Status: slowly active(:
Two Months
What Sarah Said.
“Nice voice.” He grinned, reaching out to pull me into a hug.
I danced away from his reach, sticking my tongue out, and bent over to turn my music down.
“Nice shorts, too.”
“Creep.” I said, smacking the back of his head. Water droplets splattered across my wall. I giggled at the faint blush that stole across his cheeks.
“You love me.”
“You wish.”
“Oh, but I do.” Our mocking banter had suddenly turned serious. I felt the smile slip from my face as I crossed my arms across my chest.
“Why are you here, Kody?”
“I wanted to talk to you.” He confessed, looking down.
A puddle of water was slowly pooling around his feet. I sighed and grabbed onto his arm, dragging him into my bathroom. He stepped into my damp shower and pulled the curtain closed while I scrounged around for something he could wear. I stumbled across a pair of sweats I had stolen from my mother’s closet a few years ago when I found out they were my dad’s. I grabbed one of my Hane’s men’s t-shirts and tossed both into the bathroom. I drifted back over to my bed and waited the two minutes it took Kody to change. He came over and sat next to me.
“So, talk.” I said, meeting his soft brown eyes with my baby blue’s.
And then the universe decided to play the cruelest joke ever. As Brad Paisley’s voice faded out, the all too familiar piano playing of Death Cab for Cutie came trickling through. I have 2,548 songs on my IPod and it had to be this song. It had to be our song.
Back when I was a healthy girl, a real girl, I loved Kody. And he loved me. And we were going to get married and have three bouncing babies with my sunkissed skin and Kody’s button nose. And we were going to move back to Nashville where we would live on a farm and I would teach our little girls to ride horses and bake apple pies the right way and we would all live happilyeverafter. The end. Back when I was a real girl, a perfect girl, I used to dream about things like this all the time. But when the treatments stopped working, I stopped dreaming. Kody and I couldn’t survive it because there would be no wedding and no bouncing babies with half of each of us creating the perfect child. We would never move to Nashville and I would never teach any child to ride a horse or bake a pie. We didn’t get a happilyeverafter because I wasn’t a girl anymore. I was a terminal patient with two months left to live. And Kody was just another ex-boyfriend that could be forgotten about with enough sugar and fake Hollywood romance…
Kody reached over and laced his fingers through mine. I sighed and gently separated our hands, looking down.
“Kody…”
And suddenly, he was mad. Really mad.
“No, Lily! Did I mean nothing to you? Did we mean nothing to you?! God, do you even know how long it took me to get up the courage to ask you out? Do you know how many nights I stayed awake, thinking of your eyes, your lips, those cute little hiccups you get after laughing too hard? I loved you, Lily. Hell, I still love you! You’re telling me that you’re willing to just throw that all away? You’re willing to throw me away?”
I cringed away from him and his uncontrollable rage. He had leapt off of my bed and begun pacing back and forth in front of me, killing me slowly with all his truths. This was too much. He was ruining everything. Silent tears began slipping from my eyes as I wound my arms around my legs, struggling to keep it together.
“Get out.” I whispered, squeezing my eyes too tight to halt the traitor tears.
Kody stopped pacing. The sudden stillness allowed for too much hearing.
…As each descending peak on the LCD,
Took you a little farther away from me,
Away from me…
“Don’t do this, Lily. Just listen to me. Please, don’t do this.”
“Kody, you have to leave. I can’t do this anymore.”
…But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose,
Than to have never lain beside at all…
“No. I’m not leaving you, Lily.”
“I don’t want you anymore. Nothing you say will change that.”
…Cause there’s no comfort in the waiting room,
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news…
“Please, Lily, I’m begging you. Don’t do this.”
…But I’m thinking of what Sarah said,
That “Love is watching someone die”…
“Lily…”
“Leave, now.”
...So who’s gonna watch you die?
Who’s gonna watch you die?...
When the song ended, our song ended, I opened my eyes. He was gone. All that was left was an open door with rain streaming in. He was gone.
