. I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary as I surveyed my Lady Antebellum and All Time Low posters. I slipped Kody’s sweatshirt over my head and padded into my bathroom. Everything was normal in here as well. My phone vibrated again.
Message from: Kody(:
Message: The balcony smart one.
I yanked off the sweatshirt and tossed it behind my bed again before ripping open my pale pink curtains. I jumped when I saw Kody standing on the other side of the sliding glass door. He smiled shyly, rain water dripping down his chiseled cheekbones. His clothing was soaked through and I could make out his swimmers V and well defined six-pack. It took me exactly three seconds to open the door.