I danced away from his reach, sticking my tongue out, and bent over to turn my music down.
“Nice shorts, too.”
“Creep.” I said, smacking the back of his head. Water droplets splattered across my wall. I giggled at the faint blush that stole across his cheeks.
“You love me.”
“You wish.”
“Oh, but I do.” Our mocking banter had suddenly turned serious. I felt the smile slip from my face as I crossed my arms across my chest.
“Why are you here, Kody?”
“I wanted to talk to you.” He confessed, looking down.
A puddle of water was slowly pooling around his feet. I sighed and grabbed onto his arm, dragging him into my bathroom. He stepped into my damp shower and pulled the curtain closed while I scrounged around for something he could wear. I stumbled across a pair of sweats I had stolen from my mother’s closet a few years ago when I found out they were my dad’s. I grabbed one of my Hane’s men’s t-shirts and tossed both into the bathroom. I drifted back over to my bed and waited the two minutes it took Kody to change. He came over and sat next to me.
“So, talk.” I said, meeting his soft brown eyes with my baby blue’s.
And then the universe decided to play the cruelest joke ever. As Brad Paisley’s voice faded out, the all too familiar piano playing of Death Cab for Cutie came trickling through. I have 2,548 songs on my IPod and it had to be this song. It had to be our song.
Back when I was a healthy girl, a real girl, I loved Kody. And he loved me. And we were going to get married and have three bouncing babies with my sunkissed skin and Kody’s button nose. And we were going to move back to Nashville where we would live on a farm and I would teach our little girls to ride horses and bake apple pies the right way and we would all live happilyeverafter. The end. Back when I was a real girl, a perfect girl, I used to dream about things like this all the time. But when the treatments stopped working, I stopped dreaming. Kody and I couldn’t survive it because there would be no wedding and no bouncing babies with half of each of us creating the perfect child. We would never move to Nashville and I would never teach any child to ride a horse or bake a pie. We didn’t get a happilyeverafter because I wasn’t a girl anymore. I was a terminal patient with two months left to live. And Kody was just another ex-boyfriend that could be forgotten about with enough sugar and fake Hollywood romance…
Kody reached over and laced his fingers through mine. I sighed and gently separated our hands, looking down.
“Kody…”
And suddenly, he was mad. Really mad.
“No, Lily! Did I mean nothing to you? Did we mean nothing to you?! God, do you even know how long it took me to get up the courage to ask you out? Do you know how many nights I stayed awake, thinking of your eyes, your lips, those cute little hiccups you get after laughing too hard? I loved you, Lily. Hell, I still love you! You’re telling me that you’re willing to just throw that all away? You’re willing to throw me away?”
I cringed away from him and his uncontrollable rage. He had leapt off of my bed and begun pacing back and forth in front of me, killing me slowly with all his truths. This was too much. He was ruining everything. Silent tears began slipping from my eyes as I wound my arms around my legs, struggling to keep it together.
“Get out.” I whispered, squeezing my eyes too tight to halt the traitor tears.
Kody stopped pacing. The sudden stillness allowed for too much hearing.
…As each descending peak on the LCD,
Took you a little farther away from me,
Away from me…
“Don’t do this, Lily. Just listen to me. Please, don’t do this.”
“Kody, you have to leave. I can’t do this anymore.”
…But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose,
Than to have never lain beside at all…
“No. I’m not leaving you, Lily.”
“I don’t want you anymore. Nothing you say will change that.”
…Cause there’s no comfort in the waiting room,
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news…
“Please, Lily, I’m begging you. Don’t do this.”
…But I’m thinking of what Sarah said,
That “Love is watching someone die”…
“Lily…”
“Leave, now.”
...So who’s gonna watch you die?
Who’s gonna watch you die?...
When the song ended, our song ended, I opened my eyes. He was gone. All that was left was an open door with rain streaming in. He was gone.
♠ ♠ ♠
The song is What Sarah Said by Death Cab for Cutie